Tag Archives: st paul podcast

eMpTy Minds Radio #506 (09-25-2020)

The China Bowl at 4am. That’s right — The China Bowl at 4am. Oh, hey, friends…Mort Lawry here. I was just re-working last week’s theme music to this week theme image. I know it sounds crazy, probably because it is. But hey, you try sitting in a sound booth all evening coming up with new ways to make Egg Foo Young sound exciting.  Mort Lawry saying – have a nice fucking weekend. Oh and enjoy eMpTy Minds Radio number five-zero-six!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR EM MUSIC-MAN: 6/8 NATE
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR SO-CAL UPDATE: COL. NYLEN
YOUR ANALOG KID: JERRY
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: BEN

Hatin’ colorless society and 
_provin’ it. Watching too much
_TV for a Chinese girl. Living 
_in a new country called 
_America. Yes, she’s beautiful.
_She’s got her spacious skies.
_But what about the ugly parts
_the conquerors hide. A bowl
_of rice is a bowl of memories.
_Shovin’ it down our hungry
_throats. A cup of tea is a cup
_of tears. Floodin’ down our
_thirsty throats. So, I write a
_song to keep the memories of
_you and me. It shall keep us
_warm at night, eventhough you
_are out of sight.


EM NEWS
– Hot Blooded. Hot Blooded
– All We Wanted Was Some Peace & Quiet
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso gets the shaft
– WB Ditches So Ko
– Lennon, Clapton, Cruise
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– We speak with Colonel Nylen from LA (The City of Angels)
– The Great American Soda Quiz
– A new Analog Head-Trip
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– The Super Summer Soda Smackdown (semi-finals – round two)
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #505 (09-18-2020)

Hi friends. I don’t know what to say to you tonight. Mostly, because I have just stuffed my mouth with the most delicious fried pork egg rolls on this planet!  Forbidden Palace pork egg rolls to be exact.  Mort Lawry here to tell you — if you find yourself in Los Angeles, The City of Angels, in the 1940s, be sure to check out Forbidden Palace…you’ll be god damned glad you did, Time Traveller.  Now, enjoy a little something that is time-less. EMR! This is five-hundred-zero-five.

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR EM MUSIC-MAN: 6/8 NATE
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR SO-CAL UPDATE: COL. NYLEN
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: BEN

There’s some Polynesian dive,
_down wind from the Badlands.
_The Palace at 4am. We kicked
_through the diamond dust. 
_Halfway between Vancouver
_and the bingo game that made
_the man. Kicking around in
_the promised land. Just one
_flick of the wrist, one flick of
_the wrist and look, look, look…
_We’re in the Palace at 4am.
_When a daydream threw the
_covers. Back, back, back, back.
_Back before you saw the ribbon
_tied around your bomb. When
_you were kicking hearts around.
_The Palace at 4am...


EM NEWS
– Nothing To See Here, Folks
– Ice, Ice, Baby
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso is on the edge
– The Battle For Drum God Rages On
– Hibbert, Madonna, Cody
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– We speak with Colonel Nylen from LA (The City of Angels)
– The Great Big Board Game Quiz
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– The Super Summer Soda Smackdown (semi-finals – round one)
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #504 (09-11-2020)

Are you still using a fork? Gosh.  And a spoon too? Eegad!  Friend, you are never going to get anywhere in life with that love of flatware. It’s time to open your minds to the world of eating with wood or bamboo. That’s right, good ol’ pals — the chopstick.  Chopsticks — the utensil for those who aren’t a bunch of drooling dipshits. Mort Lawry saying — Chopsticks, get yours today. Now for EMR Episode number five-zero-four. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR ANALOG KID: JERRY
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR SO-CAL UPDATE: COL. NYLEN
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: BEN

I eat with chopsticks. Can you
_eat with chopsticks? Just pick
_up your chopsticks and I’ll 
_teach you how. Some people
_use chopsticks; they always
_use chopsticks. So, try out
_your chopsticks right now.
_Two little sticks; they’re made
_out of wood, and they help
_you to pick up your lunch.
_Your lunch. And if you practice,
_then you’d get good and you’ll
_find you can pick up a bunch
_to munch. Eat noodles with
_chopsticks. Eat dumplings with
_chopsticks. Eat sushi with
_chopsticks...


EM NEWS
– Slithering Welcome Committee
– Lost Money Looking For Good Home
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso hanging on by a thread
– The Day…The Music…Was Saved
– Grohl, Hudson, Parker
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– We speak with Colonel Nylen (not tonight)
– The Famous Names Game
– Plenty of great odd tidbits
– The Super Summer Soda Smackdown (semi-finals NEXT week)
– An all new Analog Head-Trip
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #503 (09-04-2020)

Chinese food. Yes, friends, Chinese food…the staple of any Chinese meal. I could talk all night about spring rolls and other exotic delicacies, but there’s no reason. All you have to do is head on down to the King Joy Lo and experience for yourself. From the tantalizing appetizers to the hearty, authentic main dishes, you can’t go wrong at the King Joy Lo. This is Mort Lawry saying — Take my fuckin’ word for it! Enjoy some delicious ethnic dishes and then enjoy EMR, Episode 503!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR ANALOG KID: JERRY
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR SO-CAL UPDATE: COL. NYLEN
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: BEN

The chow chow-mein is great
_for lunch and Orange Kitten
_sure packs a punch. The 
_flavor you can’t knock. This
_Asian food rocks. You need to
_go get some Chinese Wok. 
_Labrador retrieve me some
_Chinese Wok. All the best
_food is made from dog. Eating
_pussy — it’s great Chinese Wok.
_Come to this dinner, it’s just
_like Tongchuan. Spread butter
_on Beagles. Try Shangri-Poodles
_with a side of Pit Bull. The
_food is a bitch. The taste is so
_rich, that you won’t care if it’s
_mastiff...


EM NEWS
– The Bear Necessities…of Life
– Would You Like Muscles With That?
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso is seeing red
– Let The Drum War Begin!
– Wilson, Quaid, Boseman
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– We speak with Colonel Nylen from his current SoCal location
– EMR’s Shit From The Pages of Comics
– Plenty of great odd tidbits
– The Super Summer Soda Smackdown (round four)
– An all new Analog Head-Trip
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #502 (08-28-2020)

Tonight, Mort Lawry, is on vacation. And being the only people here are the junky janitor and an overnight camera crew that hasn’t heard of the word sobriety or the word shower, we are going to have to skip the regular advertisement that would fill this spot. Enjoy EMR episode 502!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: 6/8 NATE
YOUR SO-CAL UPDATE: COL. NYLEN

Everybody loves a nut. The
_whole world loves a weirdo.
_Brains are in a rut, but every- 
_body loves a nut. There was
_a hermit named Fred who 
_kept the dead horse in his
_cave. And everyone said to
_Fred. how come you keep
_a dead horse in your cave?
_and he said, well…brains
_are in a rut, but everybody
_loves a nut. A Columbian
_man named Frank had a
_tiger named Hank. He tried
_to put Hank in his tank.
_Guess what happened to ole
_Frank? When they picked up
_the teets there and eyeballs.
_And erected a tombstone that
_read. Another Columbian
_fella told Queen Isabella – I
_don’t think the world is flat.
_And now what do you think
_about that? And she said – you
_don’t? And he said – no ma’am.
_And she said – he’d get out of
_my queendom...


EM NEWS
– I Hope That Someone Gets My…
– War Goats
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso deserves rights too
– Spielberg, Hart, Polanski
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– We speak with Colonel Nylen from his current SoCal location
– Stoner Thoughts
– Plenty of great odd tidbits
– The Super Summer Soda Smackdown (round three)
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #501 (08-21-2020)

Mort Lawry here, tonight, with a serious question. Did you catch the 500th episode of EMR? I did and let me tell you — it was good. Damn good. In fact, it was so good…I really don’t know what they could do next. I’m not expecting much out of this episode 501, to be honest. I am suffering a severe case of the 500 blues. Well, maybe they can do it.  Let’s hope. Here’s your EMR crew with Episode number five-zero-one. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR ANALOG KID: JERRY
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR SO-CAL UPDATE: COL. NYLEN
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: BEN

Five little King Cake babies
_planning to escape. One 
_jumped up and ran away. 
_Mama called the baker, and 
_the baker said — No more
_King Cake babies planning
_to escape. Four little King
_Cake babies planning to
_escape. Mama called the
_baker, and the baker said —
_No more King Cake babies
_planning to escape. Three
_little King Cake babies
_planning to escape. Mama
_called the baker, and the
_baker said — No more King
_Cake babies planning to
_escape. Two little King Cake
_babies planning to escape.
_Mama called the baker, and
_the baker said — No more
_King Cake babies planning to
_escape. One little King Cake
_baby planning to escape.
_Mama called the baker. The
_baker said..
.

EM NEWS
– Walkin’ In A Chocolate Wonderland
– Let’s Have Some Ice Cream For Dinner
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso soars
– Reinhart, Kennedy, Martin
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– We speak with Colonel Nylen from the SoCal Desert Compound
– Jerry has a new Analog Head-Trip
– The Urban Legends Quiz
– Plenty of great odd tidbits ARE missing from this episode
– The Super Summer Soda Smackdown
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #500 – The Biggest Show Yet (08-14-2020)

Hey kids, it’s Mort Lawry. If you are expecting me to say something witty here or maybe snarky, advertising some bizarre product…stuff it! I took the night off to listen to this — EMR Episode #500, and you should too!  It’s BIG!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR ANALOG KID: JERRY
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR SO-CAL UPDATE: COL. NYLEN
YOUR EM GUITARISTA: 6/8 NATE
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: BEN
YOUR SPECIAL GUEST: COUSIN TODD
YOUR EM CLAM: CLAMBOY

We’re a well known Glasgow
_Football team. We don’t 
_play in blue. We don’t play
_in green. Red and yellow are 
_the colors we love. The 
_colors of The Patrick Thistle 
_Football Club. By the way,
_we don’t fear anyone at any
_time, anywhere. So, fly the
_flags of the Firhill Jags and
_follow them everywhere.

EM NEWS
– Smile For The Camera, Chair
– Let’s Have A Sleepover
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso goes for a sled-ride
– Smith, Simms, Robinson
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– 6/8 Nate plays 3 songs for us live, including an EMR exclusive
– We speak with Colonel Nylen from the SoCal Desert Compound
– Jerry has a new Analog Head-Trip
– The Big EMR EMR Quiz
– A huge, beautiful 5 Minute Cinema Production
– Plenty of great odd tidbits
– The Super Summer Soda Smackdown
– Lots of 500 fun!
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #499 (08-07-2020)

Hey kids, it’s your old buddy Mort Lawry. Spring time is in the air, and… Wait a god-damned second. Who wrote this? Spring is in the air? Summer is practically over, you fuckin’ numb skulls!  New copy what? New copy is on its way? Who gives a shit about that? I quit…again.  Listen to EMR and have a great fucking night. I’m out of here!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR SO-CAL UPDATE: COL. NYLEN
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: BEN

I was gonna clean my room
_until I got high. I was gonna
_get up and find the broom,
_but then I got high. My room
_is still messed up and I know
_why. Because I got high, 
_because I got high. Because
_I got high. I was gonna go to
_class before I got high. I
_coulda cheated and I coulda
_passed, but then I got high.

EM NEWS
– Holy Slithering Swirly, Batman!
– Man Pig Bacon
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Young Is Sick of This Asshole, And He’s Not Alone
– Cinema PaulieDiso swept up in Mania
– Shearer, Rubio, Cash
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– A bunch o’ new Shower Thoughts
– We speak with Colonel Nylen from the SoCal Desert Compound
– Plenty of great odd tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #498 (07-31-2020)

Ashtrays. Is there a size or shape they don’t come in?  Hmmm…you don’t see many rhombus trays at your local AshMart now do you?  Wrong.  Hi buddies, it’s good ol’ Mort Lawry here to let you in on a little secret…AshMart. AshMart has rhombus ashtrays and any other shape you can imagine. Shape, size, functionality…whatever you need they have it. Fuck! They even have a cozy little spot to sit and smoke and a great selection of sticks to smoke on. Don’t miss out on the action of rhombus! Visit AshMart today. Now, how’s ’bout you listen to my good friends at EMR?  Good plan. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR ANALOG KID: JERRY
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR SO-CAL UPDATE: COL. NYLEN
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: BEN
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: 6/8 NATE

About that time a Taurus
_zoomed around the curve.
_Driver havin’ him a smoke.
_Finished it, then out the
_window it flew. The butt
_landed at my toe and I 
_thought — “to you, all the
_world’s an ashtray.” But
_you should keep it to your-
_self. All the world’s an ash-
_tray…

EM NEWS
– Electronic Origami
– Ghostly Manor
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– The Clock Is TikToking
– Cinema PaulieDiso goes for the gold
– Beck, Costner, Reed
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– The Big Lush Quiz of Booze
– Jerry’s Happy Note
– We speak with Colonel Nylen from the SoCal Desert Compound
– Plenty of great odd tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #497 (07-24-2020)

Have you ever been sitting in a comfortable chair, next to a beautiful ashtray, a pack of Tommy Bahamas cedar matches in your hand and thought to yourself, “What the fuck am I missing? Oh yeah…the cigar.”  Don’t let this happen to you. Hi friends, Mort Lawry here to tell you about Cigars Right Now.  Sign up with Cigars Right Now today and the next time you find yourself without a fine smoke, all you have to do is think about it and it will be. It’s that easy. In fact, you don’t even really have to go to the website to sign up. Have you already thought about it? Cool. Then it’s already done. You will be billed monthly. Isn’t supernatural fun? Now, here’s something bizarre — eMpTy Minds Radio. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR SO-CAL UPDATE: COL. NYLEN
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: BEN

Embers in the ashtray glow
_like memories that won’t
_let go. I’m out here trying
_to get untangled, in the
_darkness at the edge of 
_town. A little lost, a little
_found, waiting on a call
_from an angel. I light up
_the night and let it burn.
_Lean back and watch the
_sundown fade…

EM NEWS
– Welcome To Screamville
– Knock. Knock. Anybody Home?
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– ICM, Apparently, Progressive
– Cinema PaulieDiso cuts a deal
– Rhodes, Schiff, Franklin
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– The World’s Most Boring Quiz — Don’t Miss It!
– We speak with Colonel Nylen from the SoCal Desert Compound
– Plenty of great odd tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!