eMpTy Minds Radio #603

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your assault on stupidity. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR ANALOG KID: JERRY

Boom, boom, boom, boom. I’m
_gonna shoot you right down.
_Right off your feet. Take you
_home with me. Put you in my
_house. Boom, boom, boom,
_boom. Mmm…hmmm…
_Mmm….hmmm. I love to see
_you walk up and down the
_floor. When you talking to me,
_that baby talk…

EM NEWS
– Judging Your Social Message
– Be Cool. Fuck Ties!
– And much more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso — is making blue enemies
– Stallone, Grace, Seacrest
– The Ticker Flashback
– EM Birthdays

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– Analog Head-Trip
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– Paulie name drops future EMR guests
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #602

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your assault on stupidity. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR SO-CAL CALL-IN: THE COLONEL

If there’s something strange in
_your neighborhood. Who you
_gonna call? Ghostbusters. If
_there’s something weird, and it
_don’t look good. Who you gonna
_call? Ghostbusters. I ain’t ‘fraid
_of no ghost. I ain’t ‘fraid of no
_ghost. If you’re seeing things
_running through your head.
_Who can you call?  Ghostbusters.
_An invisible man sleepin’ in
_your bed. Ow! Who you gonna
_call? Ghostbusters. I ain’t ‘fraid
_of no ghost…

EM NEWS
– Free Carrot Top Show
– Take That You Snot-Nosed Human
– And much more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso — is in social peril
– Jennings, Bialik, Christian
– The Ticker Flashback
– EM Birthdays

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– We chat with The Colonel (from his current So-Cal locale)
– Paulie name drops future EMR guests
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #601

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your assault on stupidity. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR ANALOG KID: JERRY
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR SO-CAL CALL-IN: THE COLONEL
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: BENI

Mug, mug, mug…coffee mug
_gonna clear away the haze.
_Liquid proof. That I can win this
_race. Coffee mug. The grip that
_keeps me tall. My inter-link
_keeps me questing all. Coffee
_mug..

EM NEWS
– Shaking Up The Gardening Game
– The Little Nose That Could
– And much more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso — Mouse!
– Wood, Costello, Simpson
– The Ticker Flashback
– EM Birthdays

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– We chat with The Colonel (from his current So-Cal locale)
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #600 (The Big 600th)

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your assault on stupidity. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR ANALOG KID: JERRY
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR SO-CAL CALL-IN: THE COLONEL
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: BENI
YOUR SPECIAL GUEST: CLAMBOY

I never thought my life could be
_anything but catastrophe. But
_suddenly I begin to see a bit of
_good luck for me. ‘Cause I got a
_Golden Ticket. I got a golden
_twinkle in my eye. I got a Golden
_Ticket..
.

EM NEWS
– Abnormal Get Away Vehicle
– Underwater Entertainment
– And much more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso — a double feature, Kids!
– Koepp, Cruise, Rourke
– The Ticker Flashback
– EM Birthdays

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– A Five Minute Cinema
– 600 Things
– We chat with The Colonel (from his current So-Cal locale)
– Clamboy’s Tropical Beach Bar
– Vegas, Baby! The EMR Vegas Quiz
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #599

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your assault on stupidity. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR CAVALCADE KID: JERRY
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR SO-CAL CALL-IN: THE COLONEL
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: BENI

I think you planned your escape
_because you refused to go down
_in flames. Just slip away in a
_dream and let the fog envelop
_you in sleep. You left me thous-
_ands of clues. I see one every
_time that I read the news. List-
_ening to backwards melodies; a
_sound that echoes through the
_centuries. Time it slips away. I
_think about you every day. And
_you stay the same age as I get
_old. Left in disarray as I watch
_you fade away..
.

EM NEWS
– Would You Like Fries With That?
– Honesty Is The Best Policy. Or Is It?
– And much more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso — delves into a lonely place
– Brown, Allen, Presley
– The Ticker Flashback
– EM Birthdays

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– Analog Head-Trip
– We chat with The Colonel (from his current So-Cal locale)
– The Big EMR Frozen Novelties Quiz
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #598

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your assault on stupidity. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR CAVALCADE KID: JERRY
YOUR SO-CAL CALL-IN: THE COLONEL
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: BENI

I feel like I’m pounding on a big
_door. No one can hear me knock-
_ing. I feel like I’m falling flat to
_the floor. No one can catch me
_from falling. The hourglass has
_no more grains of sand. My watch
_has stopped; no more turning
_hands. The crew have abandon-
_ed ship. The lights are on, but
_no one is in. Take it to the
_bridge; throw it overboard. See
_if it can swim back up to the
_shore. No one is in the house.
_All the lights are on..
.

EM NEWS
– Big Baby Goes Too Far
– Fluffy Crusty Sea Creatures
– And much more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso — there’s not a problem.
– Depp, Gosling, Carrey
– The Ticker Flashback
– EM Birthdays

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– Jerry’s Vegas Picture Cavalcade Pt. II (pics on our FB pages)
– We chat with The Colonel (from his current So-Cal locale)
– Paulie’s LA Picture Cavalcade (pics on our FB pages)
– Minnesota Vice
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #597

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your assault on stupidity. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & JERRY
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR SO-CAL CALL-IN: THE COLONEL
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: 6/8 NATE
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: BENI

I say F-I. F-I-N. F-I-N-K. Fink. F-I-
_N-K. Fink. Fink. Fink. Fink. I say
_R-A. R-A-T. R-A-T-T-F-I-N-K. Rat
_Fink. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
_Yeah. Rat Fink Yeah, yeah, yeah,
_yeah, yeah. Rat Fink. Yeah, yeah,
_yeah, yeah, yeah. Rat Fink. Yeah,
_yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Rat Fink.
_Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. R-
_A-T-T-F-I-N-K. Rat Fink. You fink!
_I say A-B. A-B-C. A-B-C-D. A-B-C-
_D-E-F-G. I. I say F-I. F-I-N. F-I-N-
_K. Fink. Fink. Fink. Fink. Rat
_Fink
.

EM NEWS
– Give Us Our Dust n’ Bugs Back
– Environmental Hazards Coming Full Circle
– And much more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso (not this week, kiddos)
– Colbert, Cosby, Wahlberg
– The Ticker Flashback
– EM Birthdays

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– Jerry’s Vegas Picture Cavalcade (pics on our FB pages)
– We chat with The Colonel (from his current So-Cal locale)
– The Big EMR Mixed Bag of People Quiz
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #596

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your assault on stupidity. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & JERRY
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR SO-CAL CALL-IN: THE COLONEL
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: BENI

Well I’m a rollin’ daddy with a mean
_machine. It’s got a V8 motor and it
_sure is clean. I’m a hot rod man,
_yeah, I’m a hot rod man. Look out
_Little mamma, gonna git you if I
_can. I got a cowboy Caddy with a
_custom seat; it’s leatherette all
_rolled and pleat. Come on little
_mama, sit by my side. You and
_your
daddy are gonna go for a ride.

EM NEWS
– Caught Sleepin’ On The Job
– The Many Colors of Nature
– And much more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso (not this week, kiddos)
– Hall, Caine, Osbourne
– The Ticker Flashback
– Analog Head-Trip
– EM Birthdays

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– We chat with The Colonel (from his current So-Cal locale)
– The Big EMR B&J Quiz
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #595

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your assault on stupidity. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR ANALOG KID: JERRY
YOUR SO-CAL CALL-IN: THE COLONEL

It was late at night when he first
_hit town, his eyes were gold and
_blue. Then his mind fussed and he
_laid it down, like he had a job to
_do. The Gasser’s what they called
_him ’cause he always acted rough.
_The Gasser’s what they called him
_’cause he always acted tough. He’d
_ridden all night, all through the
_rain, though no one really knew
_why. He acted real strange and
_never gave his name, for he was
_a real strange guy. The Gasser’s
_
what they called him…

EM NEWS
– The Truth Shall Set Them Free
– There’s A Cougar In Class
– And much more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso leads itself astray
– Spielberg, Hanks, Cosby
– The Ticker Flashback
– EM Birthdays

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– Techin’ It Up The Ass
– We chat with The Colonel (from his current So-Cal locale)
– The EMR Chinese Lost In Translation Quiz
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #594

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your assault on stupidity. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR ANALOG KID: JERRY
YOUR SO-CAL CALL-IN: THE COLONEL

Now, you’ve heard the story of the
_hot rod race when the Fords and
_Mercury were setting the pace.
_That story is true I’m here to say,
_’cause I was driving that Model A.
_She’s got a Lincoln motor and it’s
_really souped up, that Model A
_body makes it look like a pup. It’s
_got eight cylinders and it uses
_them all with an overdrive that
_just won’t stall…

EM NEWS
– You Want Snake Fries With That?
– All VIPs Will Receive A Personal Greeting
– And much more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso goes a bit bonkers
– Chamitoff, Madonna, King
– The Ticker Flashback
– EM Birthdays

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– Analog Head-Trip
– We chat with The Colonel (from his current So-Cal locale)
– Random rounds of The Initials Game
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #593

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your assault on stupidity. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR SO-CAL CALL-IN: THE COLONEL

If you were sunburned, I wouldn’t
_say you look like a lobster. And if I
_bought Twizzlers, I’d offer you like
_one or two. And if someone called
_you a hussy, I’d tell ’em to shove it.
_And if you missed the bus, I’d miss
_you more than before you were
_missing. Other girls burn, they
_need water too. But they’ll have to
_fry, this buckets for you. And other
_girls want a Twizzler or two…

EM NEWS
– Robo-Spiders
– I Can Feel It In My Bones
– And much more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso takes to the field
– Cosby, Garland, Holly
– The Ticker Flashback
– EM Birthdays

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– We chat with The Colonel (from his current So-Cal locale)
– Great Movie Poster Mashups (pics on our FB pages)
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #592

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your assault on stupidity. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR ANALOG KID: JERRY
YOUR SO-CAL CALL-IN: THE COLONEL

Once a year we throw a party
_here in town. Once a year we
_turn all Paris upside down. Ev’ry
_man’s a king and ev’ry king’s a
_clown. Once again it’s Topsy Turvy
_Day. It’s the day the devil in us
_gets released. It’s the day we mock
_the prig and shock the priest. Ev’ry-
_thing is topsy turvy at the feast of
_fools. Topsy turvy. Ev’rything is
_upsy daysy. Topsy turvy. Ev’ryone
_is acting crazy. Dross is gold and
_weeds are a bouquet. That’s the
_way on Topsy Turvy Day. That’s the
_way on Topsy Turvy Day…

EM NEWS
– A Stranger In Our Bed
– Beefy Manager Gave Shake An Extra Shake
– And much more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso is stuck in the middle
– Mirren, Ford, Moore
– The Ticker Flashback
– Analog Head-Trip
– EM Birthdays

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– We chat with The Colonel (from his current So-Cal locale)
– The Big EMR 1980s Date Quiz
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #591

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your assault on stupidity. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR TECHBASTARD: JERRY
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI

Cherry blossoms in the air tonight.
_Cherry blossoms in the air. Cherry
_blossoms in the air tonight. Cherry
_blossoms in her hair. No one has
_broken through her defense be-
_fore. No one has seen what’s be-
_hind those closed doors. I’ll sneak
_into her castle some day. I’ll make
_sure nothing gets in my way.
_Cherry blossoms in the air tonight.
_Cherry blossoms in the air.  Cherry
_blossoms in the air tonight…

EM NEWS
– Urine Luck!
– Flying On A Prayer
– And much more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso takes a monumental ride
– Jackman, Monroe, Lean
– The Ticker Flashback
– EM Birthdays

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– Techin’ It Up The Ass poses a question
– A Friday The 13th related quiz
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #590

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your assault on stupidity. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI

Sugar. Oh, honey, honey. You are
_my candy girl and you got me
_wanting you. Honey. Oh, sugar,
_sugar. You are my candy girl and
_you got me wanting you. I just
_can’t believe the loveliness of
_loving you. I just can’t believe
_it’s true, I just can’t believe..the
_wonder of this feeling too. I just
_can’t believe it’s true. Ah, Sugar.
_Oh…honey, honey. You are my
_candy girl and you got me want-
_ing you. When I kissed you, girl,
_I knew how sweet a kiss could be.
_I know how sweet a kiss can be.
_Like the summer sunshine,
_pour your sweetness over me.
_Oh, oh, oh, oh…sugar, pour a
_little sugar on it, honey…

EM NEWS
– What’s In Your Mug?
– Penguins In Search of New Friends
– And much more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso is hopped up on goofballs
– Heard, Murray, Springsteen
– The Ticker Flashback
– EM Birthdays

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– More God-Damned Amazon Reviews
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #589

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your assault on stupidity. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR ANALOG KID: JERRY

I was alone. I was all by myself.
_No one was looking. I was thinking
_of you. Oh yeah, did I mention, I
_was all by myself? All by myself.
_All by myself. All by myself. I
_went to your house, but no one
_was there. I went in your room.
_I was all by myself. You and me
_had such wonderful times, when
_I‘m all by myself. All by myself. You
_and me had such wonderful times
_when I’m all by myself. All by my-
_self. All by myself.

EM NEWS
– Really Shitty Reception
– Dumpster Art Rescued By Mr. Whipple
– And much more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso has a secret
– Musk, Holland, Stewart
– The Ticker Flashback
– EM Birthdays

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– Analog Head-Trip asks — Do you like Ska?
– More Hysterical Amazon Reviews
– We talk with The Colonel (from SoCal) & he gets quizzed
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #588

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your assault on stupidity. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR ANALOG KID: JERRY
YOUR SO-CAL CALL-IN: THE COLONEL

In a world of privilege I was not
_born, but the devotion to free-
_dom and liberty I was sworn. So,
_every emotion is studied; watch-
_ed their control. Who gets played,
_who gets disciplined, who gets
_born. So, transmitting beams, my
_coordinates, anywhere on earth.
_And as radio waves, surveillance,
_satellite bursts. Open up your
_skull and let some knowledge
_come in. Yeah, crack open the
_cranium and let awareness begin.
_And I don’t even know why. The
_truth seems like a lie. In my cell
_there is no sky. When I was
_arrested in Shanghai…

EM NEWS
– Time To Get It On, Kids
– The Loch Ness Monster Is A Real Dick!
– And much more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso takes to the canals
– Nance, Collins, Matthews
– The Ticker Flashback
– EM Birthdays

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– Even More Knockoff Toys (pictures on our FB pages)
– Analog Head-Trip
– Some hysterical Amazon reviews
– We talk with The Colonel (from SoCal) & he gets quizzed
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio # 587

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your assault on stupidity. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR SO-CAL CALL-IN: THE COLONEL

On the day I was born, the nurses
_all gathered ’round, and they
_gazed in wide wonder, at the joy
_they had found. The head nurse
_spoke up, she said “Leave this
_one alone.” She could tell right
_away, that I was bad to the bone.
_Bad to the bone. Bad to the bone.
_Bah-bah-bah-bad. Bah-bah-bah-
_bad. Bad to the bone. I broke a
_thousand hearts, before I met you.
_I’ll break a thousand more, baby,
_before I am through. I wanna be
_yours pretty baby. Yours and yours
_alone. I’m here to tell you, honey,
_that I’m bad to the bone…

EM NEWS
– Takin’ A Short Ride With The Pig Creature
– DH Hell Air Cargo Services
– And much more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso meets the new century
– Gottfried, Brown, Roberts
– The Ticker Flashback
– EM Birthdays

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– More Fucked Up Fake Book Covers (pics on our FB pages)
– We talk with The Colonel (from SoCal)
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #586

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your assault on stupidity. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR ANALOG KID: JERRY
YOUR SO-CAL CALL-IN: THE COLONEL

I caught you knockin’ at my cellar
_door. I love you, baby, can I have
_some more? Oh…oh, the damage
_done. I hit the city and I lost my
_band. I watched the needle take
_another man. Gone…gone, the
_damage done. I sing the song
_because I love the man. I know
_that some of you don’t under-
_stand. Milk blood to keep from
_running out. I’ve seen the needle
_and the damage done. A little
_part of it in everyone. But every
_junkie’s like a settin’ sun. I’ve
_seen the needle and the damage
_done…

EM NEWS
– Colorado Ain’t Hearin’ It, Tyson
– Super Aerospace Monkey Reality
– And much more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso takes a peek
– Rock, Kardashian, Seacrest
– The Ticker Flashback
– EM Birthdays

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– More Knockoff Toys (pics on our FB pages)
– Analog Head-Trip
– We talk with The Colonel (from SoCal)
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #585

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your assault on stupidity. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR ANALOG KID: JERRY
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR SO-CAL CALL-IN: THE COLONEL

This time the bullet cold rocked
_ya. A yellow ribbon instead of a
_swastika. Nothin’ proper about
_ya propaganda. Fools follow rules
_when the set commands ya. Said
_it was blue when your blood was
_read. Blasted through ya head.
_Blast through ya head. I give a
_shout out to the living dead.
_Who stood and watched as the
_Feds cold centralized. So serene
_on the screen, you were mes-
_merized. Cellular phones soundin’
_a death tone, corporations cold…

EM NEWS
– Bastards, Bitches & Beaches
– Futuristic Commuter
– And much more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso in a conundrum of faith
– Smith, Hawkins, Rock
– The Ticker Flashback
– EM Birthdays

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– An EMR April Fool’s Day Quiz
– Analog Head-Trip
– We talk with The Colonel (from SoCal)
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #584

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your assault on stupidity. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: 6/8 NATE
YOUR SO-CAL CALL-IN: THE COLONEL

Welcome to my nightmare. I
_think you’re gonna like it. I
_think you’re gonna feel you be-
_long. A nocturnal vacation. A
_necessary sedation. You wanna
_feel at home ’cause you belong.
_Welcome to my nightmare…

EM NEWS
– When The Crane Becomes A Pain
– Another Online Challenge For More Online Idiots
– And much more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso snaps bird shots
– Povich, Chaplin, Cash
– The Ticker Flashback
– EM Birthdays

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– An all new 5 Minute Cinema
– We talk with The Colonel (from SoCal)
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #583

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your assault on stupidity. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR SO-CAL CALL-IN: THE COLONEL

Lounging in the living room in 
_long johns. More distant than
_Victoria to St. John’s. Trying to
_use a record to repair my heart.
_I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want
_to start again. You’re leaving me
_high and Canada Dry. I’m out of
_your head and I’m losing my
_mind…

EM NEWS
– Hump Day Arrives Early
– This Is A Real Pickle
– And much more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso is gritty in the city
– Hurt, Cumberbatch, Summer
– The Ticker Flashback
– EM Birthdays

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– An all new 5 Minute Cinema
– We talk with The Colonel (from SoCal)
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #582

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your assault on stupidity. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR ANALOG KID: JERRY
YOUR SO-CAL CALL-IN: THE COLONEL
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI

Pin-bot circuits activated. Pin-bot
_circuits activated. I am in your
_control, just give that metal plun-
_ger a pull. It was only a partial
_link-up, but now I see you. Now, I
_see you. It’s time to shoot for
_solar value…solar value…

EM NEWS
– When Icy Turns Dicey
– It’s A Shitty Way To Go
– And much more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso goes “clubbin'”
– Anderson, DiPietro, Morrison
– The Ticker Flashback
– EM Birthdays

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– An all new 5 Minute Cinema
– We talk with The Colonel (from SoCal)
– Analog Head-Trip
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #581

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your assault on stupidity. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR SO-CAL CALL-IN: THE COLONEL

Think of all the animals you’ve ever
_heard about. Like rhinoceroses and
_tigers, cats and mink. There are
_lots of funny animals in all this
_world. But have you ever seen a
_panther that is pink? Think! A
_panther that is positively pink.
_Well, here he is — The Pink
_Panther. The Pink Panther.
_Ev’rybody loves a panther that’s
_pink. He’s a really groovy cat…

EM NEWS
– That’s A Sharp Look
– Little Miss Racy Cakes
– And much more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso doubles down in a nightmarish way
– Snider, Hogan, Zappa
– The Ticker Flashback
– EM Birthdays

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– EMR Presents: Funny Songs or Poems From Comedies
– We talk with The Colonel (from SoCal)
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #580

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your assault on stupidity. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR ANALOG-KID: JERRY
YOUR SO-CAL CALL-IN: THE COLONEL

Once in your life you find her,
_someone that turns your heart
_around. And next thing you
_know you’re closing down the
_town. Wake up and it’s still with
_you, even though you left her
_way across town. Wondering to
_yourself “What’ve I found?”
_When you get caught between
_the moon and New York City, I
_know it’s crazy, but it’s true. If
_you get caught between the
_moon and New York City, the
_best that you can do. The best
_that you can do is fall in love.

EM NEWS
– Thai Hai
– The Below Average Bomb Threatist
– And much more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso sings a song
– Lanegan, Kraft, Nicks
– Analog Head-Trip
– The Ticker Flashback
– EM Birthdays

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– The Fun Times EMR Etymology Quiz
– We talk with The Colonel (from SoCal)
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #579

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your assault on stupidity. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR SO-CAL CALL-IN: THE COLONEL

I’m like a snail; you’re a guy.
_Kinda mad I can’t fly. When it’s
_day, hide away, but come out
_when it rains. Wonder why you
_stay inside. I can’t talk, can’t
_speak my mind. Why you
_wanna waste your time? Why
_don’t you join me outside?
_Everything is good. Everything
_is fine. Thought I’d let you know,
_having a great time…

EM NEWS
– Aaaagh…My Squirrel Hole Itches
– Fuck Nike, They’re Slave Drivers
– And much more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso hits bottom
– Baldwin, Reitman, Twain
– The Ticker Flashback
– EM Birthdays

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– The Big Bad EMR Battery Quiz
– We talk with The Colonel (from SoCal)
– Paulie hits us with an impromptu Fuck Off! rant
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #578

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your assault on stupidity. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR ANALOG KID: JERRY
YOUR SO-CAL CALL-IN: THE COLONEL

I’m called a cow. I’m not about to
_blow it now for all the cows. For
_all the cows. It’s funny how
_money allows for all to browse
_and be endowed. This wish is
_true. It falls into pieces new, the
_cow is you. The cow is you. My
_kind has all run out, as if kinds
_could blend. Some time if time
_allows…everything worn in.
_everything worn in..
.

EM NEWS
– The Great Cheese Shelf Disaster
– Birds of A Feather Fuck Up Miami Together
– And much more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso done it
– Diller, Douglas, Neil
– Analog Head-Trip
– The Ticker Flashback
– EM Birthdays

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– The EMR Mixed Bag Quiz #5612
– We talk with The Colonel (from SoCal)
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #577

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your assault on stupidity. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR ANALOG KID: JERRY
YOUR SO-CAL CALL-IN: THE COLONEL

I still have your clothespin, I wish
_I could clip on again sometimes. I
_didn’t know what to do. Yeah,
_yeah, yeah. While you visit what
_you want, you don’t need to re-
_lapse. You’ll never clip on again,
_and that’s just what it is – surpass.
_But if I leave a dream in summers,
_I’ll have a wheel worse than that.
_The last time, two. I still have
_your clothespin. I wish I could
_clip on again sometimes. I didn’t
_know what to do. I still have your
_clothespin. I wish I could clip on
_again sometimes..
.

EM NEWS
– Fished Up Some Snipes, Boys
– The Queen’s English
– And much more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso is a snitch
– Hesseman, Young, Rogan
– Analog Head-Trip
– The Ticker Flashback
– EM Birthdays

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– The EMR February Quiz
– We talk with The Colonel (from SoCal)
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #576

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your assault on stupidity. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR ANALOG KID: JERRY
YOUR SO-CAL CALL-IN: THE COLONEL
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR BEN’S CORNER: BENI

It started with the Power Ranger
_movie we did. We all knew how
_to fight and became the Ninja
_Kidz. From Boys VS Girls to Super
_Ninja Birthday Bash to super
_hero parodies, we always had a
_blast. We’re traveling around
_the world, Mexico to Africa
_we’re battling all our foes. It’s
_our duty as a Ninja. Fruit Ninja.
_Cute Ninja. Never be a rude
_Ninja. We’re challenging our
_best. Bet ya didn’t know, did
_ya? We’re not done, we’re not
_giving up. Thank you all for
_sharing the love. Fight, win.
_You just gotta believe it. Try to
_do it like the Ninja Kidz..
.

EM NEWS
– Who Has Been Pooping In This Tree Hole?
– Things To Not Purchase At A Store
– And much more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso – goes undercover
– Mandel, Leno, Fox
– The Ticker Flashback
– EM Birthdays

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– Analog Head-Trip
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– The Big EMR Genius Quiz For Geniuses
– We talk with The Colonel (from SoCal)
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #575

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your assault on stupidity. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR ANALOG KID: JERRY
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR SO-CAL CALL-IN: THE COLONEL

I’m a master of disguise. Mystery
_in your eyes. Traveling the back-
_roads of your country. Well, you
_think you’ve got my number, and
_then again, you wonder – will you
_ever get to find the real me?
_Things are not always as they first
_may seem, it’s like living in a
_dream. So, you’d like me to re-
_veal all that I know and feel. At
_the risk of causing panic and
_destruction. Well, there’s a
_method in this madness. I don’t
_mean to cause you sadness. My
_course is strictly governed by
_instruction. I’m a master of dis-
_guise, not about to compromise
.

EM NEWS
– I Believe Whatever Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Stranger
– Unskilled Man Finds Hidden Talents
– And much more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso – wait…even the moon is fake?
– Jameson, Bardem, Wahlberg
– The Ticker Flashback
– EM Birthdays

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– Analog Head-Trip
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– The Big EMR Moon Pies & RC Cola Quiz
– We talk with The Colonel (from SoCal)
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #574

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your assault on stupidity. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR SO-CAL CALL-IN: THE COLONEL

Scarlett, girl of glamour. Scarlett
_never cries. She shakes her
_head and sighs at all life’s little
_mysteries, and where she fits in
_all of these. Her friends all ask
_her why she lets the days go by.
_They say that Scarlett should be
_sinking, but they don’t know just
_what she’s thinking. She’s got no
_money, but come tomorrow,
_what she ain’t got, you know
_she’ll borrow. Life’s a game and
_games are for playing, so listen
_now to what she’s saying. This
_is Scarlett speaking, this is my
_ambition. I wanna have fun
_while I’m still young. So you’d
_better listen. Captain Scarlett
_speaking..

EM NEWS
– This Guy Tried To Pull A “Fugitive”
– A Cheesy Argument Settled
– And much more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso – six gunning its way into your heart
– Poitier, Saget, Watts
– The Ticker Flashback
– EM Birthdays

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– We talk with The Colonel (from SoCal)
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #573

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your assault on stupidity. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR SO-CAL CALL-IN: THE COLONEL

A vulture, Titanic, rubber bullet
_panic. Forced revolution, put a
_bullet in me. In my head, burn-
_ing lead. Societal damage,
_descend into madness. Bay of
_Pigs. Force fed. Gone rotten. Cir-
_hossis. Double-barrel justice.
_Blueprint for destruction. A dead
_man’s bed. Full of blind oppression
_reality. Chalk body outline – the
_sentence for your crime. Gone
_insane. Blowtorch. Militant social.
_Intangible. Killer instinct. Inbred.

 

EM NEWS
– These Words Are Dead To Us. ‘Nuff Said
– Shocking Words Echoed By Household Friend
– And much more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso – kicking off the year with a double feature
– Grohl, White, Evans
– The Ticker Flashback
– EM Birthdays

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– The Big EMR January Quiz
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #572 – Year End Wrap

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your assault on stupidity. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR HAPPY BASTARD: JERRY
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR BEN’S CORNER: BENI

My name is Francis Tolliver, I
_come from Liverpool. Two years
_ago, the war was waiting for me
_after school. From Belgium and
_Flanders, to Germany, to here.
_I fought for King and country that
_I love dear. ‘Twas Christmas in the
_trenches, where the frost so
_bitter hung. The frozen fields of
_France were still, no Christmas
_song was sung. We traded choco-
_lates, cigarettes and photographs
_from home. These sons and
_fathers far away from families of
_their own. ‘Twas Christmas in the
_trenches…

EM NEWS
– This segment returns next week/next year

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso – The Year In Review…In Review
– The Ticker Flashback
– EM Birthdays

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– Plenty of New Year’s Tidbits
– A free-form show with lots of random chatter
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #571 – Big Christmas Show

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your all out assault on stupidity and bullshit. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR SPECIAL GUEST: COUSIN TODD
YOUR BEN’S CORNER: BENI
YOUR SO-CAL CALL-IN: THE COLONEL

Back home, they’re waiting on
_snow. Hitch a sleigh, slip away,
_holiday, in a way. We all wish we
_could be there to sled down into
_town. Snowy night, meadow
_bright, candlelight, what a sight.
_Oh…what I’d give to be there.
_‘Cause carolin’ we’ll go, make it up,
_what you don’t know. It’s a bit
_surpisin’, but our harmonizin’
_always sounds good in the snow.
_Ho, ho, ho…

EM NEWS
– When I Grow Up, I Wanna Be Like Santa
– Nutty Holiday Vandals
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso is taking the night off (literally)
– Starr, Michaels, Ludacris
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– We talk to The Colonel (from his current SoCal locale)
– Tough Christmas Trivia (from Tabitha)
– Our annual Gay German visit
– Plenty of Odd Christmas Tidbits
– The EMR Carolers sing for you
– Tons of Christmas bits and excitement
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #570

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your all out assault on stupidity and bullshit. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR TECHMASTER 5K: JERRY
YOUR SO-CAL CALL-IN: THE COLONEL

Hey Santa Claus, you cunt, where’s
_me fucking bike? I’ve unwrapped
_all this other junk and there’s
_nothing that I like. I wrote you a
_fucking letter and I come to see
_you twice. You worn out, geri-
_atric, fart, you forgot me fucking
_bike. If I wanted a pair of bloody
_thongs, I’d have bloody asked. And
_this cowboy suit and ping pong set
_you can shove right up your arse.
_You’ve stuffed me bloody order
_up, it’s enough to make you spew.
_And I’m not the only one who’s
_snakey, me sister’s dirty too…

EM NEWS
– Moving Pictures
– Dildos. Ice Cold Dildos. Get Your Ice Cold Dildos Here
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso is dancing in the streets
– Cameron, Boseman, Carpenter
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– We talk to The Colonel (from his current SoCal locale)
– An assortment of The Initials Game fun
– Techin’ It Up The Ass
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #569

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your all out assault on stupidity and bullshit. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR TECHMASTER 5K: JERRY
YOUR SO-CAL CALL-IN: THE COLONEL

She sent my Pops right in to town
_to pick a Douglas Fir. He bellied
_up to the bar instead and said to
_the man, “Yes, Sir!” Old Pops, he
_liked his eggnog strong; he drank
_until he heaved. Crashed his car
_into a wrong-way sign, but boy
_was he relieved. ‘Cuz there in a
_ditch, he saw lots of kitch, thrown
_out carelessly wasn’t any old tree.
_It was a pink, aluminum Christ-
_mas tree. She said, “Oh, oh, the
_humanity.” That pink, aluminum
_Christmas tree is giving me the
_blues. She said “The pink, alum-
_-inum Christmas tree, is just about
_as hideous as it can be…

EM NEWS
– Cheating To Get Over The Hump
– Now That’s A Fucking High
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso doesn’t much care for the size of its boat
– Edge, Ezrin, Lifeson
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– We talk to The Colonel (from his current SoCal locale)
– An assortment of The Initials Game fun
– Techin’ It Up The Ass
– Plenty of Odd US Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #568

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your all out assault on stupidity and bullshit. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR TECHMASTER 5K: JERRY
YOUR SO-CAL CALL-IN: THE COLONEL

I’m watching Christmas on TV,
_and wishing you were here with
_me. Merry Christmas from one
_million miles away. Jimmy
_Stewart. he’s with his friends.
_The bells are ringing. It’s near
_the end. Merry Christmas from
_one millions miles away. Oh, the
_lights across the street. They
_look so warm, they look so sweet.
_Like the love you gave to me
_just yesterday. But you’re really
_not that far — in our old house,
_with his new car. So, Merry
_Christmas from one million miles
_away. Merry Christmas, baby.

EM NEWS
– Up On The House Top, Reindeer Paws…
– Better Late Than Never
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso gets caught in the shit
– Scott, Kardashian, Richards
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– We talk to The Colonel (from his current SoCal locale)
– The EMR Ninja Day Ninja Quiz
– Techin’ It Up The Ass (Tech Turkeys)
– Plenty of Odd US Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #567

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your all out assault on stupidity and bullshit. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR SO-CAL CALL-IN: THE COLONEL

I want to sit at the kid’s table
_again, to eat turkey and
_dressing, pumpkin pie with real
_whipped cream, mashed pot-
_atoes and gravy and turn my
_nose up at cranberries. Moving
_up was momentous or seemed
_so at the time. I’d watched
_when sisters & cousins no longer
_talked about toys, helped in the
_kitchen and made less noise…

EM NEWS
– Warum Bin Ech Gefahrn
– Aloha! Please Come With Us, Sir
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso doubles back again
– Beeks, Spacey, Cash
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– We talk to The Colonel (from his current SoCal locale)
– The Great Big EMR Top-Selling Xmas Toys Quiz
– Plenty of Odd Black Friday Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #566

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your all out assault on stupidity and bullshit. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR HAPPY BASTARD: JERRY
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR SO-CAL CALL-IN: THE COLONEL

At the bottom of my bowl, I
_saw what looked like a smile.
_So, I quickly grabbed two
_more Cheerios and made a
_happy face. Because I’m
_neither too old nor too
_responsible to stop playing
_with my food.

EM NEWS
– One of The Crawling Wonders of The World
– Beefy Villain Slides Into Freedom
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso breaks some glass
– Clooney, Rudd, Crosby
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– We talk to The Colonel (from his current SoCal locale)
– Jerry’s Happy Note
– 20 Questions
– Tabitha has a Fuck Off! rant
– The Great Big EMR Hot Dog Quiz
– Plenty of Odd US Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #565

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your all out assault on stupidity and bullshit. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR SO-CAL CALL-IN: THE COLONEL

Santa stole Thanksgiving for
_Christmas. Dragged Plymouth
_Rock to the North Pole with
_his sled. Pilgrims never saw
_him coming, The Wampanoags,
_they kept drumming. That
_Thursday in November, gob-
_gobble about December.
_Santa stole Thanksgiving for
_Christmas. It was such a
_happy holiday. No more laid
_back relaxation. It’s Black
_Friday degradation…

EM NEWS
– No Elf. Denied!
– Space Shitters
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso has some time to kill
– Miller, Dong-Hyuk, Wood
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– We talk to The Colonel (from his current SoCal locale)
– Plenty of Odd US Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #564

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your all out assault on stupidity and bullshit. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR SO-CAL CALL-IN: THE COLONEL
YOUR HAPPY BASTARD: JERRY

Pilgrim how you journey on
_the rode you chose. To find
_out why the winds die and
_where the stories go. All
_days come from one day,
_that much you must know.
_You cannot change what’s
_over, but only where you
_go. Will you find the answer
_in all you say and do?

EM NEWS
– RoboMunchies
– You Can’t Change A Bridge That Don’t Wanna Change
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso kicks some ass…for some reason
– Newman, Horton, Wray
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– We talk to The Colonel (from his current SoCal locale)
– Plenty of Odd US Tidbits
– Jerry’s Happy Note
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #563 – The Halloween Show

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your all out assault on stupidity and bullshit. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR SO-CAL CALL-IN: THE COLONEL
YOUR HAPPY BASTARD: JERRY
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI

YOUR BEN’S CORNER: BENI

By horse, by rail, by land, by
_sea, our journey starts. Two
_men incensed by one man’s
_journey from the past. In
_Iceland where the mount-
_ain stood with pride, they
_set off with their guide to
_reach the mountainside.
_Roped as one for safety
_through the long descent,
_into the crater of volcanic
_rock they went. Look up
_from our telescopic lens. One
_atar for us to share, we con-
_tinue on our prayer.

EM NEWS
– Wacky Warlock Won’t Stop
– Salty Souls
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso is out of its mind
– Brinkley, Allman, Duran
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– We talk to The Colonel (from his current SoCal locale)
– The Colonel has a Fuck Off! rant
– Jerry’s Halloween Quiz
– Plenty of Odd Halloween Tidbits
– Jerry’s Happy Note
– Tommy & Paulie’s Vacation Picture Cavalcade (view all pics in order on our FB pages)
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #562 – Live From Hollywood

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your all out assault on stupidity and bullshit. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR SO-CAL REGULAR: THE COLONEL
YOUR SCRIPT SUPERVISOR: ARTHUR

Now, if there’s a smile on my
_face, it’s only there trying
_to fool the public. But when
_it comes down to fooling you,
_now, honey, that’s quite a
_different subject. But don’t
_let my glad expression give
_you the wrong impression.
_Really I’m sad. Oh, I’m sadder
_than sad. You’re gone and I’m
_hurting so bad. Like a clown,
_I appear to be glad. Sad, sad,
_sad, sad. Now, there are some
_sad things known to man. But
_ain’t too much sadder than the
_tears of a clown when there’s
_no one around.

EM NEWS
– None this week

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso takes a shower
– Edison, Floyd, Dornacker
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
– We talk to The Colonel Live in studio
– We chat with friend and script supervisor Arthur
– The Great Big EMR Screenwriter’s Quiz
– Plenty of Odd LA Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #561 – Live From Hollywood

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your all out assault on stupidity and bullshit. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR SO-CAL REGULAR: THE COLONEL=

Wish I had known ya when
_you were a little younger.
_‘Round me, you might have
_learned a thing or two. If I
_had known you longer, you
_might be a little stronger.
_Maybe you’d shoot straighter
_than you do.  Maybe you’d
_shoot straighter than you do.

EM NEWS
– Welcome To The Shit Lab — We’ve Got Fun & Games
– Nice Offer, Man
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso sadly vanished in error
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– We talk to The Colonel LIVE in studio
– The Great EMR Los Angeles History Quiz
– Plenty of Odd LA Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #560

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your all out assault on stupidity and bullshit. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR SO-CAL CALL-IN: THE COLONEL
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI

And if it’s bad, don’t let it get
_you down, you can take it.
_And if it hurts, don’t let them
_see you cry, you can make it.
_Hold your head up, woman.
_Hold your head up, woman.
_Hold your head up, woman.
_Hold your head high. And if
_they stare, just let them burn
_their eyes on your moving.
_And if they shout, don’t let it
_change a thing that you’re
_doing. Hold your head up,
_woman. Hold your head up,
_woman. Hold your head high.

EM NEWS
– Spooky Search Party Surprise
– Squirrels Are Nuts
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso knows the importance of fame
– Curtis, Biel, Chevron
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– We talk to The Colonel (from his current SoCal locale)
– Ridiculous Fake Album Covers
– Plenty of Odd US Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #559

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your all out assault on stupidity and bullshit. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR SO-CAL CALL-IN:THE COLONEL
YOUR HAPPY BASTARD: JERRY

You want to laugh, but you can’t
_forget about the ones who sleep
_underneath. You want to cry,
_but you can’t get started now —
_you want to sleep underneath.
_Did I do something wrong? Did
_we? You moved away and holed
_up underground, buried in the
_snow with the sheep. Can you
_out and play or talk with me? Or
_walk or sit or breathe? Did I do
_something wrong? I’m sorry I
_didn’t spell it out…

EM NEWS
– People Just Seem To Be Going Ape For Oral
– The Italian Job Was Exhausting
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso goes deep
– Larroquette, Rauch, Kelly
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– We talk to The Colonel (from his current SoCal locale)
– Two rounds of one on one The Initials Game
– Jerry’s Happy Note
– Plenty of Odd US Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #558

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your all out assault on stupidity and bullshit. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR SO-CAL CALL-IN: THE COLONEL
YOUR HAPPY BASTARD: JERRY
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: 6/8 NATE

You could be my Silver Spring,
_blue-green colors flashin’. I
_would be your only dream – your
_shiny autumn ocean crashin’.
_Don’t say that she’s pretty. And
_did you say that she loves you?
_Baby, I don’t want to know. So,
_I’ll begin not to love you. Turn
_around, you’ll see me runnin’.
_I’ll say I loved you years ago and
_tell myself you never loved me.
_No. Don’t say that she’s pretty.
_And did you say that she loves you?

EM NEWS
– This House Is For Fat Wallets, Not Fat Fucks
– The Pizza Roll Pooper
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso, I’m CEO, bitch!
– Craig, Collins, Hanks
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– We talk to The Colonel (from his current SoCal locale)
– More Cognitive Biases
– Jerry’s Happy Note
– Plenty of Odd US Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!>

eMpTy Minds Radio #557

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your all out assault on stupidity and bullshit. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR SO-CAL CALL-IN: THE COLONEL
YOUR HAPPY BASTARD: JERRY
YOUR BEN’S CORNER: BENI

Ain’t found a way to kill me yet.
_My eyes burn with stinging
_sweat. Seems every path leads
_me to nowhere. Wife and kids,
_household pet. Seems army
_green was no safe bet. The
_bullets scream to me from some-
_where. Here, they come to snuff
_the rooster, ah yeah. Yeah, here
_come the rooster. You know he
_ain’t gonna die…

EM NEWS
– Cow Pee Pee
– Don’t Worry Jesus Has The Painting
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso RULEZ!!
– MacDonald, Christie, Mack
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– We talk to The Colonel (from his current SoCal locale)
– Demotivational Posters (pics on our FB pages)
– The Super Summer Saucin’ Smackdown – The Finale
– Jerry’s Happy Note
– Plenty of Odd US Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!>

eMpTy Minds Radio #556

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your all out assault on stupidity and bullshit. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR SO-CAL CALL-IN: THE COLONEL
YOUR ANALOG KID: JERRY
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: 6/8 NATE

I remember it as plain as day, 
_although it happened in the
_dark of the night. I was strolling
_through the streets of Paris and
_it was cold; it was starting to rain.
_And then I heard a piercing
_scream and I rushed to the scene
_of the crime. But all I found was
_the butchered remains of two
_girls lay side by side. Murders in
_the rue morgue, someone call the
_gendarmes. Murders in the rue
_morgue, vite before the killers go
_free. Murders in the rue morgue.
_Murders in the rue morgue

EM NEWS
– The Root of Heron Is Hero
– Put Your Banana In The Hole
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso is coming for you
– Williams, Malone, Sanchez
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– We talk to The Colonel (from his current SoCal locale)
– The EMR 60s Action Figures Quiz
– The Super Summer Saucin’ Smackdown – Semi-Finals Week 2
– Analog Head-Trip
– Plenty of Odd US Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!>

eMpTy Minds Radio #555

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your all out assault on stupidity and bullshit. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR SO-CAL CALL-IN: THE COLONEL
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR BEN’S CORNER: BEN

After working all day, I head to
_the bar. My friends are all there,
_and oh how witty they are. We
_talk of the events of the day,
_until we invariably say — “How
_dare you treat us this way!” This
_is the worst beer that I’ve ever
_had. The worst beer that I’ve
_ever had. It’s so abominably bad,
_it would make a gay man sad. It’s
_the worst beer that I’ve ever had.
_The worst beer that I’ve ever had.
_By the holy dad, are you congen-
_itally mad? This is the worst beer
_that I’ve ever had…

EM NEWS
– Childhood Dreams Dashed During Tasteless Interview
– Holy Cheeseballs & Beefcakes, You Can’t Make This Shit Up!
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso is semi-automatic
– Leno, Campbell, Starr
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– We talk to The Colonel (from his current SoCal locale)
– Fucked Up Books We Wish Were Real (pics on our FB pages)
– The Super Summer Saucin’ Smackdown – Week 11
– Plenty of Odd US Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!>

eMpTy Minds Radio #554

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your all out assault on stupidity and bullshit. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR ANALOG KID: JERRY
YOUR SO-CAL CALL-IN: THE COLONEL
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI

You can’t touch this. You can’t
_touch this. My, my, my…you
_can’t touch this. Music hits me
_so hard, makes me say ‘oh my
_lord!’ Thank you for blessing me
_with a mind to rhyme and two
_hyped feet. It feels good when
_you know you’re down. A super
_dope homeboy from the Oak-
_town. And I’m known as such,
_and this is a beat, uh, you can’t
_touch. I told you homeboy, you
_can’t touch this…

EM NEWS
– The Thrill of A Lifetime
– The Best Intentions, The Worst Outcomes
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso is all about comparison
– Gorman, Everly, Watts
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– We talk to The Colonel (from his current SoCal locale)
– The Stupid Tough EMR TV Show Quiz
– Analog Head-Trip
– Plenty of US Odd Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!>

eMpTy Minds Radio #553

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your all out assault on stupidity and bullshit. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR SO-CAL CALL-IN: THE COLONEL

Hangman, hangman, hold it a
_little while. Think I see my
_friends coming, riding a many
_mile. Friends did you get some
_silver? Did you get a little gold?
_What did you bring me, my dear
_friends, to keep me from the
_gallow’s pole? What did you bring
_me to keep me from the gallow’s
_pole?

EM NEWS
– Some of These Fucking Americans
– The World’s Most Illegible Hold-Up Man
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso is all by the numbers
– Craig, Ramsay, Streisand
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– We talk to The Colonel (from his current SoCal locale)
– Plenty of US Odd Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!>

eMpTy Minds Radio #552

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your all out assault on stupidity and bullshit. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR ANALOG KID: JERRY
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR SO-CAL CALL-IN: THE COLONEL
YOUR BEN’S CORNER: BENI
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: 6/8 NATE

I know a weenie man, he owns
_a weenie stand. He sells almost
_everything from a hot dog to
_buns, buns, buns. Someday I’ll
_join his life, I’ll be his weenie
_wife. Hot dog! I love that wee-
_nie man! Weenie, weenie, wee-
_nie on a bun, bun, bun. Pass the
_mustard and the relish too. Wee-
_nie, weenie, weenie on a bun,
_bun, bun. Pass the mustard and
_the ketchup too. Weenie, wee-
_nie, weenie on a bun, bun,
_bun..
.

EM NEWS
– Open Wide
– Airborne Antics
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso is creepy as fuck
– Margera, Couffer, O’Brien
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– More of the fantastic Initials Game
– The Super Summer Saucin’ Smackdown – Week Nine
– Analog Head-Trip
– We talk to The Colonel (from his current SoCal locale)
– Plenty of US Odd Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!>

eMpTy Minds Radio #551

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your all out assault on stupidity and bullshit. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR SO-CAL CALL-IN: THE COLONEL
YOUR BEN’S CORNER: BENI

It’s just a habit when I reach to
_the packet for my last cigar-
_ette until the day breaks. Then
_my hand shakes. But, but, but,
_but, but, but…It’s just driving
_me insane. When the smoke
_gets in my brain, I can’t resist
_it. Wallow in that ash bath,
_soaking up the fumes. And see
_the nicotine stain start to spread.
_Start to spread..
.

EM NEWS
– Owl’s Fair In Love & War
– I Almost Did Die
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso is feeling punchy
– Bennett, Gaga, Nasatir
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– EMR Presents 2021 New Minnesota State Fair Foods
– The Super Summer Saucin’ Smackdown – Week Eight
– We talk to The Colonel (from his current SoCal locale)
– Plenty of US Odd Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!>

eMpTy Minds Radio #550

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your all out assault on stupidity and bullshit. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR ANALOG KID: JERRY
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR SO-CAL CALL-IN: THE COLONEL
YOUR BEN’S CORNER: BENI

Get out on the highway, headin’
_down a mile away. Passin’ every-
_thing in sight, I push it to the
_max. Gettin’ ready to relax.
_‘Cause it’s gonna be a Saturday
_night. I know a place just over
_the hill — if you want to have a
_good time, you will. Way down
_south, just across the border.
_Way down  south, don’t need no
_law and order. Way down south..
.

EM NEWS
– Bin There, Done That
– There’s Monsters Under My Bed
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso loses its soul
– Aiello, Davidson, Damon
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– The EMR Whistleblower’s Quiz
– The Super Summer Saucin’ Smackdown – Week Seven
– We talk to The Colonel (from his current SoCal locale)
– Analog Head-Trip (National Record Store Day Edition)
– Plenty of US Odd Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!>

eMpTy Minds Radio #549

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your all out assault on stupidity and bullshit. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR SO-CAL CALL-IN: THE COLONEL
YOUR BEN’S CORNER: BENI

There’s a neighborhood called
_Blackhawk where all the rich
_people hide. I was down on my
_luck, working for the Salvation
_Army, the shelter is where I
_reside. Every day we drive into
_Blackhawk and we pick up the
_offerings. Microwave, refrigerator
_for the suffering. Come on baby,
_won’t you show me what you’ve
_got? I want your Salvation..
.

EM NEWS
– Reading All of The Words Is Hard Sometimes
– Cheesy Inventions
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso is a star
– Geffen, Johnson, Longworth
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– The EMR Guinness Records Quiz
– The Super Summer Saucin’ Smackdown – Week Six
– We talk to The Colonel (from his current SoCal locale)
– Plenty of US Odd Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!>

eMpTy Minds Radio #548

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your all out assault on stupidity and bullshit. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR HAPPY BASTARD: JERRY
YOUR SO-CAL CALL-IN: THE COLONEL
YOUR BEN’S CORNER: BENI

The roof is on fire. She wet like
_Barbara Streisand. Police every-
_where. It’s like a nigga killed a
_white man. I just wanna find a
_baby mamma ‘fore the night
_end. Them stars falling, don’t
_chase ’em. The sky’s falling,
_baby. Drop that ass ‘fore it
_crash. The sky’s falling, baby

EM NEWS
– Cannuck Go Home
– Snap, Popple & Crack
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso swears he heard something
– Smoove, Trejo, Robinson
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– The Super Summer Summer Quiz
– The Super Summer Saucin’ Smackdown – Week Five
– We talk to The Colonel (from his current SoCal locale)
– Plenty of US Odd Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!>

eMpTy Minds Radio #547

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your all out assault on stupidity and bullshit. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR HAPPY BASTARD: JERRY
YOUR AQUATIC FRIEND: CLAMBOY
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR BEN’S CORNER: BENI
YOUR SPECIAL GUEST: THE COLONEL

Here come the mine cars and
_it’s damn near dawn. Another
_shift of men, some of them my
_friends, comin’ on. Hard to
_imagine workin’ in the mines.
_Coal dust in your lungs, on your
_skin and on your mind. I’ve lis-
_tened to the speeches, but it
_occurred to me that politicians
_don’t understand. The thoughts
_of isolation — ain’t no sunshine
_underground. It’s like workin’ in
_a graveyard three miles down…

EM NEWS
– Shitty New Inventions
– Gotta Get That Fast Food
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso stick-em-up
– Millard, Cuoco, Gainsborough
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– The Initials Game
– The Super Summer Saucin’ Smackdown – Week Four
– We chit-chat with The Colonel (live in studio)
– Jerry’s Happy Note
– Stupid Shit The Colonel Did When He Was Just A Kid
– Plenty of US Odd Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #546

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your all out assault on stupidity and bullshit. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR HAPPY BASTARD: JERRY
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR BEN’S CORNER: BENI

Well I left Kentucky back in ’49
_an’ went to Detroit workin’ on
_a ‘ssembly line. The first year
_they had me puttin’ wheels on
_Cadillacs. Every day I’d watch
_them beauties roll by and some-
_times I’d hang my head and cry
_’cause I always wanted me one
_that was long and black…

EM NEWS
– Digging Deeper & Deeper & Deeper Into Stupidity
– Sucky Artist
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso peruses its bounty
– Lithgow, Schreiber, Tarantino
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– The EMR Super Duper 4th of July and/or Fireworks Quiz
– The Super Summer Saucin’ Smackdown – Week Three
– Plenty of US Odd Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #545

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your all out assault on stupidity and bullshit. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR BEN’S CORNER: BENI

When everything goes wrong;
_when life goes wrong, try for a
_little French song. French
_songs are maybe old-fashioned,
_but so sweet to hum. French
_songs are tender, endlessly no-
_stalgic. And when we no longer
_know where to belong, try for a
_little French song. French songs
_will take you to Paris or Pigalle
_or Llle Saint-Louis. French songs
_are dancing in the rain from
_Bastille to Tulleries. Because we
_have something to show off…

EM NEWS
– All Aboard!
– Stumbling Upon An Angel
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso takes a risk
– Spielberg, Grohl, Herriman
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– The Initials Game returns
– PsychoGrams
– The Super Summer Saucin’ Smackdown – Week Two
– Plenty of US Odd Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #544

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your all out assault on stupidity and bullshit. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR HAPPY BASTARD: JERRY
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR SO-CAL UPDATE: THE COLONEL
YOUR BEN’S CORNER: BENI
YOUR SPECIAL GUEST: CLAMBOY

I’ve got your picture, of me and
_you. You wrote “I love you.” I
_wrote “me too.” I sit there staring
_and there’s nothing else to do.
_Oh, it’s in color – your hair is
_brown. Your eyes are hazel and
_soft as clouds. I often kiss you
_when there’s no one else around.
_I’ve got your picture. I’ve got your
_picture. I’d like a million of you
_all ’round my cell. I want the
_doctor to take your picture, so I
_can look at you from inside as
_well. You’ve got me turning up
_and turning down. I’m turning in
_and turning ’round. I think I’m
_turning Japanese…

EM NEWS
– Look Out! Here Comes The Spider-Fam
– Poking Sleeping Bears
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso w/ a Clam assist
– Cornell, King, McKellen
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– The Colonel (on the line from SoCal)
– The EMR Benchmark (we didn’t say Criterion) Quiz
– Jerry’s Happy Note
– We start The Super Summer Saucin’ Smackdown
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio (EMR) #543

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your all out assault on stupidity and bullshit. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: 6/8 NATE
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR SO-CAL UPDATE: THE COLONEL
YOUR BEN’S CORNER: BENI

Took a flight out of Japan and I
_met a Russian model. One week
_straight, we popping bottles…
_passing out in hotel lobbies.
_She told me she likes to dance, I
_said “We should go to France.”
_Said “I’m sure we’ll meet again.
_Hit me when you land in London.
_We don’t need to see the city,
_seen that all before. Maids best
_not disturb, put the sign outside
_the door. We just topped a bottle,
_I can see that you want more.
_Texts from my ex, yeah, it’s a
_quarter past four…

EM NEWS
– Canine Uber
– Antique Meth Show
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso is unraveling
– Williams, Strummer, Cook
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– We did NOT speak to The Colonel tonight
– Back Rockwards!
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #542

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your all out assault on stupidity and bullshit. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR HAPPY BASTARD: JERRY
YOUR SO-CAL UPDATE: THE COLONEL
YOUR BEN’S CORNER: BENI

…she was tall, thin and tarty, and
_she drove a Maserati. Faster than
_sound, I was heaven bound.
_Although I must have looked a
_creep in my army surplus jeep.
_Was I being too bold? Before the
_night could get old…no, no, no,
_no, no. She proved me so wrong.
_Oh…the Italian girls sometimes
_hold their religious habits in front
_of your eyes, just to get you tied…

EM NEWS
– I Like The Color of Your Mouth
– An Act of Musical Kindness
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso movie of mystery
– Dylan, Spacey, Biden
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– We speak with The Colonel from LA
– More Shower Thoughts
– Jerry’s Happy Note – McDonald’s Autism
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #541

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your all out assault on stupidity and bullshit. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: 6/8 NATE
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR SO-CAL UPDATE: THE COLONEL
YOUR BEN’S CORNER: BENI

Someone that you half imagine
_comes alive in a smoky room.
_Hungry eyes, alibis, are trained on
_you. Hieroglyphics on the ceiling
_hint at secret sins. Rumors slipping
_out the doorway, revealing passions
_deep within. Someone wants to
_take you to The Alibi Room. Some-
_one wants to take you to The Alibi
_Room. Someone wants to break
_you in The Alibi Room. Hungry
_eyes and alibis are waiting in The
_Alibi Room. Hungry eyes and alibis
_are waiting in The Alibi Room.

EM NEWS
– The Sky Is Falling! The Sky Is Falling!
– Pool Party Crashers
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso presents a triple feature
– Reedus, Mustaine, Trebek
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– We speak with The Colonel from LA
– It’s Back! The Initial Game
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #540

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your all out assault on stupidity and bullshit. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR HAPPY BASTARD: JERRY
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR SO-CAL UPDATE: THE COLONEL
YOUR BEN’S CORNER: BENI

Aloha! And welcome to the natural
_beauty, wonder & adventure of our
_islands. Every day the gentle rain
_paints our landscapes with lush
_vegetation and a colorful variety of
_exotic flowers. Their alluring beauty
_and intoxicating fragrance fill our
_island paradise with enchantment.
_No less enchanting are the many
_varieties of brilliantly colored
_tropical birds that entertain with
_delightful song. This incredible
_bounty of natural beauty was born
_of the blending of rich volcanic soil
_with the warm tropical climate.
_Among our tasty treasures are flavor-
_ful fruits, such as: bananas, mangos,
_papayas, and of course – the pine-
_apple.

EM NEWS
– Zombie Brains From Down Under
– Archaeologists Discover Their Hard On
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso is pressing charges
– Van Dyke, Stone, Grodin
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– We speak with The Colonel from LA
– The Great EMR TV Spinoff Game
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #539

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your all out assault on stupidity and bullshit. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. This is episode #539. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR SO-CAL UPDATE: THE COLONEL
YOUR BEN’S CORNER: BENI

Most people live on a lonely island,
_lost in the middle of a foggy sea.
_Most people long for another
_island, one where they know they
_would like to be. Bali Hai may
_call you. Any night, any day. In
_your heart you’ll hear it call
_you — come away, come away.
_Bali Hai will whisper on the wind
_of the sea — here am I, your
_special island. Come to me, come
_to me. Your own special hopes,
_your own special dreams loom on
_the hillside and shine in the streams.
_If you try, you will find me where
_the sky meets the sea. Here am I,
_your special island. Come to me.
_Come to me.

EM NEWS
– Easy As Pasta
– That’s A Bit Rough
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso gets shaken down
– Norton, Lloyd, DiCaprio
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– We speak with The Colonel from LA
– Too Close For Comfort – The EMR Photo Game (images on our FB pages)
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #538

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your all out assault on stupidity and bullshit. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. This is episode #538. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR HAPPY BASTARD: JERRY
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR SO-CAL UPDATE: THE COLONEL
YOUR BEN’S CORNER: BENI

I would like to see Samoa of Samoa
_where the hoopu, the nooku and
_maybe the upu waha too. I would
_like to write a song about Samoa
_with aloha to rhyme it and picture
_it, the climate drifting by. In all
_my dreams, I see a vision of the
_moonlit tropical shore and a
_maiden Polynesian. You can
_wick that wack by her little grass
_shack. with her hair so black
_hanging down her back. I would
_like to see Samoa of Samoa, and
_I would go there tomorrow if only
_I knew just where it was. In all
_my dreams, I see a vision of the
_moonlit tropical shore…

EM NEWS
– Ditzy Early Retirement Plan
– There Was An Old Woman Who Lived In A Shoe…
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso gets down & dirty
– Springsteen, O’Brien, Koons
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– We speak with The Colonel from LA
– The Initials Game is back
– Jerry’s Happy Note
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #537

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your all out assault on stupidity and bullshit. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. This is episode #537. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR HAPPY BASTARD: JERRY
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR SO-CAL UPDATE: THE COLONEL
YOUR BEN’S CORNER: BENI

She’s movin’ like more than the airs
_is glistenin’. Testin’ your ate in the
_delirium. Sounding fate, booming
_all over your eminence. Skin on
_skin again. Put it all, get it all, get
_in then. Ladies and gentlemen,
_misters and mistresses or entrants
_and simil men. There it is —
_boogieman…

EM NEWS
– Would The Real Josh Swain Please Stand Up?
– Skinny-Dipping In The Sky
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso takes a snapshot
– DiCaprio, Schmitt, Grohl
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– We speak with The Colonel from LA
– Film Gimmicks
– Jerry’s Happy Note
– Paulie has a Fuck Off! rant
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #536

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your all out assault on stupidity and bullshit. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. This is episode #536. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR SO-CAL UPDATE: THE COLONEL

If you go away on this summer day,
_then you might as well take the sun
_away. All the birds that flew in a 
_summer sky when our love was new
_and our hearts were high. When the
_
day was young and the night was
_long and the moon stood still for the
_night bird’s song. If you go away. If
_you go away. If you go away. But if
_you stay, I’ll make you a day like no
_day has been or will be again. We’ll
_sail on the sun. We’ll ride on the
_rain. We’ll talk to the trees and
_worship the wind. Then if you go,
_I’ll understand. Leave me just
_enough love to fill up my hand. If
_you go away. If you go away. If you
_go away. But if you go, I won’t
_cry for the good’s gone from good-
_bye. If you go away…

EM NEWS
– The Beast Among The Lilacs
– A Tunnel of Unknown Origin
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso is very contemporary
– Steinman, Becket, Elam
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– We speak with The Colonel from LA…for the WHOLE show
– The Minnesota Quiz
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #535

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your all out assault on stupidity and bullshit. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. This is episode #535. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: MARTHA
YOUR HAPPY BASTARD: JERRY
YOUR SO-CAL UPDATE: THE COLONEL

Make you thought, eat ham hocks,
_tuna out the garbage. Blind your
_range with tones, your radio sounds
_strange. Eat out your rear bag, 
_snatch ribs out your wild coyote.
_
Tell Bob to pay me, the company
_boss still owe me. But capitol
_built walls, built fences. I come for
_my check, don’t lower your defenses.
_Get off my elevator!

EM NEWS
– Astro Beef
– Accepted…Accepted…AND Accepted!
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso sees double
– Colbert, Johnson, Aaker
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– We speak with The Colonel from LA
– Jerry’s Happy Note
– The EMR Mixed Bag Trivia Thing
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #534

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your all out assault on stupidity and bullshit. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. This is episode #534. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR HAPPY BASTARD: JERRY
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: BENI
YOUR SO-CAL UPDATE: THE COLONEL

I didn’t know what time it was
_until the sun went down. Detroit
_Michigan, on the bus downtown.
_Last night I was fighting on the
_street. But tonight I have a girl
_next to me. In this cold world,
_she brings me heat. I’ve got a
_good feeling about a bad city
_tonight. I’ve got a good feeling
_everything’s gonna be alright…


EM NEWS
– Walking On Fire & Water
– Spa Day Gone Wrong
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso takes flight
– Grohl, Ritter, Rodgers
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– We speak with The Colonel from LA
– Jerry’s Happy Note
– The Initials Game
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #533

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your all out assault on stupidity and bullshit. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. This is episode #533. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: BENI
YOUR SO-CAL UPDATE: THE COLONEL

With your feet on the air and 
_your head on the ground, try

_this trick and spin it, yeah. 
_Your head will collapse, but 
_there’s nothing in it. And you’ll
_ask yourself, where is my mind?
_Where is my mind? Way out in
_the water. See it swimming.

EM NEWS
– Untraditional Final Paycheck
– Nobody Move
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso takes someone’s place
– Burt, Martin, Spector
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– We speak with The Colonel from LA
– The Initials Game
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #532

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your all out assault on stupidity and bullshit. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. This is episode #532. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR HAPPY BASTARD: JERRY
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: MARTHA
YOUR SO-CAL UPDATE: THE COLONEL

I was one of those hicks who
_came here from the sticks. 

_Trying to find that kind of fame
_that Broadway stands for. I was
_one of those fools who dreamed
_of riches and jewels. Now, I am
_awake. Find my mistake. I’ll
_get a break. Broadway’s a fake.
_
I work in a speak that’s dim and
_dingy. Where standers are pre-
_tenders, cheap and stingy. All
_I smell is rotten Scotch & Ginger.
_Cigarettes…cigars!


EM NEWS
– Cinnamon Shrimp Crunch!
– Arizona Scientists Are Lunary Toons
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso takes a journey
– Thurston, Segal, Peters
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– We speak with The Colonel from LA
– The Initials Game
– Jerry’s Happy Note
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #531

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your all out assault on stupidity and bullshit. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. This is episode #531. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR HAPPY BASTARD: JERRY
YOUR SO-CAL UPDATE: THE COLONEL

Yeah, she was so pretty she 
_made Charlize Theron look like

_a big fat pig. The only caveat is
_one of her earlobes is just a tiny
_bit too big. I said, hey, are we
_doin’ government work here? No,
_I don’t think we are. You’re close,
_so very, very close. Aww, baby,
_
you’re close, so close, but no
_cigar. Really, really, really close,
_but no cigar.


EM NEWS
– School Bus Mystery Solved
– Mirror In The Bathroom
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso searches for clone
– Lee, Meirelles, Brown
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– We speak with The Colonel from LA
– Board Game Investigations: The Quiz
– Jerry’s Happy Note
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #530

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your all out assault on stupidity and bullshit. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. This is episode #530. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR SO-CAL UPDATE: THE COLONEL
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: BENI

The man with the cigar walked
_on up to where I was workin’

_this mornin’. The man with the
_cigar said I was workin’ too slow,
_and if I didn’t speed it up, he’d
_have to let me go. I’m workin’
_like a dog, so why’s he always
_hangin’ around me to hound me.
_
He’s pushing me too far and
_pretty soon my back is gonna
_break.


EM NEWS
– Massive Tit Fight Breaks Out
– New Wave Camping
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso may never get home
– Pina, Leone, Mason
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– We speak with The Colonel from LA
– One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Seuss
_Quiz
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #529

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your all out assault on stupidity and bullshit. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. This is episode #529. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR TECHMASTER 5K: JERRY
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR SO-CAL UPDATE: THE COLONEL
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: BENI

A small cigar can change the 
_world. I know I’ve done it

_frequently at parties, where 
_I’ve won all the guests atten-
_tion, with my generosity and
_suave gentlemanly bearing.  A
_little flat tin case is all you 
_need. Breast pocket conver-
_
sation opener. And one of those
_ciggie lighters that look rather
_good. You can throw away when
_empty. Must be declared a
_great success.

EM NEWS
– Waxy Dining Patrons
– We’ve Got The Funk
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso is stuck in the bowl
– Seuss, Jolie, Parnther
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– We speak with The Colonel from LA
– EMRs Fake Pulp & Romance Novel Covers (seen on our FB page(s))
– Plenty of Puns o’ The Night
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #528

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your all out assault on stupidity and bullshit. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. This is episode #528. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR SO-CAL UPDATE: THE COLONEL
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: BENI

When I grow up, I want to be
_one of the harvesters of the 

_sea. I think before my days are
_done, I want to be a fisherman.
_Four hours up oh the ocean
_swelled and swelled. The fog
_rolled in. It started raining. The
_starboard bow. Oh my God,
_
we’re going down! They do not
_hear his frantic mayday. I want
_to be a fisherman. I’ll live and
_die a fisherman. Calling John
_the fisherman.

EM NEWS
– Don’t Do This At Home, Kids
– The One That Got Away-ay-ay-ay
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso is all “tied” up
– Bond, Groening, Chaplin
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– We speak with The Colonel from LA
– Ahoy! It’s The EMR Yacht Rock Super Quiz
– Plenty of Puns o’ The Night
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #527

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your all out assault on stupidity and bullshit. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR ANALOG KID: JERRY
YOUR EM NEWS GUEST: MARTHA
YOUR SO-CAL UPDATE: THE COLONEL
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: BENI

Johnny Grotto was a fisherman’s
_son. Johnny Grotto was a fisher-

_man’s son. When he set out to 
_sea, he had one thing in mind. 
_He wanted to see how much fish
_he could find. It was late in the
_evening when fish start to bite.
_Just before dark, when fish start
_
to bite. When the fishing was
_good, he was feeling alright. Said
_the fishing was good; he was
_feeling alright. And the night was
_so bright that a star was in sight.
_Said the night was so bright that
_a star was in sight. He catch so
_much fish that he stayed out all
_night…

EM NEWS
– With This Ring I Do Wed…Someone Else
– Artificial Life On The Highway
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso is struggling
– Sandler, Pennock, Hasel
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– We speak with The Colonel from LA
– The EMR TV Theme Song Game
– Jerry’s Happy Note
– Plenty of Puns o’ The Night
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #526

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your all out assault on stupidity and bullshit. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the show, new listener and regulars. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR ANALOG KID: JERRY
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR SO-CAL UPDATE: THE COLONEL
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: BENI

Got a whale of a tale to tell you, 
_lads. A whale of a tale or two. ‘Bout 

_the flappin’ fish and the girls I’ve 
_loved. On nights like this, with the
_moon above, a whale of a tale and
_it’s all true, I swear by my tattoo.
_There was Mermaid Minnie, met  
_her down in Madagascar. She would
_
kiss me any time that I would ask
_her. Then one evening, her flame
_of love blew out. Blow me down
_and pick me up. She swapped me
_for a trout. Got a whale of a tale
_to tell you, lads…

EM NEWS
– An Experiment Gone Wrong
– Getting Natural In Nature
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso was not man one or man two…
– Kassell, Wilson, Richards
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– We speak with The Colonel from LA
– The EMR Mixed Up As Fuck Quiz
– A special Techin’ It Up The Ass
– Plenty of Wright’s of The Night
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #525

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your all out assault on stupidity and bullshit. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Happy February. Welcome. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE 
YOUR ANALOG KID: JERRY
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR SO-CAL UPDATE: THE COLONEL
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: BENI

Who will have a fishy on a little dishy?
_Who will have a fishy when the boat

_comes? And then he says “With our
_glasses both raised in a toast, let’s
_sing for those in peril on the sea. Who
_cater ceaselessly to thy every wish 
_with every fish as fresh as fish can be. 
_You see, I’m into my oysters, my king
_
prawns and caviar. No matter how far
_away they are, I’ll be there!” And then
_she says “With our glasses both raised
_in this toast, let’s sing for those in
_peril on the sea. Who labor tirelessly
_in their little boats…

EM NEWS
– Unconventional Savings Plan
– The Prickly Bandit Gets Pricked
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso is defending its honor
– Grammer, Dennings, Holbrook
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– We speak with The Colonel from LA
– Which of These Doesn’t Belong Quiz: Volume III
– An all new Analog Head-Trip
– Plenty of Puns O’ The Night
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #524

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your all out assault on stupidity and bullshit. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome. Thanks for listening. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE 
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR SO-CAL UPDATE: THE COLONEL
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: BENI

On top of spaghetti, all covered with
_cheese, I lost my poor meatball 

_when somebody sneezed. It rolled
_off the table. It rolled on the floor.
_And then my poor meatball rolled
_out the door. It rolled in the garden
_and under a bush. And then my 
_poor meatball was nothing but mush.
_
The mush was as tasty as tasty can be
_and early next summer, it grew into a
_tree.

EM NEWS
– Oh, Honey, You Shouldn’t Have
– Poopie Cubes
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso is protecting its turf
– Vargas, King, Leachman
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– We speak with The Colonel from LA
– Which of These Doesn’t Belong Quiz: Volume II
– Plenty of Puns O’ The Night
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #523

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your all out assault on stupidity and bullshit. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. This is Episode #523. If it’s half as good as #522, we may have to start charging you to listen. Just sayin’.  Just sayin’…

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE 
YOUR TECHMASTER 5K: JERRY
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR SO-CAL UPDATE: THE COLONEL
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: BENI

That was delicious clam dip. Eating
_it made us glad. We know they 

_were minced, but we’re convinced
_that some of them clams were bad.
_Our stomachs hurt. Our bladders 
_are full. We drank too much cham-
_pagne. That was delicious clam dip,
_but some of us got ptomaine. That
_was delicious clam dip…

EM NEWS
– Snowflakes & Sand Dunes
– I Wish I Was A Little Bit Taller
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso is loving, every minute of it
– Gorman, Iger, Holly
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– We speak with The Colonel from LA
– Which of These Doesn’t Belong Quiz
– Techin’ It Up The Ass covers The CES
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #522

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your all out assault on stupidity and bullshit. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. This is Episode #522. Listen to it. Don’t make us bring Mort Lawry back. No, really…please don’t.

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE 
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR SO-CAL UPDATE: THE COLONEL
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: BENI

Sauerkraut. Sauerkraut. Sauerkraut.
_Sauerkraut. Sauerkraut. Sauerkraut.

_Sauerkraut. Sauerkraut. Sauerkraut.
_Sauerkraut. Sauerkraut. Sauerkraut.
_Sauerkraut. Sauerkraut. Sauerkraut.
_Sauerkraut. Sauerkraut. Sauerkraut.
_Sauerkraut. Sauerkraut. Sauerkraut.
_Sauerkraut. Sauerkraut. Sauerkraut.
_Sauerkraut. Sauerkraut. Sauerkraut.”

NEWS
– Do You Know The Sandwich Man?
– Weiner Lovers Wanted
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso is holding on tight
– Mortensen, Summerville, Gordy
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– We speak with The Colonel from LA
– The EMR Forgotten Lands Quiz
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #521

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your all out assault on stupidity and bullshit. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. We sincerely hope you enjoy all of our many episodes, including this one — number 521. Thanks for checking us out!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE 
YOUR TECHMASTER 5K: JERRY
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR SO-CAL UPDATE: THE COLONEL
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: BENI

I got jaws like a bear trap. Teeth
_
like a razor, got a Maytag tongue
_with a sensitive taste. A born in
_Texas, a land of beef. Never 
_cared much for greens. Ya 
_oughta’ heard, I like meat. I’m
_the meat man. Woo, oughta see
_me eat meat now. Whoa, I’m the
_meat man, baby. You oughta see
_me eat meat now.

EM NEWS
– Are You Feeling Tensssssse?
– Up The Creek Without A Paddle…or Clothes
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso gets reactionary
– Brown, Reynolds, Darby
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– We speak with The Colonel from LA
– Celebrity Rhyme Thyme
– Techin’ It Up The Ass – ’21 Predictions
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #520

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your all out assault on stupidity and bullshit. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Welcome to the New Year and another year of EMR. Enjoy 520, won’t you?

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE 
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR SO-CAL UPDATE: THE COLONEL
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: BEN

I’ve been eatin’ whipped cream,
_
havin’ vivid daydreams of your
_face. And through people on TV
_screens, you’ve been every-
_where. And I wish I didn’t care.
_Oh, you’ve been everywhere.
_I wish, wish I didn’t care, yeah.
_Wish I didn’t. I’ve been eatin’
_whipped cream, havin’ vivid
_daydreams…

EM NEWS
– Squirrel Gone Nuts
– Iron Junk
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso Year End Review & Awards
– Pohler, Wurwand, Krieger
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– We speak with The Colonel from LA
– The Cash In Your Chips Quiz
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #519 – The Big Christmas Show

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your all out assault on stupidity and bullshit. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. This is the BIG EMR ANNUAL CHRISTMAS SHOW!  A ton of holiday fun is coming your way tonight, including new stuff & traditional EMR Christmas stuff. Don’t miss it, kids!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE 
YOUR TECHMASTER 5K: JERRY
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR SO-CAL UPDATE: THE COLONEL
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: BEN
YOUR SPECIAL GUEST: MARTHA

…how lucky that you dropped
_in. So nice and warm. Look
_out the windows at that storm.
_My sister will be suspicious.
_Gosh, your lips look delicious.
_My brother will be there at the
_door. Waves upon a tropical
_shore. My maiden aunt’s mind
_is vicious. Gosh, your lips are
_delicious. Well, maybe just a
_cigarette more. Never such a
_blizzard before. And I don’t
_
even smoke…

EM NEWS
– A Cheesy Traffic Detour
– Snowy Masterpieces
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso is down and out
– Combs, Rockefeller, Austen
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– We speak with The Colonel from LA
– The Colonel plays us Christmas carols on his violin
– The EMR Christmas Rhyme Thyme Game
– Jerry’s 2020 Tech Turkeys
– Tons & tons of new Christmas bits & classic EMR Christmas bits
– Plenty of Xmas Odd Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #518

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your all out assault on stupidity and bullshit. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Regular listener? Awesome. Occasional listener? Cool.  Have never listened? What the fuck are you waiting for? Just a week until the huge Christmas show, kids. Enjoy this, #518, and then enjoy that, #519.

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE 
YOUR TECHMASTER 5K: JERRY
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR SO-CAL UPDATE: THE COLONEL
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: BEN

I’m having gridlock Christmas,
_with people I don’t even know.
_Though friends and family 
_can’t be here, we’ll have good
_old Christmas cheer and
_carols on the car radio. Oh,
_I’m having gridlock Christmas…

EM NEWS
– The Hoofin’ Horn Gang
– A Little Too Much of The Holiday Spirit
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso takes it for a spin
– Von D, Chapelle, Sellers
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– We speak with The Colonel from LA
– The EMR Christmas Movie Quiz
– Jerry’s Happy Note
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #517

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your all out assault on stupidity and bullshit. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Regular listener? Awesome. Occasional listener? Cool.  Have never listened? What the fuck are you waiting for? The Christmas season is upon and this is Episode #517. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE 
YOUR TECHMASTER 5K: JERRY
YOUR SO-CAL UPDATE: THE COLONEL

Oh…I yust go nuts at Christ-
_mas, on that yolly holiday. 
_I’ll go in the red like a knuckle-
_head, ’cause I’ll squander all
_my pay. Oh…I yust go nuts at
_Christmas; shopping sheer
_drives me berserk. On the day
_before, I rush in a store like
_the perviveal jerk. I’ll look at
_nightgowns for my wife, those
_black ones trimmed in red. But
_I won’t know her size, so she’ll
_get a carpet sveeper instead.
_Oh…I yust go nuts at Christ-
_mas, when each kids hangs up
_his sock…

EM NEWS
– The Golden Scorpion
– Exit Through The Gift Shlock
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso is horsing around
– Lew, Cosell, Oakley
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– We speak with The Colonel from LA
– The EMR December Quiz
– Jerry’s Happy Note
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #516

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your all out assault on stupidity and bullshit. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Regular listener? Awesome. Occasional listener? Cool.  Have never listened? What the fuck are you waiting for? The Christmas season is here, listener. If you are new to the show, you will soon learn how into Christmas we are at EMR. If you’re a regular, you are well aware. Voila — December. Episode #516. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE 
YOUR TECHMASTER 5K: JERRY
YOUR SO-CAL UPDATE: THE COLONEL

Early Christmas morning,
_sneaky as can be. I creep
_across the carpet and peek
_under the tree. Pick out a
_a gift from Mom to me, bring
_it to my ear. Give it a little
_shimmy-shake and what do I
_hear? Socks. Tube socks! This
_is the worst gift I ever got. It
_doesn’t beep or buzz or bop
_or rattle in the box. Hey,
_why’d you waste the paper on
_a lousy pair of socks. Tip-toe
_to the mantle, a scowl upon
_my brow. I reach up to my
_stocking hanging from a holly
_bough…

EM NEWS
– Robot From The Future…of Tourism
– American Asshole Does The Right Thing
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso hits the pavement
– Liman, Palminteri, Mulaney
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– We speak with The Colonel from LA
– A very short & impromptu round of The Sneezing Superstitions Quiz
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #515

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your all out assault on stupidity and bullshit. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Regular listener? Awesome. Occasional listener? Cool.  Have never listened? What the fuck are you waiting for? This is our Black Friday episode. That doesn’t mean too much. We just thought we’d let you know. It’s also known as episode #515. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE 
YOUR SO-CAL UPDATE: THE COLONEL
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: BEN
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI

There is history in this place.
_There are dragons to be 
_chased. And though I don’t 
_know who you are, an easy
_flow and a strong, a strong
_heart. And the charm in the
_way you hide, gently take my
_skull for a ride. And I don’t
_know who you are, but I 
_know what I’d like you to be.
_A one night stand under
_stoned persuasion. But a joy
_that I can’t hide. Gently
_take my skull for a ride. We
_can never go too far. The
_pain we can’t escape at
_least will wait…

EM NEWS
– Unintentional Intoxication
– Bovine Benefits
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso offers up three
– Murray, Jennings, Hook
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– We speak with The Colonel from LA
– The Colonel plays his violin for us
– The EMR Celebrity Rhyme Thyme
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #514

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your all out assault on stupidity and bullshit. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Regular listener? Awesome. Occasional listener? Cool.  Have never listened? What the fuck are you waiting for? It’s episode #514, don’t you think you should get started? Damn it!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE 
YOUR SO-CAL UPDATE: THE COLONEL
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: BEN
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI

It couldn’t be a dam ’cause it
_doesn’t have a beaver.  It’s 
_not the DMV ’cause it doesn’t
_make you wait. It couldn’t be
_a taco ’cause it isn’t very 
_crunchy. It couldn’t be an 
_Olsen ’cause it isn’t Mary-
_Kate. It can’t be Dirty Dancing
_’cause it doesn’t make you
_vomit. It couldn’t be an iron
_’cause it doesn’t burn your
_face. It couldn’t be Bruce
_Campbell ’cause it isn’t fuckin’
_awesome. It couldn’t be a
_keyboard ’cause it doesn’t
_have a space…BAR. This is
_not a song. It’s a sandwich.

EM NEWS
– Salty Holiday
– Home, Home On The Sauce
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso gets predictable
– Carey, Bell, Swedien
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– We speak with The Colonel from LA
– The EMR Celebrity Rhyme Thyme
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #513

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your all out assault on stupidity and bullshit. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. And just like that, it was winter in EMR-Land…again. This is Episode #513 to take your mind off of it. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: 6/8 NATE
YOUR SO-CAL UPDATE: THE COLONEL
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: BEN
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI

Trick or treat. Sweet to eat,
_on Halloween and New Year’s
_Eve. Yankee girls, you just
_can’t be beat. But you’re the
_best when you’re off your 
_feet. Girls, girls, girls…At The
_Dollhouse in Fort Lauderdale.
_Girls, girls, girls…rocking in
_Atlanta at Tattletails. Girls,
_girls, girls…raising hell at the
_Seventh Veil. Crazy Horse,
_Paris, France. Forget the
_names, remember romance.
_Got the photos — menage et
_Trois. Must have broke those
_Frenchie’s laws with those…
_Girls, girls, girls…Body Shop
_and Marble Arch. Girls, girls,
_girls...

EM NEWS
– You’ve Got To Fight…For Your Right…To Party!
– It’s A Bird. It’s A Plane. It’s A Car…
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso gets revolutionary
– Grohl, Cohen, Springsteen
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– We speak with The Colonel from LA
– The EMR Celebrity Rhyme Thyme
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #512 – Our 10th Anniversary

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your all out assault on stupidity and bullshit. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Tonight’s episode, number five-hundred-twelve, marks our 10th anniversary. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR ANALOG KID: 
JERRY
YOUR SO-CAL UPDATE: THE COLONEL
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: BEN
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI

Nowhere to run and nowhere
_to hide. I can’t kill this bad
_pain inside. What can I do 
_when your love is gone? All I
_can do is just live on. No 
_escape from your heart. No
_escape from your lips. No
_escape from you, baby; you
_bring the tears. No escape 
_from you, darlin’, all the
_night and day. No escape
_from you, baby. What else
_can I say? No escape. No
_escape. No escape. What
_can I do without you? Loss.
_I need your love, whatever
_it will cause...

EM NEWS
– Icy News From Way In The Past
– Don’t Try This At Home Kids
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso loves a village
– Oliver, Ford, Connery, Springsteen
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– We speak with The Colonel from LA
– The Initials Game
– Jerry Happy Note
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #511 – The Big Halloween Show

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your all out assault on stupidity and bullshit. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. This is Episode #511 – The Awesome Halloween Show. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR ANALOG KID: JERRY
YOUR SO-CAL UPDATE: THE COLONEL
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: BEN
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: 6/8 NATE
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI

Fly me to the moon. Let me 
_play among the stars. Let me
_see what spring is like on
_Jupiter and Mars. In other
_words, hold my hand. In other
_words, baby, kiss me. Fill my
_heart with song and let me
_sing forever more. You’re all
_I long for. All I worship and
_adore. In other words, please
_be true. In other words, I
_love you. Fly me to the moon.
_Let me play among the stars.

EM NEWS
– The Mummified Twinkies
– Beatle Tank, Beatle Tank, Beatle Tank
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso goes off the deep end
– The Spin On The Dead Spin
– Cohen, Black, Gass
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– We speak with The Colonel from LA
– Two Halloween Quizzes (Candy Nostalgia & Horror Films)
– Halloween Limericks
– Analog Head-Trip
– Minnesota Vice (a great seasonal beer)
– Plenty of Halloween Factoids
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #510

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your all out assault on stupidity and bullshit. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. This is Episode #510. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR SO-CAL UPDATE: THE COLONEL
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: BEN

They took the whole Cherokee
_Nation . Put us on this reser-
_vation. Took away our ways
_of life — the tomahawk and
_the bow and knife. Took away
_our native tongue and taught
_their English to our young. And
_all the beads we made by hand
_are nowadays made in Japan.
_Cherokee people. Cherokee
_tribe. So proud to live. So
_proud to die.

EM NEWS
– Lake Life Reels From A Bag of Fucking Eels
– Breath In The Fresh Air of Asbestos
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso delivers
– The Smell of Hopkins…Is Lovely
– Fincher, Cuomo, Holly
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– We speak with The Colonel from LA
– Bizarre Road Signs (pics on our FB page – follow along)
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #509

EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio is your all out assault on stupidity and bullshit. Always interesting, informative and funny. Never too political. We are here to make things right. To set the record straight. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR SO-CAL UPDATE: THE COLONEL
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: BEN
YOUR EM GUEST: JASON – THE POTTER

What a display, we can’t look
_away from the ones who get
_paid to stand on the stage. 
_And the people all watch –
_sit and listen in silence. I see
_them up on the screen. We 
_all listen, but they don’t say
_anything. They look so pretty
_and free, but we can all think
_when we are unplugged from
_the machine. I get my own
_thoughts. I don’t need to be
_taught.

EM NEWS
– Sneaky, Sneaky. Or Rather — Stinky, Stinky
– Do You Know The Pumpkin Man?
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso gets a jump on the future
– Cuties…Still Cute
– Trebek, Sherman-Palladino, Hall
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– We speak with The Colonel from LA (The Colonel returns next week)
– We converse with Special Guest, Jason The Potter
– Even More Knockoff Toys (pics on our FB page)
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #508

Welcome to world of EMR Episode #508.

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR HAPPY BASTARD: JERRY
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR SO-CAL UPDATE: THE COLONEL
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: BEN

Into the distance, a ribbon of
_black. Stretched to the point
_of no turning back. A flight of
_fancy on a windswept field.
_Standing alone, my senses 
_reeled. A fatal attraction is
_holding me fast. How can I
_escape this irresistible grasp?
_Can’t keep my eyes from the
_circling skies. Tongue-tied and
_twisted, just an earth-bound
_misfit, I.

EM NEWS
– The Best of Both Worlds…or Not
– What A Cute Little Devil
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso becomes enamored
– Will You Accept The Weasel Into Your Life…Again?
– Van Halen, Armstrong, Prince
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– We speak with The Colonel from LA (The Colonel returns next week)
– Jerry’s 80s Music Quiz
– A Jerry’s Happy Note
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– The Super Summer Soda Smackdown (Grand Finale)
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #507 (10-02-2020)

How do you feel about cartoons and the art of cartoons? Still or animated? You’d better like that shit and like it quick, because Mr. Mort Lawry ain’t gonna take no lip out of you, you snot-nosed little fuh…what? Excuse me. Oh shit…we’re live. Hi, friends…Mort Lawry here to talk about cartoons. But before we get into that, how about we dive into EMR episode five-zero-seven? Sound good? Great! And if you won’t to dive into that, I have something else for you to dive into…what? Still live? Fuck!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR SO-CAL UPDATE: THE COLONEL
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: BEN

We can dance if we want to. We
_can leave your friends behind.
_Because your friends don’t 
_dance, and if they don’t dance.
_Well, they’re no friends of 
_mine. We can go where we 
_want to, a place where they
_will never find. And we can act
_like we come from out of this
_world; leave the real one far
_behind. And we can dance…
_We can dance, we can dance.
_Everything out of control. We
_dance, we can dance. They’re
_doing it from wall to wall
.


EM NEWS
– Somebody’s In My Bed
– He’s Going The Distance
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso is awakened
– A Great Big Podcast Buyout
– Cohen, Serling, D’Amaro
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– We speak with The Colonel from LA (The City of Angels)
– The EMR Theme Park Insanity Quiz
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– The Super Summer Soda Smackdown (the finale is next week)
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #506 (09-25-2020)

The China Bowl at 4am. That’s right — The China Bowl at 4am. Oh, hey, friends…Mort Lawry here. I was just re-working last week’s theme music to this week theme image. I know it sounds crazy, probably because it is. But hey, you try sitting in a sound booth all evening coming up with new ways to make Egg Foo Young sound exciting.  Mort Lawry saying – have a nice fucking weekend. Oh and enjoy eMpTy Minds Radio number five-zero-six!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR EM MUSIC-MAN: 6/8 NATE
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR SO-CAL UPDATE: COL. NYLEN
YOUR ANALOG KID: JERRY
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: BEN

Hatin’ colorless society and 
_provin’ it. Watching too much
_TV for a Chinese girl. Living 
_in a new country called 
_America. Yes, she’s beautiful.
_She’s got her spacious skies.
_But what about the ugly parts
_the conquerors hide. A bowl
_of rice is a bowl of memories.
_Shovin’ it down our hungry
_throats. A cup of tea is a cup
_of tears. Floodin’ down our
_thirsty throats. So, I write a
_song to keep the memories of
_you and me. It shall keep us
_warm at night, eventhough you
_are out of sight.


EM NEWS
– Hot Blooded. Hot Blooded
– All We Wanted Was Some Peace & Quiet
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso gets the shaft
– WB Ditches So Ko
– Lennon, Clapton, Cruise
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– We speak with Colonel Nylen from LA (The City of Angels)
– The Great American Soda Quiz
– A new Analog Head-Trip
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– The Super Summer Soda Smackdown (semi-finals – round two)
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #505 (09-18-2020)

Hi friends. I don’t know what to say to you tonight. Mostly, because I have just stuffed my mouth with the most delicious fried pork egg rolls on this planet!  Forbidden Palace pork egg rolls to be exact.  Mort Lawry here to tell you — if you find yourself in Los Angeles, The City of Angels, in the 1940s, be sure to check out Forbidden Palace…you’ll be god damned glad you did, Time Traveller.  Now, enjoy a little something that is time-less. EMR! This is five-hundred-zero-five.

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR EM MUSIC-MAN: 6/8 NATE
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR SO-CAL UPDATE: COL. NYLEN
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: BEN

There’s some Polynesian dive,
_down wind from the Badlands.
_The Palace at 4am. We kicked
_through the diamond dust. 
_Halfway between Vancouver
_and the bingo game that made
_the man. Kicking around in
_the promised land. Just one
_flick of the wrist, one flick of
_the wrist and look, look, look…
_We’re in the Palace at 4am.
_When a daydream threw the
_covers. Back, back, back, back.
_Back before you saw the ribbon
_tied around your bomb. When
_you were kicking hearts around.
_The Palace at 4am...


EM NEWS
– Nothing To See Here, Folks
– Ice, Ice, Baby
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso is on the edge
– The Battle For Drum God Rages On
– Hibbert, Madonna, Cody
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– We speak with Colonel Nylen from LA (The City of Angels)
– The Great Big Board Game Quiz
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– The Super Summer Soda Smackdown (semi-finals – round one)
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #504 (09-11-2020)

Are you still using a fork? Gosh.  And a spoon too? Eegad!  Friend, you are never going to get anywhere in life with that love of flatware. It’s time to open your minds to the world of eating with wood or bamboo. That’s right, good ol’ pals — the chopstick.  Chopsticks — the utensil for those who aren’t a bunch of drooling dipshits. Mort Lawry saying — Chopsticks, get yours today. Now for EMR Episode number five-zero-four. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR ANALOG KID: JERRY
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR SO-CAL UPDATE: COL. NYLEN
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: BEN

I eat with chopsticks. Can you
_eat with chopsticks? Just pick
_up your chopsticks and I’ll 
_teach you how. Some people
_use chopsticks; they always
_use chopsticks. So, try out
_your chopsticks right now.
_Two little sticks; they’re made
_out of wood, and they help
_you to pick up your lunch.
_Your lunch. And if you practice,
_then you’d get good and you’ll
_find you can pick up a bunch
_to munch. Eat noodles with
_chopsticks. Eat dumplings with
_chopsticks. Eat sushi with
_chopsticks...


EM NEWS
– Slithering Welcome Committee
– Lost Money Looking For Good Home
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso hanging on by a thread
– The Day…The Music…Was Saved
– Grohl, Hudson, Parker
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– We speak with Colonel Nylen (not tonight)
– The Famous Names Game
– Plenty of great odd tidbits
– The Super Summer Soda Smackdown (semi-finals NEXT week)
– An all new Analog Head-Trip
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #503 (09-04-2020)

Chinese food. Yes, friends, Chinese food…the staple of any Chinese meal. I could talk all night about spring rolls and other exotic delicacies, but there’s no reason. All you have to do is head on down to the King Joy Lo and experience for yourself. From the tantalizing appetizers to the hearty, authentic main dishes, you can’t go wrong at the King Joy Lo. This is Mort Lawry saying — Take my fuckin’ word for it! Enjoy some delicious ethnic dishes and then enjoy EMR, Episode 503!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR ANALOG KID: JERRY
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR SO-CAL UPDATE: COL. NYLEN
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: BEN

The chow chow-mein is great
_for lunch and Orange Kitten
_sure packs a punch. The 
_flavor you can’t knock. This
_Asian food rocks. You need to
_go get some Chinese Wok. 
_Labrador retrieve me some
_Chinese Wok. All the best
_food is made from dog. Eating
_pussy — it’s great Chinese Wok.
_Come to this dinner, it’s just
_like Tongchuan. Spread butter
_on Beagles. Try Shangri-Poodles
_with a side of Pit Bull. The
_food is a bitch. The taste is so
_rich, that you won’t care if it’s
_mastiff...


EM NEWS
– The Bear Necessities…of Life
– Would You Like Muscles With That?
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso is seeing red
– Let The Drum War Begin!
– Wilson, Quaid, Boseman
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– We speak with Colonel Nylen from his current SoCal location
– EMR’s Shit From The Pages of Comics
– Plenty of great odd tidbits
– The Super Summer Soda Smackdown (round four)
– An all new Analog Head-Trip
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #502 (08-28-2020)

Tonight, Mort Lawry, is on vacation. And being the only people here are the junky janitor and an overnight camera crew that hasn’t heard of the word sobriety or the word shower, we are going to have to skip the regular advertisement that would fill this spot. Enjoy EMR episode 502!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: 6/8 NATE
YOUR SO-CAL UPDATE: COL. NYLEN

Everybody loves a nut. The
_whole world loves a weirdo.
_Brains are in a rut, but every- 
_body loves a nut. There was
_a hermit named Fred who 
_kept the dead horse in his
_cave. And everyone said to
_Fred. how come you keep
_a dead horse in your cave?
_and he said, well…brains
_are in a rut, but everybody
_loves a nut. A Columbian
_man named Frank had a
_tiger named Hank. He tried
_to put Hank in his tank.
_Guess what happened to ole
_Frank? When they picked up
_the teets there and eyeballs.
_And erected a tombstone that
_read. Another Columbian
_fella told Queen Isabella – I
_don’t think the world is flat.
_And now what do you think
_about that? And she said – you
_don’t? And he said – no ma’am.
_And she said – he’d get out of
_my queendom...


EM NEWS
– I Hope That Someone Gets My…
– War Goats
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso deserves rights too
– Spielberg, Hart, Polanski
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– We speak with Colonel Nylen from his current SoCal location
– Stoner Thoughts
– Plenty of great odd tidbits
– The Super Summer Soda Smackdown (round three)
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #501 (08-21-2020)

Mort Lawry here, tonight, with a serious question. Did you catch the 500th episode of EMR? I did and let me tell you — it was good. Damn good. In fact, it was so good…I really don’t know what they could do next. I’m not expecting much out of this episode 501, to be honest. I am suffering a severe case of the 500 blues. Well, maybe they can do it.  Let’s hope. Here’s your EMR crew with Episode number five-zero-one. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR ANALOG KID: JERRY
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR SO-CAL UPDATE: COL. NYLEN
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: BEN

Five little King Cake babies
_planning to escape. One 
_jumped up and ran away. 
_Mama called the baker, and 
_the baker said — No more
_King Cake babies planning
_to escape. Four little King
_Cake babies planning to
_escape. Mama called the
_baker, and the baker said —
_No more King Cake babies
_planning to escape. Three
_little King Cake babies
_planning to escape. Mama
_called the baker, and the
_baker said — No more King
_Cake babies planning to
_escape. Two little King Cake
_babies planning to escape.
_Mama called the baker, and
_the baker said — No more
_King Cake babies planning to
_escape. One little King Cake
_baby planning to escape.
_Mama called the baker. The
_baker said..
.

EM NEWS
– Walkin’ In A Chocolate Wonderland
– Let’s Have Some Ice Cream For Dinner
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso soars
– Reinhart, Kennedy, Martin
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– We speak with Colonel Nylen from the SoCal Desert Compound
– Jerry has a new Analog Head-Trip
– The Urban Legends Quiz
– Plenty of great odd tidbits ARE missing from this episode
– The Super Summer Soda Smackdown
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #500 – The Biggest Show Yet (08-14-2020)

Hey kids, it’s Mort Lawry. If you are expecting me to say something witty here or maybe snarky, advertising some bizarre product…stuff it! I took the night off to listen to this — EMR Episode #500, and you should too!  It’s BIG!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR ANALOG KID: JERRY
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR SO-CAL UPDATE: COL. NYLEN
YOUR EM GUITARISTA: 6/8 NATE
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: BEN
YOUR SPECIAL GUEST: COUSIN TODD
YOUR EM CLAM: CLAMBOY

We’re a well known Glasgow
_Football team. We don’t 
_play in blue. We don’t play
_in green. Red and yellow are 
_the colors we love. The 
_colors of The Patrick Thistle 
_Football Club. By the way,
_we don’t fear anyone at any
_time, anywhere. So, fly the
_flags of the Firhill Jags and
_follow them everywhere.

EM NEWS
– Smile For The Camera, Chair
– Let’s Have A Sleepover
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso goes for a sled-ride
– Smith, Simms, Robinson
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– 6/8 Nate plays 3 songs for us live, including an EMR exclusive
– We speak with Colonel Nylen from the SoCal Desert Compound
– Jerry has a new Analog Head-Trip
– The Big EMR EMR Quiz
– A huge, beautiful 5 Minute Cinema Production
– Plenty of great odd tidbits
– The Super Summer Soda Smackdown
– Lots of 500 fun!
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #499 (08-07-2020)

Hey kids, it’s your old buddy Mort Lawry. Spring time is in the air, and… Wait a god-damned second. Who wrote this? Spring is in the air? Summer is practically over, you fuckin’ numb skulls!  New copy what? New copy is on its way? Who gives a shit about that? I quit…again.  Listen to EMR and have a great fucking night. I’m out of here!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR SO-CAL UPDATE: COL. NYLEN
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: BEN

I was gonna clean my room
_until I got high. I was gonna
_get up and find the broom,
_but then I got high. My room
_is still messed up and I know
_why. Because I got high, 
_because I got high. Because
_I got high. I was gonna go to
_class before I got high. I
_coulda cheated and I coulda
_passed, but then I got high.

EM NEWS
– Holy Slithering Swirly, Batman!
– Man Pig Bacon
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Young Is Sick of This Asshole, And He’s Not Alone
– Cinema PaulieDiso swept up in Mania
– Shearer, Rubio, Cash
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– A bunch o’ new Shower Thoughts
– We speak with Colonel Nylen from the SoCal Desert Compound
– Plenty of great odd tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #498 (07-31-2020)

Ashtrays. Is there a size or shape they don’t come in?  Hmmm…you don’t see many rhombus trays at your local AshMart now do you?  Wrong.  Hi buddies, it’s good ol’ Mort Lawry here to let you in on a little secret…AshMart. AshMart has rhombus ashtrays and any other shape you can imagine. Shape, size, functionality…whatever you need they have it. Fuck! They even have a cozy little spot to sit and smoke and a great selection of sticks to smoke on. Don’t miss out on the action of rhombus! Visit AshMart today. Now, how’s ’bout you listen to my good friends at EMR?  Good plan. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR ANALOG KID: JERRY
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR SO-CAL UPDATE: COL. NYLEN
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: BEN
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: 6/8 NATE

About that time a Taurus
_zoomed around the curve.
_Driver havin’ him a smoke.
_Finished it, then out the
_window it flew. The butt
_landed at my toe and I 
_thought — “to you, all the
_world’s an ashtray.” But
_you should keep it to your-
_self. All the world’s an ash-
_tray…

EM NEWS
– Electronic Origami
– Ghostly Manor
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– The Clock Is TikToking
– Cinema PaulieDiso goes for the gold
– Beck, Costner, Reed
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– The Big Lush Quiz of Booze
– Jerry’s Happy Note
– We speak with Colonel Nylen from the SoCal Desert Compound
– Plenty of great odd tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #497 (07-24-2020)

Have you ever been sitting in a comfortable chair, next to a beautiful ashtray, a pack of Tommy Bahamas cedar matches in your hand and thought to yourself, “What the fuck am I missing? Oh yeah…the cigar.”  Don’t let this happen to you. Hi friends, Mort Lawry here to tell you about Cigars Right Now.  Sign up with Cigars Right Now today and the next time you find yourself without a fine smoke, all you have to do is think about it and it will be. It’s that easy. In fact, you don’t even really have to go to the website to sign up. Have you already thought about it? Cool. Then it’s already done. You will be billed monthly. Isn’t supernatural fun? Now, here’s something bizarre — eMpTy Minds Radio. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR SO-CAL UPDATE: COL. NYLEN
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: BEN

Embers in the ashtray glow
_like memories that won’t
_let go. I’m out here trying
_to get untangled, in the
_darkness at the edge of 
_town. A little lost, a little
_found, waiting on a call
_from an angel. I light up
_the night and let it burn.
_Lean back and watch the
_sundown fade…

EM NEWS
– Welcome To Screamville
– Knock. Knock. Anybody Home?
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– ICM, Apparently, Progressive
– Cinema PaulieDiso cuts a deal
– Rhodes, Schiff, Franklin
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– The World’s Most Boring Quiz — Don’t Miss It!
– We speak with Colonel Nylen from the SoCal Desert Compound
– Plenty of great odd tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #496 (07-17-2020)

Morty Lawry here to tell you that there is no better place to smoke a cigar than at a table that was designed and built for the sole purpose of pleasurably smoking a cigar. It’s handsome, stylish, and well-crafted. It lights up, has a built-in ashtray, trash receptacle and that other thing, whatever the fuck it does. It also has lids, so when you’re done…poof, your mess is hidden. How the hell does that sound? Pretty damn alright, right?  Get your fancy, art-deco, cigar, lamp table today…wherever fancy, art-deco, cigar, lamp tables are sold. Now, it’s eMpTy Minds Radio, kiddies!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR SO-CAL UPDATE: COL. NYLEN
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: BEN
YOUR HAPPY BASTARD: JERRY

Would you sew my mesen-
_teric together? Wonder 
_smoke inside of my pul-
_monary. Indigo to go with
_the fire inner. I can take
_a match to you. Watcher
_try. And you take another
_hit, breath in tight. And
_you try a little bit all
_your life. For a light of
_bloody spit, wave good-
_bye. Killer, maker, roller,
_breaker — like a red in
_an ashtray. Killer, maker,
_roller, breaker — like a
_
red in an ashtray. Red in
_an ashtray.


EM NEWS
– Murder In Barbie Land
– Officer Patty Reporting For Doody
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Dirty Dancing — Now Moist Again
– Cinema PaulieDiso goes home
– Gunn, Thomas, Baskin
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– A tasty round of ‘Know Your Cuts of Meat’
– Jerry’s Happy Note
– We speak with Colonel Nylen & “others” from the SoCal Desert Compound
– Plenty of great odd tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #495 (07-10-2020)

Hi there, friends, it’s your good buddy Mort Lawry here. I’ve got something for you to ponder. Do you remember quality? Take a moment and think. Do you remember it? You do. Don’t you? You can clearly remember a time before everything was a complete and utter pile of fucking shit. It’s not hard if you try. A lovely Art Deco ashtray can take you back to those good old days. Days of quality. Days when some random stranger prick didn’t give you the stink eye for lighting up. Yes, Art Deco ashtrays. Buy yours today.  Now, enjoy something else that will take you back to a better time or at very least a higher spot in your brain’s activity…it’s eMpTy Minds Radio. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR SO-CAL UPDATE: COL. NYLEN
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: 6/8 NATE
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: BEN
YOUR SPECIAL GUEST: JOSHERS

There are songs you can never
_remember. There are songs
_you can’t forget. There are
_people always forgiving. Has
_Heaven forgiven me yet? 
_Just like stars, strays and 
_ashtrays, they called you
_her own.


EM NEWS
– The Chicken’s Day Out
– Now That’s A Knife
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– The Day More Music Died
– Cinema PaulieDiso meets a new friend
– Elba, Brewster, Carey
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– ‘Too Close For Comfort’ – The EMR Photo Game (pics on FB)
– We speak with Colonel Nylen & “others” from the SoCal Desert Compound
– Plenty of great odd tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #494 (07-03-2020)

Do you need an elegant place to rest and eventually snuff out that old cancer stick? Look no further than Battuto Art Deco Ashtrays. There are literally seven to choose from and no matter your choice, you will not be disappointed. Trust your old pal Mort Lawry just as you’ve done for years. Would I ever steer you fuckers wrong? Not a chance. Battuto Art Deco Ashtrays. Don’t be a dick!  Now, it’s time for some eMpTy Minds Radio.

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR HAPPY BASTARD: JERRY
YOUR SO-CAL UPDATE: COL. NYLEN
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: BEN

Out of the ashtray, into the
_ashtray, out of the ashtray.
_There’s nothing living, 
_there’s nothing given. Week-
_ender’s vision turns to work-
_ing shoes. There’s nothing
_living, there’s nothing
_given. Weekender puts on
_his working suit
.

EM NEWS
– Bacon On The Loose
– Sausage On Demand
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Pesky Streaming Service Thinks You’re Rich
– Cinema PaulieDiso is losing it
– David, Prine, Smith
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– Big Boom! The EMR Fireworks Quiz
– We speak with Colonel Nylen & “others” from the SoCal Desert Compound
– Jerry’s Happy Note
– Plenty of great odd tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #493 (06-26-2020)

Whoaaaaaaaaa. That shit is beautiful, man. Hahahaha. Oh fuck…Mort Lawry here for Mellow Mushroom. Yeah, it’s the only mushroom for your buddy Mort. Damn…the colors, baby. It’s all like fuck…..and check out that EMR show…it’s soooooo gooooood and shiny. — drop signal —

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR HAPPY BASTARD: JERRY
YOUR SO-CAL UPDATE: COL. NYLEN
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: BEN
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: 6/8 NATE

You better wise up and get
_good at networking. Or you’re
_never gonna add up to any-
_thing. But I just love pizza so
_much, I’m choosing it instead
_of spending every moment,
_trying to get ahead
.

EM NEWS
– Topless Hero
– Extra Special Toppings
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Theater What’s What Amid Endless Virus Stupidity
– Cinema PaulieDiso can’t see past the legs
– Jeremy, Grande, Chaplin
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– The Big Fat EMR Radio Quiz
– We speak to Colonel Nylen & Nygel on the road in SoCal
– Jerry’s Happy Note
– Plenty of great odd tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #492 (06-19-2020)

This space is normally reserved for Mort Lawry’s ad copy. Mort is, apparently, on the lam. We believe it’s just a temporary thing. So, without sponsorship, this is EMR episode four-hundred-ninety-two. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR EM SOCAL UPDATE: COL. NYLEN
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: BEN
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: 6/8 NATE

Pizza Party!  If you got a blunt,
_then we can get high. If you
_wanna come, then pick up the
_phone. Don’t get caught with
_a wack calzone. Pizza Party!
_Hey, yo, Tony, where’d you
_get that fresh pepperoni?
_Your toppings are ill, but
_your cheese is holy. Only
_order one slice when you’re
_feeling lonely. Cause the
_sausage tastes like stale
_bologna…

EM NEWS
– Blowup Doll Soap Opera
– Weed: To Good Home
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Ed Goes Digital
– Cinema PaulieDiso is turning green
– Crowe, Kimmel, Goffin
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– Yet another exciting round of The Fabulous Initials Game
– We speak to Colonel Nylen from his SoCal desert bunker
– Plenty of great odd tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #491 (06-12-2020)

Hey gang, Mort Lawry here to tell you about Pinky’s Pizza.  If you think that sign is the bee’s knees, just wait til you get a load of their piping hot waitress…errr…ummm…pizza. It’s the best fucking slice you will have, this side of heaven. Trust your buddy Mort, Pinky’s is definitely the pie you want. Now, some EMR. It’s episode four…four…whatever it says at the top of the page. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: BEN

One slice lights up my life, hot &
_fresh at any time. I attack like an
_animal, delicious and casual.
_Please can you go out and get me
_some? P, I want some, I-Z-Z-A. I
_wanna get my little greasy hands
_on some. P, I want some, I-Z-Z-A.
_Please will you cook me up some
_of that delicious P-I-Z-Z-A?


EM NEWS
– Creepy Music From Land’s End
– Ocean of Snot
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Mad Jaffee Folds Up Shop
– Cinema PaulieDiso doin’ some scalpin’
– Cena, Dries, Clark
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– Another exciting round of The Fabulous Initials Game
– Plenty of great odd tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #490 (06-05-2020)

Hey, kiddies, it’s your old buddy Mort Lawry here. I took a month off for some Back To The Future nonsense, but I am back to tell you about the bomb-diggity-doo of Pizzas. Its Angelo’s Pizza Parlor. Yeah, sure the sign says family dining, but show up with a ho. Hell, you might even get a discount. That’s how good this shit is! Angelo’s…if you eat another pizza, you’re an asshole! Now, it’s time for EMR.  It’s been so long since I have been here, I have no fucking idea what episode it is..but enjoy it just the same!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR HAPPY BASTARD: JERRY
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: BEN
YOUR SPECIAL GUEST: COLONEL NYLEN

Sunday morning – needs for
_pizza. It’s just the cheese chilling
_in my mind. Eating Pizza, Sunday
_morning…nothing’s wasted here.
_Just left behind. It’s out. It’s on
_the counter. You’ll be so glad you
_found another slice. You’re eating
_it twice. Half of it’s gone, into my
_mouth. I was so hungry. Now I am
_full. I ate it for a little while. I only
_ate the part with cheese. Nom, nom,
_nom. Have a bite of crust. Nom, nom,
_nom. Have a bite of crust. Nom, nom,
_nom. Have a bite of crust. Have a bite
_of…a bite of crust. Have a bite of
_crust.


EM NEWS
– Primate Hemo Thief
– Wrong Bondage Locale
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Celebs Jump On The Cause-Wagon
– Cinema PaulieDiso gets hooked
– Pope, Abrams, Capps
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– An exciting round of The Fabulous Initials Game
We talk George Floyd + Tom’s pics from the memorial (on our FB page)
– Jerry’s Happy Note (LIVE – Jerry’s back!)
– We talk with Colonel Nylen from his SoCal desert bunker

– Plenty of great odd tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #489 (05-29-2020)

Welcome to the Cafe 80s, where always morning in America, even in the afternoo-noo-noon. You might want to go with our Fajita Tortilla Pita. It’s got a hot salsa, avocados, cilantro mixed with your choice of beans, chicken, bee-bee-beef or pork. No. You must have the hot chicken special!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR HAPPY BASTARD: JERRY
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: BEN
YOUR SPECIAL GUEST: COLONEL NYLEN

We searched all through the night.
_I couldn’t find it. You couldn’t
_find it. I knew something wasn’t
_right. I couldn’t find it. You
_couldn’t find it. And they say —

_Heaven is one step away. Heaven
_is one step away.

EM NEWS
– Residential Bigfoot
– Der Alligator Starb
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Japanimation Firestarter Busted
– Cinema PaulieDiso back in the shadows
– Rowling, Cobb, Fallon
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– The Classic Arcade Quiz
We talk about the George Floyd murder & aftermath
– Jerry’s Happy Note
– We talk with Colonel Nylen from his SoCal desert bunker

– Plenty of great odd tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #488 (05-22-2020)

Save the clock tower. Save the clock tower. Mayor Wilson is sponsoring an initiative to replace that clock. Thirty years ago, lightning struck that clock tower and the clock hasn’t run since. We at the Hill Valley Preservation Society think it should be preserved exactly the way it is as part of our history and heritage.

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & TABI
YOUR HAPPY BASTARD: JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE
YOUR SPECIAL GUEST: BEN

I got a bad complication, I keep
_it to myself. I got some strange
_information, I can’t think of
_nothin’ else. These must be 
_about a million single ways to

_go down. ‘Cause I’m a lonely
_stranger in this time bomb 
_town. Oh, I’m a lonely 
_traveler in this time bomb
_town
.

EM NEWS
– Fucking Soccer!
– The Power & The Itchy Bum
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Who Is Pink Floyd?
– Cinema PaulieDiso is searching low & high
– Rose, Kirchherr, Piccoli
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– The Big Fucking Donut Quiz
– Jerry’s Happy Note
– Plenty of great odd tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #487 (05-15-2020)

Do you have a strong need for shit? Call D. Jones Manure today. We will deliver what ever you need and we won’t cause a stink about it, either. From five cubic feet of the ripe stuff to five cubic miles, we literally have you covered at D. Jones. We are conveniently located just west of Hill Valley. Call us today or stop in. Hope to smell…err…see you soon.

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR HAPPY BASTARD: JERRY
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR EM CALL IN: COL. NYLEN
YOUR SPECIAL GUEST: BEN

Road trippin’ with my two favor-
_ite allies. Fully loaded – we got
_snacks and supplies. It’s time to
_leave this town. It’s time to 
_steal away. Let’s go get lost, any-

_where in the USA. Let’s go get
_lost. Let’s go get lost. Blue, you
_sit so pretty west of The One.
_Sparkles light with yellow icing,
_just a mirror for the sun. Just
_a mirror for the sun. Just a 
_mirror for the sun. These 
_smiling eyes are just a mirror
_for…

EM NEWS
– Idiocy Revisited
– Yeah…That’s It, Reward The Little Bastard
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– They Claim They Like Freedom. Hmm…Interesting
– Cinema PaulieDiso – is looking for players
– Adams, Horn, Penniman
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
An all new Top Ten List
– The Big EMR Pizza Party Quiz
– Minnesota Vice

– Jerry’s Happy Note
– Colonel Nylen calls in from his Yucca Bunker with an update
– Plenty of great odd tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #486 (05-08-2020)

October is inventory time. So, right now, Statler Toyota is making the best deals of the year on all 1985 model Toyota’s. You won’t find a better car at a better price with better service anywhere in Hill Valley. That’s Statler Toyota in downtown Hill Valley. Remember, EMR prices are only good til the end of the month.  And now eMpTy Minds Radio number four-hudred-eighty-six. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR EM CALL IN: COL. NYLEN
YOUR SPECIAL GUEST: BEN

I got shot through a space not
_long ago, I thought I knew the
_place so well. It wasn’t the same,
_now it goes to show — sometime
_you never can tell. I’m lookin’

_high and low, don’t know where
_to go. I’ve got to double back,
_my friend. The only way to find
_what I left behind. I’ve got to
_double back again.

EM NEWS
– Pull, Over, My Finger!
– Juvenile Car Thief
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Estate of The Dead Still Very Much Alive
– Cinema PaulieDiso – a rare double-feature
– Kerr, Powell, Pressburger
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
– An all new Top Ten List
– The Coca Cola Quiz
– Jerry’s Happy Note
– Colonel Nylen calls in from his Yucca Bunker with an update
– Plenty of great odd tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

>

eMpTy Minds Radio #485 (05-01-2020)

Did you just spill an entire bag of Raisinettes into the couch?  Jar of popcorn kernels not quite make it to the stove? Bag of trail mix down your pants? Mort Lawry here, friends, to tell you about the Dustbuster. This li’l bitch can clean up everything. Seriously.  You spill it, Dustbuster will slurp it right up like a $2 hooker on a Bangkok Sunday morning. You might find yourself spilling shit just to put this Dust-busting magic to the test. Don’t be the last in your neighborhood to pick one up. Available at fine retailers and some not-so-fine retailers everywhere. Now, it’s time for eMpTy Minds Radio episode four-million-something or…four-thousand. I don’t know. Just listen, damnit!

 

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & TABI
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE
YOUR HAPPY PHONE-IN: JERRY
YOUR EM CALL IN: COL. NYLEN
YOUR SPECIAL GUEST: BEN

Tell me, Doctor, where are we
_going this time? Is this the 50s
_or 1999? All I wanted to do was
_play my guitar and sing. So, take
_me away, I don’t mind. But you

_better promise me I’ll be back
_in time. Gotta get back in time.
_Don’t bet your future on one
_roll of the dice. Better re-
_member, lightning never strikes
_twice. Please don’t drive 88, 
_don’t wanna be late again. So, 
_take me away, I don’t mind.
_But you better promise me I’ll
_be back in time. Gotta get back
_in time.

EM NEWS
– Garage Shitter!
– The Scratch Mark Left Across The Surface of Your Mind
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– A Universal Disagreement
– Cinema PaulieDiso goes pimpin’
– Lohan, Khan, Cervone
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
– An all new Top Ten List
– They Were In This Band Game
– Jerry’s Happy Note X2
– Comedy Spotlight — Ben
– Colonel Nylen calls in from his Yucca Bunker with an update
– Plenty of great odd tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

>

eMpTy Minds Radio #484 (04-24-2020)

Are you a sculptor? Probably not. Do you look at ornate designs carved in wood and wish you could make those? Probably.  Well, wish no more my friends. Introducing — chisels. All you need is a set of good chisels and about 20 years of chiseling under your belt and you too can make ornate designs in wood…unless you are a total fucking idiot. Your old buddy Mort Lawry here to say — Why don’t you buy some chisels today?  Now, back to those fuckers at EMR!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR HAPPY PHONE-IN: JERRY
YOUR EM CALL IN: COL. NYLEN
YOUR SPECIAL GUEST: BEN

Once I was a caprenter, man my
_hands were calloused. I could
_swing a metal mallet sure and
_straight. But I took to the high-
_way, a poet young and hungry.

_And I left the timbers rotting
_where they lay. Sometimes I
_hit. Sometimes it robs me blind.
_Sometimes I hit. Sometimes it

_robs me blind.

EM NEWS
– Donkey Show
– Banksy Is A Rat Bastard
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– I Don’t Like It…So, Nobody Should See It
– Cinema PaulieDiso is babysitting
– Seacrest, Sarandos, Nelson
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
– An all new Top Ten List
– The Big EMR Band Name Change Game
– Jerry’s Happy Note – Stimulate Me
– Colonel Nylen calls in from his Yucca Bunker with an update
– Plenty of great odd tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

>

eMpTy Minds Radio #483 (04-17-2020)

Ever thought to yourself — “Hey! I can build one of those”?  Well, I am here to tell you that you can’t.  It’s your old buddy Mort Lawry, and sometimes old buddies have to usher in the tough love. See, my friend, builders build. They don’t have to say shit like “hey I can build one of those,” because they know they can and so does everyone who knows them. That’s the way it’s been for the ages. That in mind and the personal honesty sinking in, why don’t you pull out your handy-dandy phone book and give our pals over at Fuck Yeah! a call?  At Fuck Yeah! they can and will build it for you. Can they? Fuck Yeah! Will they? Fuck Yeah! Give ’em a holler and they’ll have a Fuck Yeah! Builder to your place in no time, building all of that shit that, let’s be honest, you can’t. Don’t wait. Call today. Now, how about some EMR? I’m excited as shit!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & TABI
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE
YOUR EM CALL IN: COL. NYLEN
YOUR SPECIAL GUEST: BEN

Grandpa was a carpenter, he
_built houses, stores and banks.
_Chain-smoked Camel cigar-
_ettes and hammered nails into
_planks. He was level on the 

_level and shaved even every
_door. And voted for Eisen-
_hower, ’cause Lincoln won the
_war. Grandpa was a carpenter,

_he built houses, stores and 
_banks..
.

EM NEWS
– Beer Before I Die, Pleeeeeeeeeease!
– ‘Scuse Me, I’m Looking For Bah-ah-ah-ah-cardi
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Historical Readery Saved
– Cinema PaulieDiso takes vows
– Trebek, Turtletaub, Newton
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
– An all new Top Ten List
– The Return of Cognitive Biases
– Colonel Nylen calls in from his Yucca Bunker with an update
– Plenty of great odd tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

>

eMpTy Minds Radio #482 (04-10-2020)

Do you like to saw stuff, but hate cleaning up the sawdust? You’re not alone. Recent polls indicate that over five billion people feel the same way as you. There’s good news, friend. Your old buddy Mort Lawry to tell you all about the new DustFucker, portable, automatic, antiseptic, vegan, organic sawdust cleaner from our good friends as SawToof Industries. Just sit this little bastard in the corner of your garage and forget about it. The next time you saw something and make a mess…forget about that too. Go ahead! Go get dinner, go bowling, go to the movies, when you come home your garage will be clean, you will have to do a double-take just to make sure your in the right fucking garage. The DustFucker…your new best friend. Sorry, Dogs.  Now, onto the main course — EMR episode 482. Enjoy the shit out of it, you media hungry bastards!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR EM CALL IN: COL. NYLEN
YOUR SPECIAL GUEST: BEN

Well, if you could have married
_a king’s daughter there, I’m 
_sure you’re the one to blame.
_For I am married to a house
_carpenter, and I’m sure he’s a

_fine young man. Forsake,

_forsake your house carpenter
_and come away with me
.

EM NEWS
– The Running Madman
– He’s A Bucketman, Burning Out His Fuse Up There Alone
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– His Talent Is His Kindness
– Cinema PaulieDiso takes a gamble
– Prine, Zumthor, Klein
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
– An all new Top Ten List
– A Great Big Monopoly Quiz
– An all new Minnesota Vice
– Colonel Nylen calls in from his Yucca Bunker with an update
– Plenty of great odd tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

>

eMpTy Minds Radio #481 (04-03-2020)

Chop. Chop Chop. Saw. Saw. Saw. Oh…hi there, friends, it’s the old wood-worker himself, Mort Lawry. I was just humming a sweet tune as I stain this redwood deck. Say, are you looking for the perfect instrument to get all of those planks smooth as silk? Look no further than the Sorby Planer. This bitch is about 130 years old and it will get the job done. No outlet? No fucking problem, baby…Sorby has you covered. Pick your Sorby Planer up today!  Now, time to listen to our pals over at EMR. I believe this is episode #481. Enjoy! Chop. Chop. Chop. Saw. Saw. Saw. Dooty-dooty-doo…

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & TABI
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE
YOUR EM CALL IN: COL. NYLEN
YOUR SPECIAL GUEST: BEN

Sugartown has turned so sour.
_It’s people angry in their sleep.
_There’s more small town para-
_noia sweeping down its evil
_sheets. You better give me a 

_chance, I’ll cut you down with

_a glance. Yeah, with my small
_axe, so help me. And tho I’m
_only one. And tho weak, I’m
_strong. And if it comes to the
_crunch, then I’m the wood-
_cutter’s son.

EM NEWS
– The Old Squash & Capture Trick
– In The Name of The Father, The Son & The Fluffy Bunny Ears
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– He’ll Save Every One of Us…But Not Financially
– Cinema PaulieDiso is on the lam
– Stern, Somers, O’Neal
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
– An all new Top Ten List
– The Initials Game
– Special Call-In – An LA Update from Colonel Nylen
– Plenty of great odd tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

>

eMpTy Minds Radio #480 (03-27-2020)

Spring is here, folks, and you know what that means don’t you? Time to put on a fancy coat with long-tails, grab a walking stick, your shiniest top hat and for no reason whatsoever, a monocle. So, you can walk down the street and strut your stuff.  And that’s just the dog. I ain’t even started talking about you yet. HA-HA-HA. It’s your dear friend Mort Lawry. What I’m getting at, compadre’s is it’s time for Snooty Cigarettes. Yes, Snooty Cigarettes. In the classy blue package. You can’t beat Snooty for smoothness, refreshingness, tastiness and yes…snootiness. What the fuck are you waiting for? Pick up a pack today, at your local retailer. Now, time for a little EMR episode four-eight-zero. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR SPECIAL GUEST: BEN

Now, I’m a fellow with a heart
_of gold. With the ways of a 
_gentleman, I’ve been told. A
_kind of a fellow that wouldn’t
_even harm a flea. But if me 

_and a certain character met,

_that guy that invented the
_cigarette, I’d murder that son
_of a gun in the first degree. It
_ain’t that I don’t smoke, myself.
_And I don’t reckon they’ll injure
_your health. I’ve smoked ’em
_
all my life and I ain’t dead yet.
_But nicotine slaves are all the
_same, at a pheasant party or a
_poker game. Everything’ gotta

_stop when they have that
_cigarette.

EM NEWS
– The 8th, Less Respected, Samurai
– Nose Candy Hippos
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– And Just Like That…It Was Published
– Cinema PaulieDiso is two-timin’
– Uderzo, Rogers, Weissberg
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
– An all new Top Ten List
– New Segment “Think About It”
– Special guest Ben hangs out
– Plenty of great odd tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

>

eMpTy Minds Radio #479 (03-20-2020)

I’m being followed by a Dream Castle. Dream Castle. Dream Castle. Skippin’ and hoppin’ on a Dream Castle…Oh shit. Didn’t know we were on the air. You caught me humming to myself. Hi friends, Mort Lawry here. Maybe that wasn’t very professional, but at least you caught me humming the right tune. Dream Castle. That’s right Dream Castle Cigarettes. Never has there been a smoke so smooth, so creamy, so perfect. Sooooo Dreamy. Dream Castle CIgarettes — you’ll never even see the cancer coming.  Now, your friends and mine at EMR. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & TABI
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

You throw me in a pan, you
_cook me in a can, you stretch
_me with your hands. You love
_to watch me bake, you serve
_me up with cake, and that’s

_your big mistake. Your guest

_comes in dressed smart. You
_offer a la carte. You didn’t
_have the heart. You left me
_burned and seared. You left
_me ripped and teared. And
_older than my years. I should
_
known at first that you would
_leave me hurt. You had to try
_dessert. I wish I could say that
_everyone was wrong
. I wish
_everyone was wrong.

EM NEWS
– No Swimming In The Heavy Water. No Singing In The Acid Rain
– Uncalled For Tech Regulations
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Villain Doesn’t Like Being Portrayed As Villain
– Cinema PaulieDiso doubles down on Bethnal Green
– Waggoner, Whitman, Zeppelin
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
– An all new Top Ten List
– Minnesota Vice
– The Super Duper Bingo Quiz
– Plenty of great odd tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

>

eMpTy Minds Radio #478 (03-13-2020)

Hey friends, it’s your good buddy Mort Lawry here to tell you about Clown Cigarettes. Despite the name, you won’t look like a joker when you smoke Clown. Clown will make you look like a sophisticate. They will make you look cool. They will make you feel cool. And if they don’t make her do a double-take on you, fuck the bitch…she doesn’t deserve you. That’s right, Clown Cigarettes for the three ring circus of life. Now, EMR.

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR HAPPY BASTARD: JERRY

Cigareetes, whusky & wild,
_wild women – they’ll drive 
_you crazy. They’ll drive you 
_insane. Cigareetes, whusky &
_wild, wild women – they’ll

_drive you crazy. They’ll drive

_you insane. Once I was happy
_and had a good wife. I had
_enough money to last me for
_life. I met with a girl and we
_went on a spree. She taught
_me to smoke and to drink
_
whiskey. Cigareetes, whusky
_& wild, wild women – they’ll
_drive you crazy. They’ll drive
_you insane
.

EM NEWS
– View Askew
– One Hell of A Public Works Department
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Litigated!
– Cinema PaulieDiso is in the game
– von Sydow, Parton, King
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
– An all new Top Ten List
– Friday The 13th Memes (on our FB pages)
– Jerry’s Happy Note
– Friday The 13th Quiz
– Plenty of great odd tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

>

eMpTy Minds Radio #477 (03-06-2020)

I was just talkin’ with the boys back stage and boy is tonight’s message exciting: Wack It! That’s right gentlemen, don’t waste another minute — just wack it.  Hi, friends. Mort Lawry here to tell you about the new lightweight bat and ball set from Fuckitall Entertainment. You can trust this fine lightweight ball and bat, because it was brought to you by the same people who introduced you to S.C.A.B.A. (the self-contained-above-water-breathing-apparatus) just two short years ago. Crack that ball so hard you break a window in the next town over. The best part? Nobody will ever know, because it doesn’t make a fucking sound. Not even a little peep. The Lightweight Bat & Ball Set. Don’t be a dickhead, get yours today. Now, eMpTy Minds Radio number…oh I don’t remember. Just listen to the god-damned thing!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & TABI
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

Well, it’s wet. It’s all broken
_and wet. But, I take what I
_get. I got a crooked cigarette.
_Well, she left. She left me
_with a hell of a debt. But no

_sweat. I got a crooked cigar-

_ette. When it’s busted by the
_filter, there’s a trick that I 
_found. You break it on apart,
_then you turn it around. You
_slide it in easy, then you
_twist it in tight. Hey, buddy,
_
got a light? Well, I’m full.
_Full of that malt liquor bull.
_But I’m set. I got a crooked
_cigarette. Well, it’s wet. It’s
_all broken and wet. But, I
_
take what I get. I got a
_crooked cigarette.

EM NEWS
– Intercontinental Ballistic Pancakes
– Run For The Border…of Stupidity
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– You’re A Good Man, Trebek
– Cinema PaulieDiso is caught in the crossfire
– Sandler, Lipton, Corman
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
– An all new Top Ten List
– More of those delightful Shower Thoughts
– Plenty of great odd tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

>

eMpTy Minds Radio #476 (02-28-2020)

It’s hard to believe when next we meet it will already be March. But it’s true. Hi, old friends, it’s your buddy Mort Lawry here to remind you it’s never too late. You might be thinking “Too late for what, Mort?”  That’s because nothing gets by you, you sly dog. My reply — anything. It’s never too late for anything. A new product from the good people at Procrastination Industries. Why waste your time on that damned thing today when tomorrow will be another fine opportunity to skip it once again? You can’t skip it tomorrow if it’s already done, right? Bingo. You’re a smart motherfucker!  Give Procrastination Industries a call right now for your free catalog. Or don’t. See if I give a shit. Now, onto our regularly scheduled program — eMpTy Minds Radio.

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & JERRY
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: SIX/8 NATE

They call me Cuban Pete,
_I’m the king of the Rumba
_beat. When I play the mar-
_acas, I go chic-chic-ky-boom,
_chic-chic-ky-boom. Yes, sir,

_I’m Cuban Pete, I’m the 

_craze of my native street.
_When I start to dance, every-
_thing goes chic-chic-ky-boom,
_chic-chic-ky-boom. The
_senoritas they sing and they
_swing with terampero, It’s
_
very nice! So full of spice!
_And when they dance in
_they bring a happy ring, that
_era keros…

EM NEWS
– Leaning…No Less
– Scrot-Vaulting
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– What Not To Visit
– A Slightly Less Guarded Albeit Maligned Netflix
– Culkin, Roback, Cooper
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
– An all new Top Ten List
– Cinema PaulieDiso is right in the action
– The BIG Lebowski Super Quiz
– Jerry hits us with another Analog Head-Trip
– Plenty of great odd tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

>

eMpTy Minds Radio #475 (02-21-2020)

In the Northland, there’s still snow on the ground and a wind that will beat you senseless, so it’s kind of tough to believe that Spring is just around the corner. BUT, it is.  Hi, friends, Mort Lawry here to remind you to plant early. With the brand new seed products from Soil Destroyer Inc, you can’t lose. Hell, plant in January if you want. It might be hard to dig, but that’s on you. Soil Destroyer makes seeds you can count on for the biggest, mutant fruits, veggies and flowers that ever grew on God’s green earth. What the fuck are you waiting for? Grab the spade and get on out in that yard. Get it done and get it done now with the help of your friends at Soil Destroyer. Now — EMR!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR ANALOG KID: JERRY

I’ve been seeing you for
_months coming to this 
_place. Now what I want to
_know is — honey, when can
_I see your face? I know 

_you’ve been hiding some-

_thing, secrets in your past.
_Whoa, baby, I’ve just got to
_know — what’s behind the
_mask? Please, baby, please,
_please, give me one quick
_glance. Now, how come I
_
can’t see your face, when I
_see what’s in your pants?
_What’s behind the mask, girl?
_What’s behind the mask?

EM NEWS
– Illegibly Ontario
– Nothing Like A Lil Tongue Action
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– So…Like…I’m Back, Eh…
– Least Known Great Writer
– Carey, Holland, Dubois
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
– An all new Top Ten List
– Cinema PaulieDiso takes it to the streets
– A Mardi Gras Quiz
– Jerry hits us with an Analog Head-Trip
– Plenty of great odd tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #474 (02-13-2020)

Let’s face it, friend — the way you fucked things up last week, there is no way you’re getting off the hook with chocolates and a card this Valentine’s Day. Hi, Gents…it’s your old pal Mort Lowry here to help you out. This Valentine’s Day give her something she really wants — Another Guy. That’s right, Another Guy…the brand new item from Enough Of This Shit Enterprises. Call up EOTSE today and get your special lady Another Guy. She will thank you for it! All orders must be placed by midnight February 12th.  Another great product from our friends at EOTSE! And now EMR, episode… What? Who gives a shit? Just listen!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & TABI

Is it you? Is it you who’s been
_orchestrated? Is it you? Is it
_you who’s born frustrated?
_Is this human freedom,
_hedonistic excess? Junkie

_consumerism, mass-pro-

_duction, toxic sickness.
_Everyone is wearing now,
_plastic masks that they hide 
_behind. Marketing massive
_sales of nothing. Everything
_is selling. Is it you? Is it you
_
who’s been orchestrated? Is
_it you? Is it you who’s born
_frustrated?

EM NEWS
– Brand New Spook-A-Saurus
– Moose Don’t Fucking Swing!
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Drats…It’s Cats
– Stream Re-Opens Case
– Kramer, Blum, Eminem
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
– An all new Top Ten List
– A bunch of Odd Valentine’s Day Tidbits
– Another pile of Shower Thoughts
– Minnesota Vice
– It’s an all nude episode of EMR
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #473 (02-07-2020)

Hi, my friends, it’s me…your old pal Mort Lawry to talk about February. February is National Snowmobile Repair & Maintenance Awareness Month.  What better time than now for you to hook up with the folks that have been fixin’ your winter toys longer than anyone?  I’m talking about Pete’s Sled Hole out on County Route 44.  At Pete’s every completed job is a work of art. Fuck…they’ll probably sign your completed sled if you ask ’em to.  Pete’s Sled Hole, Route 44. When it comes to your winter fun, don’t fuck around! Now, EMR…episode four-seven-three.

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR HAPPY BASTARD: JERRY

This fucking country’s lost its
_grip. Subconscious hold begins
_to slip. The scales of justice
_tend to tip. The legal system
_has no spine. It’s corroding 

_from inside. Slap your hand,

_you’ll do no time. Reality on
_vacation, all across a blinded 
_nation. Mentality under 
_sedation. Anyone can be
_set free on a technicality.
_Explain the law again to me.
_
Here in 1994, things are diff-
_erent than before. Violence
_is what we adore. Invitation
_to the game. Guns and blades
_
and media fame. Every day –
_more of the same.

EM NEWS
– Your Honor, Members of The Jury — Party On!
– Junk Mail. Lots of Junk Mail
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– He Wants A New Drug…One That Helps With His Ears
– Cinema PaulieDiso takes up residence
– Rock, Schreiber, Mayhew
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
– An all new Top Ten List
– A bunch of Odd Historical Tidbits
– A pile of Shower Thoughts
– Minnesota Vice
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #472 (01-31-2020)

February is right around the corner, which means Valentine’s Day is near. Are you ready? Gentlemen, your old buddy Mort Lawry here to say Fuck Flowers!  That’s right. You heard me. Fuck ’em.  They dry up, wilt away, turn into dull husks that sit on your table and remind you that you should’ve bought her a better gift. Why not hook up with pros at CumGIftery Inc? For just $49.00 they can take your freshly squozen jizz and put it into a gorgeous keepsake necklace that she will cherish for years. This year, give yourself a hand and then give her a gift she will never see cumming. Wink. Now, it’s time for that wacky assault on stupidity! eMpTy Minds Radio!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & JERRY
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: SIX/8 NATE
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE
YOUR SPECIAL GUEST: GREG

Hey there, have you heard
_about my robot friend? He’s
_metal and small and doesn’t
_judge me at all. He’s a cyber-
_wired bundle of joy — my 

_robot friend. I like to dip and

_daddle with my robot friend. 
_He’s smart as can be and 
_emotion-free. And he’s 
_computin’ his way to my heart,
_my robot friend. My robot
_friend. My robot friend. My
_robot…friend. I’m hangin’
_out in LA with my robot friend.
_We’re havin’ such fun in the
_hot, hot sun. We’re two of a
_
kind — that’s me, and my robot
_friend.

EM NEWS
– Family Room Not Part of The Attraction
– Cop Rock!
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Movie Coffin Meet Movie Nail
– Cinema PaulieDiso steps back into the shadows
– Pizzolatto, Danes, Weiss
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
– An all new Top Ten List
– A bunch of Odd Tidbits
– A sweet round of the all new EMR Movie Tagline Game
– Jerry’s Happy Note
– We chat with special guest Greg
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #471 (01-24-2020)

It’s January, and you know what that means… Frozen privates. That’s right, your own very personal genitalia numb with chill. Suffer no more, friends. Hey, it’s your old pal, Mort Lawry here to introduce you to the cure — Crotch Hot! The new genital warming product from the same people that brought you edible brussel sprouts, Grab-Ass Inc. Well…they’re not just in the high-functioning produce field anymore. No, Siree. They’ve branched out to keep your junk warm. Just tuck one of these hot pads in your boxers, briefs or panties and poof…a warm beam shoots right through you.  All we ask is that you don’t shoot back. Bah-Dum!  Check out the full Grab-Ass product line. Order your catalog today. And now, eMpTy Minded Radios, episode….uh.  Oh, who gives a shit? Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: SIX/8 NATE

You don’t look, but you kick me.
_You can’t feel, but you hit me.
_You can’t deal with the way I 
_pray. Why we all have to look
_this way? I got a heart. I got

_blood…feel pain. Time. Time

_is not on my side because the
_way I am. Got a got now. Got
_to find the reason why a 
_woman ain’t a man. Fall in
_those single file lines, like
_army ants..
.

EM NEWS
– The Drive Was A Gamble In Itself
– Pee Stairs No Work, Senor
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– …And Now They Need A Legalsmith
– Cinema PaulieDiso is innocent
– Phoenix, Jones, Hamlin
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
– An all new Top Ten List
– A bunch of Odd Tidbits
– A sweet round of Back Rockwards!
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #470 (01-17-2020)

Mort Lawry here, friends, to tell you about…What? This is a live read. Get the… You’re damn right, I’m pissed!  I’m fuckin’ leaving. Sell this shit yourself! I don’t give a fuck how much they’re paying…you don’t come walking in here on my…. And YOUR mother!  This is EMR, listen if you want…It’s episode…ahh…who gives a fuck?

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & TABI
YOUR HAPPY BASTARD: JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

Stand clear! Don’t man a-talk.
_You can’t stand where I stand,
_you can’t walk where I walk.
_Watch out, we run New York!
_Police man come, we bust him

_out the park. I know this for a

_fact — you don’t like how I act.
_You claim I’m sellin’ crack, but
_you be doin’ that. I’d rather 
_say “see ya,” ’cause I would
_never be ya. Be an officer?
_You wicked overseer. Ya hot-
_shot, wanna get props and be
_a savior? First, show a little –
_change your behavior. Change
_
your attitude. Change your
_plan..
.

EM NEWS
– Soulless Legality
– Circling…Circling…Circling…BOOM!
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– The Death of Superman
– Cinema PaulieDiso is on the edge
– Eilish, King, Lee
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
– An all new Top Ten List
– A bunch of Odd Tidbits
– The EMR Initials Game…Again!
– A Jerry’s Happy Note
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #469 (1-10-2020)

Have you ever tried washing that crusty gunk out of your entry way floor mat? It’s nearly impossible. If you are like billions of others, you would nearly rather pull out your pubes than wash that mat. Hi, friends, Matt Lawry once again to tell you to go ahead and hang onto those pubes just a while longer.  The geniuses over at MatEMatics have it all figured out. Just fill a thirty-gallon drum with two gallons of Crust-No-Mo and 28 gallons of water, leave it in a warm dry place for 17 days, dump it out and voila — a clean fresh mat that you’d be happy to eat pudding off of. Don’t wait. Order your 8 gallon handy pack of Crust-No-Mo today. Now, here we go with those fuck-faces over at EMR. They have Episode four-sixty-nine coming up next.

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & JERRY
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

This is a federal food fight.
_That means we callin’ out all
_you cooks and crooks. Oh, 
_me? My name is Humpty Hump.
_I’m the original big-nosed 

_rapper, baby. We’re about to

_sling hot food all over this 
_piece. Here we go, back in 
_the house for the 9-whatever.
_Food fight! With the bacon and
_egg sandwich..
.

EM NEWS
– ItchMart
– Secret Flying Army of Colorado
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Props To The Prop Man
– Cinema PaulieDiso chills out
– Henry, Peart, Wurtzel
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
– An all new Top Ten List
– A bunch of Odd Tidbits
– The EMR Initials Game
– 2x Jerry’s Happy Note
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #468 (01-03-2020)

It’s the first show of the new year. You may not have known that, since you still haven’t picked up a new calendar. I know…I know. You haven’t been to see the mechanic or your insurance agent in a while. And who wants to buy a calendar? I’ll tell you who – YOU, you lazy fuck! Mort Lawry here. Our friends over at Calenderz N’ Other Shit have what you need. ALL of their calendars come complete with 12 full months worth of days for you to while away! They feature pics of babes, sports, cars, whatever your fetish is…you perve! They have it all! Order yours today. Not that you know what day it is.  Now, EMR…episode four-sixty-eight.

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI

Take a ride in my VW. If I’m
_gonna go nowhere,  it might
_as well be with you. Dead fly
_on my window-screen, heat
_haze, a sky of green. Sucking

_on a lollipop stick, you could

_take the day off sick. Through
_the villages and towns, watch
_the world going ’round and 
_’round. Road atlas on your lap,
_but your navigation is crap..
.

EM NEWS
– Take Us Bah-Ah-Ah-Ack To Where You Found Us
– I’m Dipshit, Hear Me Roar!
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso – a rare double-feature
– Hudgens, Johnston, Mendelson
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
– An all new Top Ten List
– A bunch of Odd Tidbits
– Too Close For Comfort – An EMR Photo Game
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #467 (12-27-2019)

The New Year is just around the corner. Are you prepared? Friends, your old buddy Mort Lawry here to talk a little bit about next year. You do not know what to expect. Hurricanes, earthquakes, more Republitard bullshit, fires, famine, fucksticks…it’s all possible and conceivable.  But, until now, there has been no way to predict it.  This new product from the good people at Stuff It Industries solves the problem.  The Calculizer will tell you what will happen today. When you get out of bed, flip this little gem on and know, in advance, how your day will be. The Calculizer Pro will give you a week’s head notice and The Calculizer Pro Plus will give you thirteen solid days of advanced life info. That’s nearly two weeks. Who the fuck wouldn’t want this? Order yours today. Now, enjoy our program — The EMR 2019 Year End Wrap Up!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & TABI
YOUR HAPPY BASTARD: JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: SIX-8 NATE
YOUR SPECIAL GUEST: CLAMBOY

It was Christmas Eve, babe, in
_the drunk tank. An old man
_said to me “won’t see another
_one.” And then he sang a song,
_The rare old Mountain Dew. I

_turned my face away, and 

_dreamed about you. Got on a
_lucky one, came in eighteen 
_to one. I’ve got a feeling this
_year’s for me and you. So,
_happy Christmas. I love you,
_baby. I can see a better time