eMpTy Minds Radio #362 (12-15-2017)

Ten-fifty-seven. The caged clock on the wall clicked so slowly. Yes, he was the watch commander…out of homicide. Once again working a sad, dreary, uneventful Christmas Eve night. Nobody was around. It was so quiet he could hear the maddening hum of electronics. He could feel beams of light. He pounded his fist on his desk. “God Damnit! What the hell am I doing here again on Christmas?” Where else would he be? A bar? And what’s wrong with that? It sure beats this. Thud. Thud, thud, thud. The unmistakable sound of car doors slamming shut. He sprang to his feet. The patrol-men rode in twos, tops. What was this? He put his hand to his holstered weapon as EMR episode three-sixty-two murmured on in the background. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

Once I was alone, so lonely and
_then…you came out of nowhere
_like the sun up from the hills. 
_Cold, cold was the wind. Warm,

_warm were your lips. Out there

_on that ski trail, where your kiss
_filled me with thrills. A weekend
_in Canada, a change of scene was
_the most I bargained for. And then
_I discovered you, and in your eyes

_I found the love that I couldn’t
_ignore. Down, down came the sun.

_Fast, fast, fast beat my heart. I
_knew when the sun set, from that
_day, we’d never ever part. From
_that day, we’d never ever part.

EM NEWS
– The Mad Shittist
– Hey, Hey, Hey – Give Me Your Wallet, Bitches

– The Ghost Fucker

– Build A Fucking Snowman

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema Arabia

– Uptightism Tries To Take Another Bite Out of Hollywood
– Homme, Tyler, Apa
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We 
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso is gonna kick your ass
– Techin’ It Up The Ass

– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #361 (12-08-2017)

He found himself working the desk again. He swore he would never be here again…working the desk, on Christmas Eve. He didn’t really have a family to be home with; not any more. But still he felt like anywhere would be better than here. Homicide…on Christmas Eve. It could lead a man to a life of drinking he thought. Then he chuckled. “Lead a man…” he said to himself. “Done that.” He glanced up at the caged clock on the wall. Five minutes after ten p.m. EMR was playing on his desktop radio. It was episode three-sixty-one. Tonight, he was the shift commander and little did he know that in less than an hour his life would be forever changed. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & PAULIE
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY

Here we come a-wassailing among
_the leaves so green. Here we 
_come a-wand’ring, so fair to be 
_seen. Love and joy come to you

_and to you your wassail too. And

_god bless you and send you a
_happy new year and god send you
_a happy new year. Our wassail cup
_is made of the rosemary tree, and
_so is your beer of the best barley.

_We are not daily beggars that beg 
_from door to door. But we are

_neighbors’ children, whom you
_have seen before. Love and joy
_come to you and you your wassail
_too. And god bless you and send you
_a happy new year
.

EM NEWS
– Fly High Like A Bird Up In The Sky
– The Lowest of The Low – The Donut Thief

– Egg Shell With Romalian Type

– Woof! Have A Skull

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– An Unusual Suspect

– Bond? Not Fucking Quite
– Rush, Hallyday, Johnson
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We 
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso takes you to an old, familiar place
– The Nuttiest Bumper Stickers Ever! (FB page)

– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #360 (12-01-2017)

December again. Yepper, we are damn near at the end of this thing called 2017.  Crazy thought – there will always be a morning, afternoon, evening, night. Always a Monday, Tuesday, and all of the other days of the week. A January, a February and all of the other months. But never, ever, ever will there be another 2017. Take that to heart OR throw it out with last night’s leftovers. We don’t give a shit. We do care whether or not you listen to EMR though. This is episode three-hundred-sixty. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & JERRY
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY

I’m dreaming of a white Christmas.
_Just like the ones I used to know.
_Where the treetops glisten, and
_children listen to hear sleigh-

_bells in the snow. I’m dreaming

_of a white Christmas with every
_Christmas card I write. May your
_days be merry and bright, and
_may all of your Christmases be
_white. 
I’m dreaming of a white
_Christmas. Just like the ones I
_
used to know. Where the treetops
_glisten, and children listen to hear
_sleigh-bells in the snow
.

EM NEWS
– Angelina Ghoulie
– Guess Who The Nazi Donates To?

– Drawing Lines In Education

– Eight-Year-Olds, Dude

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– In Hot Waters?

– Clawing His Way Out
– Cochran, River, Nabors
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We 
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– An all new Analog Head-Trip
– We bring you a classic Letterman game

– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #359 (11-24-2017)

Tonight, the Columbia Workshop offers the first radio presentation of the famous Irish folk play “The Well of the Saints.” As conceived by John Millington Synge, one of Ireland’s greatest dramatists, this delightful fantasy blending mysticism with humor, rich in the poetry and music of the Irish peasantry, provides an unusual opportunity for experimental presentation. The version you’re about to hear, while faithful to the original play, is freely adapted for the medium of radio drama. IF you’ve had enough that…how about a little EMR?  It’s episode three-fifty-nine, kids…and it’s a winner. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & GARRY
YOUR TECHMASTER 5K: JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

We’ve done thousands of things
_together. Feels like we’ve been
_friends forever. But there’s one
_thing I know you’ve never done.

_The time has come. I don’t 

_care about the weather. I’ll
_meet you there, whatever. 
_Fifty-four holes of putting 
_pleasure await. It’s a date. And
_I don’t know what your plans
_are, but I won’t take no for an
_answer. It might be minus five
_outisde, but my pants are plus
_fours. Thus forth. Who cares
_what we score? I’ve loved you

_lots before. But I’ve never 

_loved you more. A hole-in-one

_at fifty-four. And I don’t know 
_what your plans are, but I won’t
_take no for an answer. Yeah, I
_don’t know what your plans are,
_ but I won’t take no for answer.
_I won’t take no for an answer.
_No, I won’t take no…at fifty-
_four, fifty-four, fifty-four. No,
_I won’t take no for an answer.
_I don’t care what your plans are.
_I won’t take a no. Not at fifty-
_four.

EM NEWS
– Australian Statue Hands Child An Erection
– Illegal Lack of Contact Info

– Typical Georgia

– Zombies Cause A Problem At School

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Still Bored?

– Put Face On Problem, Comrade
– Wedgeworth, Ford, Hetfield
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We 
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso steps back into the shadows
– Techin’ It Up The Ass – 2017 Tech Turkeys
– The Onion Jesus story

– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #358 (11-17-2017)

This story starts as so many others do – with a man, a knife, the pouring rain, a skipping record and a singular thought. Tonight’s episode of EMR Mystery Theater, performed live at he Paper Street Repertoire Theater by its renowned in-house cast, has been brought you by Sudso. Yes, Sudso…because some shit just won’t come out. AND Jolly Jerk-Off Brand Vegetables. Try our cream corn today! Nothing is creamier than our creamy cream corn. Okay, so…this is actually just a regular EMR episode…it’s number three-fifty-eight. Enjoy

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

The straight away. The loop de
_loop. An incline and a cement
_pond or two. A hot dog and a 
_soda, a pleasant summer day.

_A windmill’s blade comes 

_swooping down and smacks
_my ball the opposite way.
_Concrete here, metal rail 
_there, outdoor carpeting
_every where. Standing still,
_I’m pensive, not sure how 
_this can be. That six foot 
_plastic clown, I swear he’s
_laughing at me. Eighteen holes
_of madness, getting tougher

_one by one. I ponder just drop-

_ping the ball in, but then I’d 

_miss half the fun. All total, this
_course measure nearly a mile. A
_day of golfing fun, all done mini-
_ature style.

EM NEWS
– That’s Pure Goose Poop!
– Small Town Council Member Makes Big Town Threats

– Johnny Melonhip Wins!

– Scamming The System

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Savior of The Lost

– The Kids Are Okay
– Smith, Mosley, Kimmel
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We 
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso is at war
– Techin’ It Up The Ass x3
– Minnesota Vice
– The Big Bad 2017 EMR Thanksgiving Quiz
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #357 (11-10-2017)

A man stood upon a railroad bridge in northern Alabama, looking down through the ties at the swift water twenty feet below. The man’s hands were behind his back, the wrists bound with a cord. A rope closely encircled his neck. It was attached to a stout cross-timber above his head, and the slack fell to the level of his knees. He watched a piece of dancing driftwood racing down the current beneath his feet. He thought–fuck this! EMR is on right now and my laptop is at home. He went home. Don’t you think you should be at home with EMR? This is three-fifty-seven.

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & PAULIE

We arrive with the sun smog
_up in the vintage London fog.
_I’m fuckin’ your G after you 
_took her to miniature golf.

_From the floor of this shitty-

_ass kitchen, I see hella cats in
_my General Tsao’s chicken. 
_And your dog’s in the black
_bean sauce. Fuck the wrong
_bitch raw and have your dick
_bound up in gauze. I’m not
_worried about no air time. I’m
_more concerned about when
_my bald spot’ll reach my hair-
_line. Cats be 
stuck on that Grinch-
_colored 
lie, with one bloodshot
_and a 
twitch up in the other eye. 
_So you get struck by the strong
_safety, when you a serial killer
_clown like John Wayne Gacey. 
_Donate that track to charity,
_watch it become a TRL calamity,
_soon to be parodied. I stay
_married to some D-cup breasteses,
_with music, weed and porno as my
_mistresses. We all weirdos, anti-
_heroes. The one’s your mom said
_wouldn’t amount to fuckin’ zero.

EM NEWS
– Dog’s Ear Looks Like Asshole
– Fuck The Fucking Football Park

– The Church of Double Entendre’

– Rape Prayer

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– The Famed Hoodie

– Asshole Mouse Lifts Times Ban
– Kunis, Cutkosky, Diddy
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We 
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso goes ape shit
– An Obit Bonus
– A round of The Great EMR TV Spin-Off Quiz
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #356 (11-02-2017)

My name’s Pete Kelly. I play cornet. You’ll find us at 417 Cherry Street, Kansas City, it’s a standard speakeasy. Before prohibition the building housed a cleaning and dying plant. It hasn’t changed much. The vats came in handy. Its still tough to get a clear gin but a lady likes the idea of a drink to match the color of her dress. The lease is owned by George Lupo. He’s a flat, friendly little guy who wouldn’t harm a fly. There’s no money in harming flies. We start every night about ten and play til the customers get that first frightening look at each other in the early light. Lupo’s working on a scheme to push the dawn back for at least one more hour. I don’t think he’ll make it, but I wouldn’t want to risk a buck against him. You see, he’s an EMR listener. An informed fella. One of the good guys. One night he got me listening. Maybe you should too. This here is three-fifty-six, as good a place to start as any. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & GARRY
YOUR HAPPINESS GURU: JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

Miniature golf and Hondas in
_the hills. When we rode the
_horse, we got some thrills. 
_Every now and then, we hear

_our song. We’ve been having

_fun all summer long. T-shirts,
_cut-offs and a pair of thongs.
_We’ve been having fun all
_summer long. Miniature golf
_and Hondas in the hills. We’ve
_been having fun all summer 
_long. Won’t be long ’till 
_summertime is through. Not 
_for us now. Every now and 
_then we hear our song. We’ve
_been having fun all summer
_long.

EM NEWS
– White Supremacy Anal Hygiene
– Barney Darko

– Drinking Inside The Cooler

– Thor Hates Apples!

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Burn, Harvey, Burn!

– Greed Hurts Other Greedy Companies
– Jackson, Feldman, Fillion
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We 
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso – No Apologies
– Jerry’s Happy Note x 3
– A Fuck Off! Rant
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #355 (Big Halloween Show)

My dear Mr. Otis, I feel it my bounden duty, as the present owner of Canterville Chase, to acquaint you and your family, as the prospective owners, with the facts. Your belief in them rests, quite naturally, with yourselves. In America, my lord, we have everything that money can buy. We have many of your best actors, your prima donnas, your plays, your novels, your works of art. Believe me, if there were such a thing as a ghost in Europe or England, we’d have it at home in one of our public museums or on the road, even in an EMR podcast. Spooky Spooky. This is 355. Happy Halloween!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & PAULIE
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY

Do you believe in magic, in a
_young girl’s heart? How the
_music can free her whenever
_it starts. And it’s magic if the

_music is groovy. It makes you

_feel happy like an old time
_movie. I’ll tell you about the
_magic, and it’ll free your soul.
_But it’s like trying to tell a
_stranger ’bout Rock N’ Roll.
_If you believe in magic, don’t
_bother to choose, if it’s jug
_band music or rhythm and  
_blues. Just go and listen, it’ll
_start with a smile

EM NEWS
– New Father Overcome By Entrepreneurial Spirit
– The Old, Possibly Reversed Racism, Switcharoo…Maybe

– Stripper Stoled His Guns

– Cemetery Full of Geeky Surprises

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Me Too, Motherfucker!

– The Vampire’s Musician
– Toback, Guillaume, Domino
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We 
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Paulie’s Cavalcade of LA Pics
– A classic EMR Halloween bit
– EMR Ghost Stories
– Clamboy & Cucumber’s Halloween Scavenger Hunt (play along on our FB page)
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #354 (10-20-2017)

Ten o’clock in the morning in Santa Margurita’s ancient bastille of stone which hugs the waterfront at the north end of the city. This filthy hole of a jail, built long ago to hold criminals and slaves newly brought over from Spain, stands so close to the South Atlantic Ocean that twenty feet of its lower wall is awash at high-tide and four to six feet is under water at ALL times. And this is where Doc and Reggie have been lodged; in the state of San Moreno’s one and only prison in San Moreno’s one and only seaport, Santa Margurita. They are prisoners, accused of the murder of a piano player in the waterfront saloon, the Blue Circle. That was last night. Tonight, a round of EMR…on the house. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & JERRY
YOUR SPECIAL GUEST: WERNER

I like to dream,yes…yes, right
_between my sound machine.
_On a cloud of sound I drift in 
_the night, any place it goes is

_right. Goes far, flies near, to

_the stars away from here. Well,
_you don’t know what we can
_find. Why don’t you come with
_me, little girl, on a magic car-
_pet ride? You don’t know what
_we can see. Why don’t you tell
_your dreams to me? Fantasy
_will set you free. Close your 
_eyes girl, look inside girl, let
_the sound take you away. Last
_night I held Aladdin’s Lamp,
_and so I wished that I could stay.
_Before the thing could answer me,
_well, someone came and took the
_lamp away…

EM NEWS
– She’s A Spicy Gal
– Jesus Has Something To Say

– Precious, Precious Waste

– God Damn…What A Turn Out!

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Historic, Game Changing Press Conference

– The Hollywood Age Buzz
– Flynt, Downie, Silverstone
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We 
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Jerry’s Happy Note x 3
– We visit with special guest Werner
– Minnesota Vice
– Werner’s Postcard Cavalcade (all on our FB page)
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #353 (10-13-2017)

This is the story of a young man who married a girl who has nothing in life except her own beauty — neither education nor background nor any real contact with the world. Her name was Amanda Dyke until Edward Leighton, a handsome young Southerner who lives in a mansion on the hill, married her and took her away from her strict father, who kept her close in their Virginia valley. This is the strange story of Edward and Amanda who now, in spite of the hatreds of both their families, seek happiness on Honeymoon Hill in Virginia, in a world that few Americans know. Her name is Amanda Dyke. It’s your guess as to what that mysterious world might be. Only kidding, EMR Kiddies. Welcome to episode three-hundred-fifty-three. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & GARRY
YOUR TECHMASTER 5K: JERRY

It’s magic, you know. Never
_believe it’s not so. It’s magic,
_you know. Never believe it’s
_not so. Never been awake.

_Never seen a daybreak. Lean-

_ing on my pillow in the morn-
_ing, lazy day in bed, music in
_my head. Crazy music playing
_in the morning light. I love my
_sunny day, dream of far away.
_Dreaming on my pillow in the
_morning. Never been awake.
_Never seen a daybreak. Lean-
_ing on my pillow in the morn-
_ing light. It’s magic, you know.
_Never believe it’s not so. It’s
_magic, you know. Never
_believe it’s not so. It’s magic,
_you know
.

EM NEWS
– Child of The Mormon Corn
– Foam Shooting Spree

– Dine, Bomb Threat, And Dash

– This Little Piggy Went To The Market

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– No Fucking Re-Makes, Please

– Shatner Compares Two-Face To Shooter
– Weinstein, Reedus, Yelchin
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We 
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Jerry’s Happy Note x 3 + Bonus
– Very Odd Attempted Pawns
– Our traditional Friday The 13th Memes (on our FB page)
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #352 (10-06-2017)

The police whistle and the siren bring again for your entertainment one of the secret cases of the National Surety Company. Tonight’s story is based on a residence burglary that baffled detective Harkness until he became perplexed over an incidental phase of the case. But the detective will explain all this himself…another time…another place. Right now he is listening to EMR episode 352. Don’t you think you should be too? Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & JERRY
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY

Oh, twisted, under sideways
_down. I know you’re getting
_twisted and you can’t calm
_down. I see you under the

_midnight, love darts in your

_eyes. How far can you take it
_’til you realize, there’s magic
_in your eyes? I got a hold on
_you. I got a hold on you. I got
_a hold on you tonight. Oh oh
_it’s magic, when I’m with you.
_Just a little bit of magic pulls
_me through. I’ve got a hold on
_you I got a hold on you. I got
_a hold on you tonight. That’s
_right – it’s magic. Let’s try…it’s
_magic. Oh oh it’s magic. That’s
_true, it’s magic…when I’m
_with you
.

EM NEWS
– That’s Doctor Sugar Daddy
– That’s Some Kind of Record, Asshole

– Don’t Flush Babies In Our Toilets

– A Landing For Jesus

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Wonder Woman Says Shut The Fuck Up!

– The Gefs, Once Again, Coughs Up The Cash
– Hall, Petty, Low, Dreyfuss
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We 
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– A round of “This Quiz Is Either Impossible or Fucking Retarded!”
– A brand spankin’ new Analog Head-Trip
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #351 (09-29-2017)

In the crumbling palace of Vultan, amid the shouts of the disorganized guards, Flash and Dale break away as the mighty King flies into the air, and hurling himself on Flash, drags him to the floor and prepares to execute him by his own hands. Meanwhile, Dr. Zarkov and Prince Barin are rushing towards the throne room. Just then, the thunderous sounds of EMR episode three-hundred-fifty-one echoed through the cavernous chambers. Suddenly, enemies became friends. Dancing erupted. And then Flash woke up. Sweating. Episode 351 on his iPod. Enoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

The machine of a dream, such
_a clean machine, with the 
_pistons a pumpin’ and the hub-
_caps all gleam. When I’m hold-

_ing your wheel, all I hear is 

_your gear. When my hand’s on
_your grease gun, oh it’s like a 
_disease, son. I’m in love with
_my car. Got a feel for my auto-
_mobile. Get a grip on my boy
_racer roll-bar. Such a thrill 
_when your radials squeal. Told
_my girl I just had to forget her. I’d
_rather buy a new carburetor. So
_she made tracks, sayin’ this is 
_the end now. Cars don’t talk
_back, they’re just four-wheeled
_friends now. When I’m cruisin’
_in overdrive, don’t have to
_listen to no run of the mill talk
_jive. I’m in love with my car
.

EM NEWS
– Traffic Cancer
– Questions Are Cop Killers

– Molly The Four-Legged Horder

– Tree Snapping Fuck

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Arguably Rotten Tomato Hates Rotten Tomatoes

– Banned Book Bonanza
– Tyler, Pitbull, Elba
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We 
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso dives into “horror”
– A brand spankin’ new Analog Head-Trip
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #350 (09-22-2017)

The Great Gildersleeve is brought to you by the Kraft Foods Company, makers of the famous cheese food Velveeta. Everybody goes for Velveeta’s rich yet mild cheddar cheese flavor, in snacks and sandwiches and in hot dishes. And hidden in that swell cheese flavor are important nutrients from milk. That’s why smart homemakers keep Velveeta on hand regularly to spread or slice, and to melt for grand economical hot dishes. Tomorrow, get Velveeta, the cheese food of Kraft quality! And now…our program – It’s seldom you find the Great Gildersleeve sitting in a movie, unless there’s an added attraction. This evening, the added attraction is coming from the digital audio streaming device built into his butt-plug. It is being vibrated through his entire body all the way to his ear-drums where he is listening to EMR episode three-fifty, with a sly smile on his face. Won’t you join him?

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & GARRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

We want to multiply. Are you
_gonna do it? I know you’re
_qualified. Are you gonna do it?
_Don’t be so circumscribed. Are

_you gonna do it? Just get your-

_self untied. Are you gonna do
_it? Feel the heat, pushing you
_to decide. Feel the heat, 
_burning you up, ready or not.
_Some like it hot and some
_sweat when the heat is on. 
_Some feel the heat and decide
_that they can’t go on. Some
_like it hot, but you can’t tell
_how hot till you try. Some like
_it hot, so let’s turn up the heat
_’til we fry. The girl is at your
_side. Are you gonna do it? She
_wants to be your bride. Are
_you gonna do it? She wants to
_multiply. Are you gonna do it?
_I know you won’t be satisfied,
_until you do it.

EM NEWS
– The Mad Pooper What Poops In Your Front Yard
– Fixer Uppers Trigger “Christian” Loons

– Lighting Fires Under A Bank’s Ass

– That’s The Accident & I’m Not Sticking Around

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Location, Location, Lo…Bad Location

– The Crow Count Is One – One Asshole
– Curtis, Stanton, LaMotta
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We 
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso presents – violent kids
– A solid round of Fucking Ridiculous Movie Trivia
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #349 (09-15-2017)

Greetings from Hollywood, ladies and gentlemen! Tonight, “The Lux Radio Theatre” will be curtailed to forty-five minutes, so that we may all hear the President Of The United States, Vice-President Wallace, and Secretary of Agriculture Wickard shit their pants. Stay tuned to this station and you’ll be sure to hear them! Now, compared to what Barbara Stanwyck does to Henry Fonda in tonight’s play “The Lady Eve”, the woes of Adam, seem like the life of Riley! Eve used an apple; Miss Stanwyck, aided and abetted by Charles Coburn, uses a deck of cards, a treacherous disguise, and a tropic moon! After what Barbara did with this blitzkrieg combination in the Paramount Picture, Henry Fonda should be forewarned of what’s ahead of him tonight! Yes…ummm…all of that fucking crap and then some…possibly. Probably not. Tonight on EMR episode 349. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

Money, get away. Get a good 
_job with more pay and you’re
_okay. Money, it’s a gas. Grab 
_that cash with both hands and

_and make a stash. New car,

_caviar, four star, daydream,
_think I’ll buy me a football 
_team. Money, get back. I’m
_alright, Jack, keep your hands
_off of my stack. Money, it’s a
_hit. Don’t give me that do
_goody good bullshit. I’m in the
_high-fidelity, first-class
_travelling set, and I think I
_need a Lear Jet. Money, it’s a
_crime. Share it fairly, but don’t
_take a slice of my pie. Money,
_so they say – is the root of all
_evil today. But if you ask for a
_rise, it’s no surprise that
_they’re giving none away. Away.
_Away. Away. Away.

EM NEWS
– Fatberg Rules The Sewer
– Killing Nature – Totally Fine For State Assholes

– The Ecological Vomit Cloud

– Bad Arrest Weekend

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– All About The Letters

– Swappable Directors
– Wein, Lew, Huston, Neeson
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We 
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso presents – the seedy underbelly
– Techin’ It Up The Ass x 3
– A hot round of “Who Were They Then?” (that EMR famous band name game)
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #348 (09-08-2017)

She’s a novelist and short-story writer. Master of the sunny mood that turns to terror in a single sentence. But her statements are not dark for the sake of darkness; rather for the bitter truth that’s in them. Shirley Jackson. Tonight, we present one of the most dramatic and horrifying of the Shirley Jackson stories, “The Lottery.” “The Lottery,” will be heard immediately following this announcement from eMpTy Minds Radio – “We at EMR say FUCK that other shit. Listen to us. Thanks.” We are now switching the channel to EMR episode 348. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & PAULIE
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY
YOUR ANALOG KID: JERRY

We sometimes catch a window,
_a glimpse of what’s beyond. 
_Was it just imagination 
_stringing us along? More things

_than are dreamed about, 

_unseen and unexplained. We
_suspend our disbelief and we
_are entertained. Mystic 
_Rhythms capture my thoughts
_and carry them away. Nature
_seems to spin a supernatural
_way. Mystic Rhythms under
_city lights or a canopy of stars.
_We feel the powers and we
_wonder what they are. We
_feel the push and pull of rest-
_less rhythms from afar.

EM NEWS
– Man Bun Man Burns At Burning Man’s Man Burning Ceremony
– Snoopy Neighbor Ruins Happy Endings

– Shoplifter Pockets Police Unit

– Always Argue With Weapons

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Talk About Surreal!

– It’s Back, But Is It Back?
– Berman, Becker, Bennet
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We 
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso presents – a story about something else
– An all new Analog Head-Trip
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #347 (09-01-2017)

Each Monday, Wednesday and Friday, Campbell’s Tomato Juice brings you Campbell’s Short Short Story, complete in each broadcast. Today’s “Success Story” stars Betty Garde as Bernice Morgan. Oh yeah…the great fucking Betty Garde. Whoever the hell that is. This isn’t tomato juice, friends and it sure as hell ain’t a success story. It’s eMpTy Minds Fucking Radio! That’s what it is.  This is episode 347. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & JERRY
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY

Give me coffee, king-sized
_cup. Come on kitty cat, fill
_‘er up. What’s your name, li’l 
_buttercup? That’s for me to 

_know and you to make up. 

_Love casinos, Indian 
_reservations. But, baby, if
_you love me take me to the
_gas station. Gas station. Look
_at you smokin’ in them neon
_lights. Under the thunder, yo,
_you look so nice. Made me
_wonder how you spend them
_nights. Me, I spend them
_looking for men I might like.
_Like you. Like you. Like you.

EM NEWS
– The Shark That Failed Us
– Racist Asshole Sees Invisible No Go Zones

– Beastiality And The Alligator Who Could

– Professor Shoot ‘Em Up

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Sorry…She’s Not Sorry

– Orange Rain, Orange Rain
– Cabbagepatch, Hooper, Lovato
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We 
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Jerry’s Bizarre World of Wedding Customs

– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #346 – Best of Show (08-25-2017)

You are in for a treat tonight, kids. It’s not a new show, but yet it is a new show. This is EMR presents a best of show.  Several segments of EMR from years gone by strung together with a narrative.  We hope you love the shit out of episode 346, the best of. We did.  Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & MYRON
TONS OF OTHERS: GARRY, JERRY,
PAULIE, ALEX, JAVI, ALLIE

Uh…my name is Hope, yo.
_I was blessed with the body
_of the goddesses. Have you 
_any idea how hard this is?

_I could flex in 25 positions,

_but I only work here to pay
_my tuition. Yo, tantalizing
_teaser, table-top pleaser,
_give me what I need – a
_Mastercard, a Visa. Lap
_dance fantasy, picture us
_on an all white canopy. Wyclef
_extended his hand to me. Like
_Billy Dee said – he’s feeling me.
_Take me away from here so far,
_where they ride horses, no cars.
_No more stripping in bars.  You
_and me ‘Clef, against the odds
.

 

eMpTy Minds Radio #345 (08-18-2017)

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. It’s a little more than a year since my first appearance here — or rather, in Hollywood — on Mr. Vallee’s broadcast. I find it very pleasant to be back again. The short play in rhyme that we’re doing tonight is quite an unusual one. We chose it partly because it has much the same background as “The Scarlet Pimpernel” — Paris, during the French Revolution — and partly because it has, we think, a certain quiet charm capable of translation into radio terms; at least, we hope so. The author is Louis N. Parker who wrote “Disraeli” for George Arliss. It’s called…hey. Hey! What are you doing? You can’t. <CLICK> And now…EMR, episode three-hundred-forty-five. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & GARRY
YOUR TECHMASTER 5K: JERRY

Now it’s jazz. The place is 
_roaring, all beautiful girls in
_there. One mad brunette 
_drunk at the bar with her

_boys. One strange chic I 

_remember from somewhere,
_wearing a simple skirt with 
_pockets – her hands in there,
_short haircut, talking to
_everybody. Up and down the
_stairs they come. The bar-
_tenders are the regular band
_of jack. And the heavenly
_drummer who looks up in the
_sky with blue eyes, with a
_beard, is wailing beer-caps of
_bottles and jamming on the
_cash register, and everything
_is going to the beat.

EM NEWS
– You Shall Not Pass
– Curbside-To-Go-Fuck-Yourself

– I Need That Ice Cream For
_Grandma’s Diabetes
– Terminal Welcomeness

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Long Live Lipton!

– Correct – It’s Wrong
– Bologna, Ferrell, Harris
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We 
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Who Came Up With This Shit? (pics on FB)

– An all new Techin’ It Up The Ass
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #344 (08-10-2017)

Another in the series of Natural Bridge Romances–a series of dramatic sketches based on “Famous Loves”–is presented by the nation-wide distributors of Natural Bridge Arch Shoes for the smart feminine foot. These shoes are modern–fashionable–and retain the natural loveliness of dainty feet–naturally. Dealers of Natural Bridge Arch Shoes can fit almost any foot smartly, comfortably–and at very moderate expense. Their slogan is “Good to the foot–good to the eye–good to the pocketbook.” What the fuck? Did you all just see that? Some bizarre promo for strange shoes. The world is a messy place. All the more reason to keep tuned to EMR. This is episode 344. Enjoy! 

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & JERRY

Now lay me down on Market
_Street. I’m begging for some
_spare change. A Coast Guard
_ship has been looking for me,

_and I might have to change 

_my name. Here comes Uncle
_Sam again with the same old
_bag of beans. The local chief’s
_on the radio, he’s got some
_hungry mouths to feed. Goin’
_back to Alcatraz.

EM NEWS
– Speed Pissing
– Unmarked Helicopters…Hovering

– Armadillo -1, Texas Tard – 0

– City Done With “Wang” Business

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Murray In Tears…of Joy

– The Curb-Cast
– Campbell, Letterman, Rollins
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We 
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– EMR Presents: Toys of Doom!

– An all new Techin’ It Up The Ass
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #343 (08-04-2017)

On a lovely August day in the year Two-Thousand-Seventeen, Marie Boyer came home from a convent to stay with her widowed mother. At the start of our story, she has been home for about half an hour. Marie – “You know, mother, most of my life’s been spent in convents. Living in the outside world will seem so strange to me.” Mother – “You’ll soon get used to it. Besides, I think you’ve wasted enough of your time cooped up in an institution.” Marie – “But what will I do all day?” Mother – “Listen to eMpTy Minds Radio, dear. You have some catching up to do. Episode three-forty-three will be a lovely place for you to start. Enjoy!”

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & GARRY
YOUR ANALOG KID: JERRY

If you’re going to San Fran-
_cisco, be sure to wear some
_flowers in your hair. If you’re
_going to San Francisco, 

_you’re gonna meet some 

_gentle people there. For
_those who come to San Fran-
_cisco, summer time will be a
_love-in there. In the streets
_of San Francisco, gentle
_people, with flowers in their
_hair.

EM NEWS
– Cucumber Counter of Montgomery
_County
– Hookers, Blow & Transportation

– Riding Handgun

– You Wait For Train, I Slice You
_Face
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– The Box Office Has Sprung A Leak

– Gettying Out While The Gettying Is Good
– Shepard, Rose & Joel, Vergara
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We 
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Harmless & Clever As Fuck!

– An all new Analog Head-Trip
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #342 (07-28-2017)

And now, friends, tonight’s story is a triangle tale concerning a man, a woman and a murderer. You’ve heard it said that those who laugh last, laugh best. But we’re going to prove that it never pays to get into a laughing contest … with a ghost. Because ghosts always get the last laugh. Bwahaha!! Psst…this is really EMR, episode three-forty-two. Tell only your closest confidante’s. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & JERRY

She’s coming on like a 
_bicycle army. Everybody’s
_waitin’ for the man to come
_down from the tower. Every-

_day is just like a vacation

_with you. I’m watchin’ you
_and Fidel Castro in the sand,
_assassin! Girl you’ve got to
_roll, Sister Havana. Overthrow.
_Sister Havana. There’s no time
_to lose. I don’t care what they
_say. There’s no time to lose. 
_We could have a holiday. But
_
there’s no time for hesitation.
_There’s no time for waitin’.
_There’s no time, so let’s take
_the time, and get it on today.
_You’ve got to roll, Sister Havana.

EM NEWS
– Look Honey, It’s Raining Fucking Meat!
– Walmart Bitch Gets All Walmart Bitchy

– Mo Ho Ho Hwah Hwah Otel For Sale

– Ze Death of Ze Kaiser

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– More Nude Dudes? C’mon, Hollyword

– Angry Erlich Unloads
– Sinatra, Groening, Craig
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We 
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Techin’ It Up The Ass goes old school console
– The shittiest shit-ass jokes (throughout the show)
– Minnesota Vice
– America’s Stupidest Fucking Laws
– An all new Analog Head-Trip
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #341 (07-21-2017)

The Free Company is a group of writers, actors, and radio workers who have come together voluntarily to present a series of plays about our basic liberties. We are unpaid, unsponsored, and uncontrolled. Just a group of Americans saying what we believe about this country and about freedom. Trying to say it by means of plays, just as the Bible parables or the anecdotes that Lincoln used to tell illustrate other truths by means of stories. We are NOT the Free Company. About all EMR has in common with them is – we tell the truth and we are unpaid. This is episode 341. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & PAULIE
YOUR ANALOG KID: JERRY

The surf was easy on the
_day I came to stay, on this
_quiet island in the bay. I 
_remember a line women 

_all in white, the laughter 

_and the steel bands at 
_night. Now the American’s
_are gone except for two.  
_The embassy’s been hard
_to reach. There’s been
_talk and lately a bit of 
_action after dark, behind
_the big casino on the beach.
_I know what happens. I 
_read the book. I believe I
_just got the goodbye look.
_Won’t you pour me a Cuban
_
Breeze, Gretchen?

EM NEWS
– Hey, How ‘Bout Some Jizz?
– Have You Seen The Muffin Man?

– Hello, Police? Dumb-ass Here

– Shooting For The Stars

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Waters – Belief Over Cash

– Lee’s Place Cemented In Entertainment History
– Whittaker, Romero, Landau, Stallone
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We 
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso – [on life support]

– An all new Analog Head-Trip
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #340 (07-14-2017)

What is romance? Romance is the light on the path of love. But a light so delicate that even a breath may put it out. You’d hate that to happen to you, wouldn’t you? Don’t let unpleasing breath offend the one you love. Brush your teeth night and morning, and before every date, with Colgate Tooth Powder. Scientific tests have proven that, in seven cases out of ten, Colgate Tooth Powder instantly stops unpleasant breath. And, Colgate Tooth Powder is the only tooth powder that offers proof of this fact. Also, Colgate Tooth Powder cleans your teeth beautifully.  Remember the name — Colgate Tooth Powder — with the accent on powder. And NOW, EMR episode three-hundred-forty. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

Well, we’re movin’ on up,
_to the east side, to a 
_deluxe apartment in the
_sky. Movin’ on up, to the 

_east side. We finally got a

_piece of the pie. Fish don’t
_fry in the kitchen, beans 
_don’t burn on the grill.  
_Took a whole of tryin’,
_just to get up that hill.
_Now we’re up in the big
_leagues, gettin’ our turn 
_at bat. As long as we live,
_It’s you and me, baby. 
_There ain’t nothin’ wrong
_
with that.

EM NEWS
– It’s Market Time, Asswipe!
– Reliability Is A Bitch!

– Giant Granny Boobs

– Never Renew Your License

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Easter Egg To The Future

– Look At Your Game, Quentin
– Ellis, Schell, Kumbuka
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We 
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso – [just can’t get dinner]

– What The Fuck?! (Would You Rather)
– An all new Analog Head-Trip
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #339 (07-07-2017)

One night I am standing at the corner of Sunset and Vine just minding my own business when along comes Dave the Dude in a Taxi. He spots me and the next thing I know I am in the cab with him and headed for someplace. Naturally I could refuse to go with him, but nobody ever refuses Dave anything unless they wish his Sunday punch. So there I am, started on one of the craziest things that ever happens on Sunset, and how it happens I will tell you in a minute. First, EMR, episode 339. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & PAULIE

Hollywood, I know your
_middle name. Who 
_inspires your fabled fools
_that’s my claim to fame.

_Jive Miguel, he’s in from

_Bogata. Meet me at mid-
_night at Mr. Chow’s. 
_Szechuan dumplings, now
_that the deal has been
_done. I’m the one. It’s a
_glamour profession, the
_LA concession..
.

EM NEWS
– A Wild Moose Chase
– Home – 0, Visitors – 1…
_Charge of Assault
– Barf Overshoots Target

– No Deck, Only Gravity

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Fyre Festival Founder Burned

– The Passing of A Stunt Master
– Murray. Avildsen, Gschwandtner
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We 
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso – “escapes”

– What The Fuck?! (Would You Rather)
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #338 (06-30-2017)

It was a little after seven o’clock in the evening. The EMR crew were scattered through the rather austere studio. And Mr. Sloane was even more than usually indifferent to their comfort and his responsibility as host. Wait. Wait. Wait. Who writes this shit? Who the fuck is Mr. Sloane? Who the…ahhhh fuck it. This is episode three-hundred-thirty-eight. ENJOY!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & GARRY
YOUR ANALOG KID: JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

Now, back in the days 
_when this car was the 
_latest, you bought your
_gasoline here. And 

_Imperial made that gas-

_oline the best buy on the
_market and they worked
_and made it better every
_year. Imperial Oil research
_kept ahead of all the 
_others so your new car’s
_engine wouldn’t knock
.

EM NEWS
– They Blow Up So Fast
– That Time of The Year

– Never Help A Child

– Football Sex Rampage

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Toilet Pics 

– Cutting Some More Cable
– Edlund, Nyvquist, Miller
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We 
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso – “tips one back”

– An all new Analog Head-Trip
– HAPPY 4TH of JULY, EVERYONE!
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #337 (06-23-2017)

Ladies and gentlemen, the Red Apple Hour presented for your pleasure by the manufacturers of Red Apple Cigarettes! This inaugurates the great new series of Red Apple thrills. During each week we will bring you one-hundred-twenty modern minutes with the world’s finest banter and bullshit shredding.  We introduce the new episode, three-thirty-seven. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

ICEEs are a fun little drink,
_unless you are a dog, 
_because dogs can’t drink
_from straws. Red, purple

_or green, small, medium

_or huge in a cup striped 
_sharply in red and blue.
_ICEE bear is always chillin’
_quite literally. He’s the
_coolest bear you’ve ever
_seen, always a sweetie,
_never ever mean
.

EM NEWS
– The Case of The Missing
_Toe
– Trailer Park? Island? Meh

– The Magnificent Sea-Cock

– A Regular Zoo of Food
_Storage
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– To The Ghetty, A Gift

– Disney Stealing Idears
– Dana, Lewis, Fisher
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We 
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso – “tips one back”

– An all new Analog Head-Trip
– Really Fucking Stupid Toys
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #336 (06-16-2017)

Welcome to the Hall of Fantasy. Welcome to the series of radio dramas dedicated to the supernatural, the unusual and the unknown. Come with me my friends, we shall descend into the world of the unknown and the forbidden. Down in the depths where the veil of time is lifted and the supernatural reigns as king. Come with me and listen to the tale of, eMpTy Minds Radio, episode three-hundred-thirty-six. Maybe not so mysterious, but always entertaining. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & PAULIE
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY

Take a million dollars, baby,
_put it in my hand. Put my
_retouched photo on the
_soda can. Put my face on

_television. Say my name

_a lot. Show your cola in
_every household. Give it
_all you’ve got. Better strike
_while the iron’s hot. Soda
_pop, soda pop, everybody
_wants to make it to the 
_top
.

EM NEWS
– Don’t Steal Tracking Devices
– Wandering For Punch

– Squirt Boy Squirts In The
_Bottle
– Turd Flinging Shithead

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– The Master & His List

– The Franchise – Planning
_With No Plan
– West, King, Pallenberg
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We 
Watched +
_tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso – “…love[s] the curves”

– Paulie’s LA Picture Cavalcade (all on our FB page)
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #335 (06-09-2017)

It was a little after seven o’clock in the evening. A family and friends were scattered through the rather austere house. And Mr. Sloane was even more than usually indifferent to their comfort and his responsibility as host. He walked into the next room, flipped on EMR. It was episode three-thirty-five. He lowered the three appropriate fingers, leaving only the bird standing. He waved his bird toward his guests in the other room. “Fuck ’em,” he thought. He smiled. You will too. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & GARRY
YOUR ANALOG KID: JERRY

I get knocked down, but I
_get up again, you are never 
_gonna keep me down. He
_drinks a whiskey drink, he

_drinks a vodka drink, he

_drinks a lager drink, he 
_drinks a cider drink. He
_sings the songs that remind
_him of the good times. He
_sings the songs that remind
_him of the better times. Oh
_Danny Boy
.

EM NEWS
– Anti-Bald Violence
– Principal Shithead’s School
_of Tears
– Dine N’ Drown

– Cell Dissolution

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– The Debacle of Quixote

– Hey, Hoser…We’re Back!
– Sallis, Smith, Dyson
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We 
Watched +
_tons more

ETCETERA
– Confucius Say, scattered throughout the show

– A new Analog Head-Trip
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #334 (06-02-2017)

The Five Star Theater starts another week of programming with presentations of a scope, magnitude and variety never before assembled under one banner. Under the patronage of the Standard Oil Companies of New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Louisiana and the Colonial Beacon Oil Company, the Five Star Theatre will present a brand-new radio attraction every night in the week except Saturday and Sunday. Five stellar productions each week. Every night a first night. With the world’s greatest singers, musicians, actors, writers and speakers collaborating in a gigantic entertainment program for your enjoyment. This, in a word, is the Five Star Theater, and here is this week’s program, running every single night until the next week – eMpTy Minds Radio, episode 334

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & JERRY
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY

Veruca Salt, the little brute
_had just gone down the 
_garbage chute. And she 
_will meet, as she descends,

_a rather different set of 

_friends. A rather different
_set of friends. A rather 
_different set of friends. 
_A fish head for example cut,
_this morning from a halibut.
_An oyster from an oyster 
_stew. A steak that no one
_else would chew
.

EM NEWS
– Theft Technique Is On Fire
– Da Grimm Consequences

– Lock Valuables In Trunk

– Head of School Steals From
_Jesus
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– The Moving Tributes

– When The Movie Isn’t Good
_Enough…Add Shit!
– Gadot, Nanjiana, Coppola
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We 
Watched +
_tons more

ETCETERA
– A hot round of Brand Name Band Name

– A new Analog Head-Trip
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #333 (05-26-2017)

Theater time. Broadway’s buzzing with excitement and eager to await an opening night performance at the little theater off Times Square. And there’ll be a crowd of on-lookers and autograph seekers on hand at the entrance to greet the celebrities who always attend the premier on the Great White Way. So, let’s not miss a minute of the excitement. It’s just a short walk around the corner. Will you join me? Join that guy or join us. Sure, we’re not in New York. No Times Square. No celebrities. No autograph seekers. But we are WAY more fucking cool than that guy. This is our show, and it’s episode three-hundred-thirty-three. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

Cheese is a kind of meat. A
_tasty yellow beef. I milk it
_from my teet, but I try to
_be discreet. Ohhhh cheese.

_Ohhhh cheese. 

_Cheese is a kind of meat. A
_tasty yellow beef. I milk it
_from my teet, but I try to
_be discreet. Ohhhh cheese.

_Ohhhh cheese
.

EM NEWS
– Smarty Pants In Deep Shirt
– Sample Lady Has Sample Birthday

– Horses Fucking Hate Dinosaurs

– Tokes For Tots

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Wow…What A Maverick

– Actors & Young Pens
– Moore, Spoonauer, Snyder
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We 
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso: senseless violence

– A new Analog Head-Trip
– Clamboy kicks us a Shadow River video (it’s on our FB page)
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #332 (05-19-2017)

If you are new to EMR, welcome. Kick back and enjoy this episode and then another. Share it with your friends. Heck, we are your friends. That’s what we do. Isn’t it joyous? This is episode three-hundred-thirty-two, kids. We hope you like hearing it as much as we liked making it.

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & GARRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

Just whistle while you work,
_and cheerfully, together, we
_can tidy up the place. So 
_hum a merry tune – it won’t

_take long when there’s a 

_song to help you set the pace.
_And as you sweep the room,
_imagine that the broom is
_someone that you love and 

_soon you’ll find you’re 
_dancing to the tune.

EM NEWS
– Mom Doesn’t Drive So Well
– The Pain In Brain Falls Mainly
_On The Train
– All Iraqis Look The Same

– Snatch And Grab & Grab A Snatch

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Grey Days Ahead

– Pirates Hold Pirates Hostage
– Boothe, Moore, Dogg, Letterman
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We
_Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso: Hush Hush

– A small tribute to Chris Cornell
– Another Load of Knockoff Toys (corresponding pics on our FB page)
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #331 (05-12-2017)

You’ve seen him in “The Great McGinty,” as Major Devereaux in “Wake Island,” as Trampas in “The Virginian.” Now, here is our star Brian Donlevy, in another two-fisted portrayal as Steve Mitchell in “Dangerous Assignment.”  Our bad, Brian Donlevy died 45 years ago last month. Next up…EMR episode 331. Can you dig it?

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & PAULIE
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY
YOUR TECHMASTER 5K: JERRY

My man sexy will fuck you up
_in a minuet. With an axe,
_sword, mace, pike your limb-
_less. Then I’ll fuck your ass

_’til it’s rimless. Oh! You 

_humans always screaming!
_Oh! As you suckle on my
_semen. Oh! And the shit is
_always steamin’. A drunk,

_a pervert, a junkie, a sodo-
_mizer, but you can call me
_The Salaminizer.

EM NEWS
– Spared Some Expense
– The Emergency Recipe Exchange

– Lifestyles of People With Photos of Rich Stuff

– Cheese War!

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– The King of Hating Trump

– Sexy Singer Helps Educate
– Parks, Clinton, Schumer, Lane
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We
_Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso: The Movie Line Guessing Game

– Techin’ It Up The Ass x 2
– Goodbye Johnny Cab (pics on our FB page)
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #330 (05-05-2017)

Good evening, friends of the EMR. This is your host to welcome you through the squeaking door. Been shopping around for a nice case of truth? Of course you have. And you’ve come to the right place, because the characters on this program simply tell it like it is  to keep you amused. Why, only the other day we were accused of making an assault on stupidity our business. But we wouldn’t do that, friends. Oh, no. Because that would be mixing business with pleasure. And we consider it a pleasure to give some idiot the business! This is episode three-hundred-thirty. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & JERRY
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

Captain, we’re in trouble. A
_huge storm has suddenly
_broken out straight ahead
_of us! Ahhh…it’s a siren, 

_hey Captaaain! Don’t be 

_afraid of some siren. You’re
_pathetic. If that’s the sea-
_witch, then I’m the great
_beauty of the sea! You

_shouldn’t make fun of Lady
_Thetis, Goddess of The Sea,
_who is said to be as beautiful
_as Venus, Goddess of Beauty.
_Ya sure you don’t mean as
_
ferocious as Pallas Athene,
_Goddess of War. You say
_something, Zimmer? Eek!
_Let’s go, you scurvy dogs,
_don’t be afraid! Alright,
_we’re going! Now – row,
_row. Now – row, row. There!

EM NEWS
– The Cool Parents
– Violator Violates Again

– Dipshits: The Bounty Hunters

– Take that, Cookie Fucker!

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Orange Is The New Hack

– Disney’s Last Words
– The Mentaltainment Ticker
– Birthdays, What We
_Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso sans swords
– An all new Analog Head Trip
– Tom brings us a Fuck Off! Rant
– Cinco De Mayo memes (on our FB page)
– Extended “A Last Hurrah” materials
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #329 (04-28-2017)

You’re much too impatient, my dear young friend. One of the great joys of an experience is to savor it before it happens. Yes, stay and talk to me. AND…don’t think so much, my young friend. Thinking is an unnecessary pastime. The emotions are much more dependable. My thoughts tell me that this little excursion under the sea will be quite precarious. On the other hand, my emotions tell me that it will be most interesting and amusing. Now, now, don’t splutter! Come ahead, my young and impatient friend–we’ll go aboard your diving bell and begin our little adventure. Come! Ummm…who the fuck is that guy? Why is he always hijacking our posts? Asshole. This is episode 329.  Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & GARRY
YOUR ANALOG KID: JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

Working at the peep show,
_watching all the boys blow…
_their loads from the viewing
_glass, while I dance and 
_shake my ass. Some just

_watch and stare, looks like
_they don’t even care. But
_others are really fist pump-
_
ing…can hear their hands
_against the wall thumping.
_Some people say that I’m a
_slag, just a human porno
_mag. But I find it really
_liberating, to profit from
_men masturbating.

EM NEWS
– Illegible Robbery
– The No Refund Slasher

– Reading Is Almost Murder

– Come In…The Water’s Fine

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Screamer Screaming, But Why?

– Asshole Feasting On Seinfeld Leftovers? Probably Not
– Moran, Demme, Shyamalan

– The Mentaltainment Ticker
– Birthdays, What We
_Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso in stark contrast
– An all new Analog Head Trip
– Shitty Rider Laws Still On The Books
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #328 (04-21-2017)

A year ago, when Luigi Basco left Italy to start his new life in America, he promised his mother that he would write and tell her about his adventures. So now let’s read Luigi’s letter as he writes to Momma Basco in Italy. Or…ya know, let’s not do that and do EMR episode three-hundred-twenty-eight, instead. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & PAULIE
YOUR TECHMASTER 5K: JERRY

The question is peculiar, I’d
_give a lot of dough. If only
_I could know the answer to
_my question, is it yes or is
_it no? Does your chewing

_gum lose its flavor on the
_bedpost overnight? If your
_
mother says don’t chew it,
_do you swallow it in spite?

EM NEWS
– Hands In Plumbing Technique
– The Great Southern Two-
_Wheeled Pederast
– The Beaver Wrangles Meat

– Mmmmessage For You, Sir

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Strike Looming

– Talk About A Degree In Nothing
– James, Simmons, Sinise

– The Mentaltainment Ticker
– Birthdays, What We
_Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso has more than anger
– Techin’ It Up The Ass x2
– Big Screen To Little Screen – Horrible Line Dubs
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #327

Do you have a little unsolved murder in your home? Got some blackmail you want to unload? Are you the victim of some vulgar extortionist? We know a girl you should meet. She may not be the greatest private eye in the world. And, so what if it does cost you three or four hundred dollars? She sure is sweet. Huh? What is that guy talking about? This is EMR, episode three-hundred-twenty-seven. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & MYRON
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY
YOUR TECHMASTER 5K: JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

Sitting in a bunker, here 
_behind my wall, waiting for
_the worms to come. In
_perfect isolation, here behind
_my wall, waiting for the 

_worms to come. ..all you
_need to do is follow the
_worms.

EM NEWS
– Religion On The Toilet
– International Parking Tards

– Fuck Walmart!

– Shoot It Up. Shoot It Up. It
_Just Don’t Matter
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Crazy Morons & The Inspiration
_of Cinema
– I’m A Fontsy British Typeface
– Sorrentino, Geils, Mengering

– The Mentaltainment Ticker
– Birthdays, What We
_Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso has an open forum

– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #326 (04-07-2017)

Expense Account, submitted by Special Investigator Johnny Dollar, to Home Office, Nutmeg State Casualty and Bonding Company, Hartford, Connecticut. The following is an accounting of my expenditures during investigation of series of accidents affecting your policy holder, The Fun Fair and Weatherly Carnival Shows, or how I went for a spin on a case we might refer to as “Murder Is a Merry-Go-Round.” Huh? Where are we? Looks like EMR has done gotten itself entangled in another mystery of life. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & GARRY
YOUR TECHMASTER 5K: JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

A matchstick man with a 
_flint for a head, burned up
_my wick til I was melted and
_dead. They keep telling me
_it’s time to blow out my spark,

_but they don’t realize I’m 

_afraid of the dark.

EM NEWS
– We’re Holding Your Package
– Statue Keeps Flying Away

– Donut To Death

– Super Small Caliber Hubbub 

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– She’s Only Seventeen

– The Mysterious Unaired Pilot
– Ford, DeNiro, Rosenquist

– The Mentaltainment Ticker
– Birthdays, What We
_Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso cracks us up
– Techin’ It Up The Ass

– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #325 (03-31-2017)

You walk the corridor to the room of the dead, through the swinging doors into a place without season, where all nights, all days are of equal length, where temperature is constant, where the wind is conditioned before it’s let flow over death. Walk up to the man who waits for you. . . “Hello” he says slyly. “Name’s Shit, Bull Shit.” You pin him against the wall. “EMR, Motherfucker!” you reply. He cowers in fear. This is episode 325, won’t you give it a listen?

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & MYRON
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

Tall and tan and young and 
_lovely the Girl From 
_Ipanema goes walking. And
_when she passes, each one 
_she passes goes – ah. When

_she walks, she’s like a Samba

_that swings so cool and sways
_so gentle. That when she
_passes, each one she passes
_goes – ah. But he watch her
_so sadly. How can he tell her
_he loves her? Yes, I would 
_give my heart gladly, but
_each day that she walks to
_the sea, she looks straight
_ahead, and not at he
.

EM NEWS
– Don’t Throw The Baby
– Pointy Robes…You Know, For
_Kids
– Hopped Up On Candy

– There Is Unrest In The Forest…

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Ready To Strike, Still Hurting From Last One

– ’84 All Over…The Place
– Whedon, Dylan, Silverman

– The Mentaltainment Ticker
– Birthdays, What We
_Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso unites
– EMR Segments From The Past (throughout the show)
– A vintage MST3K bit
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #324 (03-24-2017)

We are still at war, still every bit as much at war now as we were in November 1942. Remember those days? Remember Casablanca? No. Not Ingrid Bergman; not Humphrey Bogart. Casablanca — the town where boys from 48 states died to secure the invasion of North Africa. There were some who didn’t die but who wished they had. That was political. Welcome to the not particularly political eMpTy Minds Radio. This is episode three-hundred-twenty-four. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & MYRON
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY
YOUR TECHMASTER 5K: JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

Magic is the moonlight, on
_this lover’s dream night. As
_I see the moonlight shining 
_in your eyes – can’t resist
_their power in this moonlit

_hour. Love being any flower,

_this is paradise. Living in the
_splendor of your kiss so 
_tender, makes my heart 
_surrender, to your love
_divine. Magic is the moon-
_light, more than any dream
_night. Magic is the moon-
_light, for it made you mine
.

EM NEWS
– A Reasonable Use For The Bible
– Ballast’s Bastard Beer Brand
_Boycotted
– Everything’s A Sex Toy If Your
_Penis Is Small Enough
– Barefoot, High & On The Run

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– End of Short Lived Podcast

– Oh Yay….Another Toy Film Empire
– Jean, Harrelson, Lovato, Clooney

– The Mentaltainment Ticker
– Birthdays, What We
_Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso transforms
– Techin’ It Up The Ass x 2
– An onslaught of short, but sweet jokes
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #323 (03-17-2017)

Good evening, friends, and welcome to this Friday night of — well, I don’t know exactly what to call it. You see we’ve got so many surprises on the show tonight that even I’m not sure what’s coming next. In fact, it wouldn’t surprise me a bit if the Voice of Spring walked right out here on our stage and announced that it was EMR episode #323. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & MYRON
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

You came, I was alone. I 
_should have known you
_were temptation. You smiled
_luring me on. My heart was
_gone. You were temptation.

_It would be thrilling, if you

_were willing. If it can never
_be. Pity me for you are
_temptation, and I am yours.
_Here is my heart, take it
_and say, we’ll never part,
_I’m just a slave
.

EM NEWS
– You Fucked Up My Toppin’s
– They Be Jizzin’ On Up In The Houses

– Lawnmower Was Low On Gas

– Lunch With A Side of Fuck Me

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Heading Back To The Welles

– No Stranger Danger For Shybot
– Sledge, Allman, Angel

– The Mentaltainment Ticker
– Birthdays, What We Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso runs to the hills
– Minnesota Vice
– A vintage piece of Dr. Demento
– Shitty Limericks (an EMR St. Patrick’s Day tradition)
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #322 (03-10-2017)

Here’s a message for the motorist who does not feel that his car is performing as well as it should. It may sputter and jerk at starting. It may buck when you step down hard on the accelerator. It may be logy on the hills. Now, it is possible that you may need the services of a mechanic. But, before you consult him, make this test. Fill your tank with Rio Grande Cracked with petro-ethyl. You may be surprised to find out that the fault has been the gasoline you’ve been using and not the mechanical condition of your car. Rio Grande Cracked will bring out the best in your car. And EMR will bring out the best in your skills to take on the daily bullshit of this world. Enjoy episode 3-2-2!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & MYRON
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY
YOUR TECHMASTER 5K: JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

A long time ago in a land far
_away lived the Pineapple 
_Princess – Tiki. She was 
_sweet as a peach in a pine- 
_apple way, but so sad that

_she hardly speaky. Still, if

_you listen well, you’ll hear 
_her secret wish – Aloha, 
_everybody, my name is Tiki! I 
_long to free a remarkable
_fish – my sweet prince:
_Humuhumunukunukua’pua’a
_Makihiki malahini-who
.

EM NEWS
– PhD From The Sizzler
– What A Marqueen Idea

– The Brief Joys of Winning

– Wind Hurts Old Traveler

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Missing To The Oldies

– Another Shooting At City Hall
– Grahame-Smith, Osborne, Willimon

– The Mentaltainment Ticker
– Birthdays, What We Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso goes back, but not too far
– Techin’ It Up The Ass
– An important warning to the listener
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #321 (03-03-2017)

Tonight, Squibb brings you “EMR” the show which, at the international film festival in Cannes, France, was never once mentioned. Largely, because it’s a fucking podcast…not a movie. In “EMR” you will hear all sorts of interesting stuff, by a great cast of regulars who has three-hundred and nineteen times never been nominated for shit. Will three-hundred-twenty be a game changer? Here it is. You decide.

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & MYRON
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY
YOUR TECHMASTER 5K: JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

In the Tiki, Tiki, Tiki, Tiki, Tiki
_Room. In the Tiki, Tiki, Tiki, 
_Tiki, Tiki Room – all the birds
_sing words and the flowers 
_croon. In the Tiki, Tiki, Tiki,

_Tiki, Tiki Room. Welcome to

_our tropical hideaway, you 
_lucky people you. If we 
_weren’t in the show starting 
_right away, we’d be in the 
_audience too.

EM NEWS
– Kentucky Murder Cops
– She Works Hard For Her Money

– Parking Lot Daycare

– I Found It!

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Graffiti Art – Break It down

– Living In Boulder
– Winfrey, Paxton, Oscar

– The Mentaltainment Ticker
– Birthdays, What We Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso takes us back
– Techin’ It Up The Ass x 2
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #320 (02-24-2017)

Yes, Jell-O, in those six delicious flavors, brings you The Baby Snooks Show, starring Fanny Brice as Baby Snooks, with Hanley Stafford as Daddy, Arlene Harris as Mummy, Carmen Dragon and his Orchestra, and me, Harlow Wilcox. We now interrupt this regularly scheduled broadcast of whatever the fuck that was to bring you EMR. It’s episode 320, kids. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & MYRON

There’s a rich Maharaja of 
_Magador who had ten-
_thousand camels, and maybe
_more. He had rubies and  
_pearls and the loveliest girls, 

_but he didn’t know how to do

_the Rhumba. He could afford
_a big reward, so to his people
_he one day said: take my 
_rubies and take my pearls,
_take my camels and take my
_girls. Rhumba lessons are 
_wanted for the rich Maharaja
_of Magador.

EM NEWS
– With Regards, Love Mom
– School Nazis Must Die

– Pumped & Fucked

– They Have All The Cookies Now
– Pigs In Paint
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Van Halen – Hot For Teachers

– Lightning Bolt Town
– Solo, Hodgson, King, Mehta

– The Mentaltainment Ticker
– Birthdays, What We Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Minnesota Vice
– An all new edition of an EMR classic – Reminiscing
– Five Minute Cinema
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #319 (02-17-2017)

Each week at this time, the EMR Broadcasting System brings you the human story behind the job — a glimpse into the lives and work of the people who keep our everyday world in order: Americans at Work! Tonight, ‘Minds’ presents…but wait a minute. Perhaps a better introduction would be a little scene that took place last week in one of New York’s overcrowded sections. Enjoy episode three-hundred-nineteen, which has absolutely nothing to do with any of that.

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & MYRON
YOUR ANALOG KID: JERRY

The vampires want your blood.
_You can’t always get what you
_want, but they do. You can’t
_always get what you want, 
_but they know – the truth is

_what they want it to be. Drop

_by drop, the camera flash
_casts shadows from their 
_egos. Sing a song like you
_wrote it. Puppets don’t think,
_puppets just dance. Make a 
_face like you mean it.

EM NEWS
– Orders Without Borders
– Suspicious Suburban Movement

– Whopper-Sized Nuts

– Vang, Bang, Bang

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Stern & The Tax Conundrum

– Naughty Art With A Price Tag
– Johansson, Vee, Ford

– The Mentaltainment Ticker
– Birthdays, What We Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– A hot round of alternative Liar, Liar, Pants On Fire
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #318 (02-10-2017)

Prophecy is an easy thing, for rarely is the prophet brought to judgement. Tonight I bring you a false prophecy. The place of our story is a great rocket speeding away from the moon. Yes, away! For the first trip to the moon has finally taken place, and the triumphant airship is now rapidly returning to the mother earth. Here then, is a story about a tomorrow fifty-five years hence. September twentieth in the year of our Lord, two thousand. On board a rocket ship – I sincerely hope – a very FALSE prophecy. Enjoy EMR episode three-hundred-eighteen!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & MYRON
YOUR ANALOG KID: JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

All the regrets you can’t 
_forget, are somehow pressed
_upon a picture, in the face
_of such an ordinary girl. And
_when you sleep, you find 

_your mother in the night, but

_she fades just out of sight. So,
_there isn’t any sweetness in
_the dreaming. And when you
_wake, the morning showers
_you with light, and it makes
_you feel alright. But it’s
_just the same hard candy
_you’re remembering again

EM NEWS
– Smoke Up, Johnny
– When They Met, It Was Murder

– Happy Meal Dope

– Elusive Suburban Meth-Head

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Comedy Isn’t Pretty

– Fun-Sized People Not Being Very Fun
– Hatch, Favreau, Selleck

– The Mentaltainment Ticker
– Birthdays, What We Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso goes for the twang
– A quick but sweet Fuck Off! rant
– A hot round of Liar, Liar, Pants On Fire
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #317 (02-03-2017)

Each Friday, Jimbo’s Tomato Juice brings you this brand new radio program developed from the most ridiculously dumb parts of humanity, as well as entertainment and a vast assortment of other stuff.  Each episode complete in itself; modern, dramatic, entertaining. A thrilling, different episode each Friday. Today’s story, “Episode 316”, stars all of your favorites listed below. Enjoy three-hundred-sixteen, won’t you?

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & MYRON
YOUR ANALOG KID: JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

I’ve had a bad week, it’s a
_bad, bad world. No friends,
_cash, success, still no girl.
_New life’s what I think I need
_Made a mistake that I can’t

_change or fix it up, life’s 

_bad and strange. I know just
_what I need. Cigarettes? No.
_Rot my teeth, make my 
_smile yellow and my breath
_reek. P-E-Z, it’s all I got, but
_all I need…

EM NEWS
– A Picture Is Worth A Few
_Hundred Bucks
– Burgle, Burgle, Bang, Bang

– He’s Got Moves

– The Sicko Trifecta

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Animation Poachers

– LA Is Getting Permanent Rain
– Cage, Villeneuve, Winfrey, Barton

– The Mentaltainment Ticker
– Birthdays, What We Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso breaks the chain
– Damn Analog Head-Trip
– Words That Sound Dirty, But Aren’t
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #316 (01-27-2017)

Here’s a message for the motorist who does not feel that his car is performing as well as it should. It may sputter and jerk at starting. It may buck when you step down hard on the accelerator. It may be logy on the hills. Now, it is possible that you may need the services of a mechanic. But, before you consult him, make this test. Fill your tank with Rio Grande Cracked with petro-ethyl, the dependable performance of which is responsible for its demand by police and fire departments. Then put your car through its paces, and while you do so — please enjoy EMR episode #316!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & MYRON
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

My chest is like a bombed-
_out city – hollow, empty 
_and full of debris. My eyes
_won’t even open. If I could,
_I would take your hand away

_from here. But your wrist is

_chained to mine. Where we 
_are is who I am. I remember
_sleeping in, bathed in light,
_sleeping deep. Lost in each
_other’s embrace, like pieces
_to a puzzle we never could
_complete. I remember your
_city...

EM NEWS
– Where Do Lost Keys Go?
– If I Had A Hammer

– Man Arrested For Butt Crack

– Whispering Jesus

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Celeb Hackster Goes Up River

– Patriotism, Madonna’s Ass
– Moore, Cameron, Trucks, Gosling

– The Mentaltainment Ticker
– Birthdays, What We Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso goes for the votes
– Funny Fake Movie Posters
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #315 (01-20-2017)

This broadcast comes to you from the city. Listeners over the curving air have heard From furthest-off frontiers of foreign hours — Mountain Time: Ocean Time: of the islands: Of waters after the islands — some of them waking. Where noon here is the night there: some Where noon is the first few stars they see or the last one. This is EMR. It is episode three-hundred-fifteen. Won’t you sit back and enjoy?

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & MYRON
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY
YOUR ANALOG KID: JERRY

Joey’s gone and Georgie’s 
_gone. Put their best torn
_trousers on. Found a crow-
_bar and a drill. Headed for
_the Berlin Wall. And last 

_night I swear I saw her face,

_as they stormed the gates 
_of Satellite TV. Too bad I 
_don’t get news at ten, 
_cause the CNN would tell a
_different story. Eastern Bloc,

_Eastern Bloc.

EM NEWS
– Duct-Tape Parenting
– Practice Makes Asshole

– The Sesame Seed Streaker

– The Sex Was Okay, The Aural
_Problematic
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– LA – Shooting Ups & Downs

– Unpitching Their Tent
– Seger, Handler, Maher, Gautier

– The Mentaltainment Ticker
– Birthdays, What We Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Analog Head-Trip is “Back”
– Inappropriate Children’s Books
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #314 (01-13-2017)

We are the Mysterious Travelers, inviting you to join us on another journey into the realm of the strange and terrifying. We hope you will enjoy the trip, and that it will thrill you a little and chill you a little. So, settle back and get a good grip on your nerves. Where are we going? That’s hard to say. So many of us think we know where we’re going, but fate has a way of changing our destination…as in the tale of “The Strange Journal of Professor Drake.” You seem a bit nervous. Perhaps it would calm your nerves if we were to read to you from Professor Drake’s journal. There are some extremely interesting entries in it – particularly those beginning with the entry made January 13th, 2017. This is EMR three-hundred-fourteen. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & MYRON
YOUR TECHMASTER 5K: JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

Let’s make pauses between
_words, speak then be quiet
_again. In order to better
_understand in our heads, the
_meaning of the word we just

_said. Let’s make pauses on

_the way, looking back care-
_fully and strictly. In order
_not to pass two times,
_through the same wrong
_path
. Let’s make pauses on
_the way.

EM NEWS
– The Value of Pink Sludge
– One Creepy Massage, Comin’
_Right Up!
– Shitty! Shitty! Bang! Bang!

– I’ma Gonna Protect Ya’ll From The Fags

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Fake Gun Fight Rating System

– Oh Really, O’Reilly?
– Stewart, Sarstedt, Carey, Abrams

– The Mentaltainment Ticker
– Birthdays, What We Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso is on the top of the world
– Techin’ It Up The Ass
– Three ‘Fuck Off!’ rants
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #313 (01-06-2017)

And then it was 2017. Welcome to EMR, fair listener. 2017 is positively certain to be a year that is chock full of the lovely bullshit that we are here to call out. So, strap yourself in and get ready for the EMR whirlwind that will be this year. Let’s kick it off with episode three-hundred-thirteen, shall we? Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & MYRON
YOUR GNUs Man: GARRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

When strangers are coming…
_They come to your house, 
_they kill you all and say…
_we’re not guilty. Not guilty.
_Where is your mind? Humanity

_cries. You think you are gods,

_but everyone dies. Don’t
_swallow my soul. Our souls
.

EM NEWS
– Lemonade Bandits Arrested
– A Banner Day In The Old Stadium

– Man Sets World Record For Crime
_Combos

– It’s A Beer Leak!

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Day of The Doors

– Younger Tate Doesn’t Hate
– Keaton, Nelson, Dogg, Marshall

– The Mentaltainment Ticker
– Birthdays, What We Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso does violence
– Minnesota Vice
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #312 (12-31-2016) NYE Show

This is it, kiddies. The last EMR of 2016, curiously on the last day of 2016. Meh, sometimes it just works out that way. 2016 was awesome in EMR-Land, which generally means it’s fairly shitty everywhere else. We hope everywhere else has a better year in 2017. We will gladly take one for the team. Enjoy episode 3-1-2 and Happy New Year!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & MYRON
YOUR GNUs Man: GARRY
YOUR ANALOG KID: JERRY

The clock slowly ticks, the
_fireplaces roars, booze is 
_pouring from the package
_stores. A time to remember, a
_time to forget. A time to look

_forward and shed some regret.

_Balloons and hats. Noise-
_
makers go pop. A million 
_people freeze, watching a
_ball drop.

EM NEWS
– Explosive Nutcracker
– The Candlelight Vigil – Home Edition

– Amateur Social Scientist Shot

– Shot In The Fucking Face!

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Save Betty

– It Just Doesn’t Get Eddie Vedder Than This
– The No Fuck Heroes
– Johansson, Adams, Boots

– The Mentaltainment Ticker
– Birthdays, What We Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Techin’ It Up The Ass – Dead Tech of 2016
– New Year’s Eve Traditions of The World
– Minnesota Vice
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #311 – Big Christmas Show (12-23-2016)

It’s the Big EMR Christmas Show, everybody! Always a good time. An overstuffed full house tonight, making this show what an EMR Christmas show should be — stellar and action-packed! We’ve got some of the EMR Christmas classics tonight, as well as some new fun stuff. Merry Christmas, everybody. Enjoy #311, Big Christmas 2016!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & MYRON
YOUR GNUs Man: GARRY
YOUR ANALOG KID: JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE
YOUR SPECIAL GUEST: MARTHA

When the band finished 
_playing, they howled out for
_more. Sinatra was swinging, all
_the drunks they were swinging.
_We kissed on the corner, then

_danced through the night. The

_boys of the NYPD Choir were
_singing ‘Galway Bay’, and the
_bells are ringing out for 
_Christmas Day.

EM NEWS
– Elite Jerk Off In Jerk Off City
– That’s Just Trash Talk

– Hemp Oil Terrorism

– A Picture – Frozen In Time

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– It’s Turbo Time!

– Can The Double M Make A Three Happen?
– Buying Back Her Memories
– Gabor, O’Morrison, Murray, Marx

– The Mentaltainment Ticker
– Birthdays, What We Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso – Year End Awards
– Analog Head-Trip – goes hardcore
– It’s Read S-E-X-X-Y
– The Christmas Gullibility Quiz
– Annual tradition – The Gay German’s “A Visit From St. Nicholas”
– Tons and tons of other Christmas fun
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #310 (12-16-2016)

It is damn, damn, damn cold in EMR-Land this week. The temperature has quite literally dipped lower each subsequent day. Yikes. Stay in, stay warm, get some egg-nog, cocoa or coffee and enjoy another fine episode of EMR on your listening device of choice.  Enjoy episode three-ten!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & PAULIE

I’ll be home for Christmas,
_you can plan on me. Please
_have snow, and mistletoe, and
_presents on the tree. Christmas
_Eve will find me where the love

_light gleams. I’ll be home for

_Christmas, if only in my dreams
.

EM NEWS
– Willy”The Butcher” Wonka
– Nebraska Ruins It For Everyone

– Fuck Coupons!

– Taking Ads From Assholes

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Something Olsen For Everyone

– Monroe’s Last Lines Up For Grabs
– The New Registry Additions
– Fox, Rossum, Wilson, Miller, Lake

– The Mentaltainment Ticker
– Birthdays, What We Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso – has been coerced
– Baby, It’s Cold Outside – Compare & Contrast (a discussion)
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #309 (12-09-2016)

We have a fantastically full house tonight for you kids. All the joy of the room full of your regulars plus local folk hero, one-half of “The Anatomy of…”, Mr. Daniel McConnell Smith. He’s hanging out and playing some of the tunes off of his brand spanking new album.  Check it out. We call it three-zero-nine.  Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & MYRON
YOUR GNUs Man: GARRY
YOUR ANALOG KID: JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE
YOUR SPECIAL GUEST: DAN SMITH
YOUR SPECIAL GUEST: JIMMY BYRNE

C-7, C-6 and C-9 they’ll be 
_making your tree look so 
_fine. But why stop there? 
_Hang these babies everywhere,
_keep stringing lights like you

_just don’t care. It will give the

_neighbors quite a scare, when
_they find you decorating their
_tree, what a laugh it will be
_just blame it on GE.

EM NEWS
– Useless Shitbag Kills Dogs
– The Wrong Boob

– Virginians Take A Stand Against Learnin’

– We Ain’t Filmin’ No Queer Hitchin’

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Pay Up YouBastards!

– Polanski To Remain In Homeland
– Hardy, Vaughan, Williams, Whitton, Drummond

– The Mentaltainment Ticker
– Birthdays, What We Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso – goes for a cruise
– Analog Head-Trip – Smooth, real smooth
– We chat with Dan Smith, local folk master (from The Anatomy of…) & his producer Jimmy
– Dan plays us some live tunes off of his new album “Two Wanderers”
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #308 (12-02-2016)

And then it was December. We hope you have enjoyed all of our monthly theme imagery this year. December in EMR-Land, of course, means that the theme will be vintage Christmas advertising. We have selected a bunch of fun stuff from back in the day that we hope will bring vintage holiday cheer into your life. This is episode three-zero-eight. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & MYRON
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

Hurry, hurry. Why not buy 
_three? Only one buck…that’s 
_practically free. Available in 
_two colors, they’ll stand out 
_from all the 
others. Oh…what
_a lark,they’re dazzling glow-in-

_the-dark, Christmas ornaments
_for your tree.

EM NEWS
– Cowards With No Names
– He Has A Big Head For Litter

– Turtle Soup

– He Tried To Kill Her In Public

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Buckaroo Bonzai Esquire

– No More Tinkering
– Cinema PaulieDiso – “So Long”
– Takei, Woolford, Remini, Baccarin

– The Mentaltainment Ticker
– Birthdays, What We Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #307 (11-25-2016)

These are the true stories — the plain, unvarnished facts just as they occurred, re-enacted for you by an all-EMR cast. The names have not, for obvious reasons, been changed. The broadcast is presented with the full cooperation of nobody. This is episode three-zero-seven. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & MYRON
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY
YOUR ANALOG KID: JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

…just to see a guy with a bar.
_Thumb your nose and stay 
_where you are. Oh to be back
_again. In a shack again. Without
_
flak again; to watch a plane as
_you stroll, without diving in a 

_hole — oh how I long to be 
_home.

EM NEWS
– Hide N’ Go Brain Trauma
– Fawn of The Dead

– High Stakes After-Party

– My Brother Died, Your Turn

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Germans Save Cali History

– The Return of Skin
– Cinema PaulieDiso – in town and unclothed
– Ho, Voight, Frank, Fortune

– The Mentaltainment Ticker
– Birthdays, What We Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Analog Head-Trip unzipped
– More about The Monks
– A little bit of Mike Doughty
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #306 (11-18-2016)

Ten o’clock in the morning in Santa Margurita’s ancient bastille of stone which hugs the waterfront at the north end of the city. This filthy hole of a jail, built long ago to hold criminals and slaves newly brought over from Spain, stands so close to the South Atlantic Ocean that twenty feet of its lower wall is awash at high-tide and four to six feet is under water at all times. And this is where Doc and Reggie have been lodged; in the state of San Moreno’s one and only prison in San Moreno’s one and only seaport, Santa Margurita. Doc muttered under his breath. Reggie bared an expression of concern. “Speak Up, Doc,” Reggie called out. Doc raised his head and stared into Reggie’s soul. “EMR…EMR…it will set you free,” Doc repeated. From his photographic memory, Doc recited episode number 306 word for word. Reggie listened intently. This is that episode. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & MYRON
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY
YOUR ANALOG KID: JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

The white man came across the
_sea, he brought us pain and
_misery. He killed our tribe, he
_killed our creed, he took our
_
game for his own need. We 
_fought him hard, we fought him

_well, out on the plains we gave
_him hell. But many came, too
_much for Cree, oh will we ever
_be set free?

EM NEWS
– Bored And On The Run
– Everyone Pays!

– Yellowstone Burning Man

– His Comments Didn’t Add Up

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– The Philosophy of Simpletons

– Presenting: The Vidiots
– Cinema PaulieDiso is open for discussion
– Young, Kilmer, Fisher,Shannon

– The Mentaltainment Ticker
– Birthdays, What We Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– An awesome round of Back Rockwards
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #305 (11-11-2016)

Holy shit, kids, do we have a show for you! It’s not a holiday, an anniversary, a birthday, nothing of the sort. It’s just an episode where the forces that be bestowed upon on us a full house. A full house, in the case of this show as in most cases, is five. Five people. Tonight, count ’em up — it appears as if there were, in fact, five of us. A monumental episode, we like to call three-zero-five. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & MYRON
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY
YOUR ANALOG KID: JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

One, two princes kneel before you
_That what I said now. Princes, 
_princes who adore you. Just go
_ahead now. One has diamonds in
_
his pockets. That’s some bread 
_now. This one said he wants to

_buy you rockets. Ain’t in his head
_now…

EM NEWS
– ABCs Field of Lies
– Nap Time, Not Fuck Time!

– Sweet Ass Hit & Run Dance Moves

– Social Media Sneakthief

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Classic Hollywood Merchandising Suit

– La-La-La-La-La, Shut Down The Freeway
– Cinema PaulieDiso on the hunt
– Jagger, Redmayne, Cohen, Shkreli, Vaughn

– The Mentaltainment Ticker
– Birthdays, What We Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Analog Head-Trip – a run in with the cops
– Minnesota Vice News & sampling

– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #304 (11-04-2016)

At a table sits a man-tall, gaunt, his heavy face lit occasionally by a random beam of light reflecting off the polished barrel of a revolver. As the revolver twists in his nervous fingers, the thoughts in his mind twist and turn … gun in my hand, gun in my hand. In all my life I never had a gun in my hand – smooth gun, hard gun, cold gun in my hand. Bullet won’t be cold – warm bullet, hot bullet, burning hot, hot as the blood – no, can’t think of that. He lays the weapon down. Reaches for the radio. EMR, EMR … yes, that’s it — episode 304. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & MYRON
YOUR SPECIAL GUEST: GARRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

Wayfaring Warrior soul, still wild.
_The Archer stands, arrow 
_measured to the goal, sing of
_strong and living man. In his mind
_
there is a vision wand’ring through
_the forest town. Telling of riches

_only given if through the woods
_the way is found.

EM NEWS
– All Beef Paddy Wagon
– Social Lesson Goes Off-Roading

– Slippery Seats After Strip Club

– The Girl On The Bus

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Hollywood Diversity Has Its Limits

– Voting Rights Revoked!
– Cinema PaulieDiso on two wheels
– Marshall, Bono, Green Day, Murray

– The Mentaltainment Ticker
– Birthdays, What We Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Where Jerry Actually Is
– Paulie talks about “A Last Hurrah” phase one

– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #303 (10-28-2016) The Big Halloween Show

Halloween is upon us. A night of ghosts n’ goblins, witches n’ spooks, mayhem n’ madness. But, also a night of sanity – a night of EMR.  Won’t you take EMR with you this Halloween? Share in the non-acceptance of utter stupidity with us. Tell a friend. Enjoy number three-zero-three, The Big EMR Halloween Show! And….BOO!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & MYRON
YOUR SPECIAL GUEST: GARRY
YOUR ANALOG KID: JERRY

Kept on changin’ clothes in dirty old
_phone booths ’til his work was 
_through. Had nothin’ to do but go
_on home. Superman never made
_
any money, savin’ the world from
_Solomon Grundy. And sometimes I

_despair, the world will never see
_another man like him.

EM NEWS
– Stealing Party Favors
– Mayor vs Mayor

– Burglar Jumps Out of Woman’s Bush
_With Chainsaw
– The Great Takeout Burglar of Rice
_Park
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Emojis Hang With The Classics

– Could Gehry Fuck Up A Sunset?
– Otis, Cruise, Abba, Burns

– The Mentaltainment Ticker
– Birthdays, What We Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Minnesota Vice (a Halloween brew)
– Analog Head-Trip
– The Goofy Halloween Candy Quiz Thing
– The vintage Skeleton Dance (on our FB page)
– So much more, your head will spin!


mycustomessaywriters.org

eMpTy Minds Radio #302 (10-21-2016)

Stay tuned for an interesting and bizarre show tonight, kids. See, episode three-zero-two has all of the makings of a regular EMR episode. But…and this is a big but, we also have the world famous Clamboy sitting in with us tonight and the fantastically entertaining Lydia as well. It’s one hell of a cool thing.  Check it out and enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & MYRON
YOUR ANALOG KID: JERRY
YOUR SPECIAL GUEST: CLAMBOY

Seldom seen – a Scarecrow’s Dream.
_I hang in the hopes of replacement.
_Castles tall, I built them all, but I
_dream that I’m trapped in the
_
basement. And if you ever hear me
_calling out. And if you’ve been by

_paupers crowned. Between the
_worlds of men and make-believe
_I can be found.

EM NEWS
– High man steals real pet from fake
_fire
– The Killer Among Us

– Drive Thru Made Me McSleepy

– Burglars Make Real Slick Getaway

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– John Cleese Sums Up Six Seasons of Walking Dead (video on our FB page)

– Slipper Preservation Activated
– Actors Doing Make-Believe
– SPECIAL – Cinema ClammyDiso
– Janney, Lloyd, Shearer, Bowie

– The Mentaltainment Ticker
– Birthdays, What We Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Minnesota Vice + Lollipops
– Analog Head-Trip

– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #301 (10-14-2016)

Ladies and gentlemen, the element of suspense is so vital to our story tonight, that our sponsors, the makers of Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer, are omitting their usual commercial message during the intermission between the acts so that our play will go uninterrupted from spooky start to spooky finish. Therefore, let’s give Ken Roberts his forty-five second opportunity right now to extol the merits of that blended, splendid, eh, Ken? Who…who the fuck is Ken Roberts? This is EMR, damnit. Pabst is NOT our sponsor, and we promise no less than three entertaining commercial interruptions. This is three-zero-one, kids. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & MYRON
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

Laundry day. See you there. 
_Under things tum-b-ling. Wanna
_say “love your hair.” Here I go
_mum-b-ling. With my freeze ray
_
I will stop – the world. With my
_
freeze ray, I will find the time 
_to find the words to tell you how.
_How you make. Make me feel.

EM NEWS
– Ex-Cited!
– Kids These Days!

– Bad BBQ

– Defender of Lawn Ornaments

– Clown Lives Matter
– An Assault On The Dead
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Thrifty Shopper & Prez Have A Sit Down

– Cumcrust At It Again
– WB Research Expansion
– Cinema PaulieDiso pulls the trigger
– Bernard, Craig, Cranston, Kingsley

– The Mentaltainment Ticker
– Birthdays, What We Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Jim Rockford’s Answering Machine
– Always check our FB page for pics & the Video 4 Audio Goodbye

– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #300 – The Big Show (10-07-2016)

In November it will be six years of EMR, but tonight we celebrate another landmark — 300 episodes. We don’t have the exact stats in front of us, but that’s roughly 650 hours of show under our belts. We’re proud and we’re not afraid to say so. Enjoy tonight’s awesome, special episode and we will see you for another 300!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & MYRON
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY
YOUR TECHMASTER 5K: JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

The League of Evil said I’d miss
_you. The Guild of Demons tried
_to call. Dr. Hatred told me I was
_the one who had influenced 
_them all. But I would not return
_the message, still they would
_not take a hint. No more 
_planning, no more conniving.
_I said I’m done with all of this.

EM NEWS
– Salem Bad Mother Trials
– Kroaky Is A Terrifying Young Girl

– Huricane Walmart Octagon

– I Swear I’ll Beat Your Ass

– Love And A Fireplace Poker
– This Art Stinks!
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Hollywood Drug Fakery

– Saturday Night Shakes
– Cinema PaulieDiso knows what’s behind the curtain
– Jackman, Paisley, Moniz, Temperton
– Analog Head-Trip has a hell of an appetite
– The Mentaltainment Ticker
– Birthdays, What We Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Minnesota Vice
– EMR Stats & Trivia
– The Sexy Japanese Girl On A Giant Calculator
– Ask Wesley Willis For Advice
– A call from our old pal Daryl in Beaverdale, PA

– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #299 (09-30-2016)

Three hundred and twenty-five days out of the year moonlight to me is just the reflected light of the sun, a light interesting only in that it may be analysed spectroscopically. But these thirty days of our vacation, Diane, what a magical change! It’s a soft, lovers’ moon…hanging in the heavens only to brighten your loveliness.  None of that and more on this episode — 299 — of EMR.  Enjoy!

YOUR HOST: TOM & MYRON
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

I hardly ever sing beer drinking
_songs. I can’t put much feeling
_in saying love is all gone wrong.
_I don’t lose no sleep at night, 
_cause things with you are going
_right. And I hardly ever sing
_beer drinking songs.

EM NEWS
– Put Your Hands In The Air, Again
– Dickhead Milks The Elderly

– What The Fuck?!

– Judge Halts Insanity After Zero
_Hour
– Zip It!
– You Don’t Kill You, We Kill You
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Model Paintings or Paintings of
_Models?
– AMC, The Fucksticks of Anti-Trust
– Cinema PaulieDiso…so mysterious
– Saleem, Galifianakis, Texas reading

– The Mentaltainment Ticker
– Birthdays, What We Watched +
_tons more

ETCETERA
– New Feature – Analog Head-Trip
– A Fuck Off! Rant
– Pictures we reference (all on FB)
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #298

Tupac Amaru … remember my name. Somewhere in a field in Peru a naked skull lies white in the sun and does not remember. The socket is empty where once my eye was living and warm and saw the things I have to tell. Do not pity me. Pity only those who are not dead and suffer still. Or, if you must, pity the cruel men who did to me and to my wife and to my children what cruel men do today in other lands. I shall tell you my story and you shall judge it. Enjoy EMR episode numeral two-ninety-eight!

YOUR HOST: TOM & MYRON
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

All I wanna do is drink beer for
_breakfast. All I wanna eat is
_them barbecue chips. All I 
_want is someone to just try 
_and protect us. You can try,
_but never wanna try and 

_defect us. I telling you I am
_through. Mama’s baby boy is

_a bum.

EM NEWS
– Put Your Hands In The Air
– The Disrobing At The Gate

– Changing Room Freak

Take A Knee

– Kid Scene Investigation
– Checking Up On The Neighbors
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– A Master Takes A Night Train To
_The Big Adios
– Whedon Gets Social For A Cause
– Cinema PaulieDiso dusts your crops
– Tussaud’s, Judge, Scott

– The Mentaltainment Ticker
– Birthdays, What We Watched +
_tons more

ETCETERA
– An impromptu MN Vice
– Odd Assorted Trivial Strangeness
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #297 (09-16-2016)

The story of my journey to Yellowstone National Park began with the coach of the Yellowstone Stage Line pulling into the town of Shoshone, midway point between Bear Claw and the National Park. Beside myself, the coach carried a Mr. and Mrs. Willis of Baltimore and a thin, young man of about 25, whose name was Black. As the driver pulled up in front of the Shoshone Hotel. A group of men came forward to meet us. One of them wearing an EMR t-shirt. Jerry’s the name, he said, as he firmly shook my hand. This here’s Episode, and finally we have Two-Ninety-Seven. Immediately following the introduction, I couldn’t recall the first fella’s name, but I couldn’t forget that t-shirt.  So, I remembered the trio as EMR Episode Two-Ninety-Seven. Enjoy!

YOUR HOST: TOM & MYRON
YOUR TECHMASTER 5K: JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

Warm beer and cold women, I
_just don’t fit in. Every joint I
_stumbled into tonight, that’s
_just how its been. All these
_double-knit strangers with Gin
_and Vermouth and recycled

_stories – in the naugahyde
_
booths, with the platinum
_blondes and tobacco
_brunettes.

EM NEWS
– Tie The Fucker Down!
– Concert Promotion Not Sexy

– The Pimpin’ Vet

Feel The Burn

– Embezzling MILF
– Cop Killed…By Self
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– The Day The Music Didn’t Die

– Censorship Fucktards
– Cinema PaulieDiso ponders life
– Arquette, Cali, Scorsese

– The Mentaltainment Ticker
– Birthdays, What We Watched +
_tons more

ETCETERA
– Techin’ It Up The Ass
– Another Film Trivia Quiz Thingy
– So much more, your head will spin!


Source: guidedescasinosfrancais.com

eMpTy Minds Radio #296 (09-09-2016)

Ting. Ting. Ting. The raindrops knockin’ on the metal roof across the way stirred him awake. Jimmy sat up. It was a hot one – the mercury hadn’t been south of ninety-five all day, and the darkness wasn’t correcting the situation. Sweat rolled over his forehead, down his nose. He licked the salty dribble off of his upper lip. THWIP! The roll shade blew it’s gasket and sprung wide open, and his face was illuminated in a ghostly glow from the sizzling red neon lettering above the metal roof. W-E-M-R. All day, all night – radio done right.  Enjoy episode 296!

YOUR HOST: TOM & MYRON
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY
YOUR TECHMASTER 5K: JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

I like beer ’cause it is good. I
_drink beer because I should. If 
_there was a song to sing, I sing 
_it and beer you bring. I drink
_beer when I am sad, ’cause the
_beer it makes me glad. Now

_there’s nothing left to say. So,
_let’s go drink beer.

EM NEWS
– Angry Girlfriend Sets Fire To
_Wrong Car
– Crazy Robbery Ends In Hazzard

– Woman Dies of Corndog
_Inhalation
One Bottle, Several Shots

– Trees Cause Crime
– Scamee Extraordinaire
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Lost Doctor Resurrected 

– For The Record (Vinyl’s Rise)
– A special Cinema PaulieDiso
– Hostetter, UHF, Biel

– The Mentaltainment Ticker
– Birthdays, What We Watched +
_tons more

ETCETERA
– Jerry’s Happy Note x2
– Ten Laughable TV Ad Products
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #295 (09-02-2016)

The “Harbor Lights!” Once again we go aboard the old New York ferry-boat, to meet white-haired Captain Jimmy Norton and his young friend Joe, and hear another of the captain’s famous stories of the days of the clipper-ships and high adventure. But first this…

YOUR HOST: TOM & MYRON
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY

Walked in the pub, ordered a 
_pint. Put it on the table. Oh,
_Oh, Oh, Oh. Put it on the 
_table, sat alone for an hour or
_more. Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, poor 
_Mabel. Who spilt my beer? Who 

_spilt my beer? I’m asking you to
_tell the truth. Who spilt my

_beer?

EM NEWS
– Have Cheetohs, Will Burn
– Hauling Shit For Shitheads

– Good Side of A Bad Girl

Car Tipping, Dudes!

– Obama Nearly Kills Everyone
_In Ohio – Part Four
– City vs Tiny House Dweller
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Chris Brown, Victim. Shyeah…As If

– They Are Done With “The Beat”
– Johnson, Wilder, Garcetti

– The Mentaltainment Ticker
– Birthdays, What We Watched +
_tons more

ETCETERA
– The GMGT Super Quiz
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #294 (08-26-2016)

My experiences started in the University of Manchester where I was studying natural history. It was after class May 22nd 18 hundred and 18, that professor Waldman, my close dear friend Henry Claval, and myself were in the laboratory of the university.  The old shelf radio, next to the rusted push window on the far side of the room crackled to life. In later years, I would question how three men of science found it strange that a radio should turn itself on without the aid of a human hand, but not odd that there be a radio in our lab in the year 1818. We, collectively, sat on our stools staring at the sad piece of bakelite that was speaking to us. The man inside the small box informed us it was EMR. We listened in amazement. This is episode 294, kids. Enjoy!

YOUR HOST: TOM & MYRON
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY
YOUR GNUs MAN: JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

and I’m dreaming of a place
_where I could see your face.
_And I think my brush would
_take me there. But only…
_If I were a painter and could
_paint a memory, I’d climb 

_inside the swirling skies to be
_with you. I’d climb inside the

_skies, to be with you
.

EM NEWS
– Advanced Degree In Bullshit
– Suburban Mexican Drug Running

– Going Back To Crack

A Mental Blockade

– Pedophile Smokescreen
– Holy Shit – A Phone!
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Reboot My Balls!
– Dexter At Ten
– Cinema PaulieDiso…choosing sides
– Lawrence, Hill, Odenkirk, Martin

– The Mentaltainment Ticker
– Birthdays, What We Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Techin’ It Up The Ass
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #293 (08-19-2016)

Shortly after two a. m., a poker game had just broken up at Ben Kamsley’s, the doctor-coroner of Deerwood City. Scott Anderson, Deerwood’s chief of police and Wally Shane, his assistant were standing outside. Kamsely approached. “You boys catch EMR last night?”, he asked wryly. Anderson, not missing a beat “Of course. What do you think we are? Luddites?” The two cackled as Wally Shane stood befuddled. Anderson and Kamsley looked at him sternly. “What’s EMR?”, Shane inquired sheepishly.  The two broke into laughter. Don’t be a Wally Shane. Enjoy some EMR today!

YOUR HOST: TOM & MYRON
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

…and those that lack the
_passion I have may despise it. 
_But my momma made me this
_way, I thank her every day.
_So, tell them kids to keep 
_
colorin’ outside the lines until
_they lose they limitations and
_they minds is free. Tell them
_teachers that you want your
_money back this time. And
_tell Bob Ross – thanks for all the
_happy little trees.

EM NEWS
– 9-1-1 To Nowhere
– Old Asshole Apparently Cool With Rape

– Trump African Tourist Bureau

Fuck It! I’ll Be There!

– Cake Boss
– The Park Ain’t For Sale
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Prince Al Rogers Nelsovic
– And, In Stark Contrast…
– Cinema PaulieDiso…one afternoon, in the city
– Baker, Die Antwoord, Rush, Hiller

– The Mentaltainment Ticker
– Birthdays, What We Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– So There You Fucking Are Quiz
– Paulie kicks us a UCLA Kick-Off Quiz
– Garry’s “Drink Up!”
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #292 (08-12-2016)

Last night everything was routine until I saw her again. We were just winding up the third set when she came in, flanked by the same deadpan gunsel. She sat alone at the same table, ordered the same drink, smoked the same Egyptian deities, Gave me that same loving look. The gunsel as usual nibbled at his drink at the bar, his eyes playing watchdog for the girl. This was the fifth night, four nights running, same girl, same gunsel, same routine. Sit for five solid hours, drink, smoke and work me over with her eyes. Reach down deep for a sigh, and leave with Dead pan right behind her. Well, I didn’t like it. I was beginning to taste salt on my tongue. We went into a finish and the girl looked once at the gunsel, he nodded and started to the stand. Wait. Hold that thought. It’s time for a little EMR. A little EMR we like to call episode two-ninety-two. Enjoy!

YOUR HOST: TOM & PAULIE
YOUR TECHMASTER 5K: JERRY

He made it look so easy. Patting
_a brush on some canvas, and
_suddenly there was a mountain.

_Then a lake and trees, while 
_mine always came out looking
_like stains. But if I remember
_anything from the end of each 
_show, it was his soft voice 
_reminding us all “there are no
_mistakes, only happy
_accidents.

EM NEWS
– Idiot Armed With Movie Weapons
– The Big Sellout

– Hey Sexy, That Gun Looks Real

Dam Leg!

– City Not Cool With Dumpster Pool
– The Boy Who Cried Gun
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– DC Idiots Don’t Understand Simple Ratings System
– Intelligentisa Loves Real Shit
– Cinema PaulieDiso…the Big P, Hollywood Paulie
– Cardboard Arnold, Huddleston, Mirren, Martin

– The Mentaltainment Ticker
– Birthdays, What We Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Jerry’s Happy Note x 3
– Strange Origins
– Minnesota Vice (from Clown Shoes)
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #291 (08-05-2016)

Now there’s a fine start for a cozy dinner in Lafayette. It could only happen to Candy Matson, San-Francisco’s well known private investigator. Whether she’s at home in her penthouse on Telegraph Hill, or at the races in Albany, it makes no difference. Trouble always seems to pop up its dangerous head. And this was no exception. A quiet afternoon, watching the wrong horses finish in the right positions, then driving along a road on top of Berkeley’s skyline–and out of the dusk, a man’s cry for help. That cry led to a maze of events that would have done justice to an Alfred Hitchcock movie. Want to hear what developed after the man called for help? If you answered yes, sadly, you will have to get that information elsewhere. This here is EMR. The All Out Assault On Stupidity & Bullshit. Number 291. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & MYRON
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY
YOUR TECHMASTER 5K: JERRY
YOUR CINEMTATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

I believe, I believe everyday’s
_a good day when you paint.
_I believe, I believe it’ll bring

_a lot of good thoughts to your
_heart. Let’s build a happy 
_little cloud, let’s build some
_happy little trees. There 
_are no limits here. You start
_off by believing here.

EM NEWS
– Dogs Drive Into Walmart
– Ox Tipping

– Burglar Dies After Being 
Caught On Tape
Super Limited Hero Saves Day

– Gun Hero Saves Universe From Liberal Snapchat Obama
– Idiot Assholes Video’d A Beating
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Tomlin To Receive Big Prize
– LA Pilot Production Blues
– Cinema PaulieDiso…and friends
– Buscemi, Douglas, Malek, Osbourne

– The Mentaltainment Ticker
– Birthdays, What We Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Techin’ It Up The Ass
– A round of the Name That Sound Quiz

– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #290 (07-29-2016)

At ten o’clock, the sun came out from behind the rain. The house stood alone on a street where all the other houses were rubble and ashes. At night, the ruined town gave off a radioactive glow which could be seen for miles. At ten-fifteen, the garden sprinkler filled the soft morning air with golden fountains. The water tinkled over the charred west side of the house — the side which had been facing the blast. It was black, except in five places. One of the five places was a silhouette of a man mowing a lawn, just as he’d been the instant the radioactivity burned his image into the side of the house. Over there, a woman bent to pick flowers. Through the window — a crack in the curtains, a small recording studio is visible.  A sign on the wall reads: “The All Out Assault On Stupidity & Bullshit!” Welcome to episode two-nine-zero. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & MYRON
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY
YOUR CINEMTATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

I met her out west pumpin’
_diesel, in a town where the 
_sand meets the sea. She was

_leather and snaps, and an 
_old baseball cap, she stole 
_the wild heart from me. So,
_take all your debutante 
_princesses fair, spendid in
_diamonds and pearls. I’d
_trade ’em all in for a kiss on
_the wind, from the lips of
_a gas station girl.

EM NEWS
– Meghan Olson Is Not A Racist
– Pond Scum of Woodbury

– Ryan Bundy Is An Idiot

– Getting Busy On Duty

– Parking Lot Daredevil
_Accused of Having Rock
– Asshole!
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Just Another Guy In A Red Jumpsuit
– …Nothing Like A Day Out On The Beach
– Cinema PaulieDiso shows its eccentric side
– Springfield, Knotts, Reedus, Dre

– The Mentaltainment Ticker
– Birthdays, What We Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Chuck Norris Jokes Re-Written
– Shadow River concert pics (on our FB page)

– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #289 (07-22-2016)

Wally Kent was the only person there who did not fear the old man. He even admitted to himself that he liked him in a strange sort of way. And that was good, especially as the Sloanes were inclined to be clannish, and Wally intended to propose to Natalie — if he could find her. After having looked everywhere else for her, he finally decided to try Mr. Sloane’s room. Perhaps she had been closeted with her uncle. You definitely will not find out what happened to Natalie on this episode of EMR.  It’s 288, kids. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & MYRON
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY

Give me coffee, king-sized
_cup. Come on, Kitty Cat,
_fill her up. What’s your 

_name, Little Buttercup?
_That’s for me to know, and
_you to make up. Love
_casinos, Indian reservations,
_But, Baby, if you love me –
_take me to the gas station.
_Gas station.

EM NEWS
– Pizza Robber Shits Pants
– The Land of 7,000 usable lakes

– Up Your Skirt, Georgia!

– Jesus’ Creepy Ad Campaign

– It’s For Your Own Good
– Nanny Finds Out Woodbury
_Really Is Hell
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Drumpf Not Listening To The Queen
– A Moment For Marshall
– Kaylan, Williams, Jagger, Nelson

– The Mentaltainment Ticker
– Birthdays, What We Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– MN Vice (sampling + news)
– Martha provides us with an EM News Rant
– Touchtone Terrorists’ classic Blade bit “You are the trash!”
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #288 (07-15-2016)

We speak our story, yet who can hear it? There is no understanding here in this darkness – only the pain of endless searching — searching for the unknowable. Confusion in our minds – yet once we were men who knew a world of reality, a world of sun and brightness, a world of city streets and people and quickly moving autos, and women, and theaters, and laughing children. A world…a living world! But suddenly, somehow, that world has gone from us and we were doomed to this. Let us tell you just what happened. It’s episode two-eighty-eight. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & MYRON03 - POV-Gas-Pinup
YOUR TECHMASTER 5K: JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

This song here might offend 
_you some. If it does, it’s 
_because you’re dumb. That’s

_the way it is where I come 
_from. If you’ve been there
_too, let me see your thumb.
_Show me your thumb if
_you’re dumb. You oughta
_know now, all your edu-
_cation won’t help you no-
_how. You’re gonna wind up
_workin’ in a gas station.

EM NEWS
– In The K Hole
– Cooped Up Hooker

– Batshit Crazy

– Shoot First, Eat Garbage Later

– Home Invasion
– The Necklace Fucking Master
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso notices some similarities
– Die Hard Helmer Despises Modern Hero Pics
– The Relevant Inheritance
– Murray, Estrada, Mutants

– The Mentaltainment Ticker
– Birthdays, What We Watched +
_tons more

ETCETERA
– More leftover beers for us tonight
– Techin’ It Up The Ass
– Jerry challenges us to a round of “Working Title”
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #287 (07-08-2016)

Can we ask you something? How would you like to have a beautiful bronze Medal of Membership to show that you’re a special friend of EMR’s and bona fide member of our new 2016 Bullshit Patrol? A medal that entitles you to take part in a great adventure and get lots of free gifts and prizes. A medal you’ll be so proud to show your friends that you’ll want to carry it with you wherever you go. It’s made with heavy bronze with raised letters and pictures on the front and back. Just like on a real Medal of Honor. It has a swell picture of Jerry and also of our good friend, Clamboy. There’s also a mystic radio clock face on it and also the mysterious new secret password of the 2016 Bullshit Patrol. A password that’s the key to greater mysteries that are still to come. There isn’t such a medallion in existence, but wouldn’t you like to have one?  Enjoy episode two-eighty-seven!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & MYRON
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

Mobile station where I stand,
_this old gas pump in my hand.
_The boss don’t like me, face

_like a weasel. All on my 
_hands, the smell of diesel.
_Here comes the big shot,
_here he comes. From the
_city. God damn! A V-8
_engine, she runs so pretty.

EM NEWS
– Fucking Mannequin!
– Saints Steal Fireworks

– Gas Fire Is Just Dandy

– People In This Town, Can’t
_Fucking Drive
– Don’t Tell Mom, The Baby-
_Sittter’s Drunk

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso considers that a
_divorce
– The Ramones Take The Stage
– 100 Years of Kirk
– Ramone, Kiarostami, Lucas, Captain

– The Mentaltainment Ticker
– Birthdays, What We Watched +
_tons more

ETCETERA
– Tonight we are drinking a vast selection of Garry’s left over beers
– A long discussion on the local Philandro Castile shooting
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #286 (07-01-2016)

Good evening, folks, this is the voice of EMR. We are happy to announce that this broadcast is being made available to the entire world via this technological marvel known as the World Wide Web. You know, an old proverb that we just thought of, says if you want a whiter wash well done just leave it to Rinso. And how true that is. Why, those quick acting Rinso suds are tough as nails on dirt and grime, yet safe for washable colors. And with Rinso, you can hustle through a load of clothes with as little as a five-minute run in your washer. How’s that for saving your clothes and easing up on your trusty machine? That washer’s got to last for the duration you know. If we were you we’d have it checked right now by a reliable dealer. And we’d certainly get the new anti-sneeze Rinso tomorrow! And now, episode two-eighty-six. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & PAULIE
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY
YOUR TECHMASTER 5K: JERRY
YOUR SPECIAL GUEST: MARTHA

Free-wheeling down the hill,
_chuck-a-bang, out of fuel.
_Referring quickly to my map,

_a gas pump is what I need.
_Right at the bottom of the
_hill appears a grand and
_wacky garage flying a flag,
_and sign – fill up here, folks
_your last chance.

EM NEWS
– The U.N. Is Finally Invading, Maybe
– Gillespie’s Record Records

– Tony Robbins’ Fans Are On Fire

– Asshole Who Hurts Dogs — Busted
– Out of The Oven, Into The Fridge
– Med-Weed Today

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso Dives In
– Skyscraper, Glass Slide, Earthquakes…What Could Go Wrong?
– Dirty Pool In The Movie Biz
– Worrell, Miller, Daly, Ipal’e

– The Mentaltainment Ticker
– Birthdays, What We Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Tonight we are drinking a vast selection of Garry’s left over beers
– Techin’ It Up The Ass
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #285 (06-24-2016)

Through all the years of man’s existence, no matter what he has learned or has been taught from generation to generation, he carries in the innermost depths of his mind a certain fear of the darkness. A fear of the night which is somehow associated with death and in actuality is the fear of death itself. Each of us in our lifetime will probably come into contact with some psychic phenomenon, either directly or indirectly through the experience of a relative or an acquaintance. An experience never to be forgotten, and about such an experience is EMR. Let’s do this together, shall we? Welcome to episode two-eighty-five

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & MYRON
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

Walking back from your house –
_walking on the moon. Feet,
_they hardly touch the ground –

_walking on the moon. My feet
_don’t hardly make no sound –
_walking on, walking on the
_moon.

EM NEWS
– Pay Up, Asshole!
– How Many Fucking Foods Are There?

– Uber Fucked
– Guns For Gas, Cuz Duh!
– Suburban Running Man
– Cocksucking, Motherfucking, Piece of Shit!

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso show us how its done
– The Wolf Defends Wall Street
– Turbulence!
– Two & A Half Regrets
– Yelchin, Dreadful, Roth, Saldana

– The Mentaltainment Ticker — denied
– Birthdays, What We Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Tonight we are drinking Bent Paddle Black Ale
– Who has the sign? We do, bitches
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #284 (06-17-2016)

Hey, EMR Family…here we are, just as we said we would be.  Are we in our beloved Golden Leaf HQ? No. If you missed it, the Leaf sadly closed its doors. We are now in our temporary home, on the lookout for better digs and having a hell of a time doing it. Hang in there, cuz we aren’t going anywhere.  Enjoy 284!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & MYRON
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY
YOUR TECHMASTER 5K: JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

Doctors want to check me,
_poke me and dissect me.
_What do they expect? 

_Feelings from a wind-up
_toy? I don’t think so. I’m
_just a wind-up toy. A 
_wind-up toy

EM NEWS
– Standing Around For Freedom
– Bad Plate Says State

– Abusive Women Expecting Leniency
– Robbery, Violence, Eventually
_Police…sort of
– Air Force Loses Smoking Guns
– His DUI Knob Goes To Eleven

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso takes on a topic
– Enthusiasm Uncurbed
– A Voice Lost
– Glass, Mejia, Anderson

– The Mentaltainment Ticker
– Birthdays, What We Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Techin’ It Up The Ass
– A Fuck Off! Rant
– An all new Five Minute Cinema
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #283 (06-10-2016)

It is with sadness that we at EMR move into the next chapter of our podcasting lives.  Our home-base since nearly the beginning of this show (episode 13ish) has been the Saint Paul Golden Leaf Tobacco. Tonight’s episode will be the last in the “Cigar shop that used to be a multi-lingual surgery center…” Rest assured listener, despite our homelessness, you will receive your weekly dose of EMR, as usual.  Goodbye, Golden Leaf.  It has been fun! Enjoy episode number two-eighty-three!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & MYRON
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY
YOUR TECHMASTER 5K: JERRY

Every kid who has ever seen a
_science fiction movie – thrill
_to the strength of an out-of-

_this-world movie monster.
_The Great Garloo by Marx!
_Garoo The Mighty. Garloo
_The Untamed. Garloo The
_Terrible. Who can stop 

_him? Who can control this
_monstrous creature? You
_can…

EM NEWS
– What Do You Mean What Do
_I Mean?
– Creeper On A Bridge

– Fucking Crazy Killed Your Puppy
– The Case of The Missing Flower
– Cheap Skate Cannucks
– The Imperfect Crime

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Debt Relief Last Week
– Tit Jokes A No No
– Astin, Carr, Odenkirk, Rose

– The Mentaltainment Ticker
– Birthdays, What We Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Techin’ It Up The Ass
– A double Minnesota Vice
– Memories of Golden Leaf
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #282 (06-03-2016)

And then there was June, and it was good. Welcome to the opening month of summer and episode two-hundred-eighty-two of eMpTy Minds Radio or EMR as we like to call it. If you are back for more, thanks for returning. If this is all new to you, then you fair-listener, are in for a treat. Kick back and inhale all that is EMR. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & MYRON
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY
YOUR TECHMASTER 5K: JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

The year is 1987, and NASA
_launches the last of America’s
_deep space probes. In a freak

_mishap, the Ranger 3 and its
_pilot – Captain William “Buck”
_Rogers are blown out of their
_trajectory into an orbit which
_
freezes his life support
_systems, and returns Buck
_Rogers to earth, 500 years
_later

EM NEWS
– Speed Trap of Lies
– BLM Fires Teachers

– Puna Gorda
– Minnesotans Might Be Funner
– The Selfie Bandit
– They Super-Soaked That Shit

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso sinks deep into conspiracy

– Form Summertime Programming
– What A Fucking Bastard
– Beckinsale, Prophets, Smell, Clark

– The Mentaltainment Ticker
– Birthdays, What We Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Techin’ It Up The Ass
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #281 (05-27-2016)

Oh god, is it beautiful outside in EMR Land! Finally! But we can’t just relax, can we? We can’t just sit back and have that cigar and that scotch and enjoy that outdoor air. Not just yet, friends. Not until we knock the idiots of the world back a notch and tell you of our findings. Then and only then do we get to rest, that is…until next time. Enjoy two-eighty-one!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & MYRON
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY

Get a dose of her in jackboots
_and kilt. She’s killer-diller 
_when she’s dressed to the

_hilt. She’s the kind of girl
_that makes the news of
_the world. Yes, you could
_say she was attractively
_built
.

EM NEWS
– Oklahoma Christian Bathroom
_Authority
– MPDs 4th Plays Like A Broken
_Record
– Comedy Death In The Outback
– Anaconda VI: Dickeyville
– PhD In Slob
– High School’s Assistant Asshole
_Quits
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Madi”sin” Square Garden

– Now These Are Dark Comics
– McGregor, Howland, Hunter, Kwouk

– The Mentaltainment Ticker
– Birthdays, What We Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– It’s Read S-E-X-X-Y
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #280 (05-20-2016)

And now let’s go below and see if we can’t get the boys to sing some sea chanties for us. We might even get Old Forty Fathom to spin us a yarn. If young Peter Pillbeam is below he’ll get a story out of Old Forty Fathom, so leave your troubles ashore and let’s see what we can scare up for entertainment this cruise. Enjoy the below decks party that is episode two-eight-zero!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & PAULIE
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY
YOUR TECHMASTER 5K: JERRY
YOUR SPECIAL GUEST: MARTHA

Now I wanna sniff some glue.
_Now I wanna have somethin’
_to do. All the kids wanna sniff

_some glue.  All the kids want

_somethin’ to do
.

EM NEWS
– Organic Psycho Pathology
– Hillbillies Know They History
– Look At These Bullets, Mama
– Sometimes You Eat The B’ar…
– There Will Be Fed Squirrels
– Mystery Machine Mysteriously
_Ends Up In House
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Superheroes Take Down Suits

– Weathering The Dress Storm
– Cinema PaulieDiso Takes One In The Bow
– Pierce, Weir, Morissette, Rage

– The Mentaltainment Ticker
– Birthdays, What We Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Techin’ It Up The Ass
– A round of Onion or No Onion
– Double the birthdays, double the fun!
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #279 (05-013-2016)

A footstep sounded in the stillness of the empty room. Devereux turned. “Good evening,” said a suave voice. Who – who are you?” demanded Devereux. “You don’t remember me?” said the suave voice, mockingly. “You can’t be – EMR!” gasped Devereux. The other laughed. “I am eMpTy Minds Radio in the flesh,” it said. Devereux reached for the telephone. “I wouldn’t touch that if I were you,” warned the podcasting entity. He stepped to the wall and flicked on the lights. Their radiance flooded the room. Devereux noticed that his adversary was armed but with wit and wisdom, and damned be the stupidity of the world on this night. Enjoy two-seventy-nine!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & MYRON
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY
YOUR GNUs MAN: JERRY

Out in the shiny night, the rain
_was softly falling. The tracks 
_that ran down the boulevard,

_had all been washed away. Out

_of the silver light, the past 

_came softly calling. And I 
_remember the times we spent,
_inside the sad cafe
.

EM NEWS
– Corn Scalp Challenge
– I Got Guns & I Can Sue Like A
_Fucking Retard
– Snake Loving Idiot On Death Bed
– Tea Leaves & Other Goodies
– Teaching A Young Dog Bad Tricks
– Local Ties To Transylvania?

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Corresponding No More

– Jessica Jones Does It Old School
– Death-Chem On Set
– Schallert, McAvoy, Tomita, Stewart

– The Mentaltainment Ticker
– Birthdays, What We Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Jerry presents The Fantastic Friday Food Quiz Thing
– Several of our favorite Friday The 13th memes (on our FB page)
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #278 (05-06-2016)

Shortly after two a. m., a poker game had just broken up at Ben Kamsley’s, the doctor-coroner of Deerwood City. Scott Anderson, Deerwood’s chief of police and Wally Shane, his assistant were standing outside. Shane slid his hand into his overcoat pocket and removed a transistor radio. For a moment Anderson stood with a confused expression. He knew there was no ball game that night, it was cancelled due to rain, despite the rain amounting to nothing more than a smattering of ominous clouds. Wait a minute, he thought. Was it already Friday night? My god it was. Where had the week gone? It was EMR time. Shane flipped the attenuator switch to on and episode two-seventy-eight spilled into the cool night air. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & MYRON
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY
YOUR GNUs MAN: JERRY
YOUR SPECIAL GUEST: MARTHA

But the anger we felt for each
_other was kept In our private
_backstage world. A
ll our hatred
_was left behind w
hen we took
_command of the 
First Avenue
_stage. Stage. First 
Avenue stage.
_Avenue stage
.

EM NEWS
– Self-Shot Photographers
– Who’s Next To Pee Pee?
– The Polite Alligator
– Free Weekly Now On Sale
– Container Contains Contents
– Give That Guy A Gold Star,
_For His Gold Star
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– It’s 106 Miles To Chicago…

– Epic Fest Is A Go
– Pappilon, Blake, MacFarlane, Daniels

– The Mentaltainment Ticker
– Birthdays, What We Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Jerry’s Happy Note
– The Mega Tough General Knowledge Quiz Thing
– Special guest Martha sits in with us
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #277 (04-29-2016)

Once again we go aboard the old New York ferry-boat, to meet white-haired Captain Jimmy Norton and his young friend Joe, and hear another of the captain’s famous stories of the days of the clipper-ships and high adventure. All aboard! Tonight’s episode of EMR has nothing to do with any of that nonsense, but welcome aboard episode 277, none the less.

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & MYRON
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY
YOUR GNUs MAN: JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

I have a scooter, a scooter so
_nifty – Piaggio Vespa PX150.
_Fast and slow, the engine goes

_putt, putt, putt. Worry is no
_worry when I am on my Vespa.
_Life is no hurry, when I am on
_my Vespa.

EM NEWS
– Hiding In The Wrong Back Yard
– Small Town Acting Like Brazil
– Traffic Lights Way Up Your Ass
– Unwanted Room Service
– Killer Legend
– Drive Thru Pizza Place Sorry About
_Racism
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– City Isn’t Bluffing About Prince

– They Come From Space. They Laugh. They Kill.
– Cinema PaulieDiso meanders into town
– Merchant, Hastings, Thor, Hoeks

– The Mentaltainment Ticker
– Birthdays, What We Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Techin’ It Up The Ass
– Affirmations & Mantras For The Band
– A Sexy Non-Japanese Girl On A Giant Calculator
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #276 (04-22-2016)

Good evening, friends, and welcome to this Friday night of — well, I don’t know exactly what to call it. You see we’ve got so many surprises on the show tonight that even I’m not sure what’s coming next. In fact, it wouldn’t surprise me a bit if the Voice of Spring walked right out here on our stage and… Welcome to episode two-seven-six. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & MYRON
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

If you get lonely on your 
_daddy’s farm, just remember
_I don’t live too far. And 

_there’s a red bridge that arcs
_the bay, yeah. You’ll be at 
_my place in less than a day. 
_So get on your bad motor-
_scooter and ride.

EM NEWS
– Clouds of Instant Death
– Yee-Haw, Fuckers!
– DUI Alarm Clock
– Our Toilets Will Be As Yesterday
– Sarah Palin Admits She’s Not A Scientist
– From The Huh Duh File
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– What’s A Castle Without A Queen?

– Winey Little Bitches & Their Winey Bitch Manager
– Cinema PaulieDiso – how do you like them apples?
– McGinley, Roberts. Fairey, and Liota

– The Mentaltainment Ticker
– Birthdays, What We Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Fucking Crazy Craigslist Ads
– A long Minnesota discussion on Prince
– Note – this is the last EMR written and launched from the office
_that used to be a bedroom and was formerly our recording studio
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #275 (04-15-2016)

To people of the world – Europe, Asia, The Americas, The Dark Continent: we, the Oracle of EMR, summon you, whom the death of the truth may concern, to come to our holy temple so that you may atone for those who exchanged intelligence for idiocy. For we have said, a fool and his freedom are soon parted. Don’t be a fool, check out EMR Two- Seventy-Five and enjoy the shit out of it!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & MYRON
YOUR TECHMASTER 5K: JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE
YOUR SPECIAL GUEST: MARTHA

Where the hell is Bill? Well maybe
_he went to get an Air Force 
_parka. Maybe he went to get a

_Vespa scooter. Maybe he went 
_to get a British flag. Maybe he
_went to go Mod Ska dancing. 
_Well maybe he went to get a
_mohawk.

EM NEWS
– Defusing A Dildo
– Reverse Discrimination Reversed
– Gangster Turkey Terrorizing Town
– Wake The Fuck Up, Citizens!
– Trying To Find Zen On A Plane
– Feds Hate This Combination of Letters
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso is having a bad day

– Deposed Queen
– It’s Driving Him Mad. It’s Making Him Crazy
– Gest, Lloyd, Bono, painting

– The Mentaltainment Ticker
– Birthdays, What We Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– A track from the brand new Shadow River album
– Techin’ It Up The Ass – a collection
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #274 (04-08-2016)

His eyes widened, quickly. The lowball full of whiskey in his left hand fell to the floor. The raised pistol in his right hand lowered. The enormity of what stood before him was overwhelming. He took a cautious step back. His mind scrambled. Hadn’t he prepared for this? Wasn’t this exactly what he knew it would come to some day? “Pointless,” he muttered softly to himself. Nothing could have prepared him. “How could anyone have prepared for such a thing, for a world so cluster-fucked in bullshit?” Then, from a tiny speaker dangling from a wire “put the gun away, friend, and head for the exit. We’ve got this.” At first the man was confused, but then a warmth washed over him. A recognition that he wasn’t alone, and that even though he was extremely under-prepared for this mission, taking care of massive amounts of utter bullshit, is what EMR does. It was EMR on the other end of that little, rusted tin speaker. Everything would be okay. On his way out the door, he turned up the volume, and episode two-seventy-four echoed in the halls. He smiled. So will you.

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & MYRON
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

Dogs on leashes behind fences
_barking. Pretty little pillows on 
_floral couches. Until our faces

_all resemble dying roses, stop
_trying to fix it. Patriarch on a
_Vespa, runs a red and ends up
_crushed under the wheel.

EM NEWS
– Police Not Sure Which Excuse To Use
– Not Feeling The Burn
– Indonesian Asshole Singer Dies
– Important Shit Happening In Eagan
– Tennesseeans Choose A Book To Be State Book
– Minneapolis Just Doesn’t Give A Shit
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso gets unstuck in time

– Stones Ready To Mix It Up
– Zappa’s Winter
– Bauersfeld, Haggard, Waits

– The Mentaltainment Ticker
– Birthdays, What We Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– More Bizarre Chinese Toy Imports
– It’s Read S-E-X-X-Y
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #273 (04-01-2016)

We know it seems quite possible that EMR would try to pull some sort of stunt, being that it is April Fool’s Day and all. But it is just not in our nature to do so. What is in our nature on this Friday, is that which is true every Friday — to call out the idiots and the assholes of world. To shame them for their bullshit and have a hell of a good time doing it. Won’t you ride along for episode two-seven-three? We thought you might. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & MYRON
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY
YOUR TECHMASTER 5K: JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

Or take me to LA in Spring – 
_beaches roar in your blue eyes.
_Dig the sky for your diamond

_smile. Movies made and awards
_won. Or take me to 60s Saigon.
_You are my queen and only gun.
_Aodai silk waves our blue Vespa,
_Your perfect skin against my
_scars.

EM NEWS
– Navy Captain Is Golden Ass
– Walgreens Terrorist
– Snoop D-O Double Commentator
– May Their Damaged Paddle Always
_Guide Them
– USGS Getting Lube Ready To Fuck
_Thieves
– Hey…Join The Club!
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso pulls one over on the man

– Regal Transportation For Landlubbers
– Shitting On The Shat
– Props, Patty Duke, Latin Art, Deal

– The Mentaltainment Ticker
– Birthdays, What We Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– A Mad Dog Update
– The EMR April Fool’s Day Super Quiz Thing
– Techin’ It Up The Ass
– It’s Read S-E-X-X-Y
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #272 (03-25-2016)

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Vegas Vic Root Beers brings to you at this time another mystery drama from real life. Tonight we will unfold the story of “Saint Paul’s Lone Wolf Terror” adapted from Startling Detective Adventures Magazine for November. How helpless people cowered in terror as a wolf-life phantom swooped down on the city of Saint Paul. Taunting the police with their inability to trap him, he continued on his meteoric way until one day this Lone Wolf was brought to bay. As the curtain rises we find Miss Betsy Mack in her apartment, taking solace from the troubles of her day in an episode of EMR. Enjoy episode 272. Ya know Betsy will. 

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & MYRON
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE
YOUR SPECIAL GUEST: MARTHA

He sits up top – a true pioneer.
_His arm moving back and forth,
_his thumb extended. He appears 

_to be hitching a ride, yet he
_never leaves. That stare, that
_excited smile. Wait…he’s
_pointing. I walk inside.

EM NEWS
– Dangerous Sushi Lover
– Can I Bum A Smoke, And Your Purse?
– Microsoft Nazi-Bot
– Here’s Fifty Dollars. Put It Next To A
_Limo
– Employee Discount
– Having Shots At The Party
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso is lost in the desert

– The Mouse Says No
– Art – WM3 Style
– Shandling, The Tick, Miller, Howard

– The Mentaltainment Ticker
– Birthdays, What We Watched +
_tons more

ETCETERA
– A Mad Dog Update
– A Jerry’s Happy Note (from Garry)
– Techin’ It Up The Ass
– It’s Read S-E-X-X-Y
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #271 (03-18-2016)

Sun Grove True Fruit Grape and EMR, friends, now that’s a hell of a day.  The warm weather, your on-air pals and the taste of real, fizzy grape in your icy cold glass.  Fuck that “good old fashioned lemonade!” We’ve got the cure for what ails you right here — Sun Grove and EMR episode two-seven-one. Can you dig it?

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & MYRON
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

Yesterday you received a bottle.
_There was no message to be
_found inside, just endless 

_amounts of flat grapde soda.
_Creation stories like Mad Libs,
_beckoning blanks filled with
_poop, wiener, farts, and boobs.

EM NEWS
– Like Neighbor, Thief, Douchebag
– Do Either of You Have A Hall Pass?
– Tase The Help
– Scumbags Want Our Park
– A Bad Adventure
– Hang On The Sidewalk? No Problem
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso drew first

– Preservation, Preservation,
_Preservation
– Cue Bullwhip
– Santos, Chumlee, Sinatra, Moonves

– The Mentaltainment Ticker
– Birthdays, What We Watched +
_tons more

ETCETERA
– A pre-recorded Mad Dog Update
– The Super Duper Film Trivia Quiz
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #270 (04-11-2016)

Tonight, hour after hour, by short-wave wireless through the ether and along the cables undersea, the news piles up from the world . . . mind shattering, ridiculous news. The sort of stomach churning stupid news that makes your skin itch, makes the room spin, makes the wallpaper curl. Every week, day after day, and every hour of each day, the news poured in, and EMR took that news, and relayed it back to you, because it’s important to know that there are idiots all around you. And that’s just a part of EMR, a small portion of a much larger, all encompassing sweetness. Check out episode two-seven-zero, won’t you?

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & MYRON
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE
YOUR SPECIAL GUEST: MARTHA

Bubbling up inside me, fizzy cola. 
_Beach breeze. One hand on my
_knee, the other dangling a 

_cigarette. Lost traveler. No
_home. Will you stay here with
_me? I’d like eternity, but one
_night will do.

EM NEWS
– Holistic Homeopathological Psycho-
_paths Commit Infanticide
– Unhealthy Eating
– Baby Shooter Shoots Gun Momma
– Screwed At The Pump
– Friends Like These…
– The Crue Really Killed It
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso gets caught
_between moon & NYC
– No Two For One On Prisoner
– Losing A Legend
– Hutzel, Eads, Waschowski, Bell

– The Mentaltainment Ticker
– Birthdays, What We Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Martha fills in with two Jerry’s Happy Notes
– The big Mad Dog Update
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #269 (03-04-2016)

EMR time. The airwaves are buzzing with excitement and eager to bring forth another stirring Friday night episode from the little studio on West Seventh. And there’ll be a crowd of cigar smokers on hand near the entrance to greet additional cigar smokers and would be cigar smokers who wander in. So, let’s not miss a minute of the excitement. It’s just a short scroll down to the play button. Won’t you join us for number two-six-nine?

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & MYRON
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY
YOUR TECHMASTER 5K: JERRY

Baby, while you’re dancin’, 
_don’t forget tonight the city’s
_burnin’. Baby while you’re

_dancin’, your steps are like a
_riot going on. This kind of 
_soda pop confusion is an
_under-current juice.

EM NEWS
– Go To Vermont To Fuck Animals
– Enabling The Disabled In A Disabling
_Way
– Dead Grandmother’s Parking Permit
– MMM…Stepsisters
– Limo Reverse Payment Program
– Local News Dispatches Local Thieves
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– The Dylan Secret Archive

– Castro, Jagger…Jagger, Castro
– George Kennedy, American Gods,
_Michael C. Hall

– The Mentaltainment Ticker
– Birthdays, What We Watched +
_tons more

ETCETERA
– Techin’ It Up The Ass
– Jerry’s Happy Note
– A Fuck Off! rant
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #268 (02-27-2016)

Ladies and gentlemen, there are two kinds of stories: those that you can take to bed with you and they relax you and put your mind at ease; and then – there is the other kind. And our story tonight is the other kind. I still do not know whether it was the shadow of the madness to which the author himself so tragically succumbed — or whether there really was an evil something that could not be seen or described. Well, why don’t you decide for yourself? We’re simply going to tell you the facts in the case.  This is EMR two-six-eight.  Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

A guy laid out with a knife in his
_back.  A cop came along, told
_him move on…go home and

_sleep it off. I don’t know if I
_should get involved. Trying
_to find Chinatown. Trying to
_find Chinatown.

EM NEWS
– Don’t Stab Me, Bro
– Hate Plate Not Open For Debate
– Shit On Fire
– This Tribute Required A Receipt
– Pay Me Or Else
– Taking The Bus To Work, Literally
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Oscar Looks To The Past For His Future

– Munn Says Shut The Fuck Up!
– Moving Pictures, stunt recognition, Sonny James

– The Mentaltainment Ticker
– Cinema PaulieDiso has gone mad
– Birthdays, What We Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Techin’ It Up The Ass
– Minnesota Vice
– A Meditating Moment With Bob Ross
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #267 (02-19-2016)

Our story begins in Chinatown – a strange medley of splendor and mystery. A place where shadowy Orientals roam about in mysterious ways. “Chinatown is no place to bring a girl on her honeymoon,” she said. “Nonsense, darling.  Nothing ever happens in Chinatown anymore.” Little did he know – Chinatown, like EMR is always ready to strike. Always ready to show you what its got. Perhaps you would like to find out for yourself. Episode 267 is a pretty darn good place to start. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & MYRON
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY
YOUR TECHMASTER 5K: JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

You can see from the top of the
_hill, tangled streets and the 
_mystery there. Painted lanterns

_hang from balconies, people
_running everywhere. Chinatown,
_with all your dark mystery, 
_Chinatown, Chinatown…your 
_spell is capturing me.

EM NEWS
– Driving Miss Idiot
– Valentine’s Day In Hell
– Waffle Jerker
– Strings Get Busted
– McDonald’s Orphanage
– Break ‘Em Up!
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– I Can Get You A House By Two O’Clock…With Nail Polish

– Any Time Ya Need ‘Em Baby
– George Gaynes & Denise Matthews, Hudgens is an idiot

– The Mentaltainment Ticker
– Cinema PaulieDiso dives into its namesake
– Birthdays, What We Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Two Jerry’s Happy Notes
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #266 (02-12-2016)

If you are just tuning in for the month, the EMR theme is U.S. Chinatown gates.  These are the primary entrances to various Chinatown areas in the United States. Listen to each episode for more information on the gate pictured. We hope your February is treating you well.  Enjoy #266!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & MYRON
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY
YOUR TECHMASTER 5K: JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

Look at the tall pagoda through
_your window pane. Watching it
_by your dragon night, on a cocoa

_day. You’ll discover the white
_orchids in my humble moon,
_while the lantern is right. I
_could find a good time girl in
_Chinatown,  China Town.

EM NEWS
– Entire Texas City Arrested
– Mild Groping With The Threat of Heavy Advancing
– Oh, Piss…I Forgot My Phone
– Bus Driver Not Good Driver
– Bop, Bop, Bop, Jail, Fine
– Nailed For Cow
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Probing The Wolf

– Home Movie Pays Off
– Sorkin on Broadway, Star Trek returns, Beatles for kids

– The Mentaltainment Ticker
– Cinema PaulieDiso was born to kill
– Birthdays, What We Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Two Jerry’s Happy Notes
– An awesome round of Back Rockwards

– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #265 (02-05-2016)

Welcome to February, the 2016 version.  Every once in a while we feel the need to drag out the old show description for the uninitiated.  eMpTy Minds Radio (EMR) is typically between two and two point five hours in length, deals with an assortment of topics – frequently calling out people, groups, etc on their bullshit or stupidity (hence our slogan) and it all comes to you through an assortment of regular segments with new and random bits sprinkled in, plus tons of off the rails banter. If this sounds like your thing, then you are in the right place.  Enjoy number two-six-five!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & MYRON
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

It’s all happening downtown.  You
_painted daughters of the Tong 
_Underground don’t mess around.

_Welcome to China Town. Well,
_you’re in our town now. Welcome
_to China Town.

EM NEWS
– Wiki Sexy Time
– Red, White & Duh
– They Fuck You At The Drive Thru
– Keef, Reef & A Retarded Tweet
– Strange Currency
– She Was Injured By A Large Pole
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Zoot Suit Buy It

– Old Crust Succeeds Older Crust At CBS
– Maurice White, asshole Shkreli, Louis CK

– The Mentaltainment Ticker
– Cinema PaulieDiso is all that
– Birthdays, What We Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Two Jerry’s Happy Notes (neither by Jerry)
– Minnesota Vice

– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #264 (01-29-2016)

Hey kids, we ain’t got nothing fancy to say to you up here tonight. This is the end of the first month of 2016, the last of the ‘Liquor Store Neon’ theme and on to bigger and better. This is episode 264.  Enjoy it!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & MYRON
YOUR GNUSs MAN: GARRY
YOUR TECHMASTER 5K: JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

Well it’s been ten years and a thousand
_tears and look at the mess I’m in –
_a broken nose, and a broken heart, 

_an empty bottle of gin. Well I sit 
_and I pray, in my broken down
_Chevrolet, while I’m singin’ to 
_myself.  There’s got to be a better
_way.

EM NEWS
– Sexy Funeral Movie
– Get In Or I Kill You
– 2 Teens Save Us From Their Survival
– Sheriff Dickhead
– Detroit Masturbator – Phone, Crash,
_Dies
– Creepy Pledge of Allegiance Suffers
_A Hiccup
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Potty Time Is Paramount

– Wow – The Amenities
– A moment of silence for Abe Vigoda

– The Mentaltainment Ticker
– Cinema PaulieDiso follows a winner
– Birthdays, What We Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– A new Jerry’s Happy Note
– Techin’ It Up The Ass
– Know about that guffaw Joel Hodgson pulled in 1983?

– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #263 (01-22-2016)

His name is Walker. His home is in California, North American continent, planet Earth. He wrote this in a room deep inside a spaceship approximately four and a half million miles from Earth. On Earth, he was a teacher of mathematics. Among the others seated about him were a doctor, an accountant, a judge, an actor, a machinist, farmer — the list is a long one. They are men of various nationalities who one-by-one disappeared off the face of the Earth; they’re men who are being taken to the Tenth Planet. They are brilliant men, a select group of EMR listeners from the future who thoroughly enjoyed episode two-sixty-three. We hope you do as well!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & MYRON
YOUR GNUSs MAN: GARRY
YOUR TECHMASTER 5K: JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

Well, the tattoo man is making out
_with snake lady, just to piss off the
_human cannonball that she been 

_dating. Clown got wasted and he’s
_throwing a shoe, at a bear on a 
_bike with a bottle of booze.

EM NEWS
– Obama Makes Man Hit Wife
– Run Them Over In The Name of Justice
– Judge Judy Chief Justice
– Tweetist Is A Twit
– Club Med On Their Ashes
– The Old Nude Pic Trick
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Starman Immortal

– He’s Back…In Time For A Holiday
– Jessica Jones, Jamie Foxx, Billions
_
JD Salinger, etc
– The Mentaltainment Ticker
– Cinema PaulieDiso takes us on a scooter ride
– Birthdays, What We Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– A new Jerry’s Happy Note
– A piece of good advice from Dan Savage “Savage Love”

– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #262 (01-15-2016)

For the first time in its history, Scotland Yard opens its official files to bring you some of its most baffling cases. These are the true stories — the plain, unvarnished facts just as they occurred, re-enacted for you by an all-Saint Paul cast. Only the names have, for obvious reasons, been changed. The broadcasts are presented with the full cooperation of Scotland Yard. Here’s case file two-six-two.  Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & MYRON
YOUR GNUSs MAN: GARRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

I’ll walk in on my feet, but I’ll leave
_there on my back. Because I am
_going, I am going, any which way

_the wind may be blowing. I am
_going, I am going, where the 
_streams of whiskey are flowing.

EM NEWS
– Stripper / Finger Eater
– Beer Pong, More Stupid Than Usual
– Pisser Targets Target
– Attempting To Rob Many
– Ding Dong Dead
– Teaching Kindergartners About Weed
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– A Lot of Rumbling In That Cloud

– Spotify Legally Spotty
– Anthony Hopkins, Firefly reunion,
_Beau St. Clair, etc
– The Mentaltainment Ticker
– Birthdays, What We Watched
_+ tons more

ETCETERA
– A hearty conversation about David Bowie & Alan Rickman
– Kim Jong Un Memes (on our FB page)
– David Bowie’s “Lazarus” music video (audio here, video linked on FB)
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #261 (01-08-2016)

And so begins this hour of dance music, presented for your pleasure by the manufacturers of Lucky Strike Cigarettes. The Lucky Strike Dance Orchestra will be heard in the tunes that made Broadway, Broadway. Okay, in all fairness this will be more like two hours than one, and more like dance talk than dance music, but super fun just the same. Enjoy 261, kids!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & MYRON
YOUR GNUSs MAN: GARRY
YOUR TEHCMASTER 5K: JERRY

Liquor, beer and wine is the flashing
_sign I see. Every single morning I get
_up, it’s buzzing down at me. I look

_up to the heavens for a ray of hope 
_to shine, and there it is in neon –
_liquor, beer and wine.

EM NEWS
– God Objects To Paperwork…Again
– Another Word For Hip Is Extortion
– Starbucks Reinvents Coffee
– We Don’t Give A Shit About Dirty Beer!
– Cop Rockin’ Beats
– The Battle of Pond Hockey
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– A Petition of Success

– Is Current Catchphrase Classic Dylan?
– Tarantino, Zsigmond, new Rocky Horror, Lucas
– Crue boo boo, more robots, Hollywood in Cuba
– Birthdays, What We Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Not one, not two, but three Jerry’s Happy Notes
– A little chit chat about Y’allqeda Yee-Haw’d

– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #260 New Year’s Show (01-01-2016)

It is the first of the year.  How about that? You get to start your new year with us, and that ain’t bad. It would be nice if the bullshit ceased, the lies were put to rest, the shitheads were taken down, and all of the idiots were handed brains. But, that more than likely won’t be the case. The next best thing is EMR.  Enjoy episode #260 and an EMR 2016!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & MYRON
YOUR GNUSs MAN: GARRY
YOUR TEHCMASTER 5K: JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

Sometimes I see how the brave new 
_world arrives. And I see how it thrives, 
_in the ashes of our lives. Oh yes, man 

_is a fool and he thinks he’ll be okay. 
_Dragging on, feet of clay, and never 
_knowing he’s astray. Keeps on going
_anyway…Happy New Year
.

EM NEWS
– Phone App Murders San Diego Man
– Package Undelivery
– Police Shoot Wrong Person, His Dog,
_and each other
– Sticking Up For Refugees
– Jesus’ House On Sale
– An Asshole, A Bottle, A Christmas Tune
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Damon Saving Ain’t Cheap

– The New Batch
– Cinema PaulieDiso runs down 2015…of Cinema PaulieDiso
– Wayne Rogers, Natalie Cole, Meadowlark Lemon, Lemmy, and Boba-Fett
– Dr. Strange, Not Home Or Alone, G n’ R reunion
– Mentaltainment Ticker
– Birthdays, What We Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– A Happy Story from Paulie, oddly
– Techin’ It Up The Ass – The Best & Worst of 2015

– So much more, your head will spin!


essay writing help

eMpTy Minds Radio #259 – Big Christmas Show (12-23-2015)

Well, the town of Springfield is lovely to behold this Christmas Eve. About noon today, the first snowflakes began to fall and soon the air was filled with a whirling Christmas; came down heavily all afternoon. Now every lawn and park is white; every roof and chimney top. And out on Maple Street this frosty Christmas Eve, every house seems to have its windows brightly aglow. Every house, that is, except the Andersons. They’re not home. You see, they’re… Well, let’s go back to ten o’clock this morning. Margaret was wrapping packages on the dining room table and Jim was enjoying EMR #259. You can too!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & MYRON
YOUR SPECIAL GUEST: CLAMBOY

…my Christmas puddin’ so hot and 
_sticky. Do you wanna try some? 
_So licky, licky. Let’s go outside and

_get the Christmas spirit growin’, 
_nothing says Christmas like a good 
_snow blowin’. I’m close, I’m close,
_so close.  Coming for Christmas.

_Coming for Christmas.

EM NEWS
– You Didn’t See A Thing
– Satan’s Birthday Suit
– Lemme Holla At You For A Sec
– An Empty Spot In Hell
– String ‘Em Up
– Canine Heroin Dealer
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Miss Whoniverse?

– Spielberg Goes Home
– A win for Tarantino at The Arclight
– Bad Santa 2, Opie less Anthony, Seinfeld Los Angeles
– Mentaltainment Ticker
– Birthdays, What We Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Our annual re-play of the Gay German’s rendition of “A Visit From St. Nicholas”
– Clamboy plays us three Christmas tunes LIVE on his guitar
– A special holiday message and challenge from Clamboy
– A Christmas call from Darryl in Beaverdale Pennsylvania
– The EMR Super Christmas Trivia Quiz Thing
– Tons, and tons of more Christmas fun
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #258 (12-18-2015)

Did you hear about the plot to overthrow Christmas? Well, gather ye now from Maine to the Isthmus of Panama, and listen to the story of the utter in-glory of some gory goings-on in hell. Now it happened in Hades, ladies and gentlemen, It happened down there that fiends held a meeting. The fiends held a meeting for the purpose of defeating — Christmas. Not to worry, EMR will stop these assholes. We always do. Tune in, fair listener, to episode 258. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & MYRON
YOUR TECHMASTER 5K: JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE
YOUR SPECIAL GUEST: DEN-ZELL

Steve Austin isn’t coming down the
_chimney, but he’s definitely on the
_roof. You’ll hear the dit-dit-dit of

_of bionic implants, rather than rein-
_deer hooves. A Six Million Dollar 
_Man wants to trim the tree with you.
_
He’ll cut one down with his bare
_hands, and string a thousand lights
_or two.

EM NEWS
– Tick, Tick…Duh
– Only Assholes Aren’t Welcome In Hell
– Bah-Humbug
– Naked Pig Girl
– Sex-Ed
– Guess He Hit The Target
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso…tales of youth

– Not The Comeback Cosby Wanted
– Tarantino Being Fucking Fucked
– Paramount & Hasbro equals weird, stock in Howard
– Mentaltainment Ticker
– Birthdays, What We Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Two Jerry’s Happy Notes
– Some bizarre, little known Star Wars “facts”
– A special holiday message and challenge from Clamboy
– An interview with local photographer Den-Zell Gilliard
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #257 (12-11-2015)

Marley was dead: to begin with. There’s no doubt whatever about that. The register of his burial was signed by the clergyman, the clerk, the undertaker, and the chief mourner. The EMR crew signed it: and their name was good upon ‘Change, for anything they chose to put their hands to. Old Marley was as dead as a door-nail. The EMR crew knew he was dead? Of course they did. EMR and Marley were partners for I don’t know how many years.  Welcome to episode 257.  Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & MYRON
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY
YOUR TECHMASTER 5K: JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

Santa Claus got stuck in my chimney,
_stuck in my chimney, stuck in my 
_chimney.  Santa Claus got stuck in

_my chimney, when he came last
_year. There he was in the middle of
_the chimney – not quite up and not
_quite down…

EM NEWS
– The Truth Is Too Horrible
– Central Cafeteria Choker Charged
– How To Avoid Prosecution
– High Profile Body Dump
– Way Up His Ass #7
– These Scarves Are Not Lost
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso…with a sense of intrigue

– Amazon Ups Their Game
– Asshole of The World Buys Album
– Jon Stewart temporarily takes over Daily Show
– Mary Tyler Moore house, Wayward Pines, MadTV
– Birthdays, What We Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Minnesota Vice – the annual Christmas gift from Cousin Todd
– A special holiday message and challenge from Clamboy
– Techin’ It Up The Ass
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #256 (12-04-2015)

…and the Christmas season is upon us.  Some of you celebrate it begrudgingly, some of you celebrate it enthusiastically, some of you don’t celebrate it at all.  Whatever way this month rolls for you, stick with EMR – a mix of the jolly, the traditional, the strange Christmas and all of the normal stuff that makes us us.  Enjoy 256 and your holiday season!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & MYRON
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

…but the last time I played Father
_Christmas, I stood outside a depart-
_ment store. A gang of kids came 

_over and mugged me, and knocked
_my reindeer to the floor.  They said
_Father Christmas, give us some
_money, don’t mess around with
_those silly toys..
.

EM NEWS
– Rectal Cow Eye Storage
– Place For Rent / Camera In The Vent
– Cash Compost
– No Selfie Respect
– Ski Joint Favors Exlusivity
– Washington Man Loses Balls Over Imaginary Mexicans
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso overrun with pussycats

– Bones Cast Got The Shaft
– Selling The Beatles
– A moment of silence for Scott Weiland
– MST3K update, Supergirl pickup, Shintani passes
– Birthdays, What We Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Minnesota Vice samples two California brews
– Paulie’s picture story fest (pics on our FB page)
– A short but sweet Fuck Off! Rant
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #255 (11-27-2015)

Turkey day has come and gone. So has Black Friday, by the time you hear this.  November itself has almost flipped off the switch. The dark, cold days are ahead, kids. Christmas is joyous to some, not so much to others. Through it all and right until Spring sprouts its glorious head, EMR will be right here doing what we do.  Enjoy 255. Please share us with a friend.

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & MYRON
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY
YOUR TECHMASTER 5K: JERRY

From way up in the canyons, where
_the hot winds howl. To the mean
_city streets where the night hawks

_prowl. I can feel the rhythm play
_the whole night long. Guess I’ll
_stay in L.A. and listen to this song
.

EM NEWS
– Sourdough Infection
– The H8ful Right
– Drunk Driver’s-Ed
– Public Official Identity Crisis
– Apple Music Honcho Says Women Can’t
_Internet
– She Just Couldn’t Keep Her Pie To
_Herself
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Star Wars: Lackluster Front

– Small Screen Holiday Cash Cow
– Don’t ask us how we forgot to do all of Mentaltainment Ticker this week

– Birthdays, What We Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Techin’ It Up The Ass presents – Tech Turkeys of 2015
– The Big eMpTy Minds Holiday Contest is live – on our FB page
– The EMR Black Friday Quiz
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #254 (11-20-2015)

Blessed is he who in the name of charity and good will shepherds the uninformed through the valley of idiocy, for he is truly his brother’s keeper and the finder of lost intelligence.  We shall strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to lie to and dumb down our brothers and you will know our name is EMR, when we lay our all out assault upon you. Enjoy 254!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & MYRON
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY
YOUR TECHMASTER 5K: JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

Owl calls, pollen dust blows. Swirl of
_light strokes writhing knot tying light
_paths, calligraphy of cars. Los 

_Angeles basin and hill slopes, 
_checkered with streetways. Floral
_loops of the freeway express and

_exchange
.

EM NEWS
– Say The Safe Word or I’ll Kill You
– Cab Bugs
– Hello, 911? I Need Chicken
– Social Media Rapists
– Winning Ticket Stolen From Facebook Photo
– Children of Satan
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– There’s A Deal, But Is There A Detective?

– No Soup For You!
– Dumb TV terrorist move, Olivia Munn, Josh “d-bag” Duggar
– Cinema PaulieDiso – this time he’s not monkeying around
– Birthdays, What We Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– An all new Techin’ It Up The Ass
– Drains not meant for semen…
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #253 (11-13-2015)

We just had Halloween a couple weeks ago, and now for some reason we get Friday The 13th. SPOOKY!  Or perhaps it means nothing – a left over relic of a crazy religious time.  A time not all that long ago when elevators were designed without a thirteenth-floor.  Why is a Friday the 13th more mysterious than a Wednesday The 13th?  Thirteen is the culprit here, correct? Who knows? We know only one thing – despite the day it falls on, epsiode #253 will bring you nothing but good luck.  Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & MYRON
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

I was sitting in the Hollywood Hawaiian
_Hotel. I was staring in my empty 
_coffee cup. I was thinking that the 

_gypsy wasn’t lyin’. All the salty 
_margaritas in Los Angeles – I’m gonna
_drink ’em up. 
And if California slides
_into the ocean, like the mystics and
_statistics say it will, I predict this motel
_will be standing, until I pay my bill.

EM NEWS
– Starbucks Killed Jesus Again
– McBeatdown On McCustomer
– All Anyone Can Eat…Forever
– Choose Your Own Bible Adventure
– Microwave Portal To Rural Backwater
– This Guy’s A Real Schmoozer
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– The Not Too Distant Future

– Geffen Gives A Gift
– Gunnar Hansen, Allen Toussaint, Walking Dead
– Cinema PaulieDiso – another one “in the can”
– Birthdays, What We Watched + tons
_more

ETCETERA
– Trivia Mafia’s Tournament of Champions Top Six
– A veritable shit ton of randomness
– Fair share of our hysterical technical difficulties
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #252 (11-06-2015)

How you feelin’ about tonight kiddies?  Hopefully it’s as good we are.  We would like to think that this is going be a good show, but since it has already happened – we can tell you that it was, in fact, great!  The goal here.  The idea behind the whole thing is for you to come along for the ride.  Won’t you join us in the EMR studio for #252?  We will be glad to have you. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & MYRON
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY
YOUR SPECIAL GUEST: STEVE

Well I just got into town about an hour
_ago.  Took a look around, see which 
_way the wind blow.  Where the little 

_girls in their Hollywood bungalows.  
_Are you a lucky little lady in the city
_of light, or just another lost angel…?

EM NEWS
– Candy Thief of Staten Island
– He Took Himself To The Cleaners
– Don’t Eat The Drunks
– Use Your Head, Snapper Head!

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– A Brand New Trek

– The End of An Italian Era
– Al Molinaro, Greatest American Hero, Mary Lucia

– Birthdays, What We Watched + tons
_more

ETCETERA
– The Adventures of Clamboy & Cucumber – Big Season One Finale
– A complete Clamboy/Cucumber episode run down
– We chat a bunch with special guest Steve
– A Bonanza Super Quiz
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #251 Big Halloween Show (10-30-2015)

Creeeeeeeeek!  The door opened slowly, then retracted with a swift SLAM!  Through the window, lightning flickered overhead, casting brief yet terrorizing shadows across the floor and onto the colossal bookshelves lining the wall of the study. CRASH!  Thunder shakes the house and snaps one of the shutters free from the window.  You can’t take anymore.  You crawl under the mahogany table, yank the table cloth to one end – forming a tent, navigate your laptop to emptymindsradio.com where you find episode 251 waiting for you.  Sanity at last. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & MYRON
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY
YOUR TECHMASTER 5K: JERRY

When you are walking down the street
_at night, and behind you there’s no-
_one in view.  But you hear mysterious

_feet at night, then The Munsters are
_following you…

EM NEWS
– Dog Shoots Owner In Foot
– Underage Consumption
– Soylent Green Is Hot Dogs
– Pink Hunt

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Ash Wednesday

– It Has To Rain Somewhere
– Supergirl, Indie, Orson Welles

– Lots of horror flicks
– Birthdays, What We Watched + tons
_more

ETCETERA
– Techin’ It Up The Ass – Siri segregates
– EM PICS (lots of good Paulie pics)
– A special delivery for Jerry
– More of the shittiest Halloween limericks we could find
– A Halloween Origins Quiz
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #250 (10-23-2015)

We are nearing Halloween, kids, but before that we arrive at tonight.  Tonight as in Episode 250!  It is some sort of milestone. While we don’t make a big deal about the “50s” on the show, we decided it was worth mentioning here.  It is also at least mildly appropriate that it is one of the “50s” episodes, since this week we celebrated BTTF day and will continue to do so a little bit on tonight’s show.  Enjoy 250!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & MYRON
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

Whichever way you look at it, you’re
_either going up to an ideal breakfast
_or down to join that man from room

_101. That faceless guy who claims he
_never knows if he is coming or going.

EM NEWS
– Refugee Trapper Suing Facebook
– We Really Don’t Like John
– Puppets of Conspiracy
– The Past Catches Up

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema PaulieDiso teaches us to respect ourselves

– Seeing Red, Kingsmen, Peticoat Junction
– Kickstarted Filmfest

– Ticker Flashback – little blue people
– Birthdays, What We Watched + tons
_more

ETCETERA
– An all new Adventures of Clamboy & Cucumber
– EM PICS (Back To The Future Day Edition) on our FB page
– Corporate promos – the good and bad of BTTF Day
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #249 (10-16-2015)

Adam is unquestionably the finest hat value in America today. Seriously, every Adam, regardless of price, offers outstanding quality in workmanship, choice of material, attention to detail. The style features of Adam are just as remarkable. Tailored in black by experts in an amazing variety of distinctive shapes and shades. Adam hats offer the latest word in smart fashion. No man can afford to neglect the appearance of his head gear, every man can afford an Adam’s! In fact, the only thing more affordable than an Adam’s is this episode of EMR. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & JERRY

Leaning on the shaded wall, he con-
_templates the waterfall.  How it turns
_the wooden wheel, grinds all time, 

_makes things real.  Transfixed by the
_ancestral flow, the man has nowhere
_else to go.  And happy though the flow
_may be, through self created gravity –
_there swim no fish, no children play in
_the cooling shallow grey. 

EM NEWS
– 3 PM Vomit
– Republicans Have To Pee Outside
– Finer Points of The Law
– Racist Superman

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Battle Over The Dead Rages On

– Perhaps A Better Day To Die Hard
– Playboy clothed, Moon Knight series, Cobblepot Senior

– Ticker Flashback – A famous breakup
– Birthdays, What We Watched + tons
_more

ETCETERA
– An all new Minnesota Vice
– A Techin’ It Up The Ass triple play
– The Fucking Shittiest Halloween Limericks We Could Find
– An all new Five Minute Cinema – “Two Drunk Assholes”
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #248 (10-09-2015)

Thanks for hanging out with EMR.  We hope to provide you with that little kick you need to get through a rough day.  Maybe you’ve been dealing with idiots on the phone or in person. Dealing with idiots is our specialty.  EMR is like therapy — you’re not alone, and you might just walk away with a tip or two that come in handy.  Enjoy #248

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & MYRON
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

In a lookout of my design, I spawn 
_images of me that ever tour it again
_and climb inward by the ladder of

_escape.  I peer at the waste, cloth
_heart pressed against the balustrade,
_or thunder royally from the walls that
_lock me in.

EM NEWS
– Floods of Regret
– Chester Number One – The Only One
– This Is Not The End
– Moron Gun For Hire

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Lennon’s Birthday Celebration

– Fair Pay Cali
– Penthouse Hebrew, Hy Hollinger, etc

– Cinema PaulieDiso takes us to 1974

– Birthdays, What We Watched + tons
_more

ETCETERA
– The TI Graphing Calculator – what the fuck?!
– An all new Adventures of Clamboy & Cucumber
– Paulie performs a Jerry’s Happy Note
– So much more, your head will spin!

Hanks alluded to these things in subsequent letters, but never explicitly said that he had Quinns sexuality in nous. type my essay.com At this head, we may explicate our troupe nature earlier and aft go online same from Blick and Mortar to Dawn and Mortar. Dont take that you mustiness sustain all the answers to lifes large questions.

eMpTy Minds Radio #247 (10-02-2015)

We have fallen into fall here at EMR.  We presume you, being also of earth, have as well. The summer will be missed, but the fall has its own awesomeness in store — including a bunch more goodness from your pals right here at The All Out Assault.  Enjoy two-forty-seven!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & MYRON
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY
YOUR TECHMASTER 5K: JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

Pillars thrust toward the ground. 
_Stone and mortar, spires and pyramids.
_A dangerous game – to be the first to

_reach heaven.  Men of varying colors,
_all of one tongue. More stone.  More
_mortar.  The sky. Communications
_breakdown.  No more.

EM NEWS
– Holocaust Penises
– The Dickheads of Debt Collection
– Jerker Arrested At Clithero Kates
– Prepping Grandma For Winter

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Pint-Sized Comedy

– Confessions of A Very Dangerous Mind
– Serenity celebrates ten years

– Cinema PaulieDiso gives us a Woody

– Birthdays, What We Watched + tons
_more

ETCETERA
– The mad antics of our own Garry
– Techin’ It Up The Ass – More of why Comcast blows
– Another Minnesota Vice sampling goes awry
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #246 (09-25-2015)

And now let’s go below and see if we can’t get the boys to sing some sea chanties for us. We might even get Old Forty Fathom to spin us a yarn. If young Peter Pillbeam is below he’ll get a story out of Old Forty Fathom, so leave your troubles ashore and let’s see what we can scare
up for entertainment this cruise. The cruise known as episode 246. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & MYRON
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

…you’ve said that all these things
_you’ve learned to ignore – the 
_hidden cameras on the casino floor, 

_and what gets paid for behind hotel
_doors. Oh, come on. You pretend
_every slot machine is a robot amputee
_waving hello.  The people stare into
_their eyes, and they feed them little
_bribes and then they go.

EM NEWS
– Bleed The Freak
– A Fucking Idiot On The School Board
– I Stay Away
– Hatchets Is Noisy

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Holy Copyright Infringement

– Netflix Did Some Research
– Blood Rave, The Dink, Chevy Chase oops

– Cinema PaulieDiso finds us in contempt

– Birthdays, What We Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– A Myron’s Happy Note…sort of, and read by Paulie
– An all new Adventures of Clamboy & Cucumber
– Another romping round of Hipster or Mugshot?
– Video highlights of classic Reverend Horton Heat maneuvers (on our FB page)
– So much more, your head will spin!