eMpTy Minds Radio #460 (11-08-2019)

And now a word from tonight’s sponsor — Wellton’s Flame Fucker. Friends, Mort Lawry here. If you’re like me, you hate walking outside on a cold morning and scraping your windows for what seems like an eternity. Never again. With this revolutionary invention by Wellton’s, the same people who brought you the self-cleaning sandwich, you will never spend more than five seconds on your car’s windows again. It’s the Flame Fucker. Push the button – it lights. Aim it at your windows and BLAM, snow, ice, anything that’s there is gone in a flash. I am serious folks…once you get the hang of it — five painless seconds and you are ready to drive away. It’s Wellton’s Flame Fucker, available at fine auto parts stores everywhere. Now…back to EMR. This is episode 460. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR SPECIAL GUEST: NATE

It’s early morning, the sun
_comes out. Last night was
_shaking and pretty loud. My
_cat is purring, it scratches my
_skin. So, what is wrong with

_another sin? Here I am. Rock
_you like a hurricane. Here I
_am. Rock you like a hurricane.
_The bitch is hungry, she needs
_to tell. So give her inches and
_feed her well. More days to
_come,  new places to go. I’ve
_got to leave, it’s time for a 
_show. Here I am. Rock you like
_a hurricane. Here I am. Rock 
_you like a hurricane
.

EM NEWS
– That’s A Cheap Excuse
– Ahoy There, Dipshit!
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Maybe This Will Be The Final Word
– Cinema PaulieDiso “falls” for a girl
– Momoa, DiCaprio, Cromwell
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
– An all new Top Ten List
– Even More Shower Thoughts
– We chat with special guest Nate
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #459 (11-01-2019)

Friends, the cold weather months were just around the corner. Now, they’re here. With cold comes illness. The dripping nose, the headaches, the shit running down your pants leg…uncontrollably…sometimes for hours. With the new Sgt. Funk Brand Sick Elixir never deal with these problems again. When the symptoms arise, just chug-a-lug the entire gallon and your problems with be over. Steve Dixon, your announcer here at the EMR Playhouse swears by Sgt. Funk Brand Sick Elixir. Don’t get fucked when you can get funked instead. Now…here’s episode #459. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: JOSHERS

I just moved in my new house
_today. Movin’ was hard, but I 
_got squared away. Bells 
_started ringin’ and chains
_rattled loud. I knew I’d moved

_in a haunted house. Still, I 
_made up in my mind to stay.
_Nothin’ was agonna drive me
_away. When I seen somethin’
_that give me the creep. Had
_one big eye and atwo big feet.
_I stood right still and I did the
_freeze. He did the stroll right
_up to me. Made a noise with 
_his feet that sound like a drum.
_Say you’ll be here when the
_mornin’ come.

EM NEWS
– Half-Life House
– We’ve Heard of Bug Bombs Before, But This Is Ridiculous
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– He Didn’t Really Need The Work
– Cinema PaulieDiso employees a working girl
– Smith, Mirren, Favreau
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
– An all new Top Ten List
– More Shower Thoughts
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #458 – Big Halloween Show (10-25-2019)

This Halloween don’t let the pageantry of a bunch of greedy little freaks ruin your good times. That’s right — turn off Fox News and enjoy something pleasant. Like, maybe a slasher flick. You have to admit, a dagger through the throat or an eyeball popping out is still much easier on the eyes than Sean Hannity.  If you’re not down with the slasher flick, why not try EMR? It’s fun, relevant and also not politically sickening. This is episode 458. Happy Halloween!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & JOSHERS
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR HAPPY BASTARD: JERRY

I sit around and watch the tube,
_but nothing’s on. I change the
_channels for an hour or two.
_Twiddle my thumbs just for a
_bit. I’m sick of all the same old

_shit. In a house with unlocked
_doors and I’m fuckin’ lazy. Bite
_my lip and close my eyes. Take
_me away to paradise. I’m so  
_damn bored I’m goin’ blind and
_I smell like shit.

EM NEWS
– …But Don’t Go In The Basement
– Hauntingly Insured
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Comics vs Coppola: The Infinity War
– Cinema PaulieDiso goes missing
– Thomas, Connelly, Meyer
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
– An all new Top Ten List
– Analog Head-Trip
– The Stupidly Large EMR All Hallow’s Eve Quiz
– A Halloween call from Darryl in Beaverdale
– Minnesota Vice
– A classic EMR horror video (on Facebook)
– Tons of additional Halloween shenanigans
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #457 (10-18-2019)

Winter is just around the corner, my friends. Don’t wait until you are coughing up blood or lying on the floor convulsing to get that old furnace filter changed. Replace that musty, dusty, scum-cloaked filter with a brand new, fresh, cucumber scented Veggie-Filter today. That’s right the Veggie-Filter.  You don’t have to be Vegan to enjoy that garden fresh smell. Don’t fucking wait…get Veggie-Filter today. Without further adieu…EMR!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & TABI
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: JOSHERS
YOUR HAPPY BASTARD: JERRY

You know your mama and your
_daddy saying I’m no good to you.
_They call me dirty from the alley
_until I don’t know what to do. I
_get so tired of sneakin’ around 

_just to get to your back door. I
_crawled past the garbage and
_your mama jumped out screamin’
_“don’t come back no more!” I 
_can’t take it. My guitar wants to
_kill your mama…

EM NEWS
– This Storm Is A Real Dick!
– Travel Meats
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Sounds Like A Bit of A Gamble
– Cinema PaulieDiso gets creeped out
– Kravitz, Van Halen, NPH
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
– An all new Top Ten List
– A Jerry’s Happy Note – “Heatseeker”
– You Have Seen The Signs Quiz
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #456 (10-11-2019)

Autumn is upon us, ladies and gentlemen in the audience here tonight and those of you listening at home. And let’s be honest — they say winter is gonna be a hardship. But it doesn’t have to be with Brittle Thorn Hot Cocoa Mix. Just dump a pile out of the convenient carry-sack into your favorite mug. Add either hot water or pulverized chalk and you have yourself an absolute delight. Bold enough for the youngsters and rigid enough for the old folk. Brittle Thorn Hot Cocoa Mix — Dump Some Loving In Your Cup.  Now, back to EMR episode four-hundred-fifty-six.

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR EM NEWS CHIC: TABI
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: JOSHERS

She’s got a cigarette on each
_arm. She’s got the lily-white
_cavity crazes. She’s got a 
_carburetor tied to the moon.
_Pink eyes looking to the food

_of the ages. She’s alone in the
_new pollution. She’s alone in
_the new pollution. She’s got
_a hand on a wheel of pain. She
_can talk to the mangling 
_strangers. She can sleep in a 
_fiery bog. Throwing troubles
_to the dying embers…

EM NEWS
– Honey…Ain’t No Honey
– Snakes In A Muthafuckin’ Bag
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Avengers VS Marty
– Cinema PaulieDiso has some flashbacks
– Besson, Feige, Nicholson
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
– An all new Top Ten List
– A delightful round of Super Duper Pop Culture Quizathon
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #455 (10-04-2019)

My friends, summer has come to an end. Autumn is here. Are the tires on your automobile prepared for the season to come? Johnny Shoestring from Live At Shoestring’s, here to tell you about the new Road-Grabber Tires from Jolly Jizz Tire Company. The Road-Grabber doesn’t just ride over rain and snow, it cuts right through it like it wasn’t even there. Don’t unzip your pants just yet. There’s more. Every complete set of Jolly Jizz Road-Grabbers comes with a free four year balance and rotation package. That’s right…four whole years of tire service. Now you can unzip. Take it from me, Johnny Shoestring…you’ll never even look at another fucking brand of tires after you try the Road-Grabbers from Jolly Jizz Tire Company. Pick them up today, where you get serviced…uh…I mean have your vehicle serviced. Now — back to EMR, Episode 455. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & JERRY
YOUR EM NEWS CHIC: TABI
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

Well, it’s one for the money.
_Two for the show. Three to get
_ready. Now, go cat, go. But 
_don’t you…step on my blue
_suede shoes. Well, you can 

_do anything, but stay off of 
_my blue suede shoes. Well,
_you can knock me down. Step 
_in my face. Slander my name
_all over the place. Well, do
_anything that you want to do.
_But, honey, lay off of them
_shoes.

EM NEWS
– The Lustful Highway
– The Golden Throne
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Marilyn Finds A Loving Home
– Cinema PaulieDiso doesn’t advertise
– Smith, Schwarzenegger, Hamill
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
– An all new Top Ten List
– A new Five Minute Cinema
– Trucker Jokes
– A Jerry’s Happy Note
– Minnesota Vice
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #454 (09-27-2019)

Some folks will say that all cigarettes taste the same. Friends, don’t believe ’em. All cigarettes do not taste the same. Al Reynolds here to share with you the smoke of the future — Old Dogshit 100s. Old Dogshit don’t taste like other cigarettes, because they’re not like other cigarettes. The wrapper is that which you might find in a similar class of smoke, but the heart of Old Dogshit 100s is 100% pure rolled dog shit. At Old Dogshit our cigarettes are fresh, because we believe in going from the source straight to you. That’s right — ass to mouth. Take it from your old pal, Al — Old Dogshit 100s are the fucking bomb! Now, on with our show!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & JOSHERS
YOUR ANALOG KID: JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

It’s early in the morning, about
_a quarter till three. I’m sittin’
_here talkin’ with my baby, over
_cigarettes and coffee now. And
_to tell you that Darlin’ I’ve been 

_so satisfied. Honey, since I met
_you. Baby, since I met you. Oh.
_All the places that I’ve been 
_around and all the good looking
_girls I’ve met. They just don’t
_seem to fit in. Knowing this
_particularly sad, yeah. But it
_seemed to natural, darling, 
_that you and I are here. Just
_talking over cigarettes and
_
drinking coffee. Oh. Now.

EM NEWS
– Talk About Hair Loss
– Just A Bunch of Bull Jizz
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Stone Prof
– Cinema PaulieDiso on the lam
– Kravitz, Franken, Dern
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
– An all new Top Ten List
– The EMR Band Name Change Game
– A cadre of Odd Tidbits
– An all new Analog Head-Trip
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #453 (09-20-2019)

Tonight’s fantastic program has been brought to you by the makers of Buttfucker Chewing Tobacco. Hi friends and neighbors, Earl T. Clemdrik here to tell you about Buttfucker Chewing Tobacco. No other chew has such a refreshing, aromatic flavor.  It’s like sitting atop a waterfall in the Spring…while getting fucked in the butt. Yes…it’s that good! Take it from me, friends…Buttfucker Chewing Tobacco will never leave you feeling screwed…except in the ass.  Now, back to our program…EMR Episode 453. Don’t you fucking love it? I sure do.

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: JOSHERS
YOUR EM NEWS CHIC: TABI

Sitting in the classroom, think-
_ing it’s a drag. Listening to the
_teacher rap just ain’t my bag.
_The noon bell rings, you know
_that’s my cue. I’m gonna meet

_the boys on floor number two.
_Smokin’ in the boys room.
_Smokin’ in the boys room. Now
_teacher don’t you fill me up 
_with your rules. Everybody
_knows that smokin’ ain’t 
_allowed in school. Checkin’
_out the halls, makin’ sure the
_coast is clear. Lookin’ in the
_stalls — no, there ain’t nobody
_
here. Oh my buddy Fang and
_me and Paul, to get caught
_would surely be the death of
_us all.

EM NEWS
– Taco Marks The Spot
– Pigeon Shit Talker Gets Shit
– Barefoot & Donuts
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– No Matter His Age, He’s Gone
– Cinema PaulieDiso is right on track
– Olyphant, Aykroyd, Banks
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA

– An all new Top Ten List
– What They’re Made of -The EMR Snack Quiz
– A cadre of Odd Tidbits
– A Fuck Off! Rant
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #452

Burt Smelvin here with my fantastic Burt Smelvin Orchestra, coming to you live from Diddlehoo Arena in beautiful downtown Lincoln, Nebraska. I’d like to take a moment to tell you about a fascinating new product that has me all a tingle.  All new Rubba-Dub Ball Cleanser.  Ever find your sack feeling a bit greasy?  Maybe smelling a bit more like the trashcan than the flower bed? Friend, we’ve all been there. Rubba-Dub Ball Cleanser will take care of it. Nay. It will take care of you. Rubba-Dub will shine your pouch to a shimmering sheen and leave it fresh feeling every time. Next time you head out for the evening, take a minute to Rubba-Dub…you’ll thank yourself in the morning. And now, friends, back to our program — E-M-R number four-fifty-two. Hit it boys!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & TABI
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: JOSHERS
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE
YOUR HAPPY BASTARD: JERRY

Stumbling past your house,
_baby, at the break of day. I
_thought I saw your silhouette
_dancing ‘cross the shade. And
_I went down to the mission —

_I called and called your name,
_’til an angel with a face like
_yours came down and let me 
_in. I thought I saw your re-
_flection in a cigarette machine.
_In a bottle in the gutter. In a 
_window on the street. In a 
_storefront on a picture. On an
_old broken TV. I swear it was
_you staring back at me. I
_
thought I saw your reflection
_in a cigarette machine.

EM NEWS
– Burglar Approved Breakfast
– Gift Birds
– I Always Feel Like Bigfoot is
_Watching Me
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Where Would Larry Go?
– Cinema PaulieDiso is right on time
– Schwarzenegger, Trebek, Summers
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA

– An all new Top Ten List
– Too Close For Comfort (The EMR Photo Game) (pics on our FB pages)
– A cadre of Odd Tidbits
– Jerry’s Happy Note…In Time
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #451 (09-06-2019)

Ladies and gentlemen, tonight I, Gerald Dinkins along with band leader Stu Ferdinand and calendar girl Virginia Hooters would like to introduce you to a special new beverage — Ass Load Hot Cocoa Mix. Yes, that’s right Ass Load. Simply head up some milk, pour it into your special mug and then mix in three scoops of Ass Load. When your mug looks like a big old fudgey pile, you know it’s time to add the whipped-cream.  Mmm…mmm…mmm. Ass load — ask Mom to pick up some up today wherever she likes to shop. Enjoy a steaming hot mug full while listening to EMR #451. You can’t fucking go wrong, friends.  Until next week…this is Gerald Dinkins signing off.

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: JOSHERS
YOUR EM NEWS GIRL: TABI
YOUR SPECIAL GUEST: KERITH

Two cigarettes in an ashtray.
_My love and I in a small cafe.
_Then a stranger came along,
_and everything went wrong.
_Now, there’s three cigarettes

_in the ashtray. I watched her
_take him from me. And his
_love is no longer my own. 
_Now, they are gone and I sit
_alone, and watch one cigar
_ette burn away. I watched
_her take him from me. And
_his love is no longer my own.
_Now, they are gone and I
_sit alone, and watch one cig-
_arette burn away.

EM NEWS
– Jorge Goes On An Elevator Ride
– Cows…Partying ‘Til Dawn
– She Knows Cops Eat For Free
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Where Are All The Women?
– Cinema PaulieDiso is barely getting by
– Rowling, Fabrizio, Linklater
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA

– An all new Top Ten List
– Another Round of The Initials Game
– A cadre of Odd Tidbits
– Ask Wesley Willis
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #450 (08-30-2019)

Hi friends, your old Pal John Rogers here, and if you will allow me a few moments of your time, I’d like to introduce you to a revolutionary new skin care product. It’s called Shit-Oh! Yes, Shit-Oh. Just scoop a handful of this warm, turd-like substance up and slosh it onto your face. Smear it in good. Don’t be afraid to get a little in your mouth, it tastes just like yesterday’s lunch. And my wasn’t that good? Shit-Oh, it will make you feel like a million bucks. Sold in five gallon pails wherever the fuck you go. Now back to our regular program, the eMpTy Minds Radio Family Fun Hour – Episode 450. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: JOSHERS

There was a great big moose
_who liked to drink a lot of
_juice. There was a great 
_big moose who liked to drink
_a lot of juice. Way-oh. Way-

_oh. Way-oh. Way-oh. The
_moose’ name was Fred. He
_liked to drink his juice in 
_bed. The Moose’ name was
_Fred. He liked to drink his
_juice in bed. He drank his
_juice with care, but he 
_spilled it in his hair. He 
_drank his juice with care, but
_he spilled it in his hair. Now,
_there’s a sticky moose, full of
_juice, on the loose.

EM NEWS
– Will Saw For Youth
– Comedy — Now Part of The Security Package
– I Jussssst Dropped In To Ssssssay Hi
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Family To Take Over Park
– Cinema PaulieDiso has a strange night
– Casal, McGregor, Odenkirk
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA

– An all new Top Ten List
– A Suh-Weet Round of The Initials Game
– Plenty of bad…REALLY BAD jokes
– Jerry presents Analog Head-Trip
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #449 (08-23-2019)

Good evening. Stan Newcombe here to tell you all about new advances in food subtractitives.  Yes, you’ve been hearing about food additives for years now, but I guarantee you this is the first you’re hearing of our revolutionary new products. Slimewell Foods presents – Food Subtractitives. We give you all of the food and then lessen it just a little by taking out things we don’t think you need. Sound nifty? We thought so. Well, listen up because we have a whole lot more to…<CLICK>…episode 449. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & JOSHERS
YOUR HAPPY BASTARD: JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI

And the sign said – long-
_haired freaky people need
_not apply. So, I tucked my
_hair up under my hat and
_I went in to ask him why. He

_said – you look like a fine
_upstanding man, I think
_you’ll do. So, I took off the
_hat. I said – imagine that…
_Huh! Me workin’ for you.  
_Sign, sign, everywhere a 
_sign. Blockin’ out the  
_scenery, breakin’ my mind.
_Do this. Don’t do that. 
_Can’t you read the sign? 
_And the sign said anybody
_caught tresspassin’ will be
_shot on sight. So, I jumped
_
the fence and a-yelled at
_the house –  what gives you
_the right to put up a fence
_to keep me out or to keep
_mother
nature in…

EM NEWS
– Even Hotter Than Sex
– I’m Sorry, Have You Seen The TSA?
– The Great Migratory Fuck You
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– We Were Kinda Fonda Him
– Cinema PaulieDiso in a blaze of glory
– McDormand, DeNiro, Thorne
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA

– An all new Top Ten List
– The EMR McGuffin Quiz
– Plenty of bad old timey jokes
– Jerry’s Random Things In History
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #448 (08-16-2019)

Hello, friends. I’m Stan Glostman, your host. I’m here, tonight, to tell you about Jizz Squirt Hand Soap. It’s so velvety and creamy and healthy, you won’t believe how good it feels on your hands. If you get a little in your mouth…who cares? Swallow it. It’s perfectly safe. Tonight’s episode of Johnny Was A Crappy Sailor has been brought to you by the Playwrong Theater and the fine folks at Jizz Squirt Hand Soap. Jizz Squirt…it just feels good.

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR GENERAL THEORIZER: JOSHERS
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI

Well, I started out down a
_dirty road. Started out…
_all alone. And the sun went 
_down, as I crossed the hill.
_And the town lit up. The 

_world got still. I’m learning
_to fly, but I ain’t got wings.
_Coming down is the hardest
_thing. Well, the good old 
_days may not return. And 
_the rocks might melt and 
_the sea may burn. I’m 
_learning to fly, but I ain’t
_got wings. Coming down
_is the hardest thing. Well, 
_some say life will beat you
_down. Break your heart.
_Steal your crown. So, I’ve
_started out for God knows
_where. Guess I’ll know
_when I get there. I’m 
_learning to fly, around the
_clouds…

EM NEWS
– This TV-Wearer Is Wearing Thin
– Action Bear!
– What Has 8 Legs And A Fucking Idiot?
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– My Big Fat Podcast!
– Cinema PaulieDiso or is it?
– Domingo, Lewis, Momoa
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We
Watched + tons
_more

ETCETERA

– An all new Top Ten List
– The Big EMR General Music Quiz
– Plenty of Quick, Bad, Dirty Jokes
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #447 (08-09-2019)

Standard of California on behalf of Independent Chevron Gas Stations and Standard Stations throughout the West invites you to “Let George Do It.” This program, “Let George Do It.” Is your stand fare, Sunday evening, family hour, light pornography. In the end you know that George will “do it” and he will “do it” well.  Don’t let the gossips in your work place out pace you come Monday morning…don’t miss “Let George Do It.” If you close your eyes, it will feel just like George is doing you.  Hey! Snap the fuck out of it! George isn’t doing shit…’cept listening to EMR episode 4-4-7. Don’t you think you ought to be doing the same? Yeah. You should.

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & TABI
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE
YOUR GENERAL THEORIZER: JOSHERS

Why is it me? This is not my
_day. I burned myself with
_coffee and my brand new 
_doggy ran away. How can it
_be? I can’t not believe. I 

_don’t have any money and I
_have to pay the bills today.
_I wish that I could run away.
_My self esteem is low. At
_losing, I’m a pro. But there’s
_one thing that I know. It’d 
_all be good, if I could just
_stay home. What should I do?
_He told me “I hate you!” I
_don’t know where to live 
_next year and my guitar
_won’t stay in tune. Where
_should I go? I am so all 
_alone. I broke my new
_computer and nobody
_calls me on the phone. I
_wish I weren’t so
_accident prone.

EM NEWS
– Like Father, Not Enough Like Daughter
– One Man’s Trash…
– An Unfortunate Connection
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Manhattan Legal Mystery
– Cinema PaulieDiso takes the law into its own hands
– Morrison, Chapman, Clausen
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We
Watched + tons
_more

ETCETERA

– An all new Top Ten List
– Odd Tidbits: The Quiz
– Plenty of Pirate Jokes
– So much more, your head will spin!

/strong>

eMpTy Minds Radio #446 (08-02-2019)

An hour of painless education, under President Jack Smokey, Professor Saul Goodman and his swing band, and Doctor George Stoli and his orchestra. Tonight, the Smokey Campus welcomes the world famous humorist and comedian, Robert Blechey. You’ll also meet Snooty Garment, Aw Shucks and Spamlee,  and the Smokey College Glee Club, directed by Myers Bananrama. OR you could listen this, the latest episode of EMR. Your call, listener. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & JOSHERS
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE
YOUR HAPPY BASTARD: JERRY

So, drop your pebble in the
_main stream. Start a ripple
_it will buzz you. Like a 
_tweak on your nipple, tickle
_your sensibility. Speak just a

_little. Your words have 
_enough weight to turn rock
_to metal
.

EM NEWS
– Cheeseburger Attempts Pot Dumpster Getaway
– Hoverboards Don’t Work On Water…Unless You’ve Got Power!
– Joey Chestnut Is A Pig, But Not As Smart
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– The Old Hollywood Switcharoo
– Cinema PaulieDiso ponders the end of civilization
– Prince, Remini, Griffin
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We
Watched + tons
_more

ETCETERA

– An all new Top Ten List
– Jerry’s Happy Note (In Time)
– The Fucking Initials Game…again
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

/strong>

eMpTy Minds Radio #445 (07-26-2019)

Well sir, it’s late afternoon as we enter the small house half-way up in the next block now, and here in the living room we discover Mrs. Victor Gook and young Mr. Rush Gook. Young Mr. Rush Gook – who arrived home from school just a moment ago – still wears his hat and overcoat, and he regards his mother, who is sparkling with excitement. She’s been listening to the latest EMR and finds that it makes her more informed, more hip and more cool.  Shouldn’t you be as cool as Mrs. Gook?  This is #445. Enjoy the coolness

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE
YOUR CHIEF THEORIZER: JOSHERS

Here I am and within the
_reach of my hands. She’s
_sound asleep and she’s 
_sweeter now than the wild-
_est dream could have seen

_her. And I watcher her slip-
_ping away. Though I know
_I’ll be hunting high and low.
_High. There’s no end to the
_lengths I’ll go to. Hunting
_high and low. High. There’s
_no end to the lengths I’ll go
_to.

EM NEWS
– Growl, Step, Step, Growl
– Most Likely To Come Unprepared
– Dating Is The Bomb
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– The Last Movie Star
– Cinema PaulieDiso’s rise to fame
– Watts, Lollobrigida, Cameron
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We
Watched + tons
_more

ETCETERA

– An all new Top Ten List
– Jerry’s Happy Note x2
– The Fucking Initials Game
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #444 (07-19-2019)

Another one! Another diner from the stars has, apparently, crash-landed to earth.  Where are all of these classic American dining cars coming from? We don’t know. It’s as if aliens we’re infiltrating earth’s population, making off with abandoned dining cars and then for reasons unbeknownst they are dropping them back to earth. Will you receive answers to this dilemma in episode 443? Probably not, but you’ll have a damn good time not figuring things out. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR EM-NEWS GIRL: TABI
YOUR CHIEF THEORIZER: JOSHERS

Break into the diners at mid-
_night. Every light is out but
_the moonlight. Miss me at 
_the table as you hobble on.
_Pretend I’m the one that you

_still love. Play another song
_for your black heart. Put
_another coin in that juke-
_box. Dance along to all of
_the sad George Jones. Cry,
_cry, cry. Where are you now?
_Where have you been? Why
_do I waste, waste, waste all
_the love that you lend?

EM NEWS
– Number One Fan
– The Southern Atomic
_Whisky Snake
– I Saguaro I Didn’t See It,
_Officer
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Dead Actress’ Jewelry Makes Film
_Debut
– The Good, The Bad, The Theater
_Tech
– Mirren, Munn, Hamilton
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We
Watched + tons
_more

ETCETERA

– Cinema PaulieDiso is looking too
– An all new Top Ten List
– Theoretical Meltdown w/ Joshers
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #443 (07-12-2019)

Another one! Another diner from the stars has, apparently, crash-landed to earth.  Where are all of these classic American dining cars coming from? We don’t know. It’s as if aliens we’re infiltrating earth’s population, making off with abandoned dining cars and then for reasons unbeknownst they are dropping them back to earth. Will you receive answers to this dilemma in episode 443? Probably not, but you’ll have a damn good time not figuring things out. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & JOSHERS
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

I am sitting, in the morning,
_at the diner on the corner. I
_am waiting at the counter for
_the man to pour the coffee.
_And he fills it only halfway 

_and before I even argue, he
_is looking out the window at
_somebody coming in. It is
_always nice to see you says
_the man behind the counter
_to the woman who has come
_in. She is shaking her um-
_brella, and I look the other
_way as they are kissing
_their hellos
.

EM NEWS
– The Museum Is Just Shit
– Birdman or The Unexpected
_Virtue of Fucking Idiocy
– Death In The Fast Lane
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Pow! You’re Under Arrest

– And Just Like That…She’s Back

– Torn, Franklin, Cortese
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We
Watched + tons
_more

ETCETERA

– Cinema PaulieDiso dives into the mysterious
– An all new Top Ten List
– Theoretical Meltdown w/ Joshers
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #442 (07-05-2019)

The wind howling outside my lonely home is my only companion. All else is quiet here as I sit by my window in the parlor writing this document for the scientific world. Be warned you doctors and scientists who come after me; be warned that man must not experiment with the secrets of life. However, dealing with the not-so-secretive, growing level of stupidity in this world. That must be placed in check. That’s where we come in. EMR…to the rescue. This heroic episode is #442. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & TABI
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE
YOUR SPECIAL DELIVERY: JOSHERS

They sat in an abandoned
_luncheonette, sipping imagin-
_ary cola and drawing faces in
_the table-top dust. His voice
_was rusty from years as a 

_sergeant in this man’s army. 
_They were old and crusty. 
_She was 20 when the diner 

_was a baby. He was the dish-
_washer, busy in the back,
_his hands covered with gravy.
_Hair black and wavy. Brilliant-
_ine slick, a pot-cleaning
_dandy. He was young and
_randy
.

EM NEWS
– Super Hive Mentality
– The Bovine Serenade
– Detecting Incoming Swarm
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– I Mean, What’s The Brother Gonna
_Do? He’s A Filmmaker
– Come In Here, Dear Boy, Buy A
_Guitar…
– Crowe, Pitt, Jackman
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We
Watched + tons
_more

ETCETERA

– Cinema PaulieDiso holds the salute
– An all new Top Ten List
– Inappropriate Story Time (FB pics)
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #441 (06-28-2019)

Each week at this time, WOR-Mutual turns the spotlight on one of the world’s great detectives of fiction and invites you to listen to the story of his most exciting case. Tonight, Madame Rosika Storey in “The Scrap of Lace.” He pulled at the scrap of lace with his teeth…and she moaned. Oh god! Sorry. We got all sucked up into that lace thing. Whew. If you want something every bit as provocative, but just a bit less sexual, we present to you — EMR episode #441. Dig it!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE
YOUR EMR GIRL: TABI
YOUR SPECIAL DELIVERY: JOSHERS

When I get to the bottom, I go
_back to the top of the slide.
_Where I stop and I turn and I
_go for a ride. Til I get to the
_bottom and I see you again.

_Do, don’t you want me to 
_love you? I’m comin’ down fast,
_but I’m miles above you. Tell

_me. tell me, tell me. Come on,
_tell me the answer. Well, you
_may be a lover, but you ain’t
_no dancer. Helter Skelter,
_Helter Skelter, Helter Skelter.
_Look out! Helter Skelter,
_Helter Skelter
.

EM NEWS
– Mind Bogglingly Shitty Music Sparks Good Cause
– Pikachu And The Claw of Death
– Dykstra Denture Dumpster Diver
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– The LACMA Opposition Component

– Where Do We Go Now?

– Dorian, Dunleavy, Cooke
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA

– Cinema PaulieDiso drops the bag
– An all new Top Ten List
– Jerry’s Happy Note
– Too Close For Comfort – The EMR Photo Game (FB page)
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #440 (06-21-2019)

Each Monday, Wednesday and Friday, Campbell’s Tomato Juice brings you a brand new radio program developed from the most popular feature of your favorite magazines — the short short story. Each one complete in itself; modern, dramatic, and entertaining. A thrilling , different story each Monday, Wednesday and Friday, brought to you at this time by Campbell’s Tomato Juice. Today’s story, “Good Salesman,” is complete bullshit! Everybody knows there isn’t a good salesman. Fuck that tomato soup jazz and listen, instead, to something god damned good. This is EMR episode #440. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR EMR GIRL: TABI
YOUR SPECIAL GUEST: JOSHERS

Chewing out a rhythm on my
_bubble gum, the sun is out and
_I want some. It’s not hard, not
_far to reach, we can hitch a
_ride to Rockaway Beach. Up on

_the roof, out on the street, 
_down in the playground; the 
_hot concrete, bus ride is too

_slow, they blast out the disco
_on the radio. Rock, rock, Rock-
_away Beach. Rock, rock, Rock-
_away Beach. Rock, rock, Rock-
_away Beach. We can hitch a
_ride to Rockaway Beach. It’s
_not hard, not far to reach, we
_can hitch a ride to Rockaway
_Beach. Chewing out a rhythm 
_on my bubblegum, the sun is
_
out and I want some. It’s not
_hard, not far to reach, we can
_hitch a ride to Rockaway Beach.


EM NEWS
– The Age Old Carey, Currie, Casey Fuck Up
– It’s Sort of A…A…Sharp Pain
– This Is Something That Samuel L. Jackson Is Motherfucking Sick of
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Hey, Hey, Hey…It’s Lecture Time

– Record Hero Worship

– Costner, Monroe,Thorne
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA

– Cinema PaulieDiso goes back into the sink
– An all new Top Ten List
– New Minnesota State Fair Foods – 2019 Edition
– Tabitha chats gardening
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #439 (06-14-2019)

Hi. You know, there’s an old saying, never look a gift horse in the mouth. With tongue in cheek I now write me a new saying; never look a gift blonde in the eyes. She was blonde ’cause her hair told me so. That was the only proof I had. She didn’t walk, she insinuated. She was from New Orleans and her name was Lou and believe me, brother, Lou was no lady. When I saw her I said to myself, I dig this babe. She almost dug me too…right into a grave. YeeeeGad! Nothing like that happens on EMR, but we do get plenty crazy. Why not check out this episode? It’s 4-3-9 and it promises to be solid. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: JERRY
YOUR SPECIAL GUEST: TABITHA

My makeup is dry and it cracks
_’round my chin. I’m drowing
_my sorrows in whiskey and gin.
_The lion-tamer’s whip doesn’t
_crack anymore. The lions. 

_they won’t fight and the tigers
_won’t roar. So, let’s all drink
_to the death of a clown. Won’t 

_someone help me to break up
_this crown? Let’s all drink to
_the death of a clown. Let’s all
_drink to the death of a clown.
_The old fortune teller lies
_dead on the floor. Nobody
_needs fortunes told anymore.
_The trainer of insects is
_crouched on his knees and
_frantically looking for run-

_away flees.


EM NEWS
– I Want My Fucking Lobster Roll…KAW!
– Taco Cops, How May We Help You, Dumb Fuck?
– Cracker Is A Crack Cracker
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Mikey vs Stevie

– Neverending Stairway

– Greenwood, Murray, Pine
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA

– Cinema PaulieDiso doubles down on the kitchen sink
– An all new Top Ten List
– Jerry’s Happy Note
– Back Rockwards!
– We chat with guest Tabitha
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #438 (06-07-2019)

The police whistle and the siren bring again for your entertainment one of the secret cases of the National Surety Company. Tonight’s story is based on a residence burglary that baffled detective Harkness until he became perplexed over an incidental phase of the case. But the detective will explain all this himself. Detective Harkness is an asshole, but he does have good taste in podcasts. Namely, this one — EMR. He’s listening to EMR four-thirty-eight right now. Don’t you think you should be? Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE
YOUR SPECIAL GUEST: JOSH

The job is done and I go out,
_another boring day. I leave it
_all behind me now, so many
_worlds away. I meet my girl,
_she’s dressed to kill, and all 

_we gonna do… Is walk 
_around to catch the thrill on 
_streets we call the zoo. We 

_eat the night, we drink the
_time — make our dreams
_come true. And hungry eyes
_are passing by on streets we
_call the zoo. And hungry eyes
_are passing by on streets we
_call the zoo
.

EM NEWS
– The Healthiest WalCake Yet
– Car Not 2 Go
– A Really Big Fucking Table
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Dude, Like…I’m Not Lonely

– Fuck Georgia!

– Depardieu, Cage, Walsh
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA

– Cinema PaulieDiso forms a triangle
– An all new Top Ten List
– Jerry’s Techin’ It Up The Ass
– Random Wacky Trivia
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #437 (05-31-2019)

Ladies and gentlemen, the element of suspense is so vital to our story tonight, that our sponsors, the makers of Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer, are omitting their usual commercial message during the intermission between the acts so that our play will go uninterrupted from spooky start to spooky finish. Therefore, let’s give Ken Roberts his forty-five second opportunity right now to extol the merits of that blended, splendid, eh, Ken? Ken? Kennnnn? Ken is apparently listening to EMR episode 437 right now and we don’t want to disturb him. Why don’t you give it a listen?

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & PAULIE
YOUR HAPPY BASTARD: JERRY

I woke up this morning with a
_bad hangover. And my penis
_was missing again. This happens
_all the time — it’s detachable.
_This comes in handy a lot of the

_time. I can leave it home when
_I think it’s gonna get me in 
_trouble. Or I can rent it out 

_when I don’t need it. But now
_and then I go to a party, get
_drunk and the next morning I
_can’t, for the life of me, re-
_member what I did with it.
_First I looked around my apart-
_ment and couldn’t find it..
.

EM NEWS
– Tikis Thumb Nose At Your Nose
_Thumbing
– Hello, My Name Is Dipshit
– Jerkoff Dad Stole Cookie Dough
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Harrelson Receives New Recognition

– Japanese Chinese Film Relations

– Caridi, Trebek, Ford
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We
Watched + tons
_more

ETCETERA

– Cinema PaulieDiso gets creepy
– An all new Top Ten List
– Jerry’s Happy Note
– Tom’s Vegas & LA Picture Cavalcade
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #436 From Hollywood (05-23-2019)

A ridiculously special version of EMR tonight, kids! We are doing this show from a studio on Sunset Boulevard in Hollywood. A big show from La-La-Land. We hope you enjoy the fuck out of it. We know we did!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & GARRY
YOUR PHONE-IN GUEST: PAULIE
YOUR SPECIAL GUEST: DARK MARK

Little ghost, little ghost…one
_I’m scared of the most, can you
_scare me up a little bit of love?
_I’m the only one who sees you,
_and I can’t do much to please

_you, and it’s not yet time to 
_meet the Lord above. The 
_first woman that I met her, I

_did not expect to ‘spect her. 
_When I shook her hand, I
_really shook a glove. She
_looked into me so sweetly, and
_we left the room discreetly. No
_one else could know the secret
_of our love. Little ghost, little
_ghost…one I’m scared of the
_most, can you scare me up a
_little bit of love? I’m the only
_one who sees you and I can’t
_do much to please you and it’s
_not yet time to meet the lord
_above
.

EM NEWS (All The Local Hollywood Shit)
– A cadre of sorted SoCal stuff

MENTALTAINMENT
– An all new Cinema PaulieDiso
– Birthdays
+ tons more
ETCETERA
– An all new Top Ten List
– Dark Mark in for the whole show
– Thanks to Charlie & Dark Mark!
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #435 Best of Five Minute Cinema (05-17-2019)

This here, kids, is a rare treat. A “best of” show. We hardly ever do these, but we decided to take a much needed fucking vacation.  Enjoy this hour of EMR history. It is Episode 435!

YOUR HOST: Tommy
THE REST: Myro, Garry, Jerry, Paulie, Nikki

Drivin’ home this evening, I coulda
_sworn we had it all worked out. You had
_this boy believin’ way beyond the
_shadow of a doubt, yeah. Well I heard it
_on the
street, I heard you mighta found
_somebody new, yeah.

_Well who is he baby, who is he
_And tell me what he means to you, oh
_yeah. I took it all for granted, but how
_was I to know that you’d be letting go?
_Now, it cuts like a knife, but it feels so
_right. Yeah, it cuts like a knife. Oh, but
_it feels so right. There’s times I’ve been _mistaken. There’s times I thought I’d
_been misunderstood, oh yeah. So, wait
_a minute darlin’, can’t you see we did
_the best we could, oh we could.
_Wouldn’t be the first time that things
_have gone astray. Now you’ve thrown it
_all away. Now it cuts like a knife. Yeah,
_but it feels so right. Oh it cuts like a
_knife. Yeah, but it feels so right. Oh it’s
_cut like a knife. But it feels so right,
_baby. Oh it cuts like a knife, yeah.



ETCETERA

– Five 5 Minute Cinemas
– Plus one additional bonus 5 Min Cin

eMpTy Minds Radio #434 (05-10-2019)

Each Monday, Wednesday and Friday, Campbell’s Tomato Juice brings you a brand new radio program developed from the most popular feature of your favorite magazines –  The Short Short Story. Each one complete in itself; modern, dramatic and entertaining. A thrilling, different story each Monday, Wednesday and Friday, brought to you at this time by Campbell’s Tomato Juice. We don’t offer any of that shit. And no god damned tomato juice either. Just a complete and utter assault on stupidity & bullshit!  Frankly, we’re having a hard time keeping up. This is #434. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & PAULIE
YOUR GNUs MAN GARRY
YOUR SPECIAL GUEST JOSH

And in the evening when you
_fade away. The same thing 
_happens every single day. 
_‘Cause when your dreams come
_true, they pretty soon decay.

_There’s nothing you can do to
_change your mind. You’re dis-
_appearing or you’re going 

_blind. And when you’re gone,
_there won’t be anything be-
_hind except a skull, a suit-
_case and a long red bottle of
_wine. A skull, a suitcase and a
_long red bottle of wine. You’re
_disappearing in a purple fog. It’s
_a machine and you’re its faith-
_ful cog. You love your woman,
_but you just don’t love her dog.
_Which means you get a skull, a
_suitcase and a long red bottle
_of wine. A skull, a suitcase and
_a long red bottle of wine
.
EM NEWS
– Marmot Kidney Is Complete Success
– Choking Your Way To Heaven
– Octopus Gives Life To Shame Blogger
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Village Gets New Ratings Chief

– Still Must See

– Duffers, Martin, McLean
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA

– Cinema PaulieDiso goes behind enemy lines
– An all new Top Ten List
– We chat with special guest Josh
– A bizarre round of Random Assortment of Shit Quiz
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #433 (05-03-2019)

Standard of California on behalf of Independent Chevron Gas Stations and Standard Stations throughout the West invites you to “Let George Do It.” Damn right. This week, George takes a big shit…AND HE DOESN’T WANT YOUR HELP! Let George Do It, God Damnit! In other news, this is EMR episode four-thirty-three. We sincerely hope you enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & GARRY
YOUR HAPPY BASTARD JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC PAULIE

It’s another tequila sunrise,
_starin’ slowly ‘cross the sky. 
_Said goodbye. He was just a
_hired hand, workin’ on the
_dreams he planned to try. The

_days go by. Ev’ry night when
_the sun goes down, just 
_another lonely boy in town. 

_And she’s out runnin’ ’round. 
_She wasn’t just another woman,
_and I couldn’t keep from comin’
_on. It’s been so long, and oh…
_it’s a hollow feelin’, when it
_comes down to dealin’ friends.
_It never ends. Take another shot
_of courage. Wonder why the
_right words never come. You just
_get numb. It’s another tequila
_sunrise. This old world still looks
_the same. Another frame.
_It’s another tequila sunrise,
_starin’ slowly ‘cross the sky. 
_Said goodbye. He was just a
_hired hand, workin’ on the
_dreams he planned to try. The
_days go by. Ev’ry night when
_the sun goes down, just
_another lonely boy in town.
_And she’s out runnin’ ’round.
_It’s another tequila sunrise
.
_This old world still looks the same.
EM NEWS
– Man 2nd Amendments His Daughter…In The Stomach
– Tits & Pavement Against Shady Bankers
– Hecka Good Times
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– The Presidential Stream

– The Real Iron Man

– Goldblum, SIngleton, Stallone
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA

– Cinema PaulieDiso deals with cowardice
– An all new Top Ten List
– A Jerry’s Happy Note
– A sweet round of Superhero: Real or Fake
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #432 (04-26-2019)

Ladies and Gentlemen, the American Broadcasting Company brings transcribed to its entire network, one of radio’s most unusual programs: eMpTy Minds Radio, For Hire. That’s right. Is there bullshit in your life? Are things so mucked up in stupidity that you find it hard to breath? You’ve come to the right place, friends. Just call that number on your screen. We’ve got this! Meanwhile, kick back and listen to the show. This here is numeral four-hundred-thirty-two!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC PAULIE

There was no light shining
_through the window as
_Margaret lie in bed. She was
_wearing her cotton pajamas,
_a crucifix above her head. She

_awoke from a dream. Her eyes
_were open. Her lips were 
_moving in the dark. Speak to

_me in many voices; make them
_all sound like one. Let me see
_your sacred mysteries. Reveal
_to me the unknown tongue. 
_She put her hands upon her
_breasts and they were small
_and hard and young. And every-
_where she touched, she felt the
_fire. Waiting for the answer that
_must surely come. Is this the way
_to love or is this just the way to
_die? Speak to me in many voices
_Make them all sound like one
.

EM NEWS
– Talk About Shitty Pizza
– Hot Dogging The Concession Stand
– You Say Potato, I Say…What The Fuck?
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Head Mouse Paycheck Preposterous

– Shut The Fuckin’ Door

– Trebek, McKenzie, Bailey
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA

– Cinema PaulieDiso visits the cargo hold
– An all new Top Ten List
– A Jerry’s Happy Note
– The Great Big EMR Band Name Meaning Game
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #431 (04-19-2019)

The eMpTy Minds Broadcasting Company presents “First Man Out,” a series of true stories, transcribed and documented from the official files of United States government agencies. Whoa…sound spooky. If you can’t handle it, how about just a good old fashioned assault on stupidity & bullshit? We have that too. This is the 431st episode of such business. Happy listening!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & PAULIE
YOUR GNUs MAN GARRY
YOUR HAPPY BASTARD JERRY

I was swinging on the avenue,
_with my heart open to the un-
_known. I wanted to say hello to
_anyone. Anyone. And it was you.
_I told you anything. It was 

_enough to talk to you. To tame
_you. At the Champs Elysees, at
_the Champs Elysees. In the sun,

_in the rain, at noon or at mid-
_night. There’s everything you
_want in the Champs Elysees.
_You told me “I have a meeting
_in the basement with crazy
_people who live guitar in hand
_from evening to morning.” So, I
_accompanied you. We sang, we
_danced and we did not even think
_about kissing
.

EM NEWS
– Loving Her To Prison
– Elder Pisses On Attack Walkers
– Give That Bastard The Leg
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Flix Facts Fervently Forthcoming

– LACMA Expansion Not Expanding Everyone

– Harrison, Reeves, Gable
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA

– Cinema PaulieDiso digs for gold
– An all new Top Ten List
– A Jerry’s Happy Note
– The Great Big EMR Band Name Change Game – Volume 44
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #430 (04-12-2019)

She’s a novelist and short story writer, master of a sunny mood that turns to terror in a single sentence. But her statements are not dark for the sake of darkness; rather for the bitter truth that’s in them. Tonight, we present one of the most dramatic and horrifying of the Shrilly Jackball stories, “The Lottery.” This tale of terror and suspense will be heard immediately following this exciting new product announcement from Dickweed Enterprises. If none of that crap sounds appealing, you can always listen to our show. It’s eMpTy Minds Radio or EMR to the initiated. This is our 430th episode. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & GARRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

The Tristitude — it’s when you
_just swallow a toothpick. When
_you realize your father is a Swiss-
_German. When a friend calls you
_for his move…and it hurts. The

_Tristitude — it’s to pass the 
_Tunnel of Fourviere on 15th
_August. When you have to go live

_in Nogent-le-Rotrou. When your
_hairdresser tells you that you
_have red reflections, and it _hurts. 
The Tristitude — it’s me,
_it’s you, it’s us. What is it? It’s a
_little bit of distress in the crook
_of our arms. The Tristitude — it’s
_hmm. It’s whoa. It’s them. It’s you
.

EM NEWS
– Dog Fucking Bank Robber of Ohio
– The Old Reverse Rape Routine
– Man Threatens Slow & Steady Apocalypse
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Walk Like An Egyptian

– Sex-Charged Smallville Girl

– Boxill, Idle, Murphy
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA

– Cinema PaulieDiso steps back into the shadows
– An all new Top Ten List
– More Shower Thoughts
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #429 (04-05-2019)

Wally Kent was the only person there who did not fear the old man. He even admitted to himself that he liked him in a strange sort of way. And that was good, especially as the Sloanes were inclined to be clannish, and Wally intended to propose to Natalie — if he could find her. After having looked everywhere else for her, he finally decided to try Mr. Sloane’s room. Perhaps she had been closeted with her uncle. Closeted with her uncle? Now, that is sick fucking shit. Why not enjoy something wholesome instead? This is EMR. Episode 4-2-9…for the whole family. Enjoy

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

When I was eight I had a friend
_with a pirate smile. Make 
_belief and play pretend, we 
_were innocent and wild. Hopped
_a fence and slammed the gate —

_running down my alleyway. It’s
_time to watch Sally’s Pigeons fly.
_We loved to watch them dive 

_and soar — circle in the sky. Free
_as a bird from three to four and
_never knowing why. Neighbors
_pulled their wash back in. Put
_away my Barbie and Ken. Look
_out overhead while Sally’s
_Pigeons fly. I had a fool’s con-
_fidence that the world had no
_boundaries. But instincts and
_common sense come in different
_quantities
.

EM NEWS
– Porking & Driving
– Judge Okays Gas Attack
– Cat Calls On The Beach
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Statue of Limitations

– Sometimes There’s A Man…

– Hamill, Cage, Perry
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA

– Cinema PaulieDiso’s diggin’ in the dirt
– An all new Top Ten List
– Return of The Insanity Quiz
– Jerry’s Happy Note x2
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #428 (03-29-2019)

The Doorway to Life is a happy childhood! To help you find this doorway for your child, the Columbia Broadcasting System invites you to listen to the case of Tommy, age six. “Tommy, Whose Mother Loved Podcasts!” A big EMR fan that woman. Listen to what she listens to. Seriously, you don’t want to get on her bad side. This is episode 428…a fine place to start.

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & PAULIE
YOUR SPECIAL GUEST: OTHER PAULIE

PT boat on the way to Havana.
_I used to make a livin’, man, 
_pickin’ the banana. Now, I’m
_a guide for the CIA. Hooray! for
_the USA. Baby, baby make me

_loco. Baby, baby make me 
_mambo. Sent to spy on a Cuban
_talent show. First stop – Havana.

_go go! I used to make a livin’,
_man, pickin’ the banana. Hooray!
_for Havana. Baby, baby make me
_loco. Baby, baby make me
_mambo. PT boat on the way to
_Havana. I used to make a livin’,
_man, pickin’ the banana. Now,
_I’m a guide for the CIA. Hooray!
_for the USA. Baby, baby make me
_loco. Baby, baby make me mambo.
_Hooray! for Havana
.

EM NEWS
– The Pepsi Challenge
– Law “Breaker”
– Nude Still Life Revenge
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– High Fidelity

– Stand By Me

– Reeves, Carey, Hopper
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA

An all new Top Ten List
– A round of Picture This – The EMR Sketchy Cinema Game
– We chat with special guest Paulie Mak, AKA Small P
– Paulie’s LA Picture Cavalcade (follow along on our FB page)
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #427 (3-22-2019)

I am Morris Mandekovich … remember my name. Somewhere in a field in Peru a naked skull lies white in the sun and does not remember. The socket is empty where once my eye was living and warm and saw the things I have to tell. Do not pity me. Pity only those who are not dead and suffer still.  I shall tell you my story and you shall judge it. Hey! You can sit and talk to a skull in a field or you can get yourself informed — your choice. It’s EMR 427, kiddies!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & JERRY
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY

When the sleet smacks you in
_the face and you’ve fallen 
_down in his backyard. A stiff,
_cold breeze blows right up
_your ass. You clutch at snow as

_if it were his eyes. You want to
_scream. All you do is spit. The
_neighbors are staring; they’re

_calling the cops. So, you crawl
_back to who’s pouring the shots.
_We’ve got some civility after all.
_Apologies are made for the
_wrongs you take the blame for.
_Now, clean up this mess and show
_them what you’re made for. Spike
_heeled shuffle across the lino-
_leum tile. Fall over, stumble —
_you’re a black-toothed joke. He
_puts you through the wall, again.
_And dopes you up, to take you out.

EM NEWS
– Racist Is All Out of Sugar
– Bad At Getting Away
– Shoe, Gun, Cockroach, Hospital!
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Foxcatcher

– The Lost Boys

– Dale, Buechler, Khan
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA

An all new Top Ten List
– A round of Odd Tidbits: The Game
– Jerry’s Happy Note (in 3rd person)
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #426 (03-15-2019)

Each week at this time, Camel cigarettes bring you Peter Lorre in the excitement of the great stories of the strange and unusual – of dark and compelling masterpieces culled from the four corners of world literature. Wow! Now THAT is some cool shit! Doesn’t the past seem awesome?  If only there were a way to make the future seem that awesome. Hmmmm…oh yeah, listen to this show. Regularly. Fuck, you are already here. What have you got to lose? Kick back…and enjoy #426.

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & GARRY
YOUR HAPPY BASTARD: JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

So, they say they’ll set me free,
_if I plead guilty and let it be.
_But, I’m not the one who did 
_their crimes. So, why should I
_keep taking their jives? I’m

_done playing all their games, 
_and being titled low life names.
_When I’m innocent and con-

_cerned of who I am and what
_I’ve learned. I’m not the one
_who did their crimes. There’s
_no justice, there’s just us. Blind
_justice screwed all of us. There’s
_no justice, there’s just us. We
_need blind justice for all of us.
_When I’m innocent and concerned,
_of who I am and what I’ve learned.
_I’m not the one who did their
_crimes. There’s no justice, there’s
_just us!

EM NEWS
– New York City Candy Cops
– Sober Got Drunk
– Stop Breathing, Asshole!
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Flight of The Intruder

– The Last Picture Shop

– Blaine, Sheinberg, Elba
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA

– Cinema PaulieDiso is strung out
An all new Top Ten List
– A round of Comic or Killer?
– Jerry’s Happy Note x3
– A heaping helping of St. Patrick’s Day limericks & jokes
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #425 (03-08-2019)

Let us begin our story on the morning of July 1, 1776, in the Continental Congress at Philadelphia. For nearly three hours the Lee Resolution has been the subject of furious debate. The members are all excited, anxious, overwrought. The debate has become bitter, for some of the members are unalterably opposed to independence. It is about noon when Dr. Franklin rises to address the Chair: “Fuck it! We’re getting nowhere. Little EMR, anyone? I hear 425 is fantastic.” Enjoy…and maybe even solved all of your problems.

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

Well, sweet little sista’s high
_as hell, cheating on a halo. 
_Grind in an Odyssey, a holo-
_caust, a heart kicking on tom-
_morrow. And a breakdown

_agony. I said an ecstasy in over-
_drive. We’re riding on the world,
_thunderkissin’ nineteen-sixty…

_five, yeah. Wow! The demon-
_warp is coming alive in nine-
_teen-sixty five, five, five! Livin’
_fast and dying young, like an
_endless poetry. My motorcycle
_nightmare, freak out inside of
_me. My soul salvation, liberation,
_on the drive. The power of the
_blaster, move me faster. Nineteen-
_sixty five, yeah!

EM NEWS
– Pecker Wrecker
– A Saucy Approach To Survival
– Cave of Much Doom Trapping
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Little Trouble In Big China

– The Bones Collector

– Perry, Jackson, Bundy
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA

– Cinema PaulieDiso climbs aboard
An all new Top Ten List
– A round of Here Come The Secondaries Quiz Thingy
– Techin’ It Up The Ass – Foldy Phones
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #424 (03-01-2019)

To most people, a zoo is a collection of four-footed animals. But there’s one menagerie I know of where the inmates walk on two feet. In the first cage, for instance, you’ll find the Giant Forger, whose specialty is writing other people’s names. And in another iron cell, you can inspect the genus pickpocket — known also as the “Little Dip” — who can sometimes prove that the hand is quicker than the eye. But the prize exhibit is a hopped-up character with a nervous twitch in his forefinger. He prowls alone when he looks for prey, and he’s known for his taste for…murder. Oh…and the peanut vendor…he knows about a hell of a podcast. It’s called EMR or eMpTy Minds Radio to the uninitiated. Stroll on over, ask to sample his nuts and he will tell you all about good listening. This is episode 424 of the big show. Enjoy the fuck out of it!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & PAULIE
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY

Dreaming, dreaming of a girl
_like me. Hey, what are you 
_waiting for? Feeding, feeding
_me. I feel like I’m disappear-
_ing, getting smaller every day.

_But I look in the mirror, I’m
_bigger in every way. She said,
_you aren’t never going any-

_where. You aren’t never going
_anywhere. I ain’t never going
_anywhere. I ain’t never going
_anywhere. I’m in heaven now.
_I can see you, Richard. Goodbye
_Hollywood, goodbye Downey,
_hello Janis, hello Dennis, Elvis
_and all my brand new friends.
_I’m so glad you’re all here with
_me until the very end.

EM NEWS
– Dipping Sauce For Your Nuggets
– Redneck Bell Curve
– Between Grandma And The Deep Blue Sea
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– A Review To A Kill

– Three Days of The Wakandor

– Cornell, Saunders, Hollis
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA

– Cinema PaulieDiso’s rise to fame
An all new Top Ten List
– A round of The EMR Guinness World Records Quiz
– Plenty of Odd Tidbits
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #423 (02-22-2019)

My name’s Pete Kelly. I play cornet. You’ll find us at 417 Cherry Street, Kansas City, it’s a standard speakeasy. Before prohibition the building housed a cleaning and dying plant. It hasn’t changed much. The vats came in handy. Its still tough to get a clear gin but a lady likes the idea of a drink to match the color of her dress. The lease is owned by George Lupo. He’s a flat, friendly little guy who wouldn’t harm a fly. There’s no money in harming flies. We start every night about ten and play til the customers get that first frightening look at each other in the early light. Lupo’s working on a scheme to push the dawn back for at least one more hour. I don’t think he’ll make it, but I wouldn’t want to risk a buck against him. Good old Pete Kelly…he could have been a podcaster, if he hadn’t been such a scumbag! I’ll tell you what I always told him — “Check out eMpTy Minds Radio.” This here is episode 423. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & GARRY
YOUR GNUs MAN: JERRY

Well, grab your shoes and grab
_your balls. Let’s head to those
_heavenly halls. Sit on down
_and grab a beer, ’cause bow-
_ling time is pretty near. Tor-

_tured men forget their pain,
_when they head to the bowling
_lane. Let’s go bowling. Let’s go

_bowling. Got a coupon? Let’s
_go bowling. For a free game.
_Let’s go bowling. Let’s go bow-
_ling. Let’s go bowling. Let’s do
_it now. Because Wrestlemania’s
_fine by me. Monster trucks are
_a sight to see. A culture like
_that’s nice and all, but there
_ain’t nothing better than a bow-
_ling ball.

EM NEWS
– Looks Just Like A Piece of Shit
– Like They Do In The Movies, Daddy
– Louisiana Cops Saving The World From Online Videos
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– The Statue

– The Curse of The Black Pearl

– Johnson, Affleck, Ginsburg
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA

– An all new Top Ten List
– Jerry’s Happy Note
– A round of The Great Big EMR Band Name Change Game
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #422 (02-15-2019)

Now, ladies and gentlemen, if you will inspect the forty-seven wax images you see before you, I think you will admit they are more life-like, more startlingly real, than any you have ever seen before! : But the greatest interest lies in the fact that each one of these figures is a fiendish, sadistic murderer. Ahhh…melodrama, how you won’t find that here. This is EMR, that’s eMpTy Minds Radio to the uninitiated. And this is our four-hundred-twenty-second episode. Please enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & JERRY
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

Everybody’s going bowling,
_bowling, bowling. California’s
_going bowling, bowling, bow-
_ling. Well, Pennsylvania’s
_going bowling, bowling, bow-

_ling. And I can’t lift that bow-
_ling ball. Like any day was 
_Saturday, my lil baby wants

_to bowl away. But how can I
_say that I’m not so strong? I
_tell her let’s play ping pong.
_And everybody’s bowling,
_bowling, bowling. Everybody’s
_going bowling, bowling, bow-
_ling. New York City’s going
_bowling, bowling, bowling. And
_I can’t lift that bowling ball…

EM NEWS
– No Patty, No Peace!
– Those were my Cheez-Its, Bitch!
– Mysterious Alien Car Flipping
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Very Bad Things

– The Full Treatment

– Murphy, Ford, Grierson
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– 
Cinema Pauliediso confined
– An all new Top Ten List
– Jerry’s Happy Note
– A round of Fake News or No Fake News
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #421 (02-08-2019)

Good evening, friends. I’m not going to waste any time or words getting into tonight’s story. One day, not so long ago, I entered my office in the National Surety Company’s building just as the phone was ringing. So, you know what I did? I threw that god-damned phone out my window, sat back in my chair, put my feet up and put on my very favorite podcast in all the world — eMpTy Minds Radio. If it’s good enough for me, it’s sure as hell good enough for you. This is episode four-twenty-one. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & PAULIE  

Bowling down the alley with
_pretty, playful Sally. Rolling
_down the alley, bowling, Sally
_and me. We’d bowl away our
_daily blues when we’d tie on

_those bowling shoes. Rolling
_down the alley, my Sally and
_me. Rolling down the alley,

_anticipating tally. Rolling
_down the alley, bowling, Sally
_and me. The score will show
_we’re pretty bad, but look at
_all the fun we’ve had. Rolling
_down the alley, my Sally and
_me. We pretend that every pin
_is someone that we dislike. We
_aim right at the knucklehead,
_and come up with the lucky
_strike.

EM NEWS
– Glitter Farts!
– You Say Potato, I say Grenade-Oh.
– Fun, Fun, Fun…BOOM!
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Runaway Train!

– Darkman

– Schwarzenegger, Bardem, Bowie
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– 
Cinema Pauliediso finds unexpected romance
– An all new Top Ten List
– Epic Building & Construction Fails (pics on FB)
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #420 “The Clambake” (02-01-2019)

Well here we are. And every seat is taken. I’m sure they’re notices that tonight’s play is a thriller, packing plenty of excitement in every scene, with a bit of a surprise coming up at the very end. The title is “The Chinese Gong.” Yes, indeed…the mysterious Chinese Gong. So mysterious in fact, that we will never talk about it again. This is EMR episode #420 “The Clambake.” Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & JERRY  
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE
YOUR SPECIAL GUEST: CLAMMY

Every day, I get up and pray to
_Jah. And he increases the 
_number of clocks by exactly
_one. Everybody’s comin’ home
_for lunch these days. Last

_night there were skinheads on
_my lawn. Take the skinheads
_bowling, take them bowling.

_Take the skinheads bowling,
_take them bowling.

EM NEWS
– Shitting Pants Over Stolen Meds
– Don’t Call The Bomb Squad On An Empty Stomach
– Meth, Death & Getting Arrested
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cop Rock!

– Exit: The Dragon

– Nolan, Alda, Smith
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– 
Cinema Pauliediso is off the rails
– A Clammy round of Clambake Weed Quiz
– An all new Top Ten List
– Jerry’s Happy Note – “Blood Donor”
– We chit chat with the one and only Clamboy
– Mary Jane Limericks
– Pizza Reviews, Dude
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #419 (01-25-2019)

… People who make their way through this world by entertaining you, and you,  and you — have a way of expressing their appreciation for real talent. Behind the greasepaint and make-up of a performer, they look for fine shadings in characterization, the timing of lines, the tempo and pace and heart that a man brings to his work. When they find them in just the right proportion, they say, “That fellow is an actor’s actor.” When they find things disproportionate, they turn to eMpTy Minds Radio for help. This is EMR episode four-hundred-nineteen. Maybe there’s something in it for you. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & GARRY  
YOUR HAPPY BASTARD: JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE
YOUR SPECIAL GUEST: MIKEY

They came in under the radar,
_when our backs were turned 
_around. In a fleet of Lincoln
_Town Cars, they rolled into our
_town. Confounded all six 

_senses, like an opiate in the 
_brain. Mary shut the garden
_door, looks a lot like rain. Mary

_shut the garden door. Mary 
_shut the garden door. We
_pounded Rachel’s radio for 
_reports about the bridge.
_There was nothing on but
_static. Nothing in the fridge.
_We lay there listening to the
_wind whistling through the
_pines. When we heard the
_engines idling. Saw the head-
_lights through the blinds. Mary
_shut the garden door.

EM NEWS
– Crayon Genetics
– Racism On The Side
– Austin Man Loses 43lbs In 4 Hours
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Membership Has Its Privileges

– Do You Have To Use So Many Cuss Words?

– Ermey, Redford, Richie
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– 
Cinema Pauliediso is disaffected
– A round of The EMR Band Name Change Game
– An all new Top Ten List
– Jerry’s Happy Note – “End Game”
– We chit chat with special guest Mikey
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #418 (01-18-2019)

Of course you know the great family of Cruger who ruled New York society for generations. When Mrs. Peter John Cruger the 3rd died, her mantle descended as a matter of course to Mrs. Peter John Cruger the 4th. This beautiful and charming young woman — “Mimi” by name — inherited not only her mother-in-law’s scepter but also Teresa de Guion. Teresa de Guion was the first and certainly the greatest of social secretaries. The story begins one summer morning at Carriswoode, the enormous and rather monstrous Cruger estate in upper Westchester. Mimi and Teresa de Guion were together in the breakfast room listening to the radio. Mimi turns the dial to light jazz. Teresa stands, throws Mimi across the room into a table full of goodies. “Fuck your smooth jazz, it’s EMR time, bitch!” This is episode 418, won’t you enjoy it just as the aristocrats of New York do?

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & PAULIE 
YOUR SPECIAL GUEST: RAFI

When they turn the pages of his-
_tory. When these days have passed
_long ago. Will they read on us with
_sadness for the seeds that we let
_grow? We turned our gaze from 

_the castles in the distance. Eyes
_cast down on the path of least re-
_sistance. Cities full of hatred, 

_fear and lies. Withered hearts
_and cruel, tormented eyes.
_Scheming demons dressed in 
_kingly guise, beating down the
_multitude and scoffing at the
_wise. The hypocrites are
_slandering the sacred halls of
_truth. Ancient nobles showering
_their bitterness on you. Can’t we
_find the minds that made us strong?
_Can’t we learn to feel what’s right
_and what’s wrong? What’s wrong?
_Can’t we raise our eyes and make a
_start? Can’t we find the minds to
_lead us closer to the hear?

EM NEWS
– Bird Box Bird Brain
– Mac N’ Cheese Forever
– One-Dimensional Crime Fighter
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– The Intimidation Awards

– Netflix Bumping Fees

– O’Riordan, Channing, Toto
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– 
Cinema Pauliediso is going straight
– More Ridiculous Knock Off Toys
– An all new Top Ten List
– We chit chat with special guest Rafi
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #417 (01-11-2019)

SUSPENSE, Radio’s Outstanding Theater of Thrills, is presented for your enjoyment by Roma Wines. That’s R-O-M-A, Roma Wines, those excellent California wines that can add so much pleasantness to the way you live, to your happiness in entertaining guests, to your enjoyment of everyday meals. Yes, right now, a glassful would be very pleasant as Roma Wines bring you a remarkable tale of assault against stupidity & bullshit. This is eMpTy Minds Radio (EMR) episode four-hundred-seventeen. Please enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & PAULIE 
YOUR ANALOG KID: JERRY

There is a bar they call the Bitter
_Sea. And she sits and drinks a 
_Velvet Crush. That’s Kool-Aid and
_gin. Casing the clientele like a
_relentless camera man, she is

_elsewhere. She says you keep a-
_knocking, but you can’t come in.
_And I say – little sister, don’t you

_do what your big sister does. 
_Spiral down, down, down, down,
_down, down, down. Well, desire
_looks just like you with an Uzi
_nine. Gun down fifteen bystanders
_in a roadside drive by, yeah.
_Desire is the grass-fire drinking
_gasoline. She says open up your
_mouth, man, let me come inside.
_Spiral down, down, down, down,
_down, down, down. She cracked
_now. Now they call me Mr. Bitter-
_ness. She snapped now. Now they
_call me Mr. Bitterness. She’s gone.

EM NEWS
– Giving Your Bell A Good Licking
– Man’s Best Friend Is Someone Else’ Dog
– Armed With Potassium
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Where Is The Line?

– Tossing The Old Lady Out

– Chase, Brolin, McDounough
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– 
Cinema Pauliediso is going to war!
– The EMR Band Name Pun Game
– An all new Top Ten List
– It’s back — Analog Head-Trip
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #416 (01-04-2019)

It is late afternoon as our scene opens now, and here in the living room we find Victor Gook and his young son Rush. The older gentleman is looking over the newspaper and the younger gentleman seems to be occupied with an old floor model radio. And as we draw closer, we hear the latter individual say — “Listening to that E-M-R again, lad?” “Yes, Pa,” the child replies. “Your a damn fine kid. Ya know that? Damn fine!” This is EMR episode 416. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & JERRY
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

Girl, oh you came to me. Touched
_my life. Girl, how you sheltered me.
_Touched my life. It’s the joy you
_gave to me when I was on my own,
_alone. Girl, your lips touching 

_mine. Oh so fine. Girl softly
_touching me. Oh so fine. She’s the
_smile in my hear that sings. It’s a

_song for you again. Ohh, she 
_opened up the door. She made my
_life once more. Yes, she opened…
_Oh, you opened up the door. Yeah,
_made my life once more. Girl, oh
_you came to me. Touched my life.
_Girl, how you sheltered me.
_Touched my life. It’s the joy you
_gave to me when I was on my own,
_alone. Girl, your lips touching mine.
_Oh, so fine. Girl, softly touching me.
_Oh, so fine. Girl, you opened up the
_door.

EM NEWS
– One Master Race / Two Trees
– Really Special Ed
– Hollow Man Marries Holo Woman
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Nobody Zucking Believes You.

– Hollywood Hills Thief Captured

– Okerlund, Einstein, Spacey
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– 
Cinema Pauliediso is your sister…your daughter…
– Feng Shui –  The Quiz
– An all new Top Ten List
– Jerry’s Happy Note
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #415 (12-28-2018)

My dear Mr. Otis, I feel it my bounden duty, as the present owner of Canterville Chase, to acquaint you and your family, as the prospective owners, with the facts. Your belief in them rests, quite naturally, with yourselves. May old acquaintance be forgot…blah, blah, blah. This is the last EMR of 2018. It’s episode four-hundred-fifteen. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & PAULIE

A new year is upon us. A time of
_hope and promise for some. Sad-
_ness and repetition for others.
_A time to look forward. A time to
_look back. A moment spent on

_resolution. A moment paying out
_restitution. The sun that rises
_also sets. A time of profits. A

_time of debts. Reflection is but
_a blurry image of reality. Our
_minds see to that. Let love and
_light shine through. May caring
_and understanding echo through
_the streets. Will hatred dis-
_appear? History says no. Will
_the replacing of a calendar heal
_wounds? It is doubtful. The
_change begins and ends with all
_of us. If we want better, we make
_better. For all of the well wishes
_and January firsts, in the history
_of mankind, did not envoke change
_all by their lonesome.

EM NEWS
– Slow Speed Chase
– Pant Emergency
– Christmassy Weed
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– TV Goes Boom Boom

– Horizontal or Die, Fuckers!

– Adonis, Spacey, Culkin
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– 
Cinema Pauliediso – 2018 Year of Reviews In Review
– Strange New Year’s Eve Traditions From Around The World
– An all new Top Ten List
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #414 – The Big Christmas Show (12-21-2018)

It is of an afternoon day in December that I am sitting in Sindy’s, enjoying myself with an eggnog stout pancake short stack. Sindy is a partial ex-hooker turned greasy spoon restaurateur. I was promptly joined by a citizen named Joe the Dipshit. Now, why he is called that is — he is very fond of dipshittery…of all shapes and sizes. No dipshit move too large. No dipshit move too small. So, when I see him, I push back my plate, because Joe is liable to sprinkle some fecal matter onto my cakes. It’s just what he does. This is EMR episode four-fourteen and it has absolutely nothing to do with the crappy story you just read. It’s the Big Christmas Show. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & PAULIE
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY
YOUR HAPPY BASTARD: JERRY
YOUR SPECIAL GUEST: CLAMBOY
YOUR SPECIAL GUEST: COUSIN TODD

I’ll be home for Christmas. You 
_can plan on me. Please have
_snow and mistletoe and presents
_on the tree. Christmas Eve will
_will find me where the love light

_gleams. I’ll be home for Christ-
_mas, if only in my dreams. I’ll be
_home for Christmas. You can plan

_on me. Please have snow and 
_mistletoe and presents on the
_tree. Christmas Eve will find me
_where the love light gleams. I’ll
_be home for Christmas, if only
_in my dreams.

EM NEWS
– You Have The Unemployed Skin Color
– Walgreens Detective Agency
– Christmas Lung
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– 
Baby, It’s Doing Just Fine Out There
– Bird, Bird, Bird. Bird Is Not The Word

– Elba, Tarantino, Bridges
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– 
Cinema Pauliediso takes responsibility
– Clamboy Christmas Quiz
– Our annual Visit From The Gay German
– Back Rockwards Christmas Edition
– An all new Top Ten List
– Tons of other Christmas cheer
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #413 (12-14-2018)

It was a little after seven o’clock in the evening. A family and friends were scattered through the rather austere house. And Mr. Sloane was even more than usually indifferent to their comfort and his responsibility as host. Wally Kent was the only person there who did not fear the old man. He even admitted to himself that he liked him in a strange sort of way. Wally chuckled to himself. “A queer sort of way,” he muttered under his breath. He chuckled again. People don’t use that word in that manner anymore. Strange. Lots of things are strange. Like eMpTy Minds Radio for instance. Queer? Probably not. Peculiar? Positively. This is episode four-hundred-thirteen. Get your peculiar on!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & PAULIE
YOUR HAPPY BASTARD: JERRY

This tree will be our own rising
_star. It will sparkle, even if there
_are clouds in the sky. This soft-
_needled fir, glowing with light –
_the greens, blues, reds, the 

_yellows – all good colors, these.
_Tinsel cheers in a dark evening.
_The winter wearing to that cold

_hour when the snow swirls may
_hide the solstice. And we will
_find once more the vast dark of
_the first breaking  from which 
_all the light gleaming in our eyes
_was drawn. And so for those who
_will come by and share these lights.
_
And for those who have lived here
_in our time or back as far as the
_generations will go. And for those
_who will yet move here in some
_other season of flickering lights.
_Let us ask a blessing…”

EM NEWS
– Not So Silent Night
– Everybody Was Kung fu Bullfighting
– The Stink Line of Doom
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– 
Inquiring Minds Want To Know
– Presenting – Spidermation
– 
Cinema Pauliediso goes ape shit!
– May, DiCaprio, Kaufman
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– More God Damned Shower Thoughts
– A Jerry’s Happy Note
– An all new Top Ten List
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #412 (12-07-2018)

If the Chimes shudder a little on Sunday afternoon, well, they know there’s mystery in store Sunday with men of action like Mike Wiener, better known as “The FartStick,” who brings his fearless and romantic touch to the solution of another mystery. After “The FartStick,” it’s “High Adventure.” Then, the big guy steps in. The new private eye, “Charley Mild” concludes with a few casual homicides. The Chimes mean mystery and action this Sunday afternoon. It’s the adventure of “Stumped by Murder,” with that brilliant, eccentric private detective, orchid fancier and gargantuan gourmet, Nero Waffle, starring Sidney Greenstreak. If all of that sounds like boring shit, you could check out EMR, episode 412. We’d kinda like it if you did. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & JERRY
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

Christmas candy, Christmas 
_candy, hanging on the tree.
_Fine and dandy, Christmas
_candy tastes so good to me.
_Santa comes but once a year to

_bring us lots of joy. Loaded down
_with Christmas cheer for every
_girl and boy. Christmas comes but

_once year, bringing joy, good will
_and cheer. Everyone will gather
_round, see what Santa brought to
_town. Fancy toys for one and all
_as the snowflakes gently fall.
_There’s one thing that’s dear to 
_me, Christmas candy on the tree.
_Christmas candy, Christmas candy…

EM NEWS
– Self-Drunk-Driving Cars
– New Mexicans Isn’t America & So Can You
– Grandpa Rudy Yells At Clouds
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema Pauliediso goes dark
– Getty vs Italy
– All of The Nation’s Landmarks Have Been Sold
– Hamill, Burgundy, Reilly
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– A round of Fucking Strange, But Fucking True
– A Jerry’s Happy Note
– An all new Top Ten List
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #411 (11-30-2018)

And now, let’s see what’s going on down in Pine Ridge. Well, Town Marshal Uncle Henry Lunsford’s oak poisoning is considerably improved by now, but not his disposition. He’s back on the job as Mary’s probation officer zealously trying to get something on Mary that will warrant sending her back to the reformatory. As we look in on the little community today we find Lum ‘n’ Abner in their Jot-Em-Down Store and Library. Lum is answering the telephone: “Do you have Prince Albert In A Can? You’d better let him out!” Bwahaha that old timey fucking humor. Way to go, Lum! This is EMR episode four-hundred-eleven. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & PAULIE
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY

Now, she’s fast, she’s bad and 
_she’s Italian. She makes 100
_miles per hour, oh yeah! As
_we cross the city lights, she
_takes me higher. She’s the hott-

_est one I’ve ever had — she’s
_just like fire. She rocks around
_the clock. Her motor never stops

_until the sun comes up, yeah. Her
_engine cries all night with passion
_and desire. So, you turn her on 
_and refuel her with fire. She’s got
_me in a trance, and I’m just getting
_higher.

EM NEWS
– Shot In The Meat Department
– You Are The Beer Beneath My Wings
– Aging Gracelessly
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Cinema Pauliediso gets down to business
– All Roald Up Onto One Network
– Here Comes Shatner Claus
– Jay, Bertolucci, Hillenburg
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Another round of our game — It’s A Small Town Thing
– An all new Top Ten List
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #410 (11-23-2018)

Tonight’s feature has been brought to you by the fine folks over at Stamper’s Cream Ale. Stamper’s Cream Ale — so rich and delicious. Serve it in an ice-cold mug and watch their faces light up. Stamper’s Cream Ale. It’s so tasty you’ll jizz in your pants or your money back and free pants. Now, Dark, mystery bullshit theater brings you “What the fuck happened to Linda?” This is a murder mystery to beat all. Actually, this is a damn fine podcast. Tonight we tackle episode four-hundred-ten. Won’t you tackle it with us? Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & GARRY
YOUR TECHMASTER 5K: JERRY

Candy-O, I need you. Sunday 
_dress, ruby ring. Candy-O I need
_you. Could you help me in?
_Purple hum, assorted cards. 

_Razor lights you’ll bring. And all

_to prove you’re on the move and
_vanishing. Candy-O, I need you
_so. Candy-O, I need you so. Edge
_of night, distract yourself. Ob-
_stacles don’t work. Homogenize,
_de-centralize. It’s just a quirk. 
_Different ways to see you through,
_all the same in the end. Peculiar
_star, eh…that’s who you are. Do
_you have to win?

 

EM NEWS
– Stupid People On A Slide
– Anal Sexmas
– Woman Dodges Bullets of Infidelity
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Deep Impact!
– Not Funny
– Gellar, Ferro, Libatique
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Techin’ It Up The Ass – Tech Turkeys of 2018
– Crazy Black Friday
– An all new Top Ten List
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #410 (11-16-2018)

Through the facilities of the National Biscuit-Casting Company and its independent affiliated stations, Anthony Hopkins presents a radio version of Bobby Ballsack’s tragedy “Pre-demption” written by Whatchew Talkin’ Bout Willis and directed by When You’re Wright, You’re Wright and starring Louis The Intern, who is presently appearing on Broadway in “Jabberwocky & The Numbskull” and Gorothy Dish, one of the all time luminaries of the stage and screen. And here is Mr. Hopkins, in person, to speak to you…errr…uhh…yeah. About that. This is really just EMR episode four-hundred-ten. But we do hope you enjoy it, none the less.

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & PAULIE
YOUR HAPPY BASTARD: JERRY

Walking wild at midnight, 
_breathing like a panther. Hold-
_ing hands with my love, dancing

_like a master. Calling all 

_destroyers. Calling all destroyers,

_yeah. Shadow Beach Burgundy, 

_get you high as lightning. Driving
_in your Porsche coupe, don’t
_marry Fanny Frightening. Mix-
_ing with the Moon Maids, melting
_down her rainbow. King Kong,
_bang a gong, all around your
_boudoir. Shadow Beach Bur-
_gundy, get you high as lightning.
_Driving in your Porsche coupe,
_don’t marry Fanny Frightening.
_Driving in your Porsche coupe,
_don’t marry Fanny Frightening.
_Calling all destroyers, yeah!

EM NEWS
– The Devil’s In The Details
– But I Don’t Want To Be Old
– Oh…Balls!
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Mars…Right Here…Down To Earth
– Erased…From Existence
– Schwimmer, Douglas, Clark
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso deciphered a warning
– Jerry’s Happy Note x2
– It’s A Small Town Thing Game
– An all new Top Ten List
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #408 (11-09-2018)

Experience is the best teacher. Try a Camel, and let your own experience tell you why more people are smoking Camels than ever before. Yes, let your “T-Zone” decide which cigarette you like best. Your “T-Zone,” that’s “T” for Taste and “T” for Throat, is your true proving ground for any cigarette. So try a Camel on your “T-Zone.” Introduce Camel’s rich, full flavor to your Taste. Acquaint your Throat with Camel’s cool mildness. See if you don’t decide, like so many other smokers, that Camels suit your “T-Zone” to a “T”! Not sure about that weird fabricated T-Zone shit. And we at EMR don’t advocate smoking, nor are we paid to advertise Camels. But you ain’t no fucking kid! If you want to smoke, who are we to tell you no? This is EMR episode four-zero-eight. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

All I wanna do is have some fun
_before I die, says the man next
_to me, out of nowhere. It’s 

_apropos of nothin’. He says his

_name is William. But I’m sure

_he’s Bill or Billy or Mac or Buddy.

_And he’s plain ugly to me. And I
_wonder if he’s ever had a day of
_fun in his whole life. We are 
_drinkin’ beer on Tuesday, in a 
_bar that faces a giant car-wash..
.

EM NEWS
– She’s Like Cheeses Christ
– Unplanned, Last Minute Travel
– The Seal Contingent
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– When The Sirens Sing
– Cool Art That Isn’t Really There
– Gilligan, Myers, Chow
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso is having dangerous thoughts
– We accidentally skipped Jerry’s Happy Note
– Shower Thoughts
– An all new Top Ten List
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #407 (11-02-2018)

Show time. The city’s buzzing with excitement and eager to await another amazing performance at the little top secret studio. Hell, there’d be a crowd of on-lookers and autograph seekers on hand at the entrance to greet the stars of EMR, if only they knew where to go. So, let’s not miss a minute of the excitement. It’s just a short walk around the corner. Will you join me? It’s EMR 4-0-7, motherfuckers. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & PAULIE
YOUR SPECIAL GUEST: WERNER

Hey, you, get into my car. Who,
_me? Yes, you…get into my car.
_Who’s that lady coming down the

_road. Who’s that lady? Who’s that

_woman walking through my door?

_What’s the score? I’ll be the sun

_shining on you. Hey, Cinderella,
_step into your shoe. I’ll be your
_non-stop lover. Get it while you
_can. Your non-stop miracle. I’m
_your man. Get outta my dreams.
_Get into my car. Get outta my 
_dreams. Get into my car. Lady 
_driver let me take your wheel.
_Smooth operator. Touch my 
_bumper. Hey, let’s make a deal.
_make it real. Like a road runner
_coming after you. Just like a
_hero, out of the blue. I’ll be your
_non-stop lover. Get it while you
_can. Your non-stop miracle. I’m
_your man.

EM NEWS
– Scary Zombie Chompers
– Which Came First – The Chicken or The Idiocy?
– The Credit Minister
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Shitty MPAA Sheds Light On The Shit
– Netflix’ Junk For Cash System
– Daniels, Nelson, Polanski
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso is dreaming
– We chat a bit with our old pal, Werner
– Dirty Fucking Logos (pics on our FB pages)
– An all new Top Ten List
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #406 (10-26-2018)

Thank you, Fred Collins, and good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. Today, as a change from our usual serious dramatic fare, we’re presenting a comedy. Now, because we feel that a sense of humor is a rather personal thing, different with each individual, we are leaving it entirely up to you, in your own living room, to laugh or not as you see fit. In our efforts to amuse you, we have managed to obtain the services of two of the funniest actors…that…we…oh fuck. Scratch that. It’s just your regulars EMR motherfuckers sitting in, doing what we do. This is the 406th time we’ve done it. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & GARRY
YOUR HAPPY BASTARD: JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

Women think I’m tasty, but they’re
_always trying to waste me. Make
_me burn the candle right down.

_But, baby, baby don’t need no 

_jewels in my crown. ‘Cause all you

_women is low down gamblers. 

_Cheatin’ like I don’t know how.
_Baby, got no flavor, fever in the
_funk house now. This low down
_bitchin’ got my poor feet a itchin’.
_Don’t you know, you know the 
_deuce is still wild. Baby, I can’t
_stay, you got to roll me, and call
_me the tumblin’ dice. Always in a 
_hurry, I never stop to worry. Don’t
_you see the time flashin’ by? Honey,
_got no money. I’m all sixes and
_sevens and nines. Say now, baby,
_I’m the rank outsider. You can be
_my partner in crime. Baby, I can’t
_stay, you got to roll me and call me
_the tumblin’. Roll me and call me
_the tumblin’. Call me the tumblin’
_dice now, baby. Oh my.

EM NEWS
– Piss On Frontier Airlines
– Come Back Later
– Angry Shitty Smiley
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– The Dollar Is King
– You Best Start Believin’ In Lawsuits, News Corp…You’re In One
– Idol, Hemsworth, Gadot
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso takes you on another shadowy adventure
– Jerry’s Happy Note
– Ask Wesley Willis
– An all new Top Ten List
– Knockoff Halloween Costumes (pics on our FB pages)
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #405 (10-19-2018)

This is the Mysterious Traveler inviting you to join me on another journey into the realm of the strange and the terrifying. I hope you will enjoy the trip! And that it will thrill you a little, and chill you a little. So, settle back and get a good grip on your nerves — if you can! This is actually the mysterious EMR, episode 405. But we think you get the man’s point. Clarity. It’s what makes him so damn mysterious. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & JERRY

Let’s have a luau. Loop-de-loop
_loop luau. Let’s have a ball. Loop-
_de-loop loop luau. Let’s have a 

_luau. Invite one and all. Loop-

_de-loop loop luau. No need to 

_dress up. Loop-de-loop loop luau.

_Come as you are. Loop-de-loop
_loop luau. You bring the cola. 
_Loop-de-loop loop luau. I’ll bring 
_my guitar. Loop-de-loop loop
_luau. Girls will all hula, boys will
_all sing, we’ll have a luau. Loop-
_de-loop loop luau. Won’t miss a 
_thing. Loop-de-loop loop luau. 
_You don’t need to live in the islands
_to have a lot of fun. Just pretend
_your patio’s an island in the sun.
_Let’s have a luau. Loop-de-loop
_loop luau.

EM NEWS
– Nine Funerals And A Funeral
– Grand Theft Fajita
– Poop Train Leaves The Station
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Halloween Heroine Takes On Fuk’d News
– Bing Bing Spotted
– Yun-fat, DeLorean, Jackman
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Jerry’s Happy Note x2
– An all new Top Ten List
– A singular round of Cover or No Cover
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #404 (10-12-2018)

I have here from our file, number one-nine-eight-nine-two-oh, a rusted lock, complete with handle. Once, it was brightly nickel-plated – and both handsome and utilitarian. Now, its beauty has been completely destroyed by the effects of a very hot fire. And its usefulness is ended by the fact that it is locked. Some of its parts have been fused by the heat which it endured. It’s part of the right-hand door of a motor car, the door next to the driver’s seat. It was locked before the fire. Please keep that important information in mind as you listen to episode four-zero-four. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & PAULIE
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY

Born a bastard child – nobody knows
_who’s son. On the old Chisholm
_Trail, and he continues to run. She’s

_a ’32 Ford, chopped five window

_coupe. Chevrolet mill really, really

_stirs the soup. Turn up the bass, 

_turn up the treble – Texas Rock-a-
_billy rebel. When everyone said 
_early on, they had lost the fight. 
_Deep down inside they knew – they
_knew they had the might. Like 
_Harold Dawson, Mouser King. Too
_many more to say. Wide whitewall
_wheels gonna…gonna blow you 
_away. It goes real fast, but it sure
_feels good. It goes real fast, but it
_sure feels good. It goes real fast, 
_but it sure feels good. It feels
_good.

EM NEWS
– Meth Ghosts
– Knights Who Should Fear Plates
– Learn To Make A Living…At The Library
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Sweet Home Appeals Court
– Dazed And Confounded
– Hamill, DeNiro, Seagal
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso travels to new places
– An all new Top Ten List
– Abandoned Amusement Parks (pics on our FB pages)
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #403 (10-05-2018)

… People who make their way through this world by entertaining you — and you and you — have a way of expressing their appreciation for real talent. Behind the greasepaint and make-up of a performer, they look for fine shadings in characterization, the timing of lines, the tempo and pace and heart that a man brings to his work. When they find them in just the right proportion, they say, “That fellow is an actor’s actor.” Just like when they find a podcast that is a perfect balance of go fuck yourself, they say “That podcast is a podcaster’s podcast!” And this a podcaster’s episode four-hundred-three. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

I fell asleep at the wheel. I thought
_this drive was a steal. Late nights
_in my head. You stop dreaming, 

_you’re dead already. Some of us

_went to school. Some were far too

_cool. Some were just kicking dirt.

_Some just chasing skirt…around the
_world. I’m not making it up. I’m
_really not. Wouldn’t lie to a friend
_of a friend…or some guy. I’m not
_making it up. I’m not making it up. 
_Looking back, I see an easier path
_or two. Rather suck the joy right
_out of you. Pull your soul from your
_mouth, knock your teeth loose. 
_Each extra lap. Every subtle mishap.
_I’m not sure you’d love me the same.
_If you knew just how insane I really
_am.

EM NEWS
– Why The Long Face?
– You Can Smoke It, But It Just Won’t Be The Same
– I Punch You…With Him
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Fake Drews
– Bradtasm!
– Emerick, Stallone, Carlin
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso sticks to the shadows
– An all new Top Ten List
– Jerry’s Happy Note – Halloween Magic
– Film Fuck Ups That Frittered Away Funds
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #402 (09-28-2018)

Well, now, I’ll tell you. If these here white dentists had been as easy on my teeth as the Injuns were on my hair I’d be a whole man yet! An’ speakin’ of scalpin’, I guess you don’t realize that the Injuns wasn’t the only ones that did that. There was some white men that scalped too! Meaner than a hydophoby skunk they was! Thought the Injuns was jest painted savages, when the truth was the Injuns was a heap more civilized then them! Take the Nez Perce Injuns fer instance, out in Idaho, an’ Montana, an’ Washington an’ Oregon. They could hev give the white men plenty of points on decency – if the white men had had the gumption to know it! Now, that is some strange ass shit! For something deranged, but not fucked up…it’s EMR, episode 4-0-2. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & PAULIE
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY
YOUR HAPPY BASTARD: JERRY

Hey, listen, soldier boy. I know what
_you’re feeling. You’re feeling all
_alone, and you’re feeling blue. You

_need some company — someone 

_you can talk to. Well, Sunny, that is

_me. I’ll be there for you. I’ll be your

_pin-up girl. Put me in your locker or
_hang me overheard. Anywhere that’s
_right. Let me be your pin-up girl.
_You be my sweet talker. Hey, 
_soldier boy, let me be your pin-up
_girl tonight. I’ll dress up just for 
_you — any way you like it. And 
_here’s a southern view, just to 
_make you smile. I’ll wear a bath-
_ing suit — all the latest fashion. And
_be your substitute for a little while.
_Let me be your pin up girl. You be
_my sweet talker.

EM NEWS
– The Bruno Mars Defense
– Look At My Junk
– This Call May Be Recorded
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Lightspeed May Have Been Just A Bit Too Fast
– No Jacket Required
– Numan, Gibson, Bridges
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso goes crazy
– An all new Top Ten List
– Jerry’s Happy Note – Holy Shit!
– More Cognitive Bias’
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #401 (09-21-2018)

Hi. You know, there’s an old saying, “never look a gift horse in the mouth?” With tongue in cheek, I now write me a new saying; “never look a gift blonde in the eyes”. She was blonde ’cause her hair told me so. That was the only proof I had. She didn’t walk, she insinuated. She was from New Orleans and her name was Lou and believe me, brother, Lou was no lady. When I saw her I said to myself, “I dig this babe.” She almost dug me too – right into a grave. Alright…let’s here it for Lou, ladies and gentlemen.  Tonight’s femme fatale. Something you won’t get a whole lot of in EMR episode 4-0-1, so we figured we would just get it out of the way right up front. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

Candy apple on a stick makes me
_sick. Makes my heart beat two-four-
_six. Not be
cause you’re dirty. Not 
_
because you’re clean. Just ’cause
_you kissed a boy behind a mag-

_
azine. Girls, girls, wanna have
_some fun? Here comes Suzi with
_her hoop skirt on. She can wibble.
_She can wobble. She can do the splits.
_But I betcha ten dollars she can’t
_do this – close your eyes and count
_to ten. If you miss, you start again.
_Candy apple on a stick makes me
_sick. Makes my heart beat two-four-
_six. Not because you’re dirty. Not
_because you’re clean. Just ’cause
_you kissed a boy behind a magazine.

EM NEWS
– Would Anyone Like An Ass Salad?
– Creepier Than The Voice of Children
– Brace Yourself For Nothing
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– The Mouse vs The Box
– The Road Is Clearer, But Obstacles Still Abound
– Mumford, Murphy, Singer
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso is on the marquee
– An all new Top Ten List
– A round of Urban Dictionary: Fact or Fiction
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio – The Big Show #400 (09-14-2018)

Here at the high school, in Rushville Center, they teach domestic science. Well, at the end of the term the girls taking the course held a sort of open house to show their parents and relatives how much they’d learned. Their teacher Mrs. Campbell was going to tell me all about it, but when I walked into her office, I was shocked at what I saw. She was naked on her desk and something called eMpTy Minds Radio was emanating from her transistor radio. She looked at me with lust in her eyes and said, “Honey, why don’t you come over here and join Mama for a li’l EMR. It’s the BIG, BIG episode 400!”

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & PAULIE
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY
YOUR SPECIAL GUEST: COUSIN TODD

Here I am – a poster board pinup
_for you to hate. Someone who
_once cared, now nothing is holding
_me back. I am no more an image
_of what you thought I should be.
_The choice you’ve made and
_forced upon me. So, go on and
_hate me if you must, but honestly
_I don’t give a fuck. With my
_friends by my side, I can get
_through anything. With you on my
_side, we can destroy everything.
_For those who continue to compare
_to this false idea — what do you
_expect from me? Sing a lullaby,
_scream you to sleep, I’m fucking
_sick of it being your way. You don’t
_love me, you love the person you
_think I am. A poster board pinup…

 

EM NEWS
– Fucking Sick People For Money
– Arizona Man Pretends He’s From Arizona
– Police Ignore Giant Spider
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Redford – Where Do We Go Now?
– The Title Says It All
– Carrey, Reynolds, Moore
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso tells a story
– Bringing it back – The Top Ten List
– Clameo!
– A call from our old friend Daryl
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #399 (09-07-2018)

Expense account, submitted by special investigator Johnny Dollar. To the Philadelphia Mutual Life and Casualty Insurance Company…in Philadelphia, where else? Following is an account of expenses incurred during my investigation of the Clever Chemist Matter. Oh shit! Seems we’ve misplaced that ledger…again. Guess we’re just gonna have to listen to another episode of EMR while we look for it. How about 399? Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & GARRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

Most people live on a lonely island,
_lost in the middle of a foggy sea.
_Most people long for another island,
_one where they know they will like
_to be. Bali Ha’i may call you, any
_night, any day. In your heart you
_will hear it call you — come away,
_come away. Bali Ha’i will whisper
_in the wind of the sea: here I am,
_your special island. Come to me.
_Come to me. Your own special
_hopes. Your own special dream.
_Bloom on the hillside and shine in
_the streams. If you try, you’ll find
_me, where the sky meets the sea.
_Here I am, your special island.
_Come to me. Come to me. Bali Ha’i.
_Bali Ha’i. Bali Ha’i. Here I am, your
_special island. Come to me.

 

EM NEWS
– Black People Can’t Wear Sunglasses In Hotels…Or Something
– Island Nation Decides Not To Relocate
– Say Hello To My Electric Fence
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Hardcore Warner Diversity
– Oxygen For The Killer
– Perabo, Jean, Reeves
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso goes silent…kind of
– An EMR Bullshit Story of The Week
– The WikiHow Stupid Match Game

– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #398 (08-31-2018)

Get Three Fives. Get the Taste. Three Fives by State Express. Get the taste of international success. The taste that’s uniquely Three Fives. Only when no expense is spared in its making can a cigarette taste so light, so smooth, so satisfying. Three Fives. Get the taste. The taste that State Express has created for you. The taste that has made Three Fives the king size cigarette of international success. Get Three Fives. Get the taste. Yeah…get five…three. Wait. Get five states and three express states. Yeah…we are SO fucking lost that we are just going to wander off into episode three-nine-eight. Feel free to join us. Three five three…yeah!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & PAULIE
YOUR HAPPY BASTARD: JERRY

Come on, baby, let’s do The Twist.
_Come on, baby, let’s do The Twist.
_Take me by my little hand, and
_go like this. My Daddy is sleepin’
_and Mama ain’t around. Yeah,
_Daddy just sleepin’ and Mama ain’t
_around. We’re gonna twisty, twisty,
_twisty, ’til we tear the house
_down.

 

EM NEWS
– He’s Not A Teetotaler, He Just Likes His Beer A Bit Hoppier
– Ridin’ That Train…
– Beef Crash Caused By Poor “Steering”
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Tomatoes…Now Less Rotten
– HBO Goes Clean…Sort of
– Scott, C.K., Allen
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso is a fugitive
– Jerry’s Happy Note – “Beer Me”
– Another EMR Rock Quiz!

– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #397 (08-24-2018)

The makers of Blue Bonnet Margarine and Tenderleaf Tea present the Fred Allen show. With Fred’s guests Mary Livingstone’s husband, Portland Hoffa, Minerva Pious as Mrs. Nussbaum, Alan Reed as Falstaff Openshaw, Parker Fennelly as Titus Moody, the De Marco Sisters, and Al Goodman and his orchestra. And until I start tooting the Claghorn, my name is Kenny Delmar. Wow! Somehow that made us feel really small. Never the less, we move on. This is EMR episode three-hundred-ninety-seven. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

At the mercy of our conscience,
_confined within our fate. Never
_really questioned why we are
_refugees in a dying world. To
_become part of the end. Are we
_the ones…the ones to blame? We
_are mortals of shadows and dust.
_The sun sets on our sinking ship
_of fools. On our journey into
_oblivion, we ask ourselves again
_and again — how will we be 
_remembered? Shadows and 

_dust. The sun sets on our sinking
_ship of fools. On our journey
_into oblivion, we ask ourselves
_again and again — how will we be
_remembered? How will we be 
_remembered? Shadows…and
_
dust.
EM NEWS
– Modern Cubism
– Ocular Rift
– Shove Your Scooter Up Your Ass
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– So,We’re Married Then?
– AMC vs The Pass
– Willis, Stewart, Depp
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Jerry’s Happy Note
– Tom’s Chicago Picture Cavalcade (all pics on our FB pages)

– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio (never before aired) (08-17-2018)

That’s right, friends, you read it correctly. There is not a new show this week, but in a sense there is. This is the never before aired Episode #1 of EMR. It was recorded on November 7th, 2010.  Due to out-of-townedness this week and a strong urge to provide you with a new show, rather than our once or twice a year best of shit, we present you with this. Please excuse the crudity of this model. We didn’t have time to build it to scale. And now…from an office that used to be a bedroom…

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & MYRON 

The plans of a race gone mad. A
_final solution to pass. All dreams
_taken from their lives. No hope
_for the young all the old realize.
_He is but a solitary man, whos
_prejudice will spread like a flame
_throughout the land. He’s en-
_slaving those who will be free;
_etching his name in black. for
_all of us to hear and see. A 
_yellow star for those accused. 
_There’s no escape once you’ve

_been pinned. A relocation only
_to confuse and propaganda to
_hide their awful truth. Screams
_in the night. Scars so deep that
_they won’t mend. Screams in the
_night. Screams in the night. In
_
their souls, they can’t pretend.

EM NEWS
– A Story
– Maybe Another Story
– Perhaps Another Story
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– This May Not Have Even Been A Segment Yet

– But Rest Assured…Entertainment Is Talked About
– Birthdays, What We
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– The Shocker – Myron Gets Prophetic About FB
– Early Christmas & Halloween Chatter
– How Did We Get To Episode 396? You Decide
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #396 (08-10-2018)

The “Harbor Lights!” Once again we go aboard the old New York ferry-boat, to meet white-haired Captain Jimmy Norton and his young friend Joe, and hear another of the captain’s famous stories of the days of the clipper-ships and high adventure. All aboard! Of course, Captain Norton was always “all aboard” young Joe, any chance he got. As their days at sea dragged on, The Captain became more bold and Joe tried harder and harder to steer clear of the salty old dog. For the “below decks access” was no longer happening just below decks. It had become a beacon of lewdness for all to see.  Welcome to EMR, where we would never allow that kind of shit to happen. Enjoy episode 3-9-6.

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & GARRY 
YOUR HAPPY BASTARD: JERRY

I wouldn’t give a bean to be a
_fancy-pants Marine. I’d rather
_be a dog-face soldier, like I am.
_I wouldn’t trade my old OD’s for
_all the Navy’s dungarees, for
_I’m the walking pride of Uncle
_Sam. On Army posters that I
_read, it says “be all that you
_can.” So, they’re tearing me 
_down to build me over again. 
_I’m just a dog face soldier with
_a rifle on my shoulder and I 

_eat Kraut for breakfast e’ry
_day. So, feed me ammunition.
_Keep me in Third Division. Your
_dog face soldier boy is A-Ok.
_So, feed me ammunition.
_Keep me in Third Division. Your
_
dog face soldier boy is A-Ok.

EM NEWS
– The Wonders of Motherhood
– Cows For Law
– Dumb Sex
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Once A Weasel…Always A Weasel

– It Breaks My Heart To See A Duck Gone Bad
– Rae, Gunn, Landsberg
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Jerry’s Happy Note
– Incredible Lists

– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #395 (08-03-2018)

Expense Account, submitted by Special Investigator Johnny Dollar, to Home Office, Nutmeg State Casualty and Bonding Company, Hartford, Connecticut. The following is an accounting of my expenditures during investigation of series of accidents affecting your policy holder, The Fun Fair and Weatherly Carnival Shows, or how I went for a spin on a case we might refer to as “Murder Is a Merry-Go-Round.” Johnny, indeed went for a spin. With EMR, however, you will never go for a spin. We are the anti-spin. We are here to un-spin the spin. You dig? This is episode three-hundred-ninety-five. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & PAULIE

The finished track is playing back.
_The music has been made.
_Engineer adjust controls; which
_mix and match, phase and fade.
_Journalist is free to ask any
_question in his head. But the
_answer has been edited, before
_a word is said. Propaganda’s
_everywhere – reality in disguise.
_Propaganda’s everywhere – ming-
_ling truth and lies. Lies. It’s all
_lies. Make-up girl makes up the

_face that looks out from the
_screen. Carefully selected stills
_of the star make the cover of a
_magazine. Propaganda’s every-
_where – reality in disguise.
_Propaganda’s everywhere – ming-
_ling truth and lies. Lies, lies, lies.

EM NEWS
– Spank It & Die
– Planet Judgement
– Uber Disgusting
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– In Hollywood…A Lemonade Stand

– Play…Inspired By Kids
– Hardwick, Ramsay, Dempsey
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso “doesn’t belong”
– Reddit Shower Thoughts

– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #394 (07-27-2018)

Good evening, Gangbusters listeners. One of the most daring criminals in Massachusetts history is a man named Theodore Green, a well-educated, soft-spoken, short-tempered thief in his late thirties; a native of Boston. Green has always had a very practical goal in life. Good evening, Gangbusters listeners. You are in the wrong fucking place. This is bullshit busters, EMR, the big eMpTy Minds Radio show. Take a hike. Beat it. Go away. Unless…you want your mind to be blown by EMR episode 394. In which case, enjoy.

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & JERRY 
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

Countdown. Push your button. 
_Activity. Down, down, down now.
_Lift up. Lift off. To adrenelin, it
_was a charge blowing up in her
_brain — again and again. Breathe
_hard. Come alive. Be an open
_door. Come alive. Come alive.
_Come alive. Come alive. Hands
_down. Push your button. Activity.
_A charge blowing up into her 
_brain again and again. And again
_and again. And she does – the 

_real buzz. And he does – the real
_buzz. Heal us. Release us. Break
_out in Playland.

EM NEWS
– Retail Therapy For Psychos
– Giving Rude Guests A Piece of Your Nose
– These Chips Are On Fire
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Del Toro Off The Hook

– Do You? Do You Feel Healthy, Punk?
– Presley, Cameron, Goldthwait
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We 
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso “saw something”
– Trivial Movie Shit
– A Jerry’s Happy Note
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #393 (07-20-2018)

Good evening, folks, this is Ken Niles. We are happy to announce that this broadcast is being made available thanks to Rinso. You know, an old proverb that I just thought of, says if you want a whiter wash well done just leave it to Rinso. And how true that is. Why, those quick acting Rinso suds are tough as nails on dirt and grime, yet safe for washable colors. And with Rinso, you can hustle through a load of clothes with as little as a five-minute run in your washer. How’s that for saving your clothes and easing up on your trusty machine? That washer’s got to last for the duration you know. If I were you I’d have it checked right now by a reliable dealer. And I’d certainly get the new anti-sneeze Rinso tomorrow! And now, a cleaner, fresher EMR. It’s episode three-hundred-ninety-three. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & PAULIE 
YOUR HAPPYMASTER: JERRY

Oh when the sun beats down and
_burns the tar up on the roof. And
_when your shoes get so hot, you
_wish your tired feet were fire-
_proof. Under the boardwalk,
_down by the sea, yeah. On a
_blanket with my baby is where
_I’ll be. Out of the sun, we’ll be
_havin’ some fun. People walking
_above, we’ll be falling in love. 
_Under the boardwalk, boardwalk.
_In the park you hear the happy 

_sound of a carousel. Mmm mmm,
_you can almost taste the hot dogs
_and french fries they sell. Under
_the boardwalk, down by the sea.
_On a blanket, with my baby, is
_where I’ll be. Out of the sun, we’ll
_be havin’ some fun. People walking
_above, we’ll be falling in love.
_Under the boardwalk. Under the
_boardwalk.

EM NEWS
– Catfish Acting Like A Real Asshole
– Killer Slide, Kumpel!
– Better Never Than Late
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– The Legality of Sacha Baron Cohen

– Tate Date Switcharoo’d
– Goldblum, Richard, McCarthy
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We 
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso – a rare double feature
– Tom’s Milwaukee Picture Cavalcade (all on FB)
– A Jerry’s Happy Note
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #392 (07-12-2018)

How many ages and generations have brooded and wept and agonized over this Book! What untellable joys and ecstasies, what support to martyrs at the stake, to what myriads has it been the shore and rock of safety — the refuge from driving tempest and wreck! Of its thousands there is not a verse, not a word, but is thick-studded with human emotion. Uhh…what? What book? Whatevs. This is EMR number three-hundred-ninety two, kids. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM 

The day they found me, I hadn’t
_yet been played. Inside my
_workshop behind the old arcade.
_Electric desires had unraveled 
_all my wires. Now I’m in the box
_for safekeeping. The news re-
_porters reported that I died. But
_all my organs were living on in-
_side. Circuit board to brain with
_two lungs collecting change. One
_big human heart gently beeping.
_You can’t win me. I can’t be beat.

_I won’t hurt you unless you cheat.
_You can’t see me behind the
_screen. I’m half human and half
_machine. Thank God for business,
_they let me take the floor. I stood
_so proudly, like I was going to  war.
_Players soon appeared and I quick-
_ly was revered. This must be what
_love would have felt like.

EM NEWS
– Baby Trump Flying High
– Storage Pussy
– The Most Annoying Shuttle Ever
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– The Buffet Buffet of Business

– Downloads For You, Smarty Pants
– Hunter, Knott, Williams
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We 
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Fuck Off! Rants x 2
– Our Favorite Facebook Posts of The Week
– A Little Time With Our Uninvited Guest
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #391 (07-06-2018)

If the Chimes shudder a little on Sunday afternoon, well, they know there’s mystery in store Sunday with men of action like Mike Waring, better known as “The Falcon,” who brings his fearless and romantic touch to the solution of another mystery. After “The Falcon,” it’s “High Adventure.” Then, the big guy steps in. The new private eye, “Charley Wild” concludes with a few casual homicides. The Chimes mean mystery and action this Sunday afternoon! On a Friday night, however, well… On a Friday, it’s EMR. This is episode 391. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & GARRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

I got a pocket full of quarters, and
_I’m headed to the arcade. I don’t
_have a lot of money, but I’m 
_bringing everything I made. I’ve
_got a callus on my finger and my
_shoulder’s hurting too. I’m going
_to eat them all up, just as soon
_as they turn blue. Cause I’ve got
_Pacman fever. Pacman fever. It’s
_driving me crazy. Driving me 
_crazy. I’ve got Pacman fever.
_Pacman fever. I’m going out of 

_my mind. Going out of my mind.
_I’ve got all the patterns down, up
_until the ninth key. I’ve got 
_speedy on my tail and I know it’s
_either him or me. So, I’m heading
_out the back door and in the 
_other side. Gonna eat the cherries
_up and take them all for a ride.

EM NEWS
– Shark Enjoys Ladyfinger 
– 5000 Pounds of Worthless Shit
– The Colonel’s Other Special Recipe
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– AT&T Lied. Well…Shit

– So, James Woods Is A Fucking Tard
– Lanzmann, Somers, Firth
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We 
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso touches on the seedy side
– Logo Origins (all on FB)
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #390 (06-29-2018)

It’s nearly time for the exhibition game to start. The grandstands are packed with curious, eager, expectant fans. The town band — resplendent in its flashing red and blue and gold uniforms — is bravely rendering a number against the discouraging competition of the vast crowd. While the home team is doing a little batting and fielding practice, the boys at EMR were sharpening their wits, adjusting their thinking caps, and powdering themselves with just the right amount of snark to take on this ever growing world of morons. Won’t you join them? It’s episode three-ninety.

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & PAULIE
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY
YOUR HAPPY FUCKING MASTER: JERRY

Off we go, into the wild blue
_yonder, climbing high into the
_sun. Here they come, zooming
_to meet our thunder. At ’em 
_boys, give ‘er the gun. Down we
_dive, spouting our flame from
_under. Off with one hell of a
_roar. We live in fame or go
_down in flame. Hey! Nothing
_will stop the US Air Force. 
_Minds of men fashioned a crate
_of thunder. Sent it high, into

_the blue. Hands of men
_blasted the word asunder. How
_they lived, god only knew. Souls
_of men, dreaming of skies to
_conquer, gave us wings ever to
_soar. With scouts before and 
_bombers galore, nothing’ll stop
_the US Air Force.

 

EM NEWS
– No Harm, No Foul In Boat Misunderstanding
– That Rat That Ate The Money
– The Hot Cheese Bandits
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Dictatorial Bullshit!

– Oh, Depp…You Wacky Eccentric
– Lund, Lohan, Harrison
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We 
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso likes the older woman
– Jerry’s Happy Note x2
– Paulie’s LA Picture Cavalcade (all on FB)
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #389 (06-22-2018)

Once again we go aboard the old New York ferry-boat, to meet white-haired Captain Jimmy Norton and his young friend Joe, and hear another of the captain’s famous stories of the days of the clipper-ships and high adventure. All aboard! Oh, fuck yeah…that’s what we’re all about here at EMR — clipper ships. If that’s your gig, kindly look elsewhere. This is episode #389. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & JERRY

She’s the kind of girl you think
_about in bed. Blow Job Betty
_givin’ real good head. Bust a 
_left nut, right nut in her jaw.
_Sperm on her cheeks is all ya
_saw. She could blow more head
_than a whale blows water. Blow
_Job Betty make your dick get
_harder. She’s a one of a kind, a
_hell of a girl. A trip and a half
_around the world. Catch her
_gettin’ busy, bitch wouldn’t 

_stop. She’s the kind of girl
_that’ll make your toes pop.
_Like any other tramp, she 
_loved to fuck, with any mother-
_fucker got nuts to suck. Blow
_Job Betty was dumb. A fiend
_for a fuck and a mouth full of
_cum.

EM NEWS
– Wolf…Just Wolf
– The Tell Tale Tab
– Music Career Hating Bitch
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– He Just Keeps On Painting

– 21st Century Warzone
– Myers, Stewart, Hardwick
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We 
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Jerry tackles more Strange Amazon Reviews
– Jerry’s Happy Note x2
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #388 (06-14-2018)

Red Mesa. A little town springing out of the hot, dry, prairie beside the Chisolm Trail. A saloon, a hotel, and two general stores, and a tiny church where the decent citizenry might pray for salvation while a wilder element — trail driver, and teamster, and buffalo hunter — restlessly searched out friend and enemy along the dusty main street. A small hill rose on the western edge of Red Mesa, plagued with a rash of graves. Some marked and cared for, others sinking and forgotten. Hey! Who changed the channel? We at EMR don’t give a flying fuck about Jism Trail. There are more important matters to attend to. This is episode 3-8-8. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & JERRY
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY

Rowboat, row me to shore. She 
_don’t wanna be my friend no 
_more. She dug a hole in the 
_bottom of my soul. She don’t
_wanna be my friend no more.
_Pick me up, gimme some food
_to eat. In your truck goin’ no
_place. I’ll be home talkin’ to
_nobody. You’ll be strange, you’ll
_be far away. Big fat moon and
_my body’s out of tune. With the
_burnin’ waves, she’s a billion 

_years away. Dog food on the
_floor and I been like this be-
_fore. She is all and everything
_else is small. Pick me up. Gimme
_some alcohol. In your truck, 
_playin’ the radio. I’ll be home 
_with the gasoline. You’ll be 
_Stoned. You’ll be far away.

EM NEWS
– Pistol Whipper Delivers Shitty Letter
– We Wanna Be Your Sledgehammer
– She Fell Off A Seawall While Taking Selfies By The Seashore
– Swing-set Repurposed
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Offspring of Fame Digs Violence

– Slash, Apparently Still Makes A Shitload of Cash
– Bono, Martin, Glover
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We 
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Jerry tackles Funny Amazon Reviews
– Jerry’s Happy Note
– An impromptu Minnesota Vice
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #387 (06-08-2018)

Prophecy is an easy thing, for rarely is the prophet brought to judgement. Tonight I bring you a false prophecy. The place of our story is a great rocket speeding away from the moon. Yes, away! – for the first trip to the moon has finally taken place, and the triumphant airship is now rapidly returning to the mother earth. Here then, is a story about a tomorrow fifty-five years hence. September twentieth in the year of our Lord, two thousand. On board a rocket ship – I sincerely hope – a very FALSE prophecy. Fuck false prophecy, false prophets, liars and shitheads. We do…and we do it well. Check out episode 387 for more details. 

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & GARRY
YOUR TECHMASTER 5K: JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

Where can you find pleasure, 
_search the world for treasure, 
_learn science technology? Where
_can you begin to make your 
_dreams all come true, on the
_land or on the sea? Where can
_you learn to fly, play in sports
_and skin dive? Study ocean-
_ography, sign up for the big
_band or sit in the grandstand?
_When your team and others 
_meet. In the Navy, you can sail

_the seven seas. In the Navy, yes
_you can put your mind at ease.
_In the Navy, come on now, 
_people, make a stand. In the
_Navy. In the Navy. Can’t you see
_we need a hand?  Come on, 
_protect your motherland. In the
_Navy
.

EM NEWS
– So Hot On The Dance Floor My Gun Went Off
– Juan Q. Peebottle, Guilty
– Hit & Run – The Popularity Defense
– Wild Wings & Wacism
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Case May Be A Long Trek

– Cruise Starts Funny Armed Forces Fight
– Nuriddin, Depp, Closs
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We 
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso searches for the truth
– Jerry’s Happy Note
– The EMR Band Name Game
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #386 (06-01-2018)

A man stood upon a railroad bridge in northern Alabama, looking down through the ties at the swift water twenty feet below. The man’s hands were behind his back, the wrists bound with a cord. A rope closely encircled his neck. It was attached to a stout cross-timber above his head, and the slack fell to the level of his knees. He watched a piece of dancing driftwood racing down the current beneath his feet. He thought–there ain’t gonna be a good podcast round these parts for maybe 90 years. Shit. This is EMR episode three-eighty-six. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

Peggy Jones had her picture took.
_She got in Life and she got in Look.
_Then the camera began to click.
_And that, my friend, really did the
_trick. Then her fortunes began
_to climb. She appeared on The
_March of Time. All the boys in the
_Army camps wanted her picture
_for their postage stamp. She is
_the sweetheart of plenty of
_soldiers, plenty of sailors, 
_
thousands of marines. She’s the
_girl they pin up in the barracks.
_She’s the girl they pin up on the
_wall. In a plane or on a train, she’s
_a prince. She’s a pal. She was 
_there when they landed down at
_Guadalcanal. She’s the chick they
_all pick in the service. And they 
_take her all over the world. We’ll
_take up findin’ a Queen in a dime

_magazine. She’s Peggy The Pin Up
_Girl.

EM NEWS
– Your Life Is A Joke
– Windows Crashed
– Alexa Is Listening
– Cutting Edge Spam
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Exiting The Dead

– Coffee & Lawsuits…Ha-Ha
– Foxx, Hogan, Dogg
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We 
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso on survival
– Jerry’s Happy Note x2
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #385 (05-25-2018)

It’s time for “My Favorite Husband,” starring Lucille Ball. Jell-O, everybody! Yes, it’s the gay family series, starring Lucille Ball, with Richard Denning, transcribed and brought to you by the Jell-O family of desserts. J-E-L-L-Oooooh!  The big red letters stand for the Jell-O family. Oh, the big red letters stand for the Jell-O family. That’s Jell-O! Yum, yum, yum. Jell-O puddings. Yum, yum, yum. Jell-O tap-pioca puddings. Yes-sir-ee!And now, Lucille Ball with Richard Denning as Liz and George Cooper — two people who live together, and like it. Ummm…yeah. Once again, the bandwidth has been consumed by rubbish.  Here — this is fucking EMR.  It’s episode 385. Enjoy the shit out of it!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & PAULIE
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY
YOUR SPECIAL GUEST: WERNER

And the sign said “Long-haired 
_freaky people need not apply.”
_So, I tucked my hair up under my
_hat and I went in to ask him why.
_He said “You look like a fine,
_upstanding young man. I think
_you’ll do.” So I took off my hat,
_I said “Imagine that. Huh! Me
_workin’ for you!” Sign, sign,
_everywhere a sign. Blockin’ out
_the scenery, breakin’ my mind.
_Do this. Don’t do that. Can’t you
_read the sign? And the sign said
_anybody caught trespassin’ would 
_be shot on sight. So, I jumped on
_the fence and-a yelled at the 
_house, “Hey! What gives you the
_right to put up a  fence to keep
_me out or to keep mother nature
_in? If God was here he’d tell you
_to your face, man, you’re some 

_kinda sinner.” Sign, sign, every-
_where a sign. Blockin’ out the
_scenery, breakin’ my mind. Do
_this. Don’t do that. Can’t you
_read the sign? Sign, sign, every-
_where a sign. Blockin’ out the
_scenery, breakin’ my mind. Do
_this. Don’t do that. Can’t you
_read the sign?

EM NEWS
– Turning Bones Into Meth
– Unaware of Semi-Modern Tech
– A Gun In The Oven
– Golden Arsholes
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Pow! I Sue You. Excelsior

– The Purple Wheel Keeps On Turning
– Walker, Summers, Li
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We 
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso remembers
– Too Close For Comfort – That EMR Photo Game
– A little chit chat with special guest Werner
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #384 (05-18-2018)

When you overeat or eat too fast, you’re looking for trouble with your digestion. That’s no time to add to the upset. Instead, try a better way, a gentle way. Take sooooothing Pepto-Bismol. Yes, when you’re bothered by heartburn, nervous indigestion or other common digestive disturbances, Pepto-Bismol promptly helps to calm and quiet the upset. It settles and sweetens it. You feel good again. Next time you eat too much or too fast, you can do something for that uneasy, uncomfortable feeling. Try soothing Pepto-Bismol. That’s right, when your stomach’s upset, don’t add to the upset. Take soooothing Pepto-Bismol and feel good again. AND now, from Saint Paul, EMR, starring EMR in “The Truth Has Been Murdered.” OR Episode 384. You decide.

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & GARRY
YOUR ANALOG KID: JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

I don’t mind stealing bread from
_the mouths of decadence. But
_I can’t feed on the powerless 
_when my cup’s already over-
_filled, yeah. But it’s on the table.
_The fire’s cookin’. And they’re
_farmin’ babies while the slaves
_are all workin’. Blood is on the
_table and the mouths are all
_chokin’. But I’m goin’ hungry,
_yeah. I don’t mind stealing bread 
_from the mouths of decadence.
_but I can’t feed on the powerless
_when my cup’s already over-
_filled, yeah. But it’s on the table.
_The fire’s cookin’. And they’re
_farmin’ babies while the slaves
_are all workin’. Blood is on the
_table and the mouths are all
_chokin’. But I’m goin’ hungry,
_yeah
. But I’m goin’ hungry. Yes,
_I’m goin’ hungry, yeah. I’m goin’
_hungry. But I’m goin’ hungry.
_Blood is on the table.  I don’t
_mind stealin’ bread. No, I don’t
_mind stealin’ bread…
<

EM NEWS
– Changing Diapers Is Rape
– Heavy Flow
– Family Attempts Child Sacrifice
– Grandchild Kind of Went The Other Way
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Leaving Public Life

– Super Hero Smarts
– Wolfe, Cobain, Kidder
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We 
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso goes plain
– Jerry’s Happy Note tackles masturbation
– More Wacky Cognitive Biases
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #383 (05-11-2018)

This is the story of a young man who married a girl who has nothing in life except her own beauty — neither education nor background nor any real contact with the world. Her name was Amanda Dyke until Edward Leighton, a handsome young Southerner who lives in a mansion on the hill, married her and took her away from her strict father, who kept her close in their Virginia valley. This is the strange story of Edward and Amanda who now, in spite of the hatreds of both their families, seek happiness on Honeymoon Hill in Virginia, in a world that few Americans know. Yeah…that’s what this is about. Keep telling yourself that.  We call it EMR and it’s episode three-hundred-eighty-three. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & PAULIE
YOUR ANALOG KID: JERRY

They paved paradise; put up a 
_parking lot. With a pink hotel,
_a boutique and a swinging hot
_spot. Don’t it always seem to go
_that you don’t what you’ve got
_’til it’s gone. They paved para-
_dise; put up a parking lot. They
_took all the trees and put them
_in a tree museum. Then they
_charged the people a dollar and
_a half just to seem ’em. Don’t it
_always seem to go that you don’t
_know what you’ve got ’til it’s 
_gone. They paved paradise; put
_up a parking lot. Oh yeah…they
_paved paradise; put up a parking
_lot
.

EM NEWS
– The Hershey Highway
– Now We’re Enablers
– Convenience Urine
– Well…His Name Is Lucifer
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Out of Way, Bitches. Chow Seizure Expert

– Say Hello To The Princesses For Us
– Crawford, Hutchison, Polanski
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We 
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso makes the Oscars a “ball”
– An Analog Head-Trip
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #382 (05-04-2018)

But a-don’t a-worry, Momma Mia. It’s not a-hurt me too much. Only when I’m a-crack nuts. It’s a-feel like I’m got a little hole in my tooth. So I’m a try to stuff it up with a-chewing gum. Must a-be something wrong, because everybody is a-yell at me to stop a-chewing. Even a-this morning I’m a-pass the phonograph store and I’m a-hear somebody hollar, “Luigi, drop a-that gum.” Well, it’s a-time a-now to go to my night school class, and I’m a-gonna ask my teacher Miss Spaulding – maybe she can tell me what I can a-do for my toothache. Good luck with that, Dickweed! Meanwhile, in the land of reality — this is EMR, episode three-eighty-two. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & JERRY
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

Bye bye, baby…it’s been a sweet
_love; though this feeling I can’t
_change. But please don’t take it
_so badly, ’cause Lord knows I’m 
_to blame. But if I stayed here
_with you, girl, things just
_couldn’t be the same. ‘Cause
_I’m as free as a bird now. And
_this bird you’ll never change.
_And this bird you cannot change.
_And this bird you cannot change.
_Lord knows I can’t change. Lord
_knows I can’t change. Lord, help
_me I can’t change. Lord, I can’t
_change. Lord, I can’t change.
_Won’t you fly high, Free Bird,
_Yeah
.

EM NEWS
– Shitter Intended
– How’s That For A “Punch” Line, Asshole?
– Bio-Hacker Turns Himself Off
– The Old Zapping The Taxes Trick
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Should We Pass On Movie Pass?

– Back To The Court Room
– DiCaprio, Tarantino, Clarkson
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We 
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso rides the rails
– A Jerry’s Happy Note
– A video bonus from 1969
– A round of See A Pic, Guess The Flick
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #381 (04-27-2018)

Pat Foghorn for Hire. That’s what the sign outside my office says. Down on the waterfront in San Francisco you gotta put your best foot forward. Especially if you want to trip up a friend. Down here a friend is anybody who’s been dead for more than ten years and then it pays to watch out because if you relax someone will come along and knock you on the back of your stomach.  It’s about all you can ask because along the Embarcadero nothing’s perfect except the heels. I found that out Wednesday afternoon. She was a lovely girl, the sort of person you expect to see in a choir loft, about three hours after choir practice. Her hair was red. Her eyes were as cold as rigor mortis. And you knew the first time you met her that you’d been seeing her too often. Fuck yeah! That’s just how we like it, here, at EMR. Bring on episode three-eighty-one. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & PAULIE

I don’t want to die out here in
_the valley, waiting for my luck
_to change. And I just want my
_Dad to know that I finally made
_it. Everybody gets high. Every-
_body gets low. Everybody gets
_bruised. Everybody gets sold.
_And everyone’s eyes are blue.
_And everyone’s mouth is dry.
_And nobody wants to die in Van
_Nuys. Van Nuys. Everybody
_gets dark. Everybody unfolds.
_Everybody gets high. Everybody
_gets so low. Everybody gets
_bruised. Everybody gets sold. No-
_body wants to die in Van Nuys.
_Van Nuys
.

EM NEWS
– This Candidate Loves Nuts
– The Zoo Gets Some Exposure
– Shadow Protective Services
– Minnesota…It’s Catching
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– The Schoolhouse Will Never Be The Same

– Stand By Your Script
– Troyer, Mack, Crowe
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We 
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso goes soulless
– Horrific Toy Origin Stories
– A video bonus from Toronto
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #380 (04-20-2018)

Good-evening, ladies and gentlemen … Ben Grauer speaking. We interrupt our broadcast of the preliminary fights now to present a surprise. The seventh round of this battle between Butch Malarkey and Wildflower McGurk will be announced by Miss Susan Tithinwither, president of the Society for the Prevention of Prize Fights … who will attempt to make you realize what a sordid sport boxing really is. Here we are at the ringside … between the 6th and 7th rounds … and here’s Miss Tithinwither. Take it away, Susie! Next up we have Lee Cheng, Plesident of The Society Fo The Plevention of Plize Fights. Take it away, Lee. Okay…that was just fucking wrong. As soon as we find our copy editor…he will be strongly chastised. Meanwhile, enjoy some EMR. This is episode 3-8-0.

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & JERRY
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

I stopped off at the Quicksack
_for some beer and cigarettes.
_The old man took my money
_as he stared at my Corvette. He
_said I had one just like her, son –
_a 1963. Till the man down at
_the bank took her from me. Oh,
_she was hotter than a two-dollar
_pistol. She was the fastest thing
_around. Long and lean, every
_young man’s dream, she turned
_every head in town. Then I
_handed him my keys and said,
_here, take her for a spin. The
_old man scratched his head and
_then he looked at me and grinned.
_He said son, you just don’t under-
_stand. It ain’t the car I want. It’s
_the brunette in your ‘Vette that
_turns me on
.

EM NEWS
– Don’t Be a Black Teenager In Michigan
– There’s Only Two Ways To Die, Boy. Here’s One Of ‘Em
– Seeing Through Their Disguise
– Riese’s Pieces
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Now A Ghost, From Coast To Coast

– You Can’t Make The Law Disappear
– Ermey, Anderson, Schwarzenegger
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We 
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso Gets Detention
– Jerry’s Happy Note x2
– A Special Bit From Another Great Radio Show
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #379 (04-13-2018)

“Mr. District Attorney” – champion of the people — defender of truth – guardian of our fundamental rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Hey, that’s kind of like us! Welcome to EMR, kids. Enjoy episode three-hundred-seventy-nine, won’t you?

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & GARRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

I fell for guys who tried to com-
_mit suicide, with soft rock hair
_and bloodshot eyes. He tastes
_like Marlboro cigarettes, 
_Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups,
_a Pepsi in his hand, getting off
_the school bus. Films and
_drills and safety illustrations.
_The crushed cars of driver
_education. Now, it’s tattooed
_girls with a past they can’t
_remember, who pledged
_allegiance to a life of bending 
_the curriculum. She tastes
_like Spring, there she goes
_again..
.

EM NEWS
– Blow…In The Wind
– Taking A Look At Brotherhood Dickheadery
– The Case of The Marijuana Mice
– Never-ending Murder Story
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Drunk Can Get You Ten

– He’s A Starr
– Doolittle, Pitt, Franco
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We 
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso Gets Original
– Friday The 13th memes (on our FB page)
– Minnesota Vice
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #378 (04-06-2018)

The funny thing about the whole incident was the fact that we had never intended to land on Planet Nine. We circled it and decided it was strictly a low-grade affair. It wouldn’t amount to anything for a billion years or so. As Commander of the Galactic Survey Team, I couldn’t waste my time on it. Then my Exec saw this junkyard through the telescope. We landed. Took a look at a load of alien machine parts discarded by some other space ship and then prepared to take off for Earth. It had all been a waste of time. God Damnit! At least the unfiltered, smooth sounds of EMR were starting to come through the ships Cloudphonic Sound System. It was episode 378. Joy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & PAULIE

Here in my car, I feel safest of
_all. I can lock all my doors. It’s
_the only way to live. In cars.
_Here in my car, I can only re-
_ceive. I can listen to you. It
_keeps me stable for days. In
_cars. Here in my car, where
_the image breaks down. Will
_you visit me please, if I open
_my door? In cars. Here in my 
_car, I know I’ve started to
_think about leaving tonight.
_Although nothing seems right.
_In cars. In cars, in cars, in cars.
_In my car, in my car, in my car,
_in my car. In cars, in cars. In 
_my car, in my car, in my car, in
_my car. I’ve been sittin’, I’ve 
_been sittin’, I’ve been sittin’,
_I’ve been sittin’. In cars, in
_cars.

EM NEWS
– Secretly Making Kids
– Guard Your Romance
– What’s The Dilly, Yo?
– Happ En Stance
– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Minor Celebrities, Major Sex

– Boll-Shit Lawsuit!
– Bochco, Troyer, Corman
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We 
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso mainlines it
– Too Close For Comfort (that EMR photo game)
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #377 (03-30-2018)

The Columbia Broadcasting System presents “Close-Ups,” the first in a series of adventures of an independent motion picture company. The star system has always been a costly one for independent producers, and Max Cohen, a kindly but excitable producer, conceives a brilliant scheme to avoid using high-priced stars. His plan is to hire the best director available, secure the best stories, and create stars out of two good-looking extras. He hires John Herr, famous Hollywood director, his able assistant Eddie, an ace cameraman, Hank, and then chooses from the ranks of extra players a girl named Gwendolyn D’Arcy and a leading man named Mortimer Willoughby. Fuck these cheap pricks! This is EMR. Incidentally, episode 3-7-7, if you hadn’t noticed. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & JERRY
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

I’ve gotta lotta nerve a. Gotta
_lotta do, do, do. You got it.
_You got it. Gotta lotta nerve
_a. You, you, you gotta lotta
_nerve a. Oh no, stop bitching
_indiscretion. You’re such an A1
_lover. Since when are you per-
_fection. Never true blue to me,
_so why are you getting nasty?
_Well, it’s lucky for you that I’m
_gonna keep dancing. Oh, I know.
_Everyone you know is perfect,
_perfect. Everything you do is
_perfect, perfect. Everywhere
_you go is perfect, perfect. So
_on, so on. But you gotta lotta
_nerve when you talk about love.
_If you gotta lotta nerve, we can
_talk about love. Oh you gotta
_lotta nerve a.

EM NEWS
– Gettin’ High Above A Flat Earth
– It’s Like Bringing A Knife To A Knife Fight
– Proof By Injury
– “Church” vs Tits

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– The Icy “Berg” In Netflix’ Path

– Action! Whoa…Not That Much Action
– Teigen, Spurlock, Smith
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We 
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso drops a real bomb
– Jerry’s Happy Note x2
– An impromptu Drinking Out of Cups re-play
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #376 (03-23-2018)

Prophecy is an easy thing, for rarely is the prophet brought to judgement. Tonight I bring you a false prophecy. The place of our story is a great rocket speeding away from the moon. Yes, away! – for the first trip to the moon has finally taken place, and the triumphant airship is now rapidly returning to the mother earth. Here then, is a story about a tomorrow fifty-five years hence. September twentieth in the year of our Lord, two thousand. On board a rocket ship, a play that is – I sincerely hope – a very FALSE prophecy. It is. Trust us. It’s complete and utter bullshit. This is what we do. EMR – episode three-hundred-seventy-six. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & PAULIE
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY
YOUR HAPPY BASTARD: JERRY

Oil dripping on my head. Let’s
_go back to bed. Bring you
_back to me. Bring you back to
_me. Oil dripping on my head,

_bringing you back. From the
_dead. From the dead. Here’s
_wishing you were here with me.
_Here’s wishing we could
_massage history. History. I’m
_witness to what you do. Any-
_thing that you feel. In between.
_In between. You and me. You
_and me. Found at sea. Floating
_on debris. You’re so close. Close
_to me. Close to me. Oil drip-
_ping on my head. Let’s go back
_to bed. Bring you back. Bring
_you back. From the dead. From
_the dead. Wishing you were
_here with me. Wishing you were
_here. Let’s massage history. All
_the money’s gone.

EM NEWS
– Attention To Detail Ruins Money Deal
– The Baby. The Dirty Laundry
– Jesus Prefers Pizza Hut
– By The Way, Here’s Your Wallet

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Funny Man, Serious Painting

– Oh…Robin!
– Lohan, Goldblum, Murray
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We 
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso moves up the ladder
– Jerry’s Happy Note x2
– That Fictional Bar or Club Game
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #375 (03-16-2018)

Three hundred and twenty-five days out of the year moonlight to me is just the reflected light of the sun, a light interesting only in that it may be analysed spectroscopically…But these thirty days of our vacation, Diane.. What a magical change! It’s a soft, lovers’ moon…hanging in the heavens only to brighten your loveliness…Have you lost your cookies yet? We have, and the only way to get those cookies back is to listen to some EMR. This is episode three-seventy-five. Please enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & GARRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

I looked in the mirror today,
_my eyes just didn’t seem so
_bright. I’ve lost a few more
_hairs. I think I’m going bald.

_I think I’m going bald. Seems
_like only yesterday we would
_sit and talk of dreams all night.
_Dreams of youth and simple
_truths, now we’re so involved.
_So involved with life. Walk
_down Vanity Fair, memory lane
_everywhere. Wall Street
_shuffles there, dressed in flow-
_ing hair. Once we loved the
_flowers, now we ask the price
_of the land. Once we would
_take water, but now it must be
_wine.

EM NEWS
– Slow Justice For Bad Mom
– They Thought Fare Unfair
– Daycare Worker Ruined By Job
– Man Keeps The Important Stuff

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Towering Legend Passes During Awards

– Lucas…Firmly On The Ground…Somewhat
– Cage, Bridges, Hamill
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We 
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso gives you a dozen opinions
– Strange Cognitive Biases
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #374 (03-05-2018)

Here’s a message for the motorist who does not feel that his car is performing as well as it should. It may sputter and jerk at starting. Fill your tank with Rio Grande Cracked with petro-ethyl, the dependable performance of which is responsible for its demand by police and fire departments. Rio Grande Cracked will bring out the best in your car. And EMR will bring out the best in your ability to stave off bullshit wherever it may surface. This is our 374th episode. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & MYRON
YOUR TECHMASTER 5K: JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

My zippers bust, my buckles
_break. I’m too much man for
_you to take. The pavement
_cracks when I fall down. I’ve

_got more chins than China-
_town. Well I’ve never used a
_phone booth and I’ve never
_seen my toes. When I’m goin’
_to the movies, I take up seven
_rows. Because I’m fat, I’m fat,
_come on. You know I’m fat, I’m
_fat, you know it. You know I’m
_fat, I’m fat, come on..you know.
_Don’t you call me pudgy, portly
_or stout, just now tell me once
_again…who’s fat?

EM NEWS
– Legal Tits
– Dead Man Pays For Lunch
– I Hope That Someone Gets My. I Hope That Someone Gets My…
– I Never Get To Keep No Monkey

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– The Bunny Ranch Gets Protection

– Can You Say Special? I Knew You Could
– McDormand, Ufland, Cavill
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We 
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso takes on the big three
– A Jerry’s Happy Note
– A tasty round of Shit or No Shit?
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #373 (03-02-2018)

The Columbia Broadcasting System presents “Close-Ups,” the first in a series of adventures of an independent motion picture company. The star system has always been a costly one for independent producers, and Max Cohen, a kindly but excitable producer, conceives a brilliant scheme to avoid using high-priced stars. His plan is to hire the best director available, secure the best stories, and create stars out of two good-looking extras. He hires John Herr, famous Hollywood director, his able assistant Eddie, an ace cameraman, Hank, and then chooses from the ranks of extra players a girl named Gwendolyn D’Arcy and a leading man named Mortimer Willoughby. We temporarily interrupt whatever the fuck is going on with The Columbia Broadcasting System to present “EMR,” the three-hundred and seventy third in an ongoing series. Please enjoy responsibly!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

I ain’t got a fever, got a perm-
_anent disease. And it’ll take
_more than a doctor to prescribe
_a remedy. I got lots of money,

_but it isn’t what I need. Gonna
_take more than a shot to get
_this poison out of me. And I got
_all the symptoms, count ’em –
_one, two, three. First you need,
_then you bleed and when you’re
_on your knees – that’s what you
_get for falling in love. You get a
_little, but it’s never enough. That’s
_what you get for falling in love.
_Now, this boy’s addicted, ’cause
_your kiss is the drug, whoa. Your
_love is like bad medicine. Bad
_medicine is what I need.

EM NEWS
– The Italian Postman May Not Ring At All
– First Time Victim, First Time Caller
– She Asked For It
– I Insure You – Your Money Is In My Hands

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Don’t Ignore Wyan Seeqwest!

– Silent Bob Nearly Goes Silent…For Good
– White, Lee, Crowe
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We 
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso goes on a quest
– A brand new Analog Head-Trip
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #372 (02-23-2018)

This program is brought to you by a remedy for headache and other muscular aches and pains that does not cause stomach upset in the normal person. This preparation is called Cal-Aspirin and is a scientific combination of aspirin and the mineral calcium. It is now available at drugstores throughout the country. The Cal-Aspirin formula relieves a headache, neuritic and neuralgic pain, with great speed. Some of your own neighbors can probably vouch for this. Cal-Aspirin is sold on an unconditional money-back basis, incidentally, and costs very little. Get C-A-L-Aspirin at your drugstore today.  Be careful you get the real thing — Cal-Aspirin, in the black-and-yellow tube. That, friends is another fine non-sponsor of EMR. Won’t you please enjoy episode three-seventy-two?

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & GARRY
YOUR TECHMASTER 5K: JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

There is a house in New Orleans,
_it’s called The Rising Sun. And
_it’s been the ruin of many a 
_poor boy and God, I know I’m 

_one. Oh, mother, tell your
_children, not to do what I have
_done. Spend your lives in sin
_and misery in The House of The
_Rising Sun. Well, I got one foot
_on the platform. The other
_foot on the train. I’m goin’ back
_to New Orleans to wear that ball
_and chain. Well, there is a house
_in New Orleans they call The
_Rising Sun, and it’s been the ruin
_of many a poor boy, and God, I know
_I’m one.

EM NEWS
– Bothersome Ambulance
– How’s About We Leave ‘er Til Spring?
– Scary Air Farts
– Fake Tickets, Stupid Event, Big Bucks

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Rocker’s Wife Opens Up

– Bad Ads For India
– Kunis, Keaton, Chyna
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We 
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso seeks justice
– A Fuck Off! Rant
– A brand new Analog Head-Trip
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #371 (02-16-2018)

Man is the superior animal, endowed with intellect and instinct. But there comes a time when all that man can do is done – when all that he can say is said – and like a grain of sand he lies exposed in the palm – of the BIG HAND. ABC, in cooperation with the editors of SAGA, the true adventure magazine for men, brings you to the threshold of a man’s destiny at the moment when the line of fate in many hands intersect – that moment when the final answer lies only in the line of fate – in the palm of – THE BIG HAND! Blah, Blah, Blah…Big Hand, Go fuck yourself. This is EMR episode three-seventy-one. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & PAULIE

The barley heaps upon the
_floor, the product of the plow.
_Which makes the Whipmen
_drink about; here is a health

_to you: through frost and snow,
_they drive away, and nothing
_can come wrong. When once his
_spirit’s quickened with liquor
_good and strong. The whipman
_lad is seldom sad when health
_is full abound. And never rests
_full satisfied, until this year is
_crowned. His labor calls him
_forth to field, where he enjoys
_the air. Where he exerts his
_craft and skill, the earth still
_to prepare.

EM NEWS
– Visualize, If You Will, Worms
– Attempting To Kill Free Speech, One Bullshit Idea At A Time

– Killer Ice From Outer Space

– She’s A Firestarter

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– I’m Happy That It’s Hip To Be Back In Love

– Making TIME For A Hero
– Cathey, Tosh, Allen
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We 
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso deals with a nut
– A Fuck Off! Rant
– Obvious Construction & Renovation Failures (pics on FB page)
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #370 (02-09-2018)

Lola sat down and crossed her legs at me. On her left knee, where I would have preferred to see a dimple, I saw a tattoo mark. Her gentleman friend Marty was a small, stocky guy — all teeth and New York tie. He shook hands all around and it felt like the paw of a stale stiff. He turned on the radio. eMpTy Minds. The all out assault on stupidity and bullshit, or so he claimed. A weight lifted. We all let out a sigh. Episode three-seventy saved us all that night.

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & PAULIE
YOUR TECHMASTER 5K: JERRY

I was out on the West Coast
_tryin’ to make a buck. And
_things didn’t work out, I was 
_down on my luck. Got tired of

_roamin’ and bummin’ around, so
_I started thumbin’ back East
_toward my home town. I was
_hungry and freezin’, done caught
_a chill, when the lights of a big
_semi topped the hill. At the
_wheel sit a big man, he weighed
_about two-ten. He stuck out his
_hand and said with a grin “Big
_Joe’s the name.” I told him mine.
_And he said “The name of my rig
_is Phantom 309.

EM NEWS
– Girl Scout Knows Her Clients
– Motel Targets In Sight. Fire!

– Et Ain’t E’en Real, Ya Wee Bastards!

– Retarded Rocket Man

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– The Wood Case Is Back In Business

– Tate Movie Doesn’t Sit Well With Sister
– Edwards, Mahoney, Tarantino
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We 
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso heads down a violent path
– Jerry’s Happy Note x2
– Truth Potato (pics on FB page)
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #369 (02-02-2018)

The makers of Broheim-Seltzer bring you another thrilling adventure with EMR Goodhue, the celebrated gentlemen detective, in person. Goodhue, again, gives you a chance to match wits with him as he relates another story of a crime he alone unravels. Then, at the point where he was able to solve the mystery, he stops the play — gives you a chance to guess the criminal’s name. In the studio tonight, we have the usual suspects as noted below, including Gerald Maddog, Superintendent of the New York, New Haven and Hartford Railroad Police Force and Garry Q Junkins, director of radio publicity for the Dinklage Brothers and Conundrum and Hailey Combined Shows. Mr. Maddog and Mr. Junkins have accepted EMR Goodhue’s challenge to solve the mystery before the solution is revealed. If you don’t give a shit about any of that. Try EMR episode three-sixty-nine.

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & JERRY
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY

Some people will call me a
_dork, when I finally cover
_my entire pickup in cork.
_Let them bitch and let them

_wine, but this girl’s vehicle
_is looking so fine. The bumper
_reads Cork Truck, backwards,
_you see. In case I cruise up
_behind you in an art car
_emer-gen-cy. They zig and
_they zag and some form a wave.
_This many corks really kicks
_ass. The only surfaces not covered
_are mirrors and glass. It has been
_licensed, it’s legal to drive. So,
_don’t start hassling me with all of
_that jive. How does it handle the
_rain? Don’t be a goof. This baby’s
_made of corks…so it’s liquid proof.

EM NEWS
– The Chili Bus Murder
– The Hypocrisy of Big Sports & The Government

– Air Force Racist Outs Herself

– One Train, Two Train, Red, Yellow & Blue Train

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– Saved By The…Wait A Minute. Shoot Me Now

– A Bizarre Suit
– Hanks, Culkin, Leary
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We 
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Analog Head-Trip explores your musical past
– Fucking Bad Toy Designs
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #368 (01-26-2018)

 In a country as large as ours there are many odd and wonderful corners hidden away but none more fabulous and wonderful than the one conceived in the imagination of F. Scott Fitzgerald and located in the pages of his famous short story, “The Diamond as Big as the Ritz.” It is described in the words of John Unger, twenty years old, impressionable, and quite willing to swear to the truth of this whole strange affair. John Unger, a man of the truth. A man after the hearts of everyone involved with EMR. Truth, it would seem, is in short supply. Won’t you come along with us and soak some in? This is episode three-sixty-eight. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & GARRY
YOUR TECHMASTER 5K: JERRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

Wake up, little Susie. Wake up.
_Wake up, little Susie. Wake up.
_Well I told your mama that 
_you’d be in by ten. Well, Susie

_baby, it looks like we goofed
_again. Wake up, little Susie.
_Wake up, little Susie. We gotta
_go home. Wake up, little Susie.
_Wake up, little Susie. The movie
_wasn’t so hot; it didn’t have much
_of a plot. We fell asleep, our
_goose is cooked, our reputation
_is shot. Wake up, little Susie.
_Wake up, little Susie. Well…
_What are we gonna tell your mama?
_What are we gonna tell your pa?
_What are we gonna tell our friends,
_when they say ooh-lah-lah, wake up,
_little Susie? Wake up, little Susie.
_Wake up, little Susie...

EM NEWS
– Missile Inbound, Please Reset Password
– Network Specialist, Preacher, Wife Killer

– Trapped In A Fire of His Own Creation

– Long Awaited Legalization

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– It Was a Rush While It Lasted

– A Man Needs His ‘Guins…
– Sawyer, John, Diamond
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We 
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso has its up and downs
– Techin’ It Up The Ass – Robot Gets Fired
– A Bonus Story, For Jerry
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #367 (01-19-2018)

Somewhere in the vaults of the bank of Cox and Co., at Charing Cross, there is a travel-worn and battered tin dispatch-box with my name, John H. Watson, M. D., Late Indian Army, painted upon the lid. It is crammed with papers, nearly all of which are records of cases to illustrate the curious problems which Mr. Sherlock Holmes had at various times to examine. … Among these unfinished tales is that of Mr. James Phillimore, who stepping back into his own house to get his umbrella, was never more seen in this world. Of course not! EMR was on the radio and he decided to listen to it…FOREVER. BWAHAHAHA. This is episode three-hundred-sixty-seven. Start your addiction now.

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & PAULIE

If the windows get fogged, you’ll
_have to take a breath. Down at
_the drive-in. Or the cat dressed
_in white will scare you both to

_death. Down at the drive-in. A
_big buttered popcorn and an
_extra large Coke, a few chili dogs
_and man I’m goin’ broke. Down at
_the drive-in. Yeah at the drive-in.
_We love the drive-in. We love the
_drive-in. Don’t sneak your buddies
_in the trunk, ’cause they might
_get caught, by the drive-in. And
_they’d look kinda stupid gettin’
_chased through the lot. Around
_the drive-in. If you say you watch
_the movie, you’re a couple of liars.
_And remember only you can
_prevent forest fires.

EM NEWS
– This Weather’s Got ‘Em By The Balls
– Isn’t That Just Klan-Fucking-Tastic?!

– Second Story Man

– As If The Job Wasn’t Bad Enough

– And a whole lot more

MENTALTAINMENT
– More YouRules

– One Man’s Trash…
– Haggis, O’Riordan, Kunis
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We 
Watched + tons more

ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso is more about stature than stature
– Twisted Airline Safety Card Instructions (pics on our FB page)
– So much more, your head will spin!

eMpTy Minds Radio #366 (01-12-2018)

Welcome again to Ivy. Ivy College that is. In the little town of Ivy, USA. For many families breakfast is a small pandemonium filled with the clatter of cups, the confusion of tongues, desperate last gulps of scorching coffee and the mad dash to the bus station. But for Doctor William Todhunter Hall, president of Ivy, and his wife, Victoria, it’s usually an unruffled few moments put aside for their private lives. This morning, for instance, Victoria is arranging a bowl of flowers on the table while Doctor Hall is thoughtfully staring at a highly polished spoon. It won’t be polished for long though. See, Doctor Hall is about to shove that highly polished spoon straight up his ass! It’s EMR time, motherfuckers. This is episode three-hundred-sixty-six. Enjoy!

YOUR HOSTS: TOM & JERRY
YOUR GNUs MAN: GARRY
YOUR CINEMATIC TITANIC: PAULIE

If you ever plan to motor west,
_travel my way, take the highway,
_that is best. Get your kicks on
_Route 66. It winds from Chicago

_to LA, more than 2000 miles all
_the way. Get your kicks on Route
_66. Now, you go through Saint
_Looey, Joplin, Missouri and
_Oklahoma City is mighty pretty.
_You see Amarillo, Gallup, New
_Mexico, Flagstaff, Arizona, don’t
_forget Winona, Kingman, Barstow,
_San Bernardino, Won’t you get hip
_to this timely tip? When you make
_that California trip, get your kicks
_on Route 66. Won’t you get hip to
_this timely tip? Get your kicks on
_Route 66. Won’t you get hip to this
_timely tip? Get your kicks on Route
_66.