Prepare yourself for the two and one half hour plus ride you are about to embark on. Keep your arms and legs inside the EMR craft at all times as your Captains Tom and Myron guide you through the twists and turns of this monster coaster called LIFE! If you should need assistance with anything along the way, please snag the attention of Garry (your Yeoman Purser), Jerry (your Cruise Director) or Paulie (your Bartender). If we should happen to derail, pray that our gravity and inertia inflicted vehicle mangles or in someway defaces today’s topics:
– Jerry dating teaser
– In a twist, the veggies kill, not the burgers
– Pussy Satanist is keeping your money…so there!
– Cable ties – not for five year olds, but definitely for moron parents
– This isn’t a donut town! Why? Why is this not a fucking donut town?
– Tom goes crazy defending Franken
– Hey Twilight D-Bags, go fuck yourselves!
– Nut stapling
– A rousing round of Urban Legend True or False
– Perhaps the shittiest 5 Minute Cinema the world has ever seen
– Giant eyebrows close over the life of Andy Rooney (he will be missed)
– Ridiculously sized cigar, Hockey exposer trades disco for sports bar,
birthdays, Mythical Dutch Bears, and so much more shit your eyes will pop!!!
WE AIN”T GOT ALL DAY! NO SERIOUSLY…IT’S 2.5 HOURS, HIT THE PLAY BUTTON!