A man stood upon a railroad bridge in northern Alabama, looking down through the ties at the swift water twenty feet below. The man’s hands were behind his back, the wrists bound with a cord. A rope closely encircled his neck. It was attached to a stout cross-timber above his head, and the slack fell to the level of his knees. He watched a piece of dancing driftwood racing down the current beneath his feet. He thought–fuck this! EMR is on right now and my laptop is at home. He went home. Don’t you think you should be at home with EMR? This is three-fifty-seven.
YOUR HOSTS: TOM & PAULIE
“We arrive with the sun smog
_up in the vintage London fog.
_I’m fuckin’ your G after you
_took her to miniature golf.
_From the floor of this shitty-
_ass kitchen, I see hella cats in
_my General Tsao’s chicken.
_And your dog’s in the black
_bean sauce. Fuck the wrong
_bitch raw and have your dick
_bound up in gauze. I’m not
_worried about no air time. I’m
_more concerned about when
_my bald spot’ll reach my hair-
_line. Cats be stuck on that Grinch-
_colored lie, with one bloodshot
_and a twitch up in the other eye.
_So you get struck by the strong
_safety, when you a serial killer
_clown like John Wayne Gacey.
_Donate that track to charity,
_watch it become a TRL calamity,
_soon to be parodied. I stay
_married to some D-cup breasteses,
_with music, weed and porno as my
_mistresses. We all weirdos, anti-
_heroes. The one’s your mom said
_wouldn’t amount to fuckin’ zero.“
EM NEWS
– Dog’s Ear Looks Like Asshole
– Fuck The Fucking Football Park
– The Church of Double Entendre’
– Rape Prayer
– And a whole lot more
MENTALTAINMENT
– The Famed Hoodie
– Asshole Mouse Lifts Times Ban
– Kunis, Cutkosky, Diddy
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays, What We Watched + tons more
ETCETERA
– Cinema PaulieDiso goes ape shit
– An Obit Bonus
– A round of The Great EMR TV Spin-Off Quiz
– So much more, your head will spin!
Podcast: Hear EMR via new window | Download